FOR THE FIRST TIME IN over three years, I wake up without uncertainty. I’m not pleased with how Livvie’s curled in a little ball on the other side of the bed. All I want to do is hold her, and she’s pushing me away.
When I found her in here, I let her be until I finally climbed in next to her. I woke her up with my mouth between her legs and fell asleep after I came down her throat. Would have loved to fuck her again, but I didn’t want to hurt her since I knew she was sore from earlier. Sadistically, I loved that. Reminded me of the first time we did it and she had trouble walking the next day. Every step she took reminded her of where I’d been, where nobody else would ever be.
Without waking her, I slide out from under the covers and snatch my phone off the nightstand.
Yesterday was rough, no doubt. It was hard for both of us, and once she fell asleep, I actually took the time to process what she’d said earlier.
I know exactly how long it’s been since you let Brandon drag me away and throw me into the back of a fucking car!
The fact that she thinks that… that she thought all these years I let him take her twists the knife in my back. I did anything but let her. Does she have any idea how much it destroyed me? The only reason I kept going was because she was waiting for me at the end. I honestly cannot believe she’d actually believe I let her get taken away from me… as if it was something I wanted.
Completely jacked up. Completely.
But then that night played again as it always does. The pain in her voice when she screamed for me, and the way she clawed at me. It’s over now, and there’s nothing I can do, but man… it fuckin’ sucks that she honestly believed that all these years.
I close the door to her room behind me and make a couple of calls then grab some clothes from my bag before I head to the shower. As soon as I shut the water off, I hear her voice. Then a man’s voice.
Sighing, I towel dry and pull on a pair of running shorts and my shoes.
When I get out of the bathroom and walk down the short hallway that stops in the living room, I lean against the archway and listen to their conversation. She’s got her back to the door, which she left open a few inches. But through the crack, I can see his figure in the hallway in front of her.
It only takes a quick glance and minimal detective skills to deduce this is the bastard I’ve seen in the pictures with Livvie, which is a whole ‘nother discussion. She was told to stay inconspicuous, yet she goes and… what? Hangs out with a damn celebrity chef. Wouldn’t have been hard for Marco to find her.
Patience is something I’ve learned a lot more of the past few years. Hated every second of it, but if I lost it, it could have meant losing her. So I’ve garnered an unprecedented amount of self-control because I had to.
But not anymore.
Done with rules. Done with waiting.
My patience is g-o-n-e.
Pushing off the wall, I make my way through the small living room then pull the door open all the way so fast Livvie jumps. She steps aside, and I stand next to her, throwing my right arm over her shoulder and pulling her next to me. I lift her head by putting my left hand beneath her chin.
No words need to be said. But a statement is about to be made. I lean down and press my lips to hers. My tongue slides against the crease of her lips, and her lower jaw drops. Using that to my advantage, I slide my tongue against hers, dominating her mouth. When she lightly whimpers against me, I pull back and give her another peck before standing to my full six-foot-three.
Staring down a man who I hate simply because I know he’s been with my girl when I couldn’t be, I lift my chin at him. “Introduce me to your friend, Livvie.”
“Livvie?” he asks.
“Jay,” she pleads and rests her hand against my bare stomach. I want to look at her, especially since I got a glimpse of her pretty blue eyes again since she removed her contacts, but I don’t take my attention off the guy in front of me.
“Who is this, Katy?” He acts as if she owes him an explanation or some shit.
But I don’t need an introduction because I already know all there is to know about Paxton Ray. Since I’ve seen that picture, I’ve made a trip or seven down to his pretentious ass restaurant downtown. But I knew if I saw him, bad things would happen, so I walked away because I wanted to hear it from Livvie. She needs to be the one to explain it to me. I squint my eyes at him at whatever fuckin’ nickname he just called her. Fucker thinks he knows her well enough to have a nickname for her. Seems he thinks a lot that I don’t like.
He glances back and forth between us. “And why is he calling you Livvie?”
She struggles for words. Whatever she’s got with the guy is enough to make her hesitate in her answer. Not wanting to hurt him; but I will.
