Chapter 24

Ella

Joe and I have been sleeping in the same bed together most nights now. It’s more fun, and I love pillow talk. The last few weeks have been incredible and he’s been so nice to me, especially when he told me he loved me. He was so lovely about making sure I only said it when I was ready. He really is the best.

“Good morning,” I say sleepily, rolling over in bed to cuddle Joe. Except, he’s not there. I pat the bed in several places before I bother opening my eyes to realize. Where could he be? What even is the time? How badly did I oversleep?

I check the time and realize it’s about eleven o’clock.

There’s a note on the bedside table next to me.

Good morning, sweetheart. Hope you slept well. You seemed tired, so I left you to sleep while I took Marnie to school. You can pick her up later and I’ll be back from work about five. Love you. xx

I can’t help but melt at that. I clutch the note close to me as I lay back on the bed. He loves me. He really loves me.

I’m really not sure what to say to that! How do I feel? Do I love him, too? I’ve never really been sure of stuff like this, but I know I feel stronger about him than I have about anyone else ever!

As I stand to make my way to the shower, my head starts swimming and I have to hold on to the door frame to get my balance. I feel a little nauseous. What is this? I hope I’m not getting sick.

I retch a little then run over to the toilet to puke my guts up. Ugh, what the hell?

I sit up a little and drink a bit of water. As I do, I notice my contraceptive pills are on the side of the vanity. I will take my one for today after my stomach settles. I don’t want to miss it. Did I take yesterdays? Oh, but they’re the placebo pills this week, anyway. Wait, I’m not on my period. I should be, but I’ve been caught up in the excitement of this new relationship and I’ve not really been tracking.

I can feel my heart racing. I’ve always been regular and now I’m late. Could it be stress?

Gosh, what have I had to be stressed about?

I begin to think it through. I didn’t have one last month, but that’s because I am on an every two month schedule. We were together before that. What if, that first time?

Okay, stop freaking out, just go and get a test to make sure. No one’s here at the moment, it’s totally fine, just go and get a test and try not to be seen. Everyone knows who you are now and who you’re dating, so it could be the talk of the town if it gets out.

I stand up and head to my wardrobe. Ugh, even the thought of tight jeans is making me want to vomit. I sway dizzily and collapse onto my bed.

Maybe I should call Kat and Cameron I think as I reach for my phone.

* * *

I pace by the door, waiting on my two best friends. I called them and they said they’d come as soon as they could. Cameron was working at the coffee shop and Kat was there with her. Cam called in a favor and got her brother to cover for her, and they were on their way now, hopefully with ice cream, and a pregnancy test.

I couldn’t face going out by myself. What if someone were to see?

The doorbell rings and I run to open it. The girls hug me tightly and make a few worried but excited sounding noises.

“Thanks for coming, guys! I couldn’t do this without you,” I say, squeezing them close.

“Of course we’d come!” Kat says, handing me the test.”

“I can’t believe I’m in his house!” Cameron shrieks as we head up the stairs.

“You’ve been here before! You’ve been in his pool!” I roll my eyes.

“And I can’t believe I missed that!” Kat exclaimed.

“Well, I did invite you. Not my fault you were busy!”

We all laugh together as we make our way into my room. Kat and Cam sit on the bed as I go into the bathroom. I’ve been bursting to go ever since I asked them to come over.

I’ve never done this before, it’s so awkward trying to aim. I place the cap back on and shake the thing dry before going to wash my hands.

It feels so weird. Joe has no idea what’s going on, and neither does Marnie. I don’t even know how I feel about this. Do I even want a kid? Oh God, what is Joe going to think? Is he going to be angry? I’m getting ahead of myself. I don’t even know the results.

“Are you coming out?” Kat shouts, “We’re dying out here!”

“We have three minutes,” I say.

We sit together on my bed staring at the expensive piece of plastic I just urinated on. I’m so grateful that my best friends are here.

“Oh, I can’t take it. I’m just so excited!” Cameron jumps up, shaking the bed a bit.

“Gosh, you made me jump,” Kat says, hitting her with a pillow.

“Hey!” Cameron shouts.

“Alright guys, come on. I’m not in the mood. You can’t start a pillow fight at such a crucial moment,” I say, rolling my eyes.

