Bishop

Jake’s right. It shouldn’t have taken all those things, me getting kicked off the DeanStars, an arse-chewing by my father, and some liquid courage for me to finally show him how I feel about him. That doesn’t mean I regret doing it either. I love him. I want to be with him, my father be damned. Feeling a lot braver than I probably am, I knock on his door.

“Jake,” I say. I don’t get a response. “Can I come in?” Again, I don’t get a response. “Please?” I try the knob and find it’s not locked. I peek around the door and find him on his bed, face buried in his pillows. Without even thinking, I cross over to the bed and take him in my arms.

“I’m so sorry, Jake. You’re right, I’m a mess, and you deserve so much better than me.”

He looks up at me, his blue eyes piercing straight into my soul. “Why, Bishop?”

I blow out a breath. There are so many ways I could interpret that question, but I answer honestly. “Because I’m scared. I’m scared to lose his love. I’m scared to lose yours. I’m scared that one day I’ll wake up and everything will be gone, that you’ll realise I’m no good for you and you’ll leave me too.”

“Too? Who else….” He trails off. “Oh, Bish,” he says and hugs me tight.

“I know there wasn’t anything she could have done, but….”

“Your mother loved you, Bish. It was an accident, it had nothing to do with what you did or didn’t do.”

“I know that, but I didn’t just lose her that day.”

Jake grabs my chin and directs it so I’m looking him in the eyes. “Your father is a bitter, twisted man who doesn’t know a good thing when it hits him in the face.”

“I know, but—”

“But you still love him because he’s your dad and you’re his son, and you will always want his love, affection, and approval, even if he is the devil incarnate.”

I laugh. “Yeah.” I take a deep breath. “But I also want you.”

“Bish….”

“I know I’m a mess. I have no career, a nutjob for a father, and I may or may not be emotionally unstable. The one thing I have known since I was thirteen years old is that I love you, Jake, and I want to be with you. I-if you’ll have me, that is.”

A smile breaks over his beautiful face and he cups my cheek. “I have loved you since the moment I set eyes on you, Bishop Royal. I know things are a mess for you at the moment, but together we can get through them.”

A massive smile breaks over my face.

“But,” he says, putting the brakes on my elation, “you have to talk to me. Tell me what’s going on, don’t leave it to fester inside you.”

I’m nodding like an idiot.

“And,” he adds, “I want you to tell Jonah about us. I know it’s not going to be easy for you,” he continues as I start to respond, “but don’t we deserve the right to be together as we should? Free from all restraints, out in the open like a normal couple?”

“It might take me a while,” I warn.

“I know. And I’m here for you, but it does need to happen. You can’t live your life with him dictating your every move, it’s not healthy.”

“I know. I will.”

“Good,” he says, a smile breaking over his face.

“Can I kiss you now?” I ask. He laughs as he nods and brings his face closer to mine.

Nothing will ever feel as right as it does when Jake kisses me. His lips are strong and smooth. None of the women I’ve ever been with have ever felt this good. With Jake, his mouth owns mine. He demands I open for him and I’m powerless to do anything but what he wants. I know I was never really into women; it was more for appearance’s sake, but still… when Jake kisses me back, it’s like the world disappears and all that matters is the two of us. All the drama that surrounds me is gone, and all that’s left is what I feel for him. Love is not a strong enough word to describe my feelings. He’s my everything. He’s what grounds me, reminds me that I’m more than what my father wants me to be. I feel like anything is possible when his lips are on mine, and I don’t want him to ever stop.

He pulls me down as he goes to lie down, both of us on our sides, looking into each other’s eyes.

“I love you, Bish,” he tells me.

My smile is so big it hurts. I kiss his nose and he laughs.

“That’s one of my favourite sounds,” I say. He looks at me, puzzled. “Your laugh. It’s so carefree, it makes me wish I could be that way.”

He grabs my hips and brings them so they’re flush with his, both our dicks hard in our shorts. The feel of him against me is surreal. I love being able to see and feel what I’m doing to him. For so long I’ve dreamed of being pressed up against him, just like this. So many times I’ve closed my eyes and imagined this very scene. “You can be, Bish. It’ll be hard and scary, but you’ve got me and I’m here for you.”

I rest my forehead against his. “I know. Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me for loving you, I’ve been doing it for so long it’s as natural to me as breathing.”

This time I kiss him on the lips. Our tongues wrestle with each other, our bodies mimicking the movement. I hitch my leg over his hip, bringing us even closer together. Jake breaks the kiss, throws his head back, and groans. I swear a burst of precum leaks out of my tip.

“I take back what I said before,” I say, panting.

