“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE not going to wait?” She panics and almost falls but catches herself on the back of the couch.
“I mean I’m leaving. You apparently have a job to finish, and I have one to get back to.” Lie. I got three weeks off. Only used one so far. But I don’t even want to look at her right now. The fact that she could actually think I would betray her with her sister is completely disheartening. Throw on top of that her desire to go back to work with that fuckin’ chef douche, and I don’t even know who the hell she is anymore.
“Don’t leave, Jay.” She takes a step closer but still out of arm’s reach. “Please don’t leave me.”
I close the distance between us and cup her jaw. Running my thumb along her cheekbone, I smile at how pretty she is. “I’m not leaving you. I’m going home. And I hope that you’ll come with me.” My thumb traces her pink lips before I drop my hand and reach into my back pocket and hand her a small envelope.
She takes it but doesn’t open it.
“I’ve written the name of the hotel I’ll be at tonight and the room number in there. I’m leaving tomorrow morning at seven, and I want more than anything for you to come back home with me, but I’m not going to make that decision for you. Already did that once.” I offer her what I hope is a smile. “There’s also a plane ticket with no expiration date on it.”
I back away before I’m too tempted to kiss her and drag her out with me.
“Jay…”
“You know where I’ll be, baby.”
“Jay… Don’t—”
“Bye, Butterfly.” I walk out before she can say anything else and hoof it down the stairs.
She needs to make this decision on her own. On my way out here, I had a long conversation with Ryan, the US Marshal who was handling Livvie’s case. He told me that apparently it’s a completely normal reaction for victims to have an identity crisis both when entering and leaving WITSEC.
“Off the record, man. Let her know you’re here, but give her the choice to leave. Her making that decision will make all the difference in the world. Sucks right now, brother, but trust me. In the long run, she’ll appreciate you for giving her the choice and the time.”
I never intended to do that. I was planning on taking her home with me. I was planning on her leaving all her shit behind and begging me to bring her back to her family. What I wasn’t planning on was for her to feel so… conflicted.
Sure, I expected there to be some pushback, a little adjustment with me. But not with leaving Seattle and coming back home to Chicago. For sure, I thought she’d jump on a plane so she could get back faster than driving. I know she missed her family, but what I don’t know is why she’s not anxious to see them.
Kills me that it has to be this way.
So, last night I left. I want to give her some time to think and come to her decisions on her own. Now I’m sitting in a hotel room staring at the door and praying for her to come to me. I get rocks in my stomach as time ticks on, and it reminds me of the time she never showed up to my place after work one night.
“Staring isn’t going to make her come any faster, you know?” Mel grabs a soda out of the fridge and takes a sip.
“She’s late.”
Mel walks up to my position on the chair in the front hallway and lifts my arm to look at my watch. “By ten minutes, you control freak.”
I glare at my sister. “Got a right to worry about my girls, Mel. Doesn’t make me a control freak; it makes me a man who puts Livvie and you before anything else.” Livvie and I have only been together for five months, but it feels like it’s been forever, and I can’t imagine a day without her in it.
She offers a warm smile. “Sorry. I know I’m lucky that you—”
My phone rings, and she jumps. When I recognize the number, dread bites me, and I grab my keys before I run down my porch. “Talk.”
“She’s alive,” Brandon states.
I’m already slamming my door shut and peeling out of the driveway. “Where is she?” I forget everything I’ve learned about staying calm. Don’t remember protocol. “What happened? God, is she okay? Where is she?”
“General.”
“What. Happened?”
I blow a red light and practically ride on the edge of my tires as I turn a corner.
“Head-on collision.”
“Give me more than that, man.”
“She was unconscious but woke up as they were loading her into the bus.”
I end the call as I pull into the emergency room parking lot and jog to the front desk. Flashing my badge, I get the receptionist to give me directions to her room. An elevator will be too slow, so I take the stairs three at a time to the third floor.
Running down the hall, I realize the room numbers are getting smaller, so I skid to a stop and turn around then run the other way. When I reach 327, I push the door open. Livvie’s head is turned away from me, and a nurse is drawing blood. They both look over at me, and I flinch at the bruises on my girl’s face.
She squeezes her eyes closed as the nurse finishes. I walk to the other side of the bed and take her hand. Her fingers hold mine tight as she’s bandaged up. Once we’re alone, I sit on the side of the bed, careful not to jostle her.
I carefully kiss the top of her head. “How you holdin’ up?”
She laughs then groans in pain. “Fine.”
“What happened?”
“I look a mess, don’t I?”
“You’re beautiful, love.”
