LIVVIE FALLS ASLEEP WITH HER nails digging into my skin through my shirt. I’ve never seen her so scared. Hell, I’ve never been so scared. Hours ago, I was at my desk, filling out paperwork and fuming that fuckin’ Marco Denati once again got away. And it was my fault.
I lost it. He triggered me, and I fell for his shit. He knows he can’t buy me; he tried it and failed a long time ago. I took an oath, one that I will never break, and I hadn’t… until today. I lost my ever-loving mind. God, I’m a fuckin’ idiot.
Back at my desk, where I could still smell coconuts, my cell rang. When Livvie’s name flashed on the screen, I immediately knew something was wrong. The fear in her quivering voice as she simply said my name confirmed it, and it’s something I’ll never forget. It’ll play on repeat, taunting me until I can fix this and make it go away permanently. I arrived at her work, the scene of a homicide, and the sheer terror on her face is something I will never forgive myself for.
She was catatonic. After I shoved the EMTs out of the way, it took me putting my lips against hers for her to snap out of it. Then she became hysterical. When she could get out the words to tell me what happened, I wanted to kill him with my bare hands. The only other time I’d ever felt that much rage was when I walked into my sister’s room and saw her gagged with a man on top of her. If Mel’s crying hadn’t pulled me out of my adrenaline-filled rage, I would have killed Norman. And if it wasn’t for Livvie’s hysterics last night, I would have taken off and enjoyed all the ways I’d have made Marco suffer.
He thought he would put fear in me, but he was sorely mistaken. The only thing he did was grant himself a death wish. He wants to play dirty? Well, he’d better prepare himself because he’s about to drown in his own filth. And I will do whatever it takes. Whatever it fucking takes to end his motherfuckin’ life.
My jaw clenches as my heart beats like a drum in my ears. I stare at my girl, so small and fragile. The promise I made to always protect her and make sure she was safe is a double-edged sword right now. I know what must be done to keep her safe, but I could also lose her love as a result of it.
There is no question she needs to be safe, so the choice is easy. I just pray to my parents in heaven that we come out stronger on the other side.
Livvie startles in her sleep again, but as soon as she settles, I start the process of leaving the couch even though I want nothing more than to stay here with her and hold her. Though I want to shake her, want to ask her why she called 911 first. She should have called me first. If she had, this could have had a different outcome because I would have told her not to say his fucking name.
But she did. She told the 911 operator it was Marco, and as soon as she did, it spread faster than a wildfire that there was a witness to another one of his murders.
It’s not her fault, though. I’m not blaming her; I’m just running through all the what-ifs. Trying to figure out a different outcome, but when it all comes down to it, it’s Marco. He’d have found a way to get to her one way or another. I’m focusing on that. It’s not her fault. It’s mine. I should have known better. I should have had one of my guys on her and not some twenty-four-year-old meathead who thinks because he’s got tree trunks for arms that he’s untouchable.
Surprised Marco left him alive but then again, not much of what Marco does makes sense.
It’s too late now, though. I want to sit here longer and hold her. For-fucking-ever, I just want to hold her. But I can’t. There are so many things I want right now. So much that I wish could change. But it can’t. It won’t change until I end him.
Marco Denati. The man whose name puts fear into even the most hardened criminals. The elusive mastermind behind murder and mayhem. A career criminal who is almost impossible to catch. With so many people in his pocket, I question half of the department.
There are only a few men I can trust. One of them is currently doing my dirty work, and as much as I don’t want to, I have to go finalize the arrangements with him. One by one, I pry Olive’s fingers off me then slowly slide out, cradling her head as I put a pillow beneath it and cover her with a blanket. My stomach lurches as I lean over and press my lips to her cheek. Knowing what’s coming makes it that much harder to walk away from her.
I close the door to the department’s break room, and as soon as I get to the corner, I take a breath. Brandon raises his head and gives a solemn nod. “You ready?” he asks.
The question is so loaded that I laugh. Fuck no, I’m not ready. I’ll never be ready to be without her. But it’s what I have to do. The only option I have to keep her safe.
“It’s going to be okay, Jay,” Brandon says as he’s typing away on his laptop. “We’ll get him, and you guys will be back together before you know it.”
“She’s going to hate me.”
“You’re protecting her. She can’t hate you for that.”