“Her name isn’t Katy. It’s not even Kay. It’s Olive,” I jump in, not giving a shit. “She was here under witness protection, but it’s now safe for her to come back home, which is why I’m here.” I stick my hand out. He looks at it before hesitantly shaking it. “I’m Jay. Livvie’s man.”
“You’re with him?” He crosses his arms and stares at her in disbelief.
“Um—”
“Yes. She’s with me.” I interrupt her, tempted to bend her over my knee right here and teach her a lesson about how she needs to answer that question.
“Why are you here, Paxton?” she asks. “You were supposed to be out of town.”
“I was, but Adrian told me you weren’t feeling well last night. When I called and you didn’t answer, I just wanted to… I thought I’d stop by.”
It’s one thing for me to see pictures of them. To see the look on his face when his attention is directed at her and not the camera. But to witness this shit firsthand? Nope. I tried to be nice, but this douche didn’t take the hint, so I’ll make it as direct as I can. “Thought you’d stop by under the guise that you’re checking to see how she feels when really all you want is to try to get another point added to the others until you get enough so you can use them to get in her pants.”
“Jay.” Livvie slaps my stomach. “Stop it.”
Ignoring her, I continue, “And she was unable to answer her phone last night because—”
“Enough,” she snaps. “I’ll be right back, Paxton.” She puts both of her hands on my chest, shoves me back into the apartment, and then slams the door behind her. “Stop it. Right now.”
“Not gonna let another man stand there, right in front of my face, and spit lines at my woman.”
“He’s not.”
“You got a dick, baby? ’Cause I do, and I know the game he’s playing. I’m not going to be a participant in this shit. It ends, Livvie. Now.”
She shakes her head and points at me. “He’s my boss, Jay. He gave me a job when I needed it. You don’t need to be a dick to him just because yours is threatened.”
“Oh, my dick ain’t threatened, darlin’.” I grab my junk and saunter up to her. “What it is, though, is hard. So fuckin’ ready for you.”
I grab her waist, pulling her to me. My hands palm her ass, and I rub her against the object of our conversation. Her lips part on a quiet moan.
“Get rid of him, Livvie.” I slide my palm up her back and rest it just above her panty line and bring the other one up to the back of her head to fist her hair. She gasps and sways into me, right where she belongs. “If you don’t, I will.”
When she starts to protest, I take advantage and cover her mouth with mine. My tongue dominates, seeking the control I feel I lack right now. The fact that this guy thinks he has a claim to her amps me up in a way I know isn’t fair to her.
But if she cared, she’s certainly not acting like it right now because her fingers inch up my sides until they’re at my shoulder blades, and her nails sink into my flesh. I grab her by her ass again and back her into the door, lifting her up and pinning her there with my hips against hers.
She moans against my mouth, and I slide her core up and down, her pussy hot even through her yoga pants and my shorts. The heels of her bare feet dig into my lower back as she grinds herself against me. Her chest heaves, and she drops her arms, slamming them against the door and arching toward me as pleasure rips through her.
I’m evil enough that I pull my mouth from hers so when she calls out my name, I know he’ll hear it on the other side of the door. After a moment, her breathing evens out, her legs uncross and fall, and she glares at me.
I smirk back at her, not at all regretting what I just did.
Her hand comes at me, and I don’t stop it as her palm whips across my face. She pushes me, but I don’t budge. “You’re such an asshole.”
“An asshole who just proved his point.” I put my hand on the knob. “Get rid of him.” When I open the door, he’s still standing there looking like a fuckin’ hurt puppy dog. I don’t acknowledge him. No need to after what he just heard. Not waiting for the elevator, I go to the stairs and jog down them and then head outside to get a few miles in.
Running was always a chore to me. I hated it. The only reason I used to do it was because I had to in order to stay in shape. But then I lost my love, and I had to do something to keep the stress under a somewhat manageable control and circulate the blood flow from my neglected dick. So, I would run. Whenever I had a chance, my feet would hit the pavement.
I’d run when we’d lose a lead. I’d run when I couldn’t sleep. I’d run when I couldn’t see an end in sight.
