Chapter 12
Ella
Before I left the night before, I had agreed to stay home with Avery the next day so he could get better and Will didn’t have to miss any more work. He had some serious meetings planned and needed to make sure Avery was taken care of at the same time. I told him he needed a new nanny, as his old one had moved away, but he said he was trying to raise Avery as normally as possible given the situation. When I showed up in the morning, Avery was still asleep and Will had fixed me a cup of coffee. I sat down at the breakfast bar and sipped the hot brew.
“Thank you again for doing this,” he said. “I really don’t know what I would do without you. It seems like every time shit starts hitting the fan, here you are, home from school and more than willing to help me and Avery out. You are a Godsend with him. He just adores you and feels completely comfortable with you around.”
“Aww, I’m so glad,” I replied. “He is an amazing kid.”
“As far as last night was concerned,” he said, “that was really close, I have to admit. Had Avery not woken up, I would have definitely taken you off to the tres chic marble bathroom and replayed our sexy escapade in the restaurant.”
“Yeah,” I said, blushing. “I, um, I don’t know what came over me. It seems like anytime I’m near you, I lose control of my censor button.”
He laughed. “I don’t mind at all. You should lose that button for good for all I’m concerned.”
After Will left for work, I sat around sipping my coffee and replaying the last couple nights in my head. Between the bathroom sex and the fact that I couldn’t get Will off my mind, I was starting to feel like I was going crazy. I had promised that this was just for fun, and here I was, plagued by memories of our time together. I spent the whole day taking care of Avery, making sure he had everything he needed to get better.
“Thank you for taking care of me, Miss Ella,” Avery said as I covered him up in bed. “And thank you for giving me medicine. It makes me feel better.”
“I’m so glad it does,” I said, leaning over and kissing his clammy forehead. “We need you to be big and strong.”
“Like my daddy,” he said proudly.
“Yep, just like your daddy,” I responded, blushing.
When he woke up the next time, I brought him out to the couch and cuddled up with him to watch movies. Will got home around five, coming in the door with several bags. I helped him in and watched as he took out several containers of soup.
“There is this really amazing soup place down the street from my office,” he said. “They make like, all these different types of soup, all expensive, but totally worth it. I figured I would get us some soup since Avery has to eat it, too. I didn’t want him to be upset because nobody else was eating it. You know how he can be, wanting to be just like us at every turn.”
“Very true,” I said, laughing. “Thank you for bringing dinner. I could have gone home.”
“Nonsense,” he said.
We ate our soup together at the table, and then I helped Will get Avery into bed, making sure he had his sippy cup, his medicine, and some warm pajamas on. When he was all tucked in and fast asleep, we made our way back out to the kitchen and started to clean everything up. I pulled the dishes from the table and started to wash them and put them in the dishwasher while Will closed up the containers of soup to store them. I finished up with the dishes and walked over to Will to take the glass of wine he was holding out.
“That was really great soup,” I said. “I’ve never really been a soup person, but that could definitely change my mind.”
“Yeah,” he said, fastening a lid on the container and putting it in the fridge. “Megan always made amazing soup. She was the one who turned me on to the place down the street from work.”
I smiled but didn’t really know what to say back to him. I wondered what it was like for him on a daily basis, what it felt like to lose a part of yourself like that. I wondered what kinds of things sparked his thoughts of her. Did he think about Megan and her amazing soup every time he got sick? Did he think about her when something good happened or something bad? Did he think about her when he was with me both emotionally and physically? These thoughts bolted through my mind. On one hand, they were uncomfortable, but on the other hand, I wanted the answers so I knew what the proper response was, how to be there in this type of situation.
I didn’t want it to seem like an issue. I didn’t want him to think I was completely thrown off or that he couldn’t talk about the woman he’d been married to, the mother of his child. Things had got really complicated really fast, but I took a deep breath and put on a happy face, deciding it was better to hide my emotions than make something big out of this. Will turned and looked at me, smiling, and walked over. He put his hands on my face and kissed me passionately, but the breathless feeling I normally felt wasn’t there. I didn’t really want to be in that place right now.
