Chapter Twenty-Five
I woke a few hours later as I often did, and snuck out of bed trying my hardest not to disturb Finn. I slid the door open to the balcony and flopped down onto a lounge chair and listened to the soothing sound of the ocean. My mind drifted to the man asleep in my bed and as it usually did, my brain shifted into overdrive and my worry machine turned on.
I seemed to have gotten past the worrying about the guilt eating me alive and now I was entering unfamiliar territory. This was Finn Lowry. I was George Windsor. I was older than his usual girlfriends. I checked that one out online last week during my bout of anxiety I shall try to quickly forget. I was about twenty pounds heavier, and by that standard, I was actually closer to a Kardashian, not that large, but curvy and obese by LA standards. But my biggest concern was sex. I was inexperienced. I might be able to talk a big game, but that’s all it was, talk. I’ve only had a handful of sexual encounters. I’ve researched sex to the nth degree, but I’ve only had one partner, Connor. Finn had probably mastered the bloody Kama sutra. And he was probably used to women who know their way around the master suite.
One thing I had always been afraid of was being found out as a fraud. I may be able to write a super steamy sex scene, but I was a chicken shit when it came to acting out my fantasies. I had never had anyone attend to my needs first, or at all for that matter. I had never been with someone who made me feel all that I felt last night. I was doomed.
Suddenly, a hand reached out and touched my head and I jumped and screamed before that same hand covered my mouth.
I quickly realized it was Finn and pulled his hand off me while sitting back down and sulking.
“You scared the shit out of me, you know?” I crossed my arms and stuck out my bottom lip for good measure.
He just stood there and smiled at me, trying his hardest it seemed not to laugh. “I see that.” He was quickly losing his battle to not laugh at me so I resorted to glaring as I didn’t want to start something that might wake the whole inn up.
Sometimes, silence forces that other person’s hand and makes them start talking. “I’m sorry, baby.” He squatted down and came eye to eye with me. He tucked an errant hair behind my ear and smiled again. He knew that I was unable to resist that smile. “Please don’t be mad at me. You just were so deep in thought that apparently you couldn’t hear me call to you. What were you thinking about?”
I squirmed, then blushed, then squirmed some more.
“Come on, you promised.” His reminder gave me the push I needed. He was right, if this was going to work, we needed to be honest with each other.
“I’m stressed.”
“Ok, stressed about what?”
“This.” I waved a hand between us. “Me and you. Together. You come with a whole new set of stressors, Finn and I am just out here trying to sort them all out.”
He shifted and sat down in front of me and took my hands in his. “No, hear me out please or else I might lose my nerve.” He smiled and at me looked completely adorable sitting there staring at me. I took a deep breath.
“You see, here’s what I’ve been thinking about. And yes, I know we’ve been down this road somewhat already, but hear me out. Point a. I’m older than you. I’m saggy in weird spots and my hair is occasionally grey underneath this dye job. Point b. I’m not an actress and therefore, don’t waste a lot of time thinking about my looks, my weight or how I’m going to fit into my red carpet dress at any point in time. And lastly, point c. I’m not that experienced.” There, I had finished and was appropriately red all over.
“Experienced?”
“Yes, you know, experienced. Um, like, in the bedroom. I may write like I’ve done it all, but let me tell you, I’m a fraud.”
“A fraud?”
“Yes, a fraud. A faker. I have a great imagination, but no experience to back it up. Finn, you’re you and I am pretty sure after that small sample of your abilities, you’ve got skills and experience in that department. Me, nada. None. No skills. I’m kind of stressed that you have just found that out, compared me to your other amazing sexcapades and found me horribly lacking.” I covered my face with my hands and moaned. Two strong hands tugged at my own hands covering my mortified face.
“Georgie, look at me babe.”
I hated when people call me Georgie. So many childhood nicknames and taunting came with that name. But when he said it, all sweet and tender, I kind of liked it. I was becoming a real wuss around him. I opened my eyes and looked at him. Big mistake. Huge. Wuss wouldn’t begin to describe me now. Soft hearted, pool of mush in his hands, something like that. His eyes were bright and kind and full of love and not judgy like I thought they should be.
