I’m not even sure where Hunter found the crazy hearts light he hung up. He said that he’s had it for a while, but I’m not so sure about that. It looks pretty last-minute thrown-together to me.

Right as I was about to leave to go home, Lizzy messaged me that I should come over to the workshop instead and that we were going to have a great night. When I came here, the lights and the music were already turned on, and H and Lizzy were dancing.

It was so fun to watch them. Of course, then H insisted that I dance with him too, which... yeah, that wasn’t my favorite part. I’m not a good dancer, but for H and Lizzy, I’ll do it.

Then Tamara came in, telling me that the gardens finally got back to her and that they could get someone to guide us through the gardens tonight. Of course, by then, I was the only one from the writers’ group left here. So, even if I hadn’t planned on it, I’m now going.

After that, Tamara brought me to her office and showed me the cover of Jo’s new book. Not just the one she’ll be using but also different early versions of it. I never realized how much work went into making covers, both the front and the wrap-around for the paperback. Then Tamara gave me a review copy of the book, courtesy of Jo. I was surprised, but I guess it’s a sign of goodwill. I’m meeting Jo later this week—she’s coming here so we can have coffee together.

It’s scary to think about, meeting an author who actually makes a living writing. But she also seems like she really wants to help me get my work published and everything.

Over the weekend I was really excited, and I got more of my story done. Hanna told me that no matter what happens with B, I’d at least be able to redeem the asshole of a male character in the book, but now I’m not so sure...

When we got out of Tamara’s office, I saw B waiting in the middle of the room. I immediately went over to H and Lizzy, not wanting to talk to him right now.

I’m not sure why Charlotte thought it would be a good idea to ask B about the rose petals in the bath. Maybe it’s just the way B and I have been acting around each other, but when I came back inside, the girls just wouldn’t stop giggling and talking about how ‘coincidental’ it was that B and I gave the same answer...

Yeah, that got me tired of today pretty quickly.

Luckily, H and Lizzy have other things on their mind today, too preoccupied to pay attention to my sour mood. They’re joking around, having fun, involving everyone in their little pre-Valentine party.

Damon joins us, looking at the candy and cakes and things that are on the table, all Valentine-themed.

“Hey.” He smiles.

“Hey.” I sigh. “Are you going to the gardens later?”

That seems to surprise him. “N—No.” He looks to the other side of the room where the person I’m not supposed to be looking at is. “Blaze is going. I thought you already knew.”

My heart sinks. “I didn’t. If I’d have known...” Then what? I’d have called someone else to do this for me? Maybe. I’d at least have tried to not be the one doing this with B, that’s for sure.

“Sorry.” Damon pulls a face.

“Are you sure you can’t come?”

He nods. “Yeah. Got things to do. Sorry.” He sighs. “It’s just looking around and taking a couple of pictures. In and out in under thirty minutes, I’m sure.”

I open my mouth, something I don’t even want to think about nearly slipping out. Nothing takes under thirty minutes with Blaze... Then I just sigh. Yeah. Not the right thing to say.

Damon gives me a look, raising one eyebrow as he smirks.

“Don’t. Just... Don’t.” I hold up my hands. There are better things to talk about than my brain constantly going to a certain guy.

“Fine.” He laughs, way too gleefully for someone who’s supposed to support me. “Not saying anything. I just know that you’re thinking it.”

“Shut it.” My cheeks flare up. It’s bad enough that I think it, I don’t need others to remind me of it.

“Sure.” He holds out his hand. “One dance, before you go off and inspect a romantic garden?”

“The scene there is not romantic at all.” But I take his hand anyway.

“Everything is about subtext.” He grins, pulling me to the makeshift dancefloor. “And I didn’t say that the scene was romantic, just the location.”

Subtext... yeah. All about the subtext.

My eyes fall on B again, and my heart jumps at the blazing fire in his eyes. The way he looks at me, and at Damon, like he’d rip Damon’s head off if we weren’t in public right now...

Great...

