Bishop

I thought Jake would be happy with my decision tonight. I thought he’d be over the moon that I chose him, that I stood up to Jonah, that I cleared the way for us to be together as we’d both like. But it doesn’t seem like that’s the case. He’s quiet. Too quiet.

“Are you okay?” I ask him once we get inside our apartment.

“You shouldn’t have done that tonight, Bish.”

“What?”

“You shouldn’t have done that,” he repeats.

“What the…? Why? What’s going on? I thought this is what you wanted?”

He shakes his head. “You cut ties with your dad tonight, with the only blood family you have, that’s a big deal.”

Walking over to him, I grab him by the hips and pull him to me. “You’re a bigger deal.” Leaning down to kiss him, he pulls away from me. “Okay, what’s going on with you?” I ask. “I thought you’d be happy that we can finally be together.”

“At what cost?” he demands. “Your family? Everything you’ve ever known? The last connection you have to your mum?”

I sigh and run a hand through my hair. “You heard what he was asking of me, Jake. I had to make a choice. I chose you.”

“He’s your dad, Bish.”

“We both know he hasn’t been a father to me in a very long time, not since Mum died. There is no loss for me there.”

“How can you say that?” He’s pacing now, pulling at his hair.

On his next trip in front of me, I step into his path and intercept him. “I can say it because I love you, because even though Jonah was my last connection to my mum and the past, you are my future, and I want to spend it with you. I want to live my life in the here and now, not stuck in the past. If I don’t do that, I’ll end up no better than my father and I don’t want that. Is that what you want for me? To end up bitter and twisted and miserable?”

He looks me in the eyes, his blue eyes shining brightly. “No,” he whispers.

“Do you want me?” I ask.

He nods. “Yes.”

“Do you want to be with me?”

Again he nods. “Yes.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“The problem is you shouldn’t have had to give all that up for me.”

I shake my head. “Don’t see it as giving something up, see it as gaining a life, a wonderful life with the man who has had my heart from the first time I realised what it was to truly give it away.”

This time when I stretch to kiss him, he doesn’t turn away.

“You know I never wanted you to choose between me and him, right?” Jake asks when we break apart.

“I know, but I think we both know that it would always come to this. That’s just the way Jonah is.”

Jake nods, but there’s still a sadness to him.

“Now, we never need to worry about that or him ever again. Although we should probably start looking for a new apartment. I can’t imagine he’d be too happy that we’re staying here.”

“Right.”

“At least we can save money by only looking for one bedroom. And I’ll get on some of my sponsors, see if they know of any shows I can do, maybe even get a ride on one of those Dirt Circus tours. I don’t like the idea of being away from you but we’ve got bills to pay, so I guess I better man up, huh?”

That gets me a small smile.

“Okay, what is it?” I ask.

“What? Nothing,” Jake replies.

“Don’t bullshit me, I know there’s something going on in that head of yours and I want to know what it is.”

He blows out a breath. “I just wish it didn’t have to come to this, that’s all. I never wanted to be the thing that came between you and Jonah, and now I have.”

I pull him closer to me. “I am going to say this one last time, and then I never want to hear about it ever again, okay? I love you. I want to be with you. For all the good memories I have with Jonah, I have a million more bad ones. I did not lose today. In fact, I more than gained, because I chose a future with you, with the one person who has never left me, who has never made me feel bad about myself, who has been there for me through everything. What happened tonight was not a bad thing.”

“I know,” he says, “but I still feel bad, and I’m probably going to feel bad for a little while about it.”

I kiss him quickly. “You wouldn’t be the man I love if you didn’t.”

“I think I’m going to sleep in my room tonight, alone, if that’s okay with you?”

I’ve got to admit that’s one thing I didn’t see happening tonight but I get it. “Sure, but if you get lonely you know where to find me, okay?”

He nods, and I kiss him again.

“Tomorrow we can start the search for our own apartment, how does that sound?”

Finally, I get a proper smile. “It sounds great.”

“I love you, Jake.”

“And I love you, Bish,” he says as he walks into his room, shutting the door quietly behind him.