“So, thanks for the vote of confidence but I think you have too high an opinion of me. If we’re being completely honest here, and I think we are, I’ve only been with a handful of women. I’m kinda picky and really quite paranoid who I sleep with. But I might be able to come up with an explanation as to my mad skill when it comes to you.”
He paused and I could swear he started blushing. “I pretty much can’t control myself around you. When you let me in tonight, it was all the encouragement I needed. I’ve been dying since we met to get my hands on you and do things you can only imagine. I guess literally.”
I kicked at him but he slid out of harm’s way.
“At first, I was so careful. We had just met and you were so resistant to us, that I didn’t want to scare you. Then the whole getting shot thing happened, totally ruining my evil plans to have my way with you. And then my schedule blew up in my face and you took off and here we are. I’ve fantasized about all the things we could do so often my elbow may have a bad case of self -induced tendonitis.”
I barked out a laugh. God, was this really happening to me? Do guys like this really exist?
“Anyway, I can’t describe it, but babe, it’s like electricity. I can feel you when you’re close and I always seem to need you. I crave you. Do you understand? Every other woman has now faded completely into the background. All I see is you. It’s always been only you. It’s just obviously going to take me some convincing to bring you around to believing me. And to thinking about me, the same way I think about you.”
He pulled me up and placed a tender kiss on my lips. “I love your curves, I love your eyes, I love your intelligence and I just plain love you.”
He kissed me again, but this time, there was urgency to it. I reacted to the electricity and rubbed up against him and that was all the encouragement he needed. He grabbed my face between his hands and kissed me like his life depended on it. One mouth, one breath, we were fused.
He picked me up and pushed me back against the balcony wall and lifted me up to rest against it. I instinctively wrapped my legs around him and held on with all I had.
He dropped his boxers and drove into me in one overwhelming thrust that had me crying out with pleasure and shock at the same time. We grabbed at each other like we would never be together like this again and our sanity depended on us touching each other. He set a pace that pounded me into the wall behind me but the sharp pain only heightened my pleasure.
He reached down between us to circle me in a way that nearly broke me in pieces. Fast and furious. Was this always going to be the way with us?
“I’m coming baby. Come with me.”
For the first time in a long while, I did what I was told and the rewards were spectacular. He followed right after and we stood, me pressed into the wall and Finn, leaning into me, holding me there, still embedded deep inside me, just catching our breath and wondering at the new relationship we had just started.
I heard him grunt something, but was too caught up in finding my breath to hear.
“Hmmm,” I asked?
“Mine.” That’s it. That’s all he said, but I knew it was true. I was his and he was mine and I was holding on with my legs and my heart for the roller coaster that was sure to come my way.
We slept for bit and then woke and made love once again. And again, in the shower for good measure.
We packed up and checked out to some pomp and circumstance. The owner was apparently a fan of Finn’s and he graciously signed some autographs, asked for her discrepancy to keep our visit quiet and we left. We drove separately but promised to meet up later that evening. He had to be on set for the night and I had some writing to catch up on as it appeared my block was a thing of the past. Who knew a good romp in bed would cure me of it. I would have ventured towards this cure a lot sooner.
I walked into my home a different woman. I had received a pile of texts when I finally turned my phone back on and got around to the business of returning those that I felt like returning. I smiled to myself seeing that about five were from Finn who obviously had a lead foot and had made it back and onto set in record time. I replied to let him know I was home, safe and was going to spend the day getting back to my editor and writing. I would talk to him later.
Next up was Sam and Frankie. A group text would be a better use of my time as inevitably I would be telling each one the same info.
Hi, I’m fine. Home. Spent the night at an inn with Finn. Look, I made a rhyme J
Take that and process it girls. Next was to my editor to let her know I was back on track and would have the rough draft to her by tomorrow. Then I turned my phone off and hopped into a hot shower. Afterwards I got down to business in my favourite writing chair and ignored the world outside, content and happy for the first time in a very, long time.
Our week passed in much the same way. I would spend the day writing or hanging out with friends and Finn and I would connect when we could find the time. Being lead in his show, he was in most every scene which kept him busy, but he had starting spending all his downtime at my house. And people were beginning to notice. Mainly paparazzi, and those scary fans. We needed to have a discussion about things as I was a little “gun” shy about hanging out in public with him.