“Sorry, L.” Cameron says.

“Yeah, I’m sorry,” Kat adds.

We sit in silence once more, staring down at the pregnancy test until the words finally come up, the words that will change my life forever.

Pregnant 3+ weeks

“Shit,” I say, completely floored. I don’t know what else to say.

“Oh my God, L!” Kat and Cameron shout, hugging me close.

“You’re gonna have a baby! A little mini Joe!” Cameron bounces on the bed again.

“I think I’m going to be sick,” No really, I’m actually going to be sick.

I run into the bathroom with Kat and Cameron following behind, a mixture of worry and excitement. Why is this happening to me! How did I get pregnant, I was on birth control, so what is even happening! WHY?

“Okay, I think I feel better now.” I sit down, and the girls continue to hug and fawn over me. “Did you bring ice cream?”

“Of course we did! Cam put it in the freezer for you.”

“Thank you!” I hug them again and start crying, “It’s just so nice of you to get something for me in my time of need!”

“Awwwww!” Kat and Cameron say together in high-pitched squeaky voices.

I wipe my eyes and blow my nose on a tissue, “I need to pick up Marnie later today. Do you want to come with? I can tell her the news and we can do makeovers or something?”

“That sounds so lovely, hon, but I’ve got to get back to work!” Cameron also looks like she’s about to cry, “I can meet you later though?”

“Yeah, and I’ve got to be in a meeting today. I’m so busy, but I might be able to meet you later as well? I’ll pick up all my make up.”

“That’d be really nice!” Oh God, I’m crying again! How is it possible to be this emotional?

* * *

After the girls go back to their jobs, I set about mine. I don’t feel so bad after some breakfast, although I worry about keeping it down. Luckily, I didn’t have too much to do today, just laundry and planning lunches for Marnie’s week at school.

I wait at the gates like Joe and I have done a few times together, and I can’t stop my mind from running. I imagine Joe and I waiting for a little one of our own, with light brown hair and deep blue eyes. Maybe a little boy? A mini Joe, just like Cameron said.

Marnie steps out of her classroom with all of her friends and they hug and say goodbye before she spots me and runs over to give me one of her trademark huge hugs.

“Oh gosh, don’t squeeze me so much! I’m very fragile today,” I say to her, ruffling her immeasurably curly hair.

“Sorry, Ella,” she pouts at me.

“How does your hair get so curly?” I ask her, tangling my fingers through it.

“Daddy says I got it from Mom. I don’t like it.”

“Are you kidding? It’s gorgeous! Who cares where it came from?”

“People keep tangling pencils into it!” Marnie turns around to show a pencil is tangled in the back of her hair.

“Gosh, that’s not very nice. Who did that?” I kneel down, trying not to feel dizzy while also untangling her hair.

“I don’t know. Someone in art class?” she shrugs, not really seeming to care.

“There we go, all out.” I hand her back the pencil and try to stand before walking back home.

“Are you okay, Ella? You look dizzy,” she says, holding my hand.

“Yeah, I’m fine. So what did you do in art class today?”

“I drew us!” she grabs the picture out of her bag, “See look!” she says, proudly, showing me the picture. It’s me and Joe, plus her in the middle. We’re all holding hands and jumping in a puddle, “It’s from when we went for that walk in the rain, and you let me jump in the big puddles!”

I try desperately to hold back the tears and emotions washing over me.

“Oh Marnie, that’s so sweet, I bet daddy will love to see that on the fridge when we get back.” I smile at her as she puts the picture back. Actually we’re on the subject of family, this is good! “So Marnie. What would you say, if the next time you drew that picture there was someone else in it?”

“Like who?”

“Like, maybe a little brother or sister?”

“I don’t know, I haven’t got one—” she freezes for a moment, just like her dad does when he realizes something a little bit late, “Wait! Does that mean?”

I start to cry again and Marnie jumps up and down excitedly.

“Does it mean I’m going to have a little sister? Can I look after her? Will you and Daddy let me babysit! You always tell me how grown up I am, and I can be just like you!”

She is such a sweetheart, I really can’t help crying now! Marnie screams to herself before giving me the gentlest hug ever.

“Marnie, what are you doing?” I ask, laughing at her.

“I don’t want to crush the baby!” she looks up at me, smiling like a little angel.