But right now, I’m running so I don’t commit murder.
I don’t go nearly as far as I normally would, because I’m not about to leave her alone with him long at all. As I’m headed back toward her place, I spot a penny on the ground and reach down to pick it up.
When I hit the stairs, I slow. Luckily, there’s no sign of him around. Stopping in front of her door, I take a deep breath then turn the knob, trying not to fume too much that she left it unlocked.
She’s sitting on the couch, staring at the door. Her face is flushed, but not from crying, just anger. I know the difference. “Don’t you ever do something like that again.”
“What?” I engage the deadbolt then flip the penny at her. Her lips tilt up in the smallest of smiles, but she tries to cover it up with a scowl.
She sets the penny on the table and crosses her arms again. “That was embarrassing, not only for me, but also for Paxton.”
“Sorry you were embarrassed.” I shrug and head down the hall to grab a towel. As I’m wiping off some sweat, I kick off my shoes.
“But you’re not sorry you embarrassed him?”
I shake my head. “Fuck no.”
“Jay!”
“Livvie!” I mock her shriek.
“He’s my boss. How am I supposed to look at him again? God, it was bad enough with…” She hesitates and shakes her head of whatever thought she didn’t finish saying. “And now, sending him away…”
This makes me pause. “You act like you’re going to continue working for him or something, sweetie.”
“Well, I am.”
I toss the towel in the hamper. “You’re not going to come home with me?”
She averts her eyes. “I can’t just abandon my job.”
“Yes, you can.”
“No. I can’t. We’re in the middle of another restaurant opening. I’m planning everything.”
“Okay.” I smile. “I understand. I’ll let Opal know you have some business to finish up here before you can come home and meet your niece for the first time since she’s been born.”
“That’s not fair.” Her eyes fill with tears, and she shakes her head. “Don’t you dare use my family against me.”
I don’t respond to her accusation. Because if I did, I’d say something I’d regret. She’s angry. I get it. I’m fuckin’ angry, too. Leaving her to her thoughts, I take a quick shower and dress in a pair of cargo shorts and a black t-shirt. When I get back into the living room, she’s still in the same place I left her.
When I sit next to her, she leans into me. Her scent calms me immediately, and I wrap my arm around her. “I’m sorry,” I tell her, kissing her temple. “I’m being a jerk. I know this is hard for you.”
“It is,” she agrees. “You’ve been there, and I’ve been here. I feel like an outsider already, and I haven’t even seen my family or met Olivia yet. I didn’t do well when I left, and I’m obviously not doing well at the thought of going back.”
“You could never be an outsider, Livvie. Your family missed you so, so much. Everyone missed you more than you’ll ever know.”
She smiles against me. “How is the baby?”
“Too cute for her own damn good. You’re going to love her.”
“I already do.”
Realizing I haven’t said it to her yet, I turn her head and lift it so she’s looking at me. I run my nose alongside hers and rub her cheek with my knuckles. I still kind of can’t believe I’m touching her. “I love you, Olive.” My palms cup her beautiful face, and I rest my forehead against hers. “I missed you so much. You have no idea how badly.” My lips skim hers, and her breath hitches.
“Jay,” she whispers.
“Yeah, baby.”
“I need to… I have to tell you something, and I’m afraid of what you’re going to do.”
My gut drops, and the back of my neck heats up. Fuck. Fuck. “You don’t ever have to be afraid of me, Livvie.”
“I’m not. But with this…” She shakes her head and scoots back, distancing herself from me. “I don’t want you to hate me.”
“Sweetheart, I could never hate you.”
“Even if I tell you that… that I…”
She covers her mouth and jumps off the couch then runs to the kitchen. Yanking the lid off the trash can, she throws it across the room and then precedes to puke. I get up and wet some paper towels then rub her back until she’s done.
Reaching up, she takes the towel and wipes her mouth then tosses it away. “I need to brush my teeth.”
I step aside as she disappears down the hallway. When she comes back, I’ve just put a clean trash bag in the bin, and she sits at the kitchen table. “I could have done that.”