She finally stops avoiding me. Her bottom lip quivers, and her eyes gloss over.
“Aw. Baby, it’s okay.” I scoot closer.
“I think they’re dead.” She wipes under her eye before a tear can even fall. “I don’t know how it happened; it was all so fast. I was driving through the green light, and the car just came at me. I didn’t even have time to react. Then I woke up in the ambulance, but I glanced over and saw the silver car in what looked like a pile of metal. There’s no way anybody made it out of that alive.”
I let her talk and wish I would have been able to keep my shit together to find out details about the accident from Brandon. Maybe it’d help to comfort her right now.
“Do you know how many people were in the car?”
“I don’t. I can find out, though.”
She nods. “Can you?”
“I will. Tell me about you first. How do you feel? Do you need anything?”
“I’m fine. I just hit my head on the steering wheel. I don’t know why I’m even hooked up to this.” She raises her arm and flails it around, the cord waving in the air. “The doctor said it just appears to be a mild concussion, but they’re waiting for some test results to confirm.”
“That’s good, sweetie.” I gently kiss her lips.
“Shit, I need to call my parents. Hey, how’d you know I was here?”
“Brandon called. He was on patrol tonight and knows who you are, so…” I trail off.
She smiles. “You talk about me with your work buddies?”
“Can’t stop talking about you. Can’t stop thinking about you.”
“You can’t, huh?”
Lying in a hospital bed with a bruised face and a damn concussion, she couldn’t be more beautiful. “Nope.”
“Good, because I can’t stop thinking about you, either.”
Her lids become heavy, and just as I’m about to say something else to keep her talking, the door opens and another nurse comes in. Livvie jumps and is awake now, so I use the moment to step out. “I’m going to make a couple of calls and let your parents know where you are. Be right back.” I give her hand a squeeze.
After calling Brandon and getting the details about the accident, I dial her worried parents and assure them she’s okay. They’re coming down and will be here shortly.
I make a pit stop in the bathroom then go back to her until her parents arrive. Much as I’d love to stay with her, I can’t leave Mel alone all night.
“Have you had anything to drink tonight, Ms. Winters?”
“No.”
“You said you were coming from Corner Bar & Banquet. You’re telling me you didn’t have anything to drink at all.” I can’t tell from the back who this fuckin’ detective is, and I know I just got promoted so I really shouldn’t fuck with someone who has seniority on me, but Livvie’s about to see a side of me I’ve kept tame since we’ve been together.
“Only warning you’re gonna get.” He turns around, and I laugh without humor. Figures. Riley Smith. Fuckin’ asshole. “Talk to her like that again and—”
Stupid fucker smirks at me then puts his hand on his gun belt. “And what?”
I stand between Livvie’s bed and him, not trusting the guy. He’s just a weasel. One of those guys who thinks because he has a badge he gets to throw the power around. I reach behind me and feel the cold metal tucked in my jeans then raise a brow at him. He wants to challenge me? With my girlfriend? “And your piece of shit mouth won’t be able to do anything but suck through a fuckin’ straw.”
My hand releases my gun and rests above it. I feel Livvie’s shaky fingers slip into my palm. I’m not backing down from this fucker, but I will be the one to end it right now because it’s upsetting my girl. “Walk away. We can do this later.”
He leans closer to me, and Livvie’s nails dig into my hand. “You want to interfere, Jamison?”
What a moron. “You want to challenge me, Smith?”
Before he can say anything, a nurse comes back in. “Yes, miss, you hit the call button?”
“Can you ask this detective to leave? He’s distressing me.”
I suppress a laugh at the shocked look on Riley’s face. He puts his hands in the air in a dramatic gesture then walks out, slamming the door against the wall.
“Are you okay, sweetie?” the nurse asks Livvie.
“Yes. Thank you.”
Once we’re alone, I shake my head and rub my thumb across my girl’s lips. “He’s distressing you?”
“He was distressing you. I didn’t want you guys to get in a shootout or something.”
“That would never happen. He was just trying to put on a show because he thinks you’re hot.”
Her snicker makes her flinch in pain. “Don’t make me laugh.”
“It’s not funny, though. It’s the truth. And for future reference, you don’t need to call in reinforcements. Don’t ever worry about me losing my temper around you or getting in a shootout with you anywhere near.”
“You looked mad.”
“I was pissed,” I agree. “He was being a dick, and nobody treats you like that. Especially when I’m around. You’ve gotta know that by now, baby.”
“Know what?”