“Huh?” he asks.

“When I said your laugh was one of my favourite sounds. Your groan, and knowing I was the cause of it, is even better.” It’s true. With the women I was with, I was never sure if they were with me for me, or because of who I am. In the back of my mind, I was always wondering whether they were faking their reactions to me. The high shrieks and over-the-top panting used to drive me insane and not in a good way. With Jake, I can feel what I do to him. Dicks don’t lie, and right now, his is telling me he wants me, badly.

His boxer-melting smile breaks across his face, and I swear I turn into a puddle. “Then you’re going to love when you make me moan,” he says, taking my earlobe between his teeth and tugging. My answering moan is loud enough to wake the dead. I think I’m harder than I ever have been before.

“Fuck, Jake,” I say.

In response, he laughs.

His hands, which were on my hips, move up my chest, taking my shirt with them. I quickly chuck it off, his following soon after. He runs his hands up and down my chest, over my tattoos. His rough hands, hands that are big, and strong, and demanding, that are capable of manoeuvring me in any way, leave goosebumps on my skin. They’re so different to the comparatively dainty female ones I’m used to, but there’s no denying this is better. With my body in Jake’s hands, I feel safe, I feel cherished, I just… feel.

“Mmmm,” he says.

“You like what you see?” I ask.

“I love what I see.”

I chuckle. “Fuck yeah you do.”

We kiss some more, our lips long past swollen but neither of us care. He tastes like honey and sunshine, or maybe that’s just my imagination. Whatever it is, I can’t get enough, will never have enough.

In my shorts my dick is painfully hard, precum leaking out of it like a motherfucker. I’m grinding on Jake like a dog in heat, and when Jake realises he laughs.

“What?” I ask, pulling back from him.

“A little turned on, are we?” he asks with a smirk.

“Fuck you,” I say as I shove his shoulder. “Like you don’t have the same problem.” I glance at his own dick, just as hard as mine.

“Hmm,” he says, and playfully taps his chin.

“Fuck this,” I say, cuddling up to him once more, my lips going to his neck, one hand on his chest, the other at his hip. As I nip and suck at his throat, my hand slips under the band of his shorts, cupping his hard dick. He hisses.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” I say. I love the feel of him in my hand. He’s hard but smooth, so smooth. I thought it would be weird having my best friend’s dick in my hand, no matter how many times I imagined it, but instead, it feels right. He’s thicker than I am, but not as long. I never thought a dick could be pretty before, but if one is, it’s Jake’s.

“Bish,” he moans.

“Don’t worry, I got ya.” I pull down his shorts and boxer briefs, and he helps kick them off. His dick bobs up, a drop of precum at his tip. “Yeah, you like this,” I say. He nods. I run my hand up and down him, squeezing when I come back up to the crown. “Fuck, you’re so hard for me.” It thrills me to no end that I can cause this reaction.

He nods again. “Waited so long…,” he mumbles, his eyes closed tight.

“I’m sorry,” I tell him, “but we don’t have to wait anymore. I’m here and you’ve got me, and I’ll never let you go.” He throws his head back, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. “Yeah, that’s it. Let me take care of you.” I continue to jerk him, taking note of when he moans the loudest. It seems that the areas that feel the best to him are the same as what I like. It gives me confidence that I can do this, that I can make him feel good.

“Bish, I’m gonna come,” he pants after a while.

“Good,” I say as I run my teeth over his stubble. “Give it all to me.”

With a groan, he explodes all over my hand and his chest.

“That’s it,” I say as I milk him. All the porn I’ve watched, all the years I’ve spent fantasising about this moment don’t even come close to how it feels to finally be doing this. I feel like I’ve dreamed up this moment so many times, in my head, it almost seemed real, but nothing can compare to the actual thing. In this instance, reality definitely is better than fiction.

When he’s finished, he flops back on the bed, his eyes filled with wonder. With more energy than I would’ve thought possible, he rushes up and grabs me by the back of my neck, bringing me down on top of him, our lips once again connected. His hands fumble at my shorts, managing to get them partway off me. I help him out, kicking off the offending material, as well as my boxer briefs, so we’re both naked. He spreads his legs and grabs me by the hips, our dicks lining up.

“How are you hard again?” I ask against his lips.

“I have the guy I’ve been dreaming about for eleven years naked and between my legs. How wouldn’t I be hard?” he asks.

“Good answer,” I say as I kiss him again.

He grabs my hips, moving me back and forth over him. Our bodies are slick with sweat and cum. It’s messy but hot as fuck. All the women, all the orgasms I’ve ever had, nothing compare to this. It’s like before I only saw in black and white, now I’m in full 1080p, high definition.