I look up at the ceiling and fight back fucking everything I’m feeling right now. I can’t feel. I need to act. I need to work. I need to protect her. And the only way that can happen is to make her disappear.
She saw him.
That was his plan. All along. Soon as he saw her sitting at my desk, he knew all he had to do was threaten her, and I’d explode, and he’d get his charges dismissed. We had him, too. Our plan to bring him in was working. We were going to file charges, then he’d get out, and we’d make him think he won. But once again, this low-life piece of shit changed the game.
Fuck, me.
He knew what he was doing. And making my woman the only witness to the murder of a dirty judge is going to be the catalyst to his demise… He just doesn’t know it yet.
There is no alternative. It’s simply keep my girl safe first then destroy him.
She’ll have a new identity, and I won’t know where she is. It’s going to be terrifying, and it’s going to break my goddamned heart right along with hers. But it’s what’s best for her. If I was a crooked cop, I could have this go another way. I could easily be bought by Denati, but I refuse. I won’t stoop to his level.
It won’t take forever, but it’ll take some time to get his ass. Because his normal MO is that once things get hot, he lays off for a while. Sometimes for years, which is why he’s so hard to catch. We’ve had almost two decades of trying to get him, but I will be the one to finish this.
Brandon clears his throat, and I shake my head. I need to focus. “What’s up?”
“We can wait till the morning. You and I both know she’s safe for the night. He’s a smart man. He’s not going to try something the same night he killed Hurley. You sure you wanna do this tonight? Now?”
No. I want to take her home with me. I want to sleep with her in my arms. I want to wake up in the morning and make love to her. I want to take a shower with her and wash all the shit away. “Yeah.” I choke out the word and have to look away from him. I’m thankful, at least, that we’re the only ones in this part of the station right now.
He continues working on some stuff then answers his phone when it rings. I tune out what he’s saying and stare at the floor. I grab the penny she brought me today out of my pocket and rub the coin. Wishing for the first time since I laid eyes on her for some more fuckin’ luck.
“I got a lock on a location. Once I get there, I’ll switch it up and do the same thing once more, maybe twice. We can leave now, and I’ll be back in about two weeks.”
“When do you want to roll?” he asks.
“Give me ten, fifteen? I’ll grab some supplies and meet you in the alley?” He clasps my shoulder as he passes me, and I finally move my feet.
When I get back to her, I sit on the couch and brush some hair off her and tuck it behind her ear. My fingers trace every inch of her beautiful face. I memorize how soft her skin is. How cute she is when I graze her neck and her nose scrunches. I press my lips to her hair and inhale the sweet smell of coconuts.
I could stare at her forever. Touch her. Kiss her. Love her.
“Livvie, baby, wake up.”
I whisper in her ear, and she jumps. Her eyes fly open, and she gasps. “Shit. I fell asleep.”
“It’s okay.”
“What’s wrong?” She sits up and stretches her arms.
My bottom jaw loosens, causing my lips to open, but no words come out. Instead, they jam in my throat and make my eyes water.
“Jay?”
“Come with me, sweetie.” I stand and hold my hands out. She hesitantly takes them, but instead of walking out, I wrench her to me. Her arms slide around my waist, and I shove my face in her neck.
“You’re scaring me.”
Pulling back, I hold her face. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
“I will fix this, okay?”
Her brows draw together, but she still nods.
“I promise. I will fix this. I’ll make it right, Livvie. I swear to you, I will.”
“Jay?”
“I love you, Olive.”
Her spine stiffens, and her neck snaps. “Jay?”
“Don’t forget that, okay? I’m doing this because I love you, and this is the only way I can keep you safe.”
She tries to push me away, but I slam my mouth to hers, coaxing her lips open with my tongue. She lets me in, and I try to show her how much she means to me. How much I love her. And how damn sorry I am with just a kiss since that’s all I can offer her right now.
When she whimpers and presses harder against me, her fingers digging into my hips, I hesitantly pull back but keep her face close. So close that when I talk, our lips brush. “I’ll come get you when it’s over.”
“Get me? What are you talking about?”
Instead of answering her, I kiss her once more and take her hand. Leading her out the back, I open the door and stop once we’re outside in the alley. Brandon steps out of his black Impala but gives us a little space.
“What’s going on?”
