I stay in bed most of the afternoon with occasional trips to the toilet. The only thing that seems to settle my stomach is bread. I can’t even drink very much water because it also makes me violently sick and sends me running toward the bathroom. Even standing upright makes my head spin.

“I stopped by and got some chicken broth,” Aiden says when he comes over after work. I hate him seeing me like this. Sick like a dog. Dressed in nothing but sweats with a smidge of makeup in sight.

“Thank you, but you really shouldn’t have.”

“Hey, I’m going to nurse you back to health if it’s the last thing I do.”

“You’re too sweet,” I say. And he’s true to his word. He waits on me all evening, bringing me chicken broth and making me toast upon request. He even climbs into bed with me, when I explicitly tell him not to, so we can watch Netflix.

“I don’t want you to get sick,” I say. “I mean, I might have a bad strain of the flu or something. You really should go home.”

“You’re throwing up every hour, Ellie. I’m not going home.”

I shrug and snuggle up to him tighter. I don’t have the energy to fight with him now.

“You know, this is the first time either one of us has ever been ill,” I say after a while.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Well, isn’t it a saying that you really shouldn’t decide whether the guy or girl you’re seeing is a keeper until the first time you’re sick?”

“Why is that?” he asks.

“Because it’s all about whether that person is there for you. You’re not looking your best and you’re going through something pretty rough, and it’s all about whether or not the other person shows up and cares for you.”

“And how am I doing?” he asks, giving me a squeeze.

“Very well. You’re doing an excellent job, actually. So good in fact that you’ve earned bonus points and you should probably go home now.”

“No way,” Aiden says definitively.

In this moment, I know that I will never love anyone as much I love him.

The following morning, I wake up as sick as the previous one. I spend close to an hour draped over the toilet. I’m so ill in fact that Aiden actually decides to work from home. He brings me tea, crackers, and toast and refuses go in to work no matter how much I beg him to. In the afternoon, I feel good enough to actually come out to the living room and watch television there. Aiden talks on the phone and types furiously on his laptop until five o’clock when he turns everything off and joins me on the couch. Our takeout arrives fifteen minutes after. I wasn’t sure what to order so Aiden ordered a variety of different Vietnamese dishes and appetizers just in case some things didn’t sit well with me.

“I have to tell you something,” Aiden says after I manage to eat one pot sticker. “This may not be the best time, but I just can’t wait any longer. I know that I should’ve told you this sooner.”

“Okay,” I say. For a second, I think it might be something romantic, but by the look on his face, it’s probably something serious. Damn. I’m really not in the mood for anything like that.

“I talked to the DA. From Maine? About Caroline’s case,” Aiden says as if I don’t know who he’s referring to.

“About what?”

“She was going to drop the case, Ellie. Without Caroline pressing charges and testifying, they were going to let Tom go.”

“So, it’s over?” I feel like someone has just punched me in the throat.

“Well, here’s the thing. The case that she had against him technically is over. But that’s not the only thing they have on him.”

My head is starting to buzz and I start to feel sick again. I can’t really hear or process anything that he’s saying. Even though Aiden is sitting right next to me, it feels like we’re talking to each other from across a football field.

“I don’t understand,” I say.

“I told her, Ellie. I told her that Caroline didn’t overdose by accident. I told her that she committed suicide. And that you have proof.”

“You told her what??” I try to get up and my head starts to swim again. "I can’t believe you! You totally betrayed my trust.”

“I’m sorry, Ellie, but she was going to let Tom go. He was going to get off. I just couldn’t let that happen.”

I shake my head. “Who the hell do you think you are, Aiden? Caroline trusted me. She didn’t want anyone to know.”

“But I’m not sure she knew that her suicide would mean that Tom would get off the hook. I don’t think she thought of all the consequences.”

“And if she did?”

“I don’t know. I just thought this was the right thing to do.”

“Well, it wasn’t!” I yell. I’ve never really yelled at Aiden like this before. I’ve never really been this angry at him before.

“Well, the DA thinks that she might have a case now. She wants to see the letter. She wants us both to testify at the trial. She’s going to build a case against Tom, saying that he caused her suicide.”

“I don’t care, Aiden. That letter— she left that letter to me. I was supposed to protect her secret. She trusted me.”

I’m just repeating myself over and over because it’s all I can do. A million thoughts run through my head and I can’t stop any of them. I can’t even slow them down.

Aiden keeps trying to explain. He did this because he didn’t want me to be the one who broke my promise to Caroline. It’s not really breaking a promise if he did it. Caroline didn’t really understand what she was doing. But none of these arguments make any sense. Maybe I just don’t want them to. No, right now, I just want one thing.

“I want you to leave,” I finally say.

“What?”

I repeat myself. He protests and says that I shouldn’t be alone when I’m feeling so badly, but I insist.

“I need you to leave. Now,” I say as firmly as I can. I’m in no mood to talk anymore. I need time to think this over. Time away from him.

My stomach starts to grumble again. I take one deep breath after another, hoping I can keep the nausea at bay until he leaves. A few minutes later, Aiden is finally gone.

I get up and run to the bathroom.