Chapter 30

Ella

Is this how I’m going to wake up from now on? All alone?

I check my phone and realize it’s one o’clock in the afternoon.

Still, what is he doing? Where is he going so early on the weekend?

I suppose he could be downstairs with Marnie. After yesterday he better be!

Another note? I sigh and pick it up.

Hope you slept well! I love you and I’ll be back later xx

Why can’t I just trust that he has a good reason and that he really cares about me!

I should do something to take my mind off it. I’m still Marnie’s nanny, after all. I should plan something for today, maybe go out to the park or something.

Or maybe I should get her that puppy! That would be sure to make Joe pay attention. I giggle to myself as I get dressed. A puppy would be awesome.

I head downstairs, prepared to make some breakfast for myself, or I guess lunch, and I see Marnie on the sofa watching cartoons.

“Hey, kiddo,” I say, sitting down next to her, “Where’s your dad?”

Marnie shrugs, still staring at the TV.

Really? There has to be something up with him. Why would he just take off without saying anything?

“Did he say when he was going to be back?”

Marnie shakes her head.

Okay, that’s it. It’s a nice day and I’m not going to let her stay inside watching TV all day. I’m her nanny for heaven’s sake.

“Right,” I say as I get up to switch off the TV, much to Marnie’s annoyance.

“Marnie, why don’t you go upstairs and get dressed? Why don’t we go and have our own adventure? What do you say?”

She grins up at me before running upstairs to her room.

I think for a moment about what we could do. It’s a nice weekend and I suppose we could go out for lunch. I could take her to Cam’s coffee place. She really loved hanging out with Kat and Cameron.

Suddenly I hear some noise outside. People are shouting or arguing about something.

As I walk over to the door the shouting seems to be getting louder. It’s as if the argument is on our front porch. But it can’t be, can it?

I move the curtain aside and peek through the window next to the door. Then I see something that makes my heart shatter.

Julia and Joe are standing on the front porch.

“Kiss me,” she says, plainly.

“I’m sorry, what?” Joe looks shocked.

“You heard me. Kiss me. Right here, right now. On the lips… like you mean it.”

I jump and shut the curtains, stumbling back from the door.

I… I don’t understand, he’s been sneaking out to see her, but he told me about her showing up? I don’t get why he would bring her here, or why he would be kissing her! My brain hurts and I can’t work any of this out. Why would he do this to me? After I gave him so much. I gave him my virginity! He told me it was an honor, that he thought it was special, that I was special. He told me he loved me! And I loved him!

I angrily storm up to my room. No way is he going to do this to me, that selfish son of a bitch! I mean… he obviously doesn’t care about me… or his baby. The baby he doesn’t even know about, and now, maybe never will.

Marnie. I sigh as I slump down on my bed.

I’m going to miss Marnie. How can I do this to her? She clearly needs a nanny if her dad is going to be like this! But I can’t do it. I just can’t. I want to put her growth and development first, but how can I still be here with him? Having to spend every day knowing that he lied to me, that he cheated on me.

I wipe my eyes as I sit up. You know what? I’m not going to sit by and take this. He may have proved to me that I’m strong and independent, but what kind a woman would I be, what kind of role model would I be, if I just gave up every time I lost a man.

I am strong and I am independent, so I know to get up and leave when I’m in a bad relationship! I can raise a kid by myself. Joe can have his life however he wants it, especially if he doesn’t want me in it.

As I get up and look around my room, I think about how I only recently moved in. Screw this. I can pack if I want to, Kat and Cameron will look after me for a bit until I find my own place. Who cares if I’m giving up a family that I actually care about.

“Ella, Ella! I need to tell you something!” Joe runs up to my room with a huge smile on his face looking extremely pleased with himself. He stops when he sees me starting to pack my clothes away.

“What… what’s this?” he asks, freezing in place as his expression changes.

“Isn’t it obvious? Or did you think I would never find out?” I narrow my eyes at him, the big liar.

“Well, it looks like you’re packing up. Are you going somewhere?”

“Oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you? For me to just go away so you don’t have to sneak around anymore. Then you can just be a huge jerk without caring about anyone but yourself!”

“Ella, what are you talking about?” He tries to get close to me, and I can see him sweating.

“Don’t touch me! I saw you out there with your ex-wife, and I heard you on the phone last night! I trusted you! And this is what you give me in return!”

“No, wait. It’s not what you think!” he tries, but honestly I don’t want to deal with this for another minute. I don’t want to bother with a cheater.

I push past him and head downstairs. He chases after me.