Like a Band-Aid, I rip it off. “You’re going into witness protection.”
“What?”
“It’s the only way I’ll know you’re safe. He will hurt you, Livvie. He showed me his card tonight, so now it’s my turn to make a move, and this is the safest one for you.”
Her head shakes back and forth. “No. I’m not leaving.”
“Livvie, you named him in a murder. You identified him to a detective who we suspect is a rat. Know why Marco’s never been to trial?” I rush through the next part because I can’t even think of her as being one of his victims. “Because all the witnesses mysteriously disappeared or suddenly died in a fire, car accident, drowning, or suicide.” I tick the reasons off.
My baby’s smart, so she shakes her head and straightens her spine. “No. He had a mask on; he never took it off. I don’t… it was dark. I wouldn’t be able to identify him in a lineup.”
“It’s too late.”
“No, it’s not.”
“It is, angel.” I take a step back and nod at Brandon. He slowly makes his way closer to us, and I kiss her forehead, letting my lips linger, one last time. “I will fix this.”
“Don’t.” She throws herself into my arms. “Don’t let him take me. I’ll recant my statement. I’ll do whatever. Don’t make me go.”
I’ve gotta clear my throat and pry her off and push her away. “Bye, Butterfly,” I whisper.
“No!” She digs her nails into me, but I stay still as Brandon reaches her. I let her rip my skin open as she continues to claw at me. “No. Don’t. Please, Jay.”
Brandon’s arms band around her, and he pulls her away as gently as he can. Her fight kicks in, and she struggles. “Jay! Don’t let him take me. Please. God, my family. My sisters! Don’t do this, Jay.”
I should go inside, but I force myself to stay rooted and see this through. I started it, and I’m man enough to know I need to finish it. If she’s in pain, I should be too. Her heart is hurting and so is mine, but I’d be a fuckin’ coward if I walked away right now.
Who knows if I’ll even make it out of this alive, I want every single last second I can take looking at her. Even if she’s crying, she’s still so damn beautiful.
Her body flails, and she screams. “Let me go. Jay! Please! Help me, don’t let him take me.”
My jaw throbs, and my eyes burn like a fire is behind them, but I still don’t move.
“If you let him take me, I will never forgive you!”
Brandon finally gets her to the car, and I almost have to look away as he secures her arms behind her back. I understand why he’s doing it. It’s the only way he can safely handle her.
“I hate you!” she cries. “I fucking hate you for this.”
He takes advantage of her wracking frame and pushes her in the back seat then slams the door. On his way around the front of the car, he gives me a solemn nod then gets behind the wheel. She doesn’t even look at me as he turns around and drives away.
This is the right thing to do. She can hate me. It’ll kill me. But when it comes to death, it’s better me than her. And Marco would kill her… eventually. After he tortured and abused her beyond repair. This is the right thing to do. It’s the only thing that can be done.
Once they’re out of sight, I blink and allow the tears to fall. One by one, they fall to the ground, each droplet taking a piece of my heart along with it. When I have nothing left, when everything that I am has dried up, the blur fades and slowly but surely, clarity takes its place. And there is only one steadfast objective—vengeance.
She’s gone.
I watched the love of my life, my fucking heart, my goddamned world, get thrown in the back of a car and taken away from me… because of my fucking job. Protect and serve. Fuckin’ destroy and ruin is more like it. I allowed another man to do my dirty work by having Brandon be the one to take her to the marshal. Because I knew I couldn’t. No way could I shove her in his car like she was a fucking criminal. If we started to drive away, I’d have just wanted to disappear with her and start over new somewhere else.
I don’t even remember driving home tonight. Don’t know how I did, either, with the only thing I saw being red.
The half-empty bottle of Johnnie Walker taunts me as I stare at it. Its contents, now half in my stomach, have the desired effect. I’m numb. Can’t feel anything. Don’t want to feel anything.
My sister was upstairs moving around when I got home, and I haven’t seen her yet. But when she screams from her room, I don’t move as I have every single night for years. Slowly, my head turns. I briefly glance at the stairs but then turn back to take another swallow. I could help her; I just don’t want to.
Her cries become muffled as my thoughts returned to Livvie telling me she hates me. Her cries drown out any other sound. Eyes open or closed, I see her reaching for me as Brandon pulled her away.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
The bottle goes flying across the room before I even realize I threw it. Whisky trickles down the wall like the hot tears down my face and I scream out of pure fucking anger.