I was on my way to the set to sit and watch and get some writing done. I found the set to be a peaceful place, that was exciting, sexy and had a lot of downtime. Perfect for some inspiring writing to happen. I pulled up to security, was waved through and found a spot to park. They were filming on location today in LA and there was a horde of fans to wade through but I eventually found a familiar face, Finn’s assistant, who took me to where he was waiting for his cue.
He grabbed me in a huge bear hug and for some reason, hung on for a while longer. When he seemed to have gotten his fill, he grabbed my face between his hands, as he loved to do, and looked at me. I always got weirded out when he did this. I still had extreme intimacy issues and he was always pushing me a little closer to letting him all the way in.
He came in for a quick, but thorough kiss and whispered so only I could hear, “Been waiting for you all day. Missed you.”
“I missed you too.” I whispered and grinned like an idiot. Ugh, he made me feel like a teenager again. How embarrassing. My heart rate picked up and the butterflies were practically running into each other in my stomach.
He smiled back and drew me in again for a whisper. “Give me thirty minutes. I’ll be off for a bit and we can find a private place to get away from this, k?”
I nodded my agreement and quickly kissed him and turned to find a quiet place to sit. He grabbed my wrist and turned me back to him.
“Stay a little closer, please? Marin will get you a chair, but please, just stay and watch for a bit.”
Something was bugging him, I could tell, but I smiled up at him and agreed. As always, when Finn was working, Marin, his assistant, was right beside him. She scooted away to find me a chair and then came back and shoved a few people around until she was satisfied with the location and promptly propelled me into said chair. With Marin, you did not put up any arguments. You just obeyed. I was finding that out pretty quickly. I kind of liked the idea of a personal assistant. My life was in a constant state of confusion and lateness. I would have to ask her if she knew anyone who might work out.
I pulled out my laptop and got to work while waiting for some action to happen. From time to time, I glanced up and watched Finn work, but I didn’t want to distract him and I had some pretty swift deadlines approaching for myself, so stuck to the occasional glance.
Marin was hovering a lot which was weird as all the other times I had been there, she had pretty much left me to fend for myself, only checking in on me occasionally.
“Hey Mar,” I asked. “What’s up?”
“What do you mean, what’s up?”
“Well, you seem a little on edge today. And you’re hanging out with me an awful lot. Have I done something? Am I not supposed to be here?”
She looked panic stricken. Deer caught in the headlight whole look. “No, Georgina.” She insisted on calling me by my full name and I had long ago given up trying to convince her not to. “I’m sorry, I’ll hang back a bit.”
She literally took 2 steps backwards. And that’s it. Weird. She looked a little nervous and to be honest, it was making me a little nervous.
“Ok, Marin. Seriously, what’s wrong?”
At that exact point, there was some commotion over where Finn was in discussions with the director. I couldn’t really see much as suddenly Marin was back, right in front of me asking me all sorts of questions.
“What kind of book are you writing?” she asked. “I loved your last one.” “What’s the plot line in this one?”
“Mar, look, I don’t know what’s going on here, but spit it out.”
It was at that precise moment I figured out what was going on here. Marin made the fatal error of leaning to the left ever so slightly and it gave me a view of what she was trying to shield me from.
Serena Albright, literally dripping off of my boyfriend. Smiling up at him, batting her totally fake lashes at him and pushing her super fake breasts on him. Marin knew this was going to happen. Finn knew it was going to happen and had probably been happening for a while. He was trying to hide this from me, the little shit.
I looked at Marin, offered her my classic one eyebrow raised look of doom and then shifted the glare to Ms. Albright, then ever so slightly, shifted it all the way up to meet Mr. Lowry straight in the eyes. I could tell he was uncomfortable. I trusted him enough to know there was nothing going on with him and Serena, but what I wasn’t happy about was that he made his assistant run interference.
Instead of having a hissy fit, I decided on the silence is golden path of retribution. I decided I had written enough for the night and seeing as my heroes were at a happy juncture in the story, I didn’t want them to suddenly try to kill each other due to my current emotional state.
