Chapter Fourteen

Ryan

"Who's Jefferson?"

Lauren opened one eye and stared at me from across the couch. We were lying opposite one another as I massaged her feet lazily while music played softly over the speakers in my apartment.

"What?" she asked.

"Jefferson Airplane," I said, kissing each toe in turn. "Who is Jefferson and why does he have an airplane?"

She stretched against the armrest of the couch and I spied her red thong as the hem of my sweatshirt she was wearing rode up along her stomach.

"I don't know," she said with a yawn. "What does Desiigner design and what does that have to do with pandas?"

I laughed and playfully tickled her foot. It'd started a week ago after we'd fucked and lain breathless in bed with just the sounds of our panting to fill the cool summer night. We'd been at Lauren's place and she'd slipped out of bed and pressed a button on a speaker system she kept in her room. I'd laughed when The Police came on.

"Don't say a word," she'd said, climbing back into bed and stroking her hand against my bare chest.

And so we'd started taking turns playing our favorite music: music our parents loved, music we lost our virginity to, music we danced to at prom, music we couldn't help but cry to, music we liked to fuck to, music that defined our childhood, our teenage years, our adulthood.

Lauren would tease me for being too young to 'get' Prince and I'd tease her for being too old to 'get' A$AP Rocky. But it was a way to get to know one another. I'd watch her face light up as a particular song from her memory played and I'd listen in rapt attention as she told me the story that went along with it.

Tonight was her night, but she'd been particularly quiet throughout. After she'd taken that call in her office, her mood had been more reserved, more withdrawn. I texted her, as I usually did, to meet in the stairwell for a quick, hidden kiss and that day was the first time that I received a 'no'.

Meeting in five. Can't, sorry.

Over dinner she'd pushed her bite of steak around her plate and every attempt I made to make eye contact was shot down as she made some lame attempt of talking about the weather or the traffic in Denver or the construction to the south parking lot at Graton's Gift.

The album we'd been listening to reached the end and as silence fell back in Lauren made no move to go change it to the next one on her list. I rubbed her feet and watched her as she stared out into space.

"Hey," I said.

She turned her head to smile softly at me, but then lay her head again on the arm rest and said nothing.

"Lauren."

"Ryan," she said with the same inflection.

Something was wrong. Something upset her in that office and she wasn't talking to me about it. I gently set her feet next to me on the couch and slipped from under her bare legs.

"I'll be right back," I said to which I didn't get a response.

My feet slapped against the wood floor as I walked to my room and started rummaging through the stuff I'd jammed haphazardly into the left side of my closet. On the third dented and caved in box, I found what I was looking for: my old medical bag from school.

Grinning, I returned to the living room and stopped to knock on the wall by the floor lamp. Lauren opened her eyes in confusion and stared at me, having not moved an inch from the couch.

"Ms. Decker, are you ready for me?"

She frowned and looked me up and down. I stood there with a stethoscope around my neck, a medical bag in my hand, and nothing but boxers on my body.

"What are you doing?" she asked, slowly.

"May I come in?"

She sat up and I smiled at how cute she looked in my sweatshirt with one side of her head a ruffled mess of hair.

"I don't get what you're doing," she said.

"Wonderful," I ignored her. "My name is Dr. Castle and I'll be checking you over today."

"Checking me over?" A second after the words left her mouth, realization dawned in her eyes and her lips tilted into a smile.

Perfect.

"Yes, yes. It is clear something is terribly, terribly wrong with you. I'm glad I could get here so soon. It may have been fatal otherwise. Fatal."

I sat on the coffee table in front of the couch and spread open my bag beside me.

"Ryan—"

"Dr. Castle. Now, how are you feeling right now, Ms. Decker?"

She bit her lip. "You want to know how I'm feeling right now?"

I nodded.

"To be honest, I wasn’t feeling very good. But in the last minute I…” She smiled softly. “I’m beginning to feel better.”

“Are you? Well, that’s good. Very good. But I think we should go ahead with our exam just to be sure. Let's start with your temperature," I said, holding up two thermometers. "Preference?"

She actually laughed, and the sound made me want to laugh, too. God, it felt good to be here with her, to know that even when she was stressed and in a bad mood—even if I didn’t know why—I could bring some lightness to her life.

"You're not getting anywhere near my ass,” she said.

"Oral it is." I held the thermometer up to her mouth. “Personally, that’s always a favorite of mine, and I know it’s one of yours.” I rested the back of my hand against her forehead. “Now open up.”

She opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue. I plopped in the thermometer and tapped her chin for her to close her mouth. She watched as I returned to search through my bag.

"If you would just go ahead and tell me what's wrong, I wouldn't have to do all of this, you know," I said, eyeing her as I grabbed the plexor.

"There's nothing wrong," she mumbled around the thermometer.

I shifted so my knees were on either side of her legs and tapped the plexor gently against her knee. Her foot jerked forward and I nodded as if this were a real wellness exam and I was pleased to see my patient's reflexes were in order. I repeated the step on the other knee with the same result.

"All good there," I said, putting the plexor away. I pulled the thermometer from her mouth, set it aside, then placed my hand on her thigh and kneaded her flesh with my thumb.

"Follow my finger," I said, voice hushed. She lowered her hand to cover my own, and followed my finger with her eyes, up, down, over, around.

Back and forth I ghosted my thumb across the baby soft skin of her inner thigh as I watched the light against her eye. I sensed the tensed muscle relax just the slightest amount as I switched hands to check her other eye.

Slowly I lowered the light and we sat there close to one another in silence.

“Do I need to check your heart?" I asked.

She hesitated, then she nodded.

I leaned forward to press two chaste kisses to each of her cheeks. I unwrapped the stethoscope from my neck and breathed hot air against it to warm the cold metal. I skimmed my hand against her leg till I reached the thick hem of my grey New York Metro hospital sweatshirt. I looked up at Lauren.

"May I?"

“Please."

I parted her legs and slipped down onto my knees between them on the floor. I lifted the sweatshirt just enough to move the head of the stethoscope underneath.

I splayed one hand on her stomach and felt her muscles fluttering nervously as I grazed my knuckles between her breasts and rested the head of the stethoscope over her heart. I skimmed my fingers just inside the silky material of her thong before adjusting the ear pieces.

Lauren watched me as I listened to the sound of her heart. As I shifted the head of the stethoscope, my wrist swiped across her nipple under my sweatshirt and her heart rate jumped at the contact. I brushed my thumb across her pussy through her underwear and Lauren squirmed as I heard her heart thud. I closed my eyes and just listened to her as I touched her, judging my movements by the reaction in her heart. Beneath my fingers I felt her growing wet and I opened my eyes to find her grinding down on the couch, lip between her teeth, and eyes closed.

Watching her, I grazed my teeth along her inner thigh just below her wet pussy and her back arched. I kissed along her quivering skin and licked a line along her stained thong. The pace of her heart rate thundered on as I sucked and licked and kissed through the silk that was wet from her, wet from me.

I felt the bulge in my boxers growing and I quickly palmed at my dick to relieve the pressure. I wanted this to be all about Lauren, all about her pleasure, all about her healing. My hand still on the head of the stethoscope slipped back underneath my sweatshirt she was wearing and I ghosted my fingers along her side.

Her nipple was hard and I bit back a groan of my own knowing I'd made it hard without even touching it. I tugged the rough material of my sweatshirt back and forth along the peaked bud as I continued to lick her through her panties.

I couldn't hear Lauren, but her heartbeat was all encompassing and I was hard and leaking precum as I fondled her tits I could feel and not see.

I immediately missed the velvet of her breasts when I moved my hand from them and groped blindly around the couch for Lauren's hand. Gripping her wrist, I guided it to the stethoscope and she seemed to get the idea as she held the head in place over her heart.

I used my freed hand to pull her soaked thong down her legs and I tossed them over my shoulder. Hand over her heart, Lauren watched me with hooded eyes as I placed my head back between her legs. She spread them a little wider to accommodate the stethoscope and my cock twitched at the sight of her spread for me.

Closing my eyes, I let the thud, thud, thud of her heart drown me as I pulsed my tongue against her clit. Knowing it was Lauren's heart and knowing it was Lauren's heart beating faster than the fluttering wings of a little bird turned me on more than I knew was possible without even being touched.

Her hips bucked as I worked my tongue relentlessly against her clit and her heart was deafening in my ear. It reached a fever pitch and her hand was in my hair, pulling and tugging desperately, as she came. I lapped at her wetness as her body spasmed and slowly, slowly her heart rate started to slow back down.

I only stopped when Lauren dropped her hand from the head of my stethoscope and the cocoon of her heart disappeared. I looked up at her and she immediately gripped the hem of the sweatshirt and pulled it up over her head.

She slipped onto my lap from the couch and pushed my chest back so I was laying flat on the floor parallel to the couch. Atop me she held out her open hand.

"Lauren, you really don't have to—"

"Give them to me."