“Are you okay?” My sister’s raspy voice startles me. I didn’t even hear her come down the stairs. “Jay?”
“Livvie had to go away for a little while.”
“Oh, my God, why?”
She stands in front of me, leaving me no choice but to look at her. Her face is red from crying, hair disheveled. And under any other circumstance, I’d worry about her. I’d get that knot in my gut telling me to do something to make it better for her. But I just can’t. “To keep her safe.”
“The last time I saw you like this was after you found him in my room.”
I laugh without humor. She’s right. Though, I’d venture to say it’s a different kind of rage. The love I have for Livvie is something not easily replicated or explainable. Losing her right now… it’s not something I’m sure I’m even going to be able to cope with.
“I’m sorry, Jay. I know how hard this must be for you.”
I grunt.
“It’s okay to admit you’re hurting, Jay.”
“Don’t pretend to know what I’m feeling, Mellicent,” I snap. “You have no fucking clue. You sit here and hide from the world. You stick your nose in your damn computer and live through other people’s words. You’ve never even given yourself the chance to love somebody so goddamned much it physically hurts to be without them because you’re too fucking scared to live!”
I didn’t think it possible, but her face crumples even more. Instead of apologizing like I know I should, I storm upstairs to take a shower. I try to wash away some of the animosity, but no matter how hard I scrub, it doesn’t leave. This is my punishment, the result of my carelessness.
I should have waited. If we were in interrogation, I could have broken his fucking face without witnesses. Marco fucking Denati. I might die trying, but when I go down, he’s coming with me.
After a night of zero sleep, I’m now standing in my girlfriend’s living room telling her family, her close, tight-knit family, that their big sister, their little girl, is going to be gone for an undetermined amount of time. They got no explanation other than it was for her safety. I also told them she’s unreachable and was instructed, explicitly, not to contact them.
The tension in the room right now is almost comically thick. So dense that I could go to the kitchen, grab a knife, and cut it in pieces.
Don’s face reddens as his anger rises, and Debbie cries on his shoulder. Opal hasn’t moved a muscle, and the twins are masking their sadness by shooting daggers at me with their eyes.
“How long?” Opal asks.
“As soon as possible but also as long as it takes.”
“How. Long?” she repeats.
I shake my head as I answer. “I don’t know. It could be a couple of months… It could be years.”
“Years?” Debbie gasps and sobs harder.
“Why can’t you just keep her safe here?” Onnika asks. “You’re a cop.”
“I am, but…” The things I want to tell them don’t mean shit. I could try to explain and justify what I did, but they won’t truly know how dangerous it is for her to be here until she’s back home safe and sound. “I can’t keep her safe here.”
“I don’t understand, Jay. She was here on Sunday. Happy as a clam, loving life. And now you tell me she’s in danger. That her life is at risk so you had to have her locked up somewhere on the other side of the country—”
“I never said she was on the other side of the country.”
“So she’s here? She’s close?” Oakley finally speaks up.
My head shakes again. “I didn’t say that, either. Listen, you guys, this fuckin’ sucks. Trust me, nobody knows that more than I do. Livvie is… you guys know how much she means to me.” My palms become sweaty, and I wipe them on my jeans. “I promise you.” I look around the room and into each one of their faces. “I promise I will work my ass off and do whatever it takes to get her back here.”
“I know you will, son. I don’t like this one goddamned bit, and I’m angry this is happening. But I know how much you love her, so I have to trust that you’ll do everything in your power to get her back.” This coming from Don means a lot. The fact that a man trusts another man to take care of his daughter is a responsibility I don’t take lightly.
Now seems like a good time, so I excuse myself and walk to the front door to leave. They’re all still mostly in shock, so I want to head out before it turns to anger. Just as I make it to my car, Opal calls for me.
“Yeah?” I’m trying to keep my shit together. Really trying to appear as if I’ve got a handle on this, when the truth is, I can’t get her cry out of my head.
It will drive me. I’ll use the agony in her voice and the tears that fell from her eyes as fuel in my machine of vengeance. I’m giving myself the morning to tie up loose ends with her job and her family, and then this afternoon starts the most important case in my life.
Getting my girl back.