“I’m gonna blow,” I say after a while.

“Good, I want you to come all over me,” he says.

“Fuuuuuuucccccccckkkkkkkk,” I exclaim, and do as he says. A second later he returns the favour.

I roll off him and blow out a breath. “Holy fuck,” I say as I run a hand through my hair.

He rolls over and curls into my side. “Are you okay?”

I turn to look at him. “Am I okay? No, I’m not.” His face drops. I lift his chin with my finger. “I’m fucking ecstatic, elated, delirious, whatever words you can find to use as so much more than just okay.”

He breaks into a huge smile, and I kiss him again just because I can.

I don’t think I’ll ever get used to being with Jake. It’s not that I don’t like it, the opposite in fact, but the fact that I finally have him after waiting for so long is surreal. It even dulls the fact that I’ve yet to receive any offers from any other BMX teams. I’d be worried, but now that I have Jake, I just don’t care. Being with him is like a dream. We’ve been together for three weeks and things have been great. Better than great. Every night I go to sleep in his arms, and in the morning he’s still there when I wake up. It’s magical. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted and more. But there’s a black cloud looming over us. Jake’s been patient with me, but I know it won’t last much longer.

“Your dad’s throwing that gala soon, right?” he asks as we lie in bed one Wednesday. It might be just an ordinary day for some people, but for me, every day with Jake is a dream.

In an attempt at emulating the Aussies, Jonah has decided to throw his own version of the Rocking Racers gala. Whatever they can do and all that….

“Yeah,” I say, stroking his chest.

“Are you going to go?”

I sigh. “I don’t want to, but I probably should. It’s for a good cause after all….”

“Do you want me to come?”

I swallow. “I do, but….”

It’s his turn to sigh as he sits up. “You need to tell him, Bish.”

“I know, it’s just—”

“You’re scared, I get that, but don’t you deserve to live your life the way you want? Don’t we deserve to have a life of our own? One where we can be free to go out and be seen and be unafraid to show how we really feel in public?”

“Of course we do, and I want to give that to you—”

“But not right now, right?” he asks. I fiddle with my hands in my lap. His index finger lifts my chin so I’m looking him in the eyes. “I know this is hard for you, but we’ve been waiting basically all our lives to be together. What we have is good, no, it’s fucking great, but it will be that much better if you just tell him what’s going on.”

I nod. “I know it will and I want to tell him. I will tell him.”

“When?”

“I don’t know.”

He sighs. “I don’t want to be the evil one here, Bish, I only want the best for you, which is more than that arse has ever wanted.” I laugh before he continues, “I love you. You’re my heart and soul, and I want to scream it from the rooftops but this, how we are now? It’s not living, it’s pretending. We’re pretending that everything is okay and that our lives are sunshine and roses when that’s not the case. We need to stop pretending.”

“You mean I need to stop pretending.”

He shrugs. I stop and think for a minute. He’s right, of course he is. I love Jake and I want to be with him; I want everyone to know he’s mine and I’m his.

“Come with me to the gala,” I say.

“As…?”

“My date, my friend, whatever.”

“Gee, what an enticing invitation,” he says.

“Look,” I say, grabbing his hand. “I’ll tell Jonah at the gala. At least if we’re in public, he has to watch what he says.”

He shakes his head. “That’s a shitty way to do things, Bish.”

“What would you prefer? We take him out for Bluff oysters and Paua fritters? He’s never going to accept us, Jake. At least this way we won’t have to listen to him spew his homophobic bullshit.” I can see that he still isn’t convinced. “I can’t do it any other way. I can’t sit there and listen to him tell us that this, that we are wrong and how I’ve always been a disappointment to him. It kills me. And to know that I’ll probably lose him over this? It’s fucking terrifying. So yeah, I’m going to do it the coward’s way, but isn’t the main thing that I will be doing it? No more hiding, that’s what you wanted, right? Well after the gala we won’t have to. We might have to find another place to live after Jonah kicks us out of here, but at least we’ll be free.”

He finally cracks a smile and I know I have him. “Okay.”

“Yeah?” He nods. “So you’ll go to the benefit with me?”

“And have to endure seeing you in a tux? Ugh, such a hardship. I guess it would be good for me to go as well, you know, for networking and stuff.” Jake’s a lawyer in a small law firm here in Auckland. Slowly but surely he’s making his way up the ladder, but the gala would definitely help get him out there.

I shove him as we both laugh, and cover his body with mine.

“I love you, Jake. You’re all I’ve ever wanted.”

“You’re all I’ve ever wanted too,” he says as his lips find mine.