This is going to be such a fun evening.

I’m not sure how it happened, but somehow we both ended up in B’s car as we’re driving to the gardens. The silence between us stretches.

I don’t have anything to tell him and he’s totally wrapped up in his own head, so we’re both silent. Something that’s not exactly comfortable, but will have to do. Being here with him is hard enough.

We reach the gardens, and there are lights at the front gate, a string of heart-shaped lights in pink and red wound around the top of the gate. Yes, because, of course, Valentine’s Day.

We get out and still B doesn’t say a thing. He just grabs his camera and walks to a booth near the entrance, talking to the person there. Then he waves for me to hurry up, and I’m already so done with tonight.

I go over to them, and B talks about what type of gardens we’ll be looking for and asking how many of them we’ll be able to see tonight.

Apparently, the garden is even open during the winter months, lights illuminating the paths when it’s dark in the evenings. It may still be winter, but we’ve got free access to all the gardens. And our guide can tell us about the plants and flowers that will come up in the coming months. It sounds like a good deal, but B doesn’t look that happy. Although at what point today did he look happy? I don’t know.

I follow behind Blaze and our guide, staying behind them a little as B explains what we’re looking for exactly. The guy nods and points in a couple of directions.

They start walking again, and I go after them. The first garden isn’t very exciting. I can see the nameplates and things, and this whole area is supposed to be filled with seasonal flowers, but there isn’t much in winter.

Then we step through an arch, which is woven through with roses, and into an area that is very different. The whole floor is filled with almost out-of-this-world-looking leaves. The plants are low, their leaves a mix of dark green, white, and purple, and cover the whole area apart from the path. In the back and at the sides are more evergreen trees.

B turns to me. “We could make our own alien plants, if needed. What do you think?”

I shrug. What am I supposed to think of it? Isn’t he the one designing the set?

Something flashes in his eyes and he grabs my wrist, pulling me into the plants. I stumble after him, trying to stay on my feet. “Well?” He turns to me.

I look up at him, but the expression in his eyes makes me look away again. Then I glance at the things around us. The plants will probably work well enough to appear as an ‘alien field’, and we can definitely make our own ‘herbs’ that the character will harvest here. Sure. But that’s not where my brain is heading, B still hasn’t let go of my wrist, holding it, keeping me close.

“Well?” His voice is low, a light growl to it, and lust rushes through my body.

“I guess.” I look around again. “I guess this can work. It’s not like there’s much else we’d need. And the plants will work, it means we won’t have to deal with the whole ‘grass on an alien planet’ thing.” I tug at my arm and B lets go. The surprise on his face tells me that he’d not even realized he was still holding me.

“Which scene were you planning on shooting here, exactly?” He didn’t know that yet? He’s supposed to have read the list of locations and scenes, that’s why he’s here.

“You read it. At the cafe.”

He nods. “The one with the deadly plants?”

I now nod too—apparently he remembered it. “They arrive at the planet, the shop owner is supposed to gather some deadly plants, and then there is some banter.” It’s not a crucial scene, but important enough for characterization.

“Right. I think this would do, right?”

“Yeah.” I step back, B’s warm body way too attractive in the cold winter night. We shouldn’t get this close.

“You’ve decided?” the guide calls out to us.

“Yep.” B walks over to him. “This looks good for one of the scenes. So I’m going to need dates for when the plants may flower, if it’s early enough, and I need to take some photos. We’ll need two or three more locations.” His eyes go to me. “You coming out? Or do you want to be in the shots?” He appears calm, but the tone of his voice tells me that he also felt something as we were standing here.

I nod, making my way back to the path, back to where B is standing. More places to look at. Let’s hope that B doesn’t try to pull that again... Because, car or not, I’ll leave. I’ll walk or take the bus.

I don’t want to break the promise to myself, I really don’t. Because that only brings heartache.

A lot of heartache.

Damon was so wrong when he said that it would take under thirty minutes to walk around this place. It’s three hours later, and we’re finally leaving the gardens.