“Jay, wait. She told you. I mean, you know, right?”
It takes a second for my thought to come back to Opal. “Yeah. How are you holding up?”
“Terrible.” She kicks at a stone and kind of sways back and forth. “Josh won’t talk to me, and I haven’t told anybody else yet. Mom and Dad are going to freak. Liv would tell me what to do. She would be the one to go with me to the doctor, and now…” She grunts and wipes beneath her eyes. “Now I don’t know what to do. I need to talk to her, but she’s gone, and you’re telling me you don’t know when she’ll be back, and I need to talk to my sister.”
“I can’t let you do that. I don’t even know where she is, I swear. If I knew, there’s no way I’d be able to keep from talking to her. I’d want to call her and see how she was doing. I’d want to hear her voice before I fell asleep. I’d want… I’d want things that aren’t safe for her.”
“What am I going to do?”
Livvie would want me to do this, and even if she didn’t, I want to. “I’ll come with you to your first appointment. If you want me to be there when you tell your parents, let me know. You’ve got my number, and I welcome you to use it. I might not be able to help you with the girly shit, but I’ll do whatever I can.”
She throws herself at me, and I catch her small body as it crashes into me. “Thank you, Jay.”
“Of course.”
My shoulders begin to ache from the muscles tightening in them right now. The anticipation… the adrenaline flooding my blood threatens to explode out of my skin. My captain just finished reaming out my ass again for using excessive force on Marco yesterday. Got officially put on administrative leave pending the investigation.
I’m not surprised, though.
Nothing he could do about it. This is the power Marco has. This is what I’m up against. It doesn’t deter me, doesn’t make me change my mind. I slowly stand from the chair in front of his desk and leave his office. Walking out of the station, I avoid eye contact with anyone. They all know what just happened, though.
Grown ass men who are a bunch of gossip whores. Half of ’em probably on their phones texting Marco that I’m walking out right now, trying to kiss his fucking ass and get on his good side.
I slam the door to my vehicle harder than I intended. Once I get in and drive away, my burner rings.
“Yeah.”
“If you weren’t such a good cop, I’d say you should try out acting as a career.” Cap laughs on the other side of the receiver.
“If Marco fucking Denati wasn’t threatening my woman, I might just laugh at that.”
He sobers up. “No disrespect.”
“None taken.” He might be my boss, but he’s a good man and knows how hard this is for me.
“Like I said. You know I didn’t have a choice.”
“I know, Cap.” He had the orders handed down from his boss’s boss. As I said, Marco has friends in high places.
“Don’t do anything stupid,” he warns. “We’ll get him.”
I pull my car up in the alley behind an abandoned building in one of the worst neighborhoods but leave the engine running. “Yeah. Later.” Tossing the phone back in the center console, I wait until the door to the old building opens then roll down my window.
Rico, an undercover agent, comes out and glances down the alley before walking up to me. “Fuck, man. He got your ass put on leave?”
Word travels fast around here. Gossip whores. “All good. You know how it is.” I shrug. “Tell me the good news.”
“Wish I had some. He’s gone cold. I don’t even know where he is. Figured you’d be hot on his trail about now after his little, um… conversation with you at the station.” The fact Rico doesn’t know his location, since he ‘works’ for Marco, speaks volumes to how deeply into hiding Marco is right now.
“My ass fucked up.”
“Don’t be too hard on yourself. If I ever had a girl as sweet as yours, I’d have done the same thing. Fuck the badge.”
He said exactly what I thought at that moment. “Yeah, well, he set it up in a matter of seconds, and I fell for his stupid motherfuckin’ trap. My mother always warned me my temper would get me into trouble.”
“Ty hasn’t been in touch for about two weeks, but if he contacts me first, I’ll update him.”
Ty was a street kid who I recruited at seventeen years old. He gave me an in with Marco, so I took it. Unfortunately for Ty, he got caught in the web of destruction of the Denati organization and is serving time right now for a murder his girl committed of one of Marco’s men. She saved his life that night, but in order to protect her and maintain his cover, he had to take the fall.
“Appreciate it.”
He slaps his hand on the hood. “Take care.”
“Same.”
He heads back inside, and I drive away. Marco might be hiding, but he will eventually fuck up. And I’ll be there to see the look on his face when I end his pathetic life.