Chapter 33
Gray severely missed the tropical weather, the atmosphere, and coming here just felt like a big mistake. Maybe they were trying to force things to work out and they were just on opposite sides of the world. He wasn’t made for this high class, royalty treatment. He stared at the gorgeous girl in front of him and he really could summon no words. He felt like a complete jerk. It was obvious Riley loved it here, and he desperately wanted to take at least some pleasure in it. He tried to force himself out of the bundle of negativity that was dropping over him and took her hand.
Trying to talk about what was next had thrown him off. Everything felt odd here and a little unnerving. He was a creature of the sky and the wind, the sea and the sun, and Lake Tahoe was a different thing altogether. Pretty, but bloomin’ cold and lethal. He really wanted nothing to do with it. And especially Riley’s money. In the end, it always came back to that. Her money, not mine. He felt like a gold-digger every time she brought it up. He knew he was basically useless to her. Her parents had figured that out the moment they’d met him. He would never be good enough for someone like Riley Teeters. No matter how hard he tried.
They started walking again. She talked, and he listened as she shared stories of her childhood vacations in the cabin. Much to his own surprise, he even found himself laughing a bit at a few of them. They headed up a small trail, then went back down it. They spent a few hours chasing literal rabbit trails before they headed back inside the mansion she called a cabin.
The grandeur of the place overwhelmed him. It just felt wrong. Like he wasn’t supposed to be here—like he didn’t belong. Riley had to see it. If I can’t fit into her world, how can I possibly fit into her life? he worried, looking over at her. How can she not see this? How much longer will it be before she realizes and asks me to leave?
The rest of the day and evening dragged. There wasn’t anything to do, and even though he was tried from working his ass off the past few months, now he was bored. After dinner, Riley challenged him to some board games. Gray actually managed to unwind enough to enjoy it, and Riley’s seriously competitive spirit amused him. By the time darkness fell and they were both tired, but at least they were laughing and joking as easily as they had in the early days of their relationship.
They crawled into oversized, way too fluffy bed and lay there together a few moments. He didn’t feel like sex tonight. His dick thought otherwise, but he ignored it. He wrapped an arm around Riley and pressed his head against hers. She smelled like pine needs and sweetness. It suited her. “What do you want to do tomorrow?” he asked.
“I don’t know. Do you mind if we just stay here? We don’t always have to have plans, right?”
He remained silent for a moment, his eyes guarded. “We have to figure something out eventually. We can’t just stay here forever.” Life isn’t one big holiday. Though with this kind of money, it probably is.
She sighed. “I know.”
Reality hurtled into his thoughts, along with it all feelings he didn’t want to deal with. Worry, doubt, and the concern that he would never be sufficient, that he could never stay with someone who had so much more than he did.
Riley couldn’t be immune to the reality either. She had to know that this wasn’t going to last. They were chasing a dream. A tropical fever holiday that was slowly freezing like the snow outside. It tore Gray apart.
How can we make this work? He lay beside her, almost clinging to her. Even if she gave away all of her money, which seemed to be the biggest obstacle between them, there would be lingering resentment. Sooner or later, she would blame him for forcing her to give everything up, to make such a lofty sacrifice for their love. Gray stared at Riley’s pretty face as her breathing evened and she drifted off to sleep. She meant everything to him, and also represented everything he would never have. She grew up with a lot of money, she liked having it available to her, she needed it.
He had nothing to offer. Just himself.
And he knew it wouldn’t be enough.
He rolled onto his back and stared at the intricately inlayed pine ceiling. Even that probably cost more than his entire college education. He didn’t want to resent her money. He sure as hell wasn’t jealous of it… Was he?
No. He wanted to make his own way in the world. He wanted to do it on his own dime. Not her parent’s money. He nearly snorted out loud at that thought. He could just imagine what they thought of him. If they knew she’d been waiting tables down south, they’d probably be ticked and blame him for her doing manual labor. Then again, they’d probably be furious if they knew he was here in this ridiculous cabin. This was all turning into such a mess. They were in over their heads. Pretending to make it work when it wasn’t.
He couldn’t bear the idea that they were going to end up going their separate ways, but it was inevitable. They were from different worlds. He was already pulling away from her, even if they were close in bed. The gap between them was growing all the time, and he had no idea how to cross the great divide.
Have we just outlived our time together, overstayed our welcome? Were we really only meant to be a fling? Maybe our endless summer isn’t supposed to be endless? They were, after all, now in a far wintrier climate, and life had become more of a bitch than a beach. However long their summer was supposed to last, it definitely wasn’t in bloom at this ridiculous cabin with its hired help that lived here year round.
What would Riley say if he suggested they leave Lake Tahoe, hop a plane and head out in search of sunshine and warmer weather? Would it be enough to keep them together?
Beside him, Riley sighed, and the small rise and fall of her chest spoke volumes. Night had crept in long before they had made for the bedroom, and now the room was draped with a dark heaviness that seemed to hang around them like a fog. She was just a glimmer of shadow and light on the bed, and the tiny sliver of silver moonlight that managed to penetrate the windows illuminated little to nothing.
Lying next to her, his heart ached as he watched her sleep. He knew he couldn’t let her walk away. He wasn’t sure he had the courage to do it either. Tomorrow, he vowed. Tomorrow, we’ll find a way to work it out. We’ll have a long talk and figure out a way to stay together, despite it all.
He slid his arm tighter around her and let his body conform against hers. They were close together, but he felt like they were a million miles apart. He sighed and closed his eyes tight. The shadows in the room were not nearly as dark as the shadows lurking in his heart.