I pull up a chair and rest my hand on her stomach then lean in so she’s not straining her neck to sit up. When she’s fully relaxed against the pillow, I tell her, “Know that when I care about someone, I protect them with absolutely everything I am. It might be irrational or overbearing at times, but I do it because I will never let someone be in the position to harm you.”
Her eyelids become heavy, and she smiles. “So serious, Jay.”
“I am serious. Seriously into you, Olive.”
That night had a good outcome. The person who hit her was an elderly woman who had a seizure. She somehow survived, and neither she nor Olive sustained serious injuries.
But this night, it’s not turning out so good.
Because she never shows up.
I don’t get a call.
Sleep doesn’t come and neither does she.
The sun rises, and I’m still sitting on a bed staring at a door.
So I leave.
My neck is sweating. My jaw is actually sore from the pressure of my clenching. And my eyes fuckin’ burn. I keep glancing at my phone that’s clipped to my dashboard. No missed calls. No texts. Nothing.
I pull off at a rest stop and get out to take a piss. When I get back, I hit the road again, determined to get back home faster than it took me to get here. My ringtone is loud as hell in the silent cab, and my heart stops for a moment before I see it’s just my sister calling.
“Hey, Mel.”
“Hi, brother. How are you?”
“How are you?” My sister is in love and so happy now. She got what she never thought she could have. And I’m the one who doesn’t know if he’s ever going to be able to have it again.
“Aside from the morning sickness, I’m great.”
It takes me a moment. “What? You’re pregnant?”
“Yeah. It’s still early. But I am.”
“Holy shit. I’m… that’s great, Mel. Congrats Tell Smith congratulations, too.” My little sister. Pregnant. That means I’m going to be an uncle.
Suddenly, visions of little Olivia come to mind. Our bond and how much I love that little girl. Now I imagine another one. Mel’s baby. Mel pregnant. Livvie pregnant. How beautiful she’d be with a baby in her arms and how much she’d adore it and be the best momma.
If I got her back, how could I not want that? Why would I not want babies with her?
Fuck.
“Thank you. We’re excited.”
I shake my head to clear out the thoughts I have of being a father… and of being a complete fucking idiot. “I am too for you guys.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Have you been to the doctor yet?”
She sighs. “Don’t change the subject.”
“I’m not.”
“You went to get Olive back, didn’t you?”
I don’t answer because I don’t even know what to say. I haven’t figured out what to say to Olive’s family, either. I know they expect her to come back with me. Everyone expected her to come back with me. With the scare we just had with Mel, I didn’t breathe a word of what was happening with Livvie to her. She doesn’t need to focus on anything other than herself right now, especially now that she’s pregnant.
“How did you know?”
“It took me a minute. Well, more like a few days. But when you said you were going to the West Coast, I initially thought you were just going on vacation like you told me. Then it just dawned on me because I know there’s no way you’d be taking a vacation until you got her back.”
“You don’t need to be worrying about me.”
She laughs. “Pot meet kettle.”
“She’s not coming back with me, Mellicent.” Saying the words out loud burn my throat.
“What? Why?”
I hesitate in my answer. “I… I don’t really know. A lot of reasons. She’s scared. Says she can’t just abandon her life there. Who knows what else. She’s still…” I pause to coordinate the way my thoughts come out of my mouth. “She’s still perfect, Mel. Still just so amazing, but she’s not the same.”
“How is she different?”
“I guess she’s… angrier?”
“Well, duh. Wouldn’t you be if you were in her position?”
My head snaps back, hitting the headrest. “I’d be happy I got to go home.”
“Hmm.”
“What? What’s hmm?”
“I just didn’t ever take you for a quitter.”
I glance at the screen even though she can’t see me and narrow my eyes at the speaker. “I’m not.”
“Then why are you giving up on her? Can you imagine how she feels, Jay? You once told me not to pretend to know how you felt. Well, let me tell you something.” A scraping sounds on the receiver and a door slams. “I might not have known how you felt, but I bet I know how she feels. And when you’re alone, I can tell you personally that it’s the absolute worst fucking feeling in the world.
“To think nobody else understands, to have to sit in your room alone night after night replaying every single little detail back in your head. And those little details eventually climb on top of each other until they’re big enough to push you down and strangle you.”
I press my lips together despite wanting to say something… anything to her to make it so she never has to feel that way again.
“I don’t know what exactly happened for her to be put into witness protection, but I can only imagine how hard it must have been to have to deal with the fallout of it completely alone. No, I can’t imagine, I know, Jay.”
“You were never alone, Mel. You always had me,” I tell her even though her words are making it hard to speak.
“You’re right, I did. But she didn’t.”