I closed my laptop lid and continued my stare down with Finn and his co-star. I put my laptop away and continued to say nothing, crossing my arms and watching them. Marin tried to engage me in conversation but I finally asked her to relax. Then I made my decision when I saw Serena slowly trail her hand down Finn’s back as they were going over a scene with the director. A hand that ended on my guy’s ass. He shifted slightly to get her hand off but she was persistent, that little minx. And she knew what she was doing. She leaned in a little bit further, making it look like she was just trying to get a closer look, and then lifted her eyes and found mine and smiled. She actually smiled at me and then ended the interaction with a wink.
Now, I had never thought of myself as a jealous woman. It was such a wasted emotion. But here I was, seething, and oozing jealousy. I needed to get out of there before I did something I would definitely regret.
I got Marin’s attention and let her know I was leaving. She looked panic stricken. “You’re leaving? Damn, he’s gonna kill me. It was my job to keep you here. Block her should she try anything on you but most of all, keep you here. George, he misses you when you’re not with him. He’s gonna be so mad.”
“Yes, well, I don’t feel like sitting here watching that bullshit go down. I have better things to do with my time than watch a skank like Serena try to make me jealous. She succeeded, and that’s why I have to go. I don’t do jealousy. Tell Finn I’ll talk to him later.”
She had a horrible look on her face, so I told her not to worry, I would handle it and I’d see her another time. And then I left.
As I was walking to my car, I texted Finn to let him know that I had left and we would talk later. That’s it. I am sure he could figure out the rest.
My phone started ringing when I got to my car. It was Finn. Shit, suddenly I wasn’t so sure leaving was the best course of action. I had promised him trust. Me and my impulsive decisions.
I picked it up as I was pulling away. “Hello.”
“Babe, where are you?”
“Driving.”
“Why are you driving when we had a
date here tonight?”
I sighed deep and long. Where was I going to take this? “You know why, Finn.”
“So, you’re just going to let her win that easily. You know she’s walking around here like she’s all that and a slice of toast. Fuck, George. You didn’t even put up a fight. For me? I warned you this shit was going to happen and I did my best to shield you from it, but first sign of trouble and you ran. What does that say for us? Today was nothing. I thought I meant more to you than this?”
Shit, shit shit. I really was an idiot. I performed an illegal U turn and headed back to the lot. I had better figure out how to make this right, quickly. “I’m sorry Finn. You’re right. I am a coward. I was jealous. I’ve never felt jealous before. Ever. It wasn’t cool and it scared the shit out of me.”
“Jealous? Of her?”
“Yes, of course of her. I know you two have had a relationship. It’s unfortunate for you, but it’s all over the tabloids. It was that speculation that lead me on my wild hair out of the city last week remember? But please, be patient with me. This is all totally new to me. I haven’t felt these things before and I haven’t had to deal with so much self-criticism, like ever.”
Silence. “Listen, Finn, I love you, ok? I panicked and ran and now have turned around and if you turn around, you will see that I’m back. And into offering some serious grovelling. Like the kind that involves special favours?” I hung up the phone and tucked it away in my purse. He turned around and his stare got pretty heated.
“Favours, huh? Care to enlighten me on what kind of special favours you might have on offer?”
I smiled. It was going to be ok. I could do this. I just needed to think before I bolted. “Oh, I’d rather demonstrate so you get the full effect. You know, wouldn’t want you to choose the wrong favour.”
He grabbed my wrist and pulled me into the wake left behind him. He didn’t say anything, just pulled me around a few buildings, across a side street and up the stairs of a non-descript white trailer. Slammed the door behind me and pretty much stalked me.
“I see you’re wearing a dress. Panties off. Now.”
I immediately complied and set about demonstrating my selection of personal favours.
Fused together, hot and breathing heavy, he suddenly flipped me over and placed his hands pressed to my cheeks. “All mine. Say it.”
I was having a hard time focusing on creating speech. I had just had my insides turned to mush and I was coming down from the highest high. “Yes,” I finally managed to get out. “Yours.”
Then something happened to me. My inhibitions seemed to have gone on hiatus. I took him by surprise and flipped myself back on top and grabbed his face as he had done to me and stated simply, “mine,” and I would do anything to keep him.