“Say it.” I cross my arms and lean against the sink. I know what she’s going to tell me. She’s not the only one who feels sick. I’m swallowing down bile as I wait for her to admit it.
She shakes her head and wipes her eyes.
“Your tears have always gutted me, baby, but not on this.”
“I’m sorry.” Her shoulders shake as she silently cries four feet in front of me. “I was so lonely and so scared, and I was drunk, and I swear it didn’t mean anything.”
“Say the words, Livvie.”
She mouths the word no, drops her head, and then clears her throat and whispers, “Please don’t make me.”
“I’m not making you do anything. You brought it up. And if you’re going to tell me, at least have the decency to look me in my eyes when you break my fuckin’ heart!” My temper is starting to get the best of me even though I know damn well this is really hard for her.
I used to put myself in her place all the time while we were apart. Regret choked me on the daily. Constantly wondering if I did the right thing. Almost succumbing to my need to see her and cutting through spools of tape to get to her. But then I’d get a report. Or show up on scene and find a woman Marco got his hands on, and it would immediately justify what I did.
Because it wasn’t her who was lying in her own blood.
It wasn’t her whose hair was ripped out of her head.
My Livvie wasn’t one of his victims.
And I can’t be sorry for that. I’m not.
But never once did I even think about someone else. The thought of anyone other than my woman with her mouth around my cock or their pussy sliding up and down my dick wasn’t even something that crossed my mind. Ever.
Obviously, things weren’t the same for her.
“I didn’t have sex with him.”
That should make me feel better, but it does anything but. “Want a fuckin’ cookie or something?” I challenge.
“I’m sorry, Jay. You have to understand. I had no clue what was going on back home, and, and I was mad, and I was scared and so alone and—”
“You already said that, Olive. I was lonely too, and guess what. I jerked my shit. I pretended it was you, and I fucked my own hand. From where I’m standing, your fingers seem to be intact.” I raise a brow at her pushing hair behind her ears, proving my point. “Lots of toys you can buy. I know how much you like your little bullet. Coulda bought a new one.”
“I’m sorry.”
“For what, exactly?”
“For letting someone else get me off!” she screams. “For letting another man put his mouth on mine and his fingers inside me.”
Dammit. I can’t take her crying for anything. I push off the counter and squat down in front of her, taking her shaky hands in mine. “What else?”
“That was it. I swear.” She’s right in front of me, yet she sounds so far away.
“He put his mouth between your legs, Livvie?”
She shakes her head.
“You suck his dick?”
“No.”
“Put his tongue in your mouth?”
Her head falls, but she doesn’t need to answer. She climbs out of the chair and crawls into my lap. My ass hits the floor, and she buries her head in my neck. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t even want… I’m so fucking sorry. It was a mistake. The worst. I regretted it the moment it happened. I’m so sorry.”
I have a choice to make right now, and it has nothing to do with her, but everything to do with me. If I let it go, we’ll put it behind us and move on. But if I don’t, what’s the option for that? Live with anger for her getting fingered? Possibly destroy our relationship over an orgasm?
No way. I won’t lose her again for anything. I thought she was going to tell me she fucked him, to be honest. I’d have forgiven that. I know it. So I think this… this is definitely something we can move past.
“I can live with that, sweetie.”
Her entire body shakes as she lets out a hiccupped cry. I hold her tighter, and she cries harder. Whatever happened happened, and I’m not about to use it as leverage. She’s obviously holding enough guilt over it, and if forgiving her is what she needs to forgive herself, then I have no problem doing that.
When she begins to calm down, I lift her up and carry her to her bedroom. It’s time I give her a reminder of us. It’s been fucking fantastic; it always is with her. But right now, it needs to be hard and dirty. I lay her on her bed, and she throws her forearm over her eyes.
I grab her yoga pants and pull them off, surprised she’s not wearing any underwear but don’t question it. There doesn’t need to be anything else right now but us and how we used to be. No talking. No questioning. No crying. Nothing.
Reaching between my shoulder blades, I pull my shirt over my head and then toss it on the floor. I spread her legs open and hold her knees wide, admiring her.