We’re both starving, and I can’t believe that we didn’t get something to eat before we came here. That would have been a sensible idea, but as soon as I heard that I’d be coming here with B, I just couldn’t eat anymore. My stomach was in knots.

B looks at me before he climbs into his car, his eyes soft. “You want to come over to my place for dinner?”

I have to look away, not sure I can answer him otherwise. “Why?”

“It’s getting late, we’re both hungry, and I don’t feel like eating out right now.” He shrugs. “I’ve got bolognese ready, just need to reheat it and make pasta. Nothing fancy.”

“Are you sure?” I’m hungry, and my parents will have finished dinner already by now. So it’s not like I’d have much to lose. It’s either picking up food from the store or making something just for me from scratch, but I’ll have to eat alone anyway.

“It’s enough for two. You’re welcome if you want to.” He looks at me from the car, and I also slide into the car.

“Yeah. Thanks.” No matter how much I know I should avoid him, one dinner should be fine. Right?

“Good.” He smiles, and the purity of it takes my breath away for a moment. That I didn’t expect at all. B starts the car and drives back to the city.

I watch everything go by, the stores all filled with Valentine’s Day things. I keep staring outside, not wanting to look at B, but I need to ask him something. It’s been on my mind since this morning. “What did you tell the girl who was asking you out this morning?”

“What?” He sounds distracted.

“The girl. She was asking you out. Did you accept?” I try to keep my voice neutral, but fail.

“No. Why would I?”

I turn to him, my heart beating like crazy. “What?”

He looks my way for a moment, then looks back to the road. “Why would I?”

Why would he? I don’t have an answer to that. Not one I want to share with him anyway. Apart from the obvious reason: she was pretty. I’m sure that she’s much better, prettier, and probably more fun than I’ll ever be. But I don’t say it. For now, I treasure the small flame in my heart, not questioning it. Because I don’t want to think about all the other things that he could be doing with other girls, things he’ll have done with them. Because if I feed this little flame even a little bit more, that’ll be all it takes for me to break my promise to myself.

The rest of the drive is quiet again. But this time, it’s also filled with a tension that makes me feel like something is about to happen. And I’m not sure how I’ll respond to it.

B drives into the parking space under his apartment building and then gets out, grabbing his bags with things. I follow him up the stairs up to his place.

When we’re inside, and he’s put his bags to the side, he immediately goes over to the kitchen, turning on the stove and the electric kettle. It seems that he really is planning on cooking for us. I’m not sure why I still doubted that.

I dump my bags at the door, carefully stepping inside, not sure what I should do. I wander around, then end up looking out the window onto the street below. I’m here again.

Again...

I feel more than hear B come over. “Lo?” He reaches out, his hand on my arm, then he steps closer, his body warm against my back.

“Yeah?” I try my best not to let him know how his closeness, his warmth, breaks down all my defenses.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For coming with me today. It really helped to get details on the scenes we’re supposed to be shooting there.” He says the words, but I feel different words, very different words. His body tells me something else in a different language.

Then the electric kettle lets out a ‘clack’. The water finished boiling.

“Time to make the pasta.” He steps back and I wrap my arms around myself, shivering at the sudden loss of his heat. It was so cold outside, I’m not even sure if I’ll be able to warm up again.

I look at B in the reflection of the window, at the way he moves, at how comfortable he is making dinner. And it reminds me of the conversation I had with the girls this morning. About what the most romantic night looks like for me... A homemade dinner. A homemade dinner and curling up on the couch, wearing as little as possible. Of course, that also includes all the other things that come from that. The things that happen after you’ve spent time on the couch... Things that also tend to move to the bedroom...

Why does B make me lose my mind? Why does him being close to me make me lose my mind?

I lean my head against the window, my skin now flushed and heating up at the images in my head of the things that happen when we get close.

Things that we shouldn’t be doing.

Things that we end up doing every time we get close.

Why do I keep doing this to myself? Why do I keep hurting myself, and B?

Fuck.