When he released my face, I smiled and wiped my lip. He brushed the hair out of my face, completely oblivious to my inner monologue. I sighed and picked up my phone, trying to think of a decent excuse to move out of this situation and into a more comfortable one.
“So, I think I’m going to call it a night,” I said, smiling. “I need to go call my dad. He’s expecting me to. I don’t like leaving things with him like I did at lunch, and this conversation has to happen one way or another.”
“You can’t just put it on hold and do it in the morning?” he asked, smiling flirtatiously. “I’m sure your father is exhausted from work.”
“No,” I replied, standing up and gathering my things. “I think this needs to be done before it gets any worse or is swept under the rug yet again.”
The reality was, I didn’t need to call my father, nor was I going to. I was still put off by Will’s comment about Megan and felt incredibly uncomfortable. It didn’t help at all that everywhere I looked there was a reminder of the woman. There were pictures on the mantle and shelves, a wedding photo album stashed underneath the coffee table, and a placard over the front door that read “The Happy Scott Family,” which I knew wasn’t something Will had bought for him and Avery. I didn’t have any right to be upset about it, but that didn’t take away the uncomfortable feeling in my stomach just from being there at all, let alone in a romantic way. I realized in that moment just how different Will’s life and mine really were.
I thanked him again for dinner and hurried out before he could kiss me more than he had already. I walked to my apartment and went inside, shutting the door behind me and exhaling as I leaned against it. I walked back to my room and plopped down on my bed, thinking about everything we had been through. My life was so drastically different than Will’s. I was twenty-one years old and just starting out, trying to find my place in this world. Will had already lived so much, between having a child, a wife, and starting his own company. He’d had life experiences I wasn’t anywhere close to approaching. It made it difficult for me to find a way to relate to him, especially when it came to understanding his attachment to his deceased wife. It was just hard for me to sort through anything I was feeling without getting irritated or upset about it.
I lay there thinking about Will, about our time together and about how he acted around me. Maybe I was just fooling myself thinking he thought about me as more than a piece of ass. Maybe he was just using me to get himself out of the funk he’d described being in more times than not. I couldn’t help but wonder if I was nothing more than an infatuation for him, a young beautiful girl, someone without strings attached. Maybe he was happy to have something simple, something that didn’t bring him worry or stress. I’d let him off the hook with all of this really easily, attempting not to make it harder than it needed to be.
I got out of bed and went into the kitchen to grab a soda before sitting down at the breakfast bar. Taryn walked in with a smile, grabbed a snack, and sat across from me. Even though I wanted to talk to her about this, I knew that at eighteen she would really have no clue what to say. I was older, and I had no idea what to think about any of it.
“How is Avery?”
“He’s getting better,” I said. “His fever went down and he’s asleep. He got some soup in his belly and then went straight to bed.”
“That’s how you know he feels really bad,” she said, frowning. “Did you have dinner with them?”
“Yeah,” I replied. “We all had soup.”
“You okay?”
“Yeah,” I said, taking in a deep breath. “I’ll be just fine. I’m sure of it.”
“Good.” She smiled. “I can’t have my big sister unhappy.”
“Never.” I smiled back, closing my eyes as she kissed my cheek and then walked out of the kitchen.
I sat there for a few more minutes thinking about how I hoped my sister never fell for a man like Will. Even though I had no idea how Will felt about me, I still couldn’t give up the fantasy of being with him. He was strong, sensual, mature, and I couldn’t help but melt whenever he played with Avery. His success was a huge accomplishment, and he showed rigor and strength in life even when he felt weak and sad.
I got up from the counter and turned the lights off, heading back to my room while shaking my head. I sure was starting to sound like there was more to this than just a fun fling. Maybe it was all the texting and Skyping that had led me down this path—the late-night laughter, the talks, and even the times when he was struggling and confided in me. This was supposed to harmless fun, a love affair without the love, but I was starting to think all of that had led me to more serious feelings than I was willing to admit to myself. Was I falling for this man?