"This was for you, you—"

"If you get my heart," she said firmly, "I get your heart, too."

Chest heaving at the lust in her voice, I pulled the ear pieces loose and handed them to her. I lifted my hips to help her pull down my boxers and groaned at the relief as my dick popped free. Lauren placed the head of the stethoscope on my own heart as she put in each ear and just one look made me quickly move my hand to hold it in place.

Looking at her straddling me with the stethoscope and her tits exposed and chest still flushed from coming, I nearly shot off. My cock was throbbing as she stroked it a few quick times and then lowered herself onto me.

Her eyes widened in shock as she stared down at me. "I can hear you," she said, leaning over to kiss me. She kissed behind my ear, along my neck. "I can hear you," she kept repeating as she rocked her hips. "I can hear you."

Lauren wrapped her arms around the side of my head and rolled her hips sensually. She grinned when I my hips thrust up and I groaned. I'm sure my heart rate spiked. I’m sure she heard it. I was close and I knew my heart was pounding.

“Fuck, I’m gonna come,” I gasped.

But I looked up to find Lauren’s eyes closed as she lowered herself back down onto my cock. She was entirely lost in the moment as she had her way on my dick. I knew what it felt like, lost in the thud of a heart that you’re causing to explode. I watched her because she looked so perfect, because she sounded so perfect, because she felt so fucking perfect.

Her tits skimmed against my chest and she tightened around me as she came, legs shaking around me. I couldn’t hold it anymore and came with her, fingers sweaty and quivering on the head of the stethoscope. I pushed deep inside of her once more before pulling out as she fell onto my chest and we lay there together, her still listening to my heart.

I was surprised when I felt a hot tear drop onto my pec. Concerned, I gently pulled the ear pieces of the stethoscope from her ears and lifted her face. She sniffled and looked away shyly, face red and eyes slightly puffy.

“Lauren,” I said, catching a tear from her cheek as it fell, praying that it wasn’t shed because of something I did. “Lauren, baby, what’s wrong? Please, just tell me what’s wrong.”

She shook her head where I held it between my hands and she reached for the stethoscope.

“Hey, hey, please.”

“Just let me listen for a bit longer,” she begged. “Just a little longer so I can remember.”

I stopped her with a hand on her wrist, trying to soothe her with comforting circles around her wrist bone. “Talk to me,” I whispered, ducking my chin so I could catch her eye. “Just talk to me.”

“Ryan,” she pleaded.

“I’m here.”

Lauren laid her hand over my heart and looked down at me.

“It’s just that,” she sniffed and ran a hand under her nose and my heart broke for her, “it’s just that all of this, all of this with you, I never imagined I’d have something like this.”

I wanted to tell her I felt the exact same way, but I stayed silent and waited as patiently as I could for her to continue.

“And I feel like it’s all so fragile, what we have. We’ve built something wonderful and precious, but we’ve built it on straws and sand and I’m afraid this is all going to come crashing down.”

I rubbed her lower back and pulled her tighter to me. “Why would you think that, baby?”

“Because,” she sniffed, “I’m older and because we work in the same hospital and because I’m your attending surgeon. People are always going to judge us and stare at us and say things about us, even people close to us. It’s always going to be us against the world and are we strong enough to stand up to that?”

I smiled up at her. “I’m not,” I said and she looked down in slight confusion. “And you’re not. But maybe together we can be, right? Maybe together we can at least try. But I don’t want to call it quits just because it might be hard.”

Lauren nodded. “I don’t want to call it quits either. I’m just afraid we won’t have a choice.”

I sighed and hugged her close. I knew this had something to do with that call earlier that day in her office and I don’t know exactly who it was, but it must have been about us. I wasn’t going to press further. She was talking cryptically, but I thought I knew the root of the problem.

“Look,” I said after pressing a kiss to the stop of her head, “I know the hospital complicates things. So let’s get ahead of it, alright? On Monday, we’ll go talk to Marcus and let him know what has happened and how we feel. We’ll see what we need to do to make it work and then we’ll go from there. Alright?”

She nodded against my chest. “Okay.”

A knot of worry was starting to form in my stomach, but I pushed it from my mind to be strong for Lauren who was clearly upset.

“But we won’t worry about Monday till it’s Monday, right?”

“Right,” she mumbled.

She was falling asleep and I shifted enough to sit up and bundle her into my arms. I carried her to my bedroom and settled her under the covers. Monday would come. Of course it would. But until then I was going to hold onto her and feel her heart against my chest.

Thud, thud, thud.