CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Indiana
Once I eat as much fruit as I can stomach, I head to the bathroom to have a shower while my dad makes a start on dinner. I hate that I can’t help, but my stupid body is so weak from the treatment. It’s a struggle to stand on my feet for too long. I can’t wait until this is over and I can get back to normal. On a positive note, my headaches seem to have lessened, so it gives me hope that the treatment is working. I pray it is, because I’m not sure how much more of this I can take.
I sit on the stupid plastic seat that my dad has placed in the shower recess. I fucking hate that I have to sit on this damn thing because I’m too weak to stand for that long. It makes me feel like some kind of invalid. In the beginning Carter helped me shower, but I soon put a stop to that. He’s been doing so much. So much. He never stops. If I can lighten his load in any way, I will.
Don’t get me wrong, he doesn’t seem to mind, but he’s taken on the world since offering to care for me during my treatment. He won’t let anyone help. I love that he wants to do this, and I’ll be forever grateful, but I can see it’s starting to take its toll on him as well. It worries me.
As I let the warm water cascade over my tired, aching body, he’s on my mind. He hasn’t been himself the past few days. Sure he plasters on a smile whenever he’s around me, but when he doesn’t realise I’m watching him, I clearly see the worry etched on his handsome face. I’m gonna have a heart-to-heart with him when he gets home.
When I get out of the shower, I wrap myself in a towel and make my way into my bedroom. LJ follows close behind me. He was sitting outside the bathroom when I opened the door. He hasn’t left my side since the treatment started. I guess he can sense things aren’t right with me.
Opening my underwear drawer, the first thing I see is a note sitting on top. Ugh! I can already tell by the handwriting it’s from Carter.
I can and I will. YOU ARE MINE! If you want to get your rocks off, you know where to find me, beautiful!!!
I should be pissed with him, but I’m not. Instead, I laugh. I don’t even need to look. I know my vibrator is gone. I miss being intimate with him so much. I know he thinks what he’s doing is for the best, maybe he’s right, but I need that connection with him again. I hate that we’re wasting time apart. We don’t know how much time we have left.
When I’m dressed, I lie down on the bed. It shits me that a simple shower has drained me of all the energy I had. I want the old me back. I want to be well again.
Cancer fucking sucks.
••••
My eyes slowly open when I feel the bed dip and two strong arms wrap around me. He’s home. It brings a smile to my face. Rolling over to face him, I brush my lips against his when his beautiful chocolate eyes meet mine. “Hey, handsome,” I say smiling.
“Hey, beautiful.” The breathtaking smile he gives me melts my heart. I love seeing him happy like this. Reaching up, I run my hand gently down the side of his face.
“How did your mum’s appointment go?”
“Well a lot better than I expected. I didn’t tell you this before because I didn’t want to worry you unnecessarily, but we actually went to see my grandmother.” What?
“Shut up. You did not,” I screech. It’s not that I don’t believe him; I’m just shocked that’s all.
“We did,” he chuckles. He goes to elaborate, but I cut him off.
“What? How? And why is this the first I’m hearing of it?” I inquire, reaching over and pinching his side. I can’t believe he kept this from me.
“Ouch,” he laughs, rubbing his ribcage. “If you let me get a word in, I’ll tell you. He turns over on his side so we’re facing each other, encircling his arm around my waist.
He tells me everything. From the private investigator, to the uncertainty of going there, and the joy he felt when he was greeted with open arms. He looks so happy and carefree, like a huge weight has been lifted from him. It warms my heart.
“My mum was right,” he continues. “She’s nothing like my grandfather. She had no idea that we’d come to the house all those years ago. My grandfather never told her. She was heartbroken when she found out.” I don’t say anything. I just listen. “I’ve never seen my mum so happy, Indi. She was beaming all the way home. You should’ve seen her.” I don’t need to. I bet it’s the same look I’m seeing right now on his face.
“I’m so glad you all finally got to make peace with what happened,” I say, cupping his cheek in my hand. “Are you going to see her again?”
“Of course,” he replies without hesitation. “She wants to meet you too. You’re going to love her, babe. She’s just like an older version of my mum. She’s so sweet.” I smile as I lean forward and place my lips on his. The pure excitement in his voice is infectious. I’m thrilled this has happened. I know what his grandfather did, has haunted him for the last nineteen years. I hope this meeting has given him some kind of peace. He deserves that. He’s carried the scars of that day around for too long.
“I can’t wait to meet her too,” I tell him, because I can’t.
••••
By the time we arrive back at Newcastle Thursday afternoon, I’m feeling dreadful. Yesterday was a good day, but today is certainly making up for it. I usually sleep on my way up here, but we had to pull over seven times so I could be sick. Well, dry reach, because that’s about all I did. I lost the contents of my stomach before we even left Sydney.
Carter is almost beside himself by the time we arrive. The worry he bears is clearly written all over his face. “I think I’m gonna get Justine to cancel all of my appointments for the rest of the afternoon,” he says when he carries me into the bedroom. I hate that he has to carry me everywhere. Today I’m probably too weak to walk up those stairs, but even when I’m not he insists on doing it.
“No you’re not,” I snap in a tone that lets him know I mean business. It’s time for a little tough love. “Stop being ridiculous. I’ll be fine on my own. You’ve lost enough work because of me. I won’t stand for …” Before I get a chance to finish, he starts to laugh. “What’s so funny?” I ask narrowing my eyes.
“You,” he chuckles, leaning forward to plant a soft kiss on my nose. “I love your spunk. I’ve missed it.” His light-heartedness softens me straight away.
“Please don’t cancel your appointments,” I plead, softening my voice. “Honestly, I’ll be fine.”
After he lies me down on the bed and fusses over me for a few minutes, he leaves to go downstairs. It doesn’t take long for me to drift off to sleep.
I’m awoken a few hours later when he comes up to check on me. He brings me a plate of dry crackers and some juice, since that’s all I’m going to be able to stomach. I manage to force a couple down while Carter takes LJ to the grass area out back to do his business.
“Please try and eat a little more than that,” he says with a furrowed brow when he comes back upstairs. I roll my eyes. I know I shouldn’t, but sometimes he makes me feel like a child. I wish I didn’t feel so sick. Of course I’d eat more if I didn’t. After sitting on the side of the bed, he forces a few more biscuits into me before he leaves.
When the nausea takes hold again, I lie back down, hoping my stomach will settle while I sleep. I’m not sure how long I’m out for, but when I wake the urge to vomit is strong. Dragging myself out of bed, I head towards the bathroom. I have to use the wall for support because I’m feeling dizzy and unsteady on my feet.
I hug the bowl for the longest time. What little food I managed to get down before is now gone. I use the vanity to help me stand. I feel dreadful. Going back to bed would be the wise thing to do, but a warm shower may help.
After brushing my teeth, I strip and make my way into the shower recess. Sitting on the damn chair that Carter and my dad insist I use, I turn on the taps. The warm water flowing over my skin feels wonderful. It’s just what my aching muscles need.
I’m already feeling marginally better by the time I turn the water off. Somewhat human anyway. When I stand though, another wave of dizziness hits. The smart thing to do would be to sit back down, but all I want is to dry off and climb back into bed.
Stepping out of the shower, my shaky hand reaches for the towel. I barely get a chance to wrap it around me when the realisation that I’m going to pass out hits. Thinking fast, I turn with the intent of making my way towards the toilet so I can sit down. I don’t make it. I fall forward, just as everything goes black.