“Please, Ella you’ve got to listen to me! I did it for you!” he cries out, stopping me from walking away.

“No Joe. How could you do this to me? After all this time, telling me how much you care, letting me believe that you love me, letting me trust you to the point of actually having sex with you! I wasn’t lying, you were my first! Did you just want the satisfaction of banging a virgin before you went back to your wife?”

“Ella? Is that what you think?” He looks like he’s about to cry. But I’m not falling for it. No matter how much it looks like he’s crying, “I’m not going back to her! I swear! I did this because of you!”

“Oh, you’re blaming me! That’s rich. I can’t believe you! After everything… this is just unfair! I thought you were okay that I was ready to tell you how I felt!? I’m sorry that I’ve been distant. I’ve just been dealing with some stuff on my own! So I’m sorry if I didn’t feel ready to tell you that I’m pregnant!”

He gasps, unable to speak. Gosh, I can’t believe I just shouted that at him. That’s not how— No! Don’t let him pull you back. Oh God, he is actually crying, and now I’m crying. Dammit!

“Are you going to explain yourself?” I ask him, my anger having turned to sadness.

“I… I am, but thinking about it now… it all sounds so stupid.” He wipes his eyes and looks down at the floor, “I knew about the baby. Marnie told me by accident and begged me not to say. It got me thinking… I mean, I’d already been thinking.”

“About what?”

“I didn’t want to push you or say anything too soon, but when I told you how I felt, it just sort of slipped out. I didn’t want you to go through it alone, I wanted to show you that I was going to be there for you no matter what. That I was going to take care of this baby with you! I just wanted to make sure I had it when the perfect moment came! Now I don’t have it… and I don’t even have you anymore either.”

“Have what?”

“I went out to buy a ring, but Julia followed me. She bought the ring before I could, then held it over me so I’d pay for everything for her. I went through a lot of stupid stuff to get you the perfect ring. I risked a lot and then outside, she asked me to kiss her and I realized that she’s just jealous of you! She was trying to ruin what we have!”

“Really?” I don’t know if I should believe him, I don’t know what to believe anymore.

Could he really be telling the truth? I mean, it sounds so crazy, why would someone put themselves through that? Just for me?

He nods, smiling weakly at me.

“Well, if that’s true, then where’s the ring?”

“Don’t you get it? I don’t have it! I told her she could keep the ring because our love is stronger and more precious to me than anything else. I’m sorry I lied to you. And I’m sorry that I gambled our relationship over something as meaningless as a ring. It’s just that I could picture your eyes the moment I first saw the ring. I could see how happy we both would be when you said yes, and I just got a little crazy. I would do anything for you, even if it meant putting up with my ex-wife blackmailing me. I can’t imagine you even want to look at me right now, let alone even think about getting engaged! I understand if you want to leave.”

He was going to propose. He was going to buy me a gorgeous ring and propose. But how am I supposed to believe this? I mean, I want to… but—

“Ella!” Marnie shouts as she comes running down the stairs, “Ella, you have to see this!”

“What’s up?” I look down at her and she’s holding my phone. I want to ask her how she got hold of it, but she’s trying to show me a video she took.

I take a moment to compose myself. Marnie is looking up at me with a hopeful look on her face and Joe is on the verge of breaking down at my feet.

Marnie holds up my phone and shows me a video that she took. It’s the view from her window showing Joe and Julia at the porch.

Oh for God’s sake, what?

Kiss me.

I’m sorry, what?

You heard me. Kiss me. Right here, right now. On the lips... Like you mean it. Show me how much giving this tacky ring to your girlfriend means to you.

Come on Joe–

Give me a minute!

You know you want to…

I watch the video, shaking in rage, knowing that the man I love was genuinely considering it.

You know what, Julia? No. I’m not going to kiss you. You can keep the ring! Because if having it means risking my relationship, then I don’t want it! Our relationship means too much to me! So get off my porch and out of my life, because I am so over you that whatever you try against us couldn’t even make a scratch! We’re much too strong for your petty jealousy to ruin us.

I turn to Joe and he looks up at me smiling weakly.

Now I’m going to ask her to marry me and we’re going to be so much better than you could ever imagine! I don’t need a ring to show her how much I love her, because I will be doing that for the rest of my life!

The video ends and Marnie looks up at me with a big smile on her face.

I walk over to Joe and pull him close to me, giving him a passionate kiss.

Marnie cheers and Joe looks down at me, unable to process the moment.

“Does this mean I can ask you to marry me?” he asks.

Tears roll down my cheeks.

“You already did.”

“And your answer?”

“Yes, of course I’ll marry you!”