She’s already wet, the trimmed hairs sparkling with her desire. I always loved that she didn’t go completely bare. I like that when I see her or touch her, I’m reminded she’s a real woman. I squeeze her legs, silently telling her to keep them open.
Then I crawl on the bed, getting myself eye level with her mound. My index finger slides between her folds, and when I circle her clit, her hips shoot off the bed.
I take advantage of the position to hook my arms beneath her legs and bring my hands around to part her and expose her fully to me. The first swipe of my tongue makes us both groan. “So sweet.” I do it again and again.
My mouth devours her flesh, sucking and licking and flicking at her little pink nub until it’s throbbing. I switch it up, drawing out her pleasure even longer and fuck her with my tongue. She grabs my hair and pushes my face into her, riding my mouth from below me.
Just when she starts to tighten around me, I drop her ass on the bed and sit next to her. She grunts in frustration and turns her head to look at me. She knows me well enough to know what I’m about to do, so she drops her knees apart as my fingers circle her opening.
Sliding one inside, she gasps. The second makes her moan. When I add a third, she closes her eyes. “Look at me.”
They snap back open, and when I press my palm to her mound, her mouth falls open.
“Nobody else touches you ever again.”
“I know.”
“It’s mine, Livvie. This is mine.”
Her head thrashes. “It’s yours.”
“Never, Olive. Nobody ever gets to touch you.” I pull my fingers out then slam them back in. “Ever!” Then I drag them up to her clit, gently circling it before I take my hand away completely and slap her swollen flesh.
“Oh God.” She arches and grips the sheets.
I fill her with my fingers again and build her up then take them away, slapping her pussy again.
“Jay, please.” She writhes next to me, her tears all dried up but moisture glistens on her cheeks.
Once again, I fuck her with my fingers, but this time, when she starts to squeeze around me, I don’t stop. She grabs my wrist and grinds herself into my hand, her orgasm sliding down to where her nails are digging into my skin.
My dick is practically bursting right now, begging to be where my fingers are, but I don’t know if she wants to go there right now after that emotional confession. Plus, I just played with her pussy for over an hour. She’s probably even more sore now.
When she finally lets go of me and her hips fall back to the bed, I withdraw my hand. She takes a couple of deep breaths before she sits up. “Lie down,” she demands.
“It’s okay, babe.”
“No, I want to. I need to.”
As I lie down, she’s grabbing my shorts and yanking them off. Finding me hard already, she palms me outside the material still restricting me. Then she stands up and pulls my boxer briefs all the way off, tossing them on the floor with my shorts.
When she settles between my legs, I sit up and lean against the headboard. No way in hell would I miss this. Her mouth takes me in to the back of her throat, and now I’m the one saying her name. She hasn’t forgotten what I like.
It’s always been the best with her. Better every time. Never enough. Everything.
Her head bobs between my legs, her grip tightens, and I grab her short hair in my hands. “I’m gonna come, Livvie. Hop up here and ride me so I can fill you up.”
She pulls off of me with a pop, and my cock slaps against my stomach. I scoot back a bit, and she yanks her shirt off, centers herself over me, and then slides down.
“Oh, God,” she mumbles.
“So tight, baby. God, you’re so fucking tight.”
She slowly rides my dick, enjoying herself and drawing out every single second. But I can’t take the torture anymore, so I flip us over and pound into her. Her heels dig into my lower back, and she presses her chest into the air.
“Hold your tits for me, Livvie.”
Her hands push them together. “So pretty.” My head descends, and I suck a nipple into my mouth as I fuck her into the mattress. Lifting my head, I connect my eyes with hers. “Come with me, baby.”
She nods and pushes her other tit up toward my mouth. I eagerly flick at the little pebble before sucking on it and giving a little nip. “Now, baby.”
“Yes,” she pants. “God, yes, Jay.”
Our mouths fuse as I empty myself inside her, and she squeezes me until every last drop is out.
This is where we were meant to be. Together. Never apart again.
I fall on my forearms, and my head drops to her collarbone. After a few moments, I sit up and go grab a towel from the bathroom then clean her up before I fall back on the bed and we pass out.