CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

Dante

BLOOD PUMPED THROUGH my veins as I hit the bag again and again until my body dripped with sweat.

“Rough night?” Chase interrupted as he swaggered into the room and grabbed the bag as I continued to hit.

I kicked the bag then threw a left hook. “You.” Right hook. “Could. ” Right hook. “Say that.”

Chase let me fight my demons in silence.

The sound of my fists hitting the bag was the only soothing thing about living in that house. The fact that I could punch without having to worry about getting punched back.

I finally sagged against the bag, pressing my forehead to the cool leather. “I think I lost her.”

Chase let out a little laugh. “Wow, amazing you think you had her in the first place.”

I glared. “I mean it, man. I’m stuck between trying to show them my loyalty and having her caught in the middle, I shouldn’t have let her go with me.”

“Ah.” Chase nodded as if he understood. “Let me guess, you’re under the assumption she makes you weak.”

I stayed silent.

“I guess that could be true — only if you let it,” Chase said in that annoyingly bossy voice of his that reminded me of Frank more and more.

And then before I could defend myself, Chase sucker punched me in the ribs, tripped me backward over his foot and had me pinned to the mat, his fist above my chin. “Listen closely.”

I glared. “That was a cheap shot.”

“No, you just weren’t paying attention worth shit.” He snarled. “No more talking only listening, nod if you understand me.”

I stared him down then nodded once.

“She’s your weakness if you allow it… but the women in our lives aren’t meant to be coddled, they aren’t meant to be a weakness, a target — they’re meant to be our strength. You do not exist outside of the person you’re with — you exist within them. If you feel weak when you’re around her, it’s because you feel helpless. And that, my friend, is a big difference.” He sighed, then pulled his fist back. “You feel helpless because you make it your job to protect her from everything — yourself including — which is funny since I don’t remember her ever asking you to do that, in fact, I’m pretty sure she’s well on her way to being with someone else entirely.” He stood and offered me his hand, I swatted it away. “Do yourself a favor… don’t mess with her feelings any more than you already have, not unless you’re willing to go all in — and by the looks of you — you’re too stupid to see what’s right in front of you.”

“A dick?” I said helpfully.

“Nah man,” Chase ran his hand over his hair and laughed to himself. “The one girl who’s capable of making you more… than this.” He did a small circle and then lightly tapped the bag with his hand.

I don’t know how long I lay down on the mat, in my own sweat and filth. It must have been a long time since Chase finally came back with Nixon in tow.

They both looked down at me.

Nixon smirked. “Funny, I didn’t believe it when he told me.”

“That I was star gazing in the gym?” I offered sarcastically.

Nixon sat down so did Chase.

I was in a Nixon and Chase sandwich. Kill me now.

“That you actually liked her.”

I groaned and covered my hands with my face.

“She’s had a rough life.” Nixon just kept talking. “Don’t make it harder by making her think you’re capable of anything other than complete selfishness and jackassery on your end.”

“Was that your version of a pep talk?” I asked.

Chase just laughed. “Should have heard his pep talks before he had a kid… those were the best. Lots of guns, yelling, cursing. This, this is as close to Disney as you get, my man.”

I glanced to my right, took in the giant of a man with tats all over his body, a lip ring on his face and a permanent scowl with it. “Yeah, just like Disney, what would you be Nixon? Tinkerbell?”

Nixon glared. “Say it again and I’ll hand you your ass.”

“Tink.” I ducked as his fist came flying.

And that was how I spent the next hour.

Fighting off both Nixon and Chase.

I was finally exhausted enough to fall asleep, but not exhausted enough to wake up hard as a rock after dreaming of her mouth.

I had two choices. I could try to go back to sleep, take a cold shower, or be the total pervert who gets off on a girl who doesn’t even realize it while she sleeps in the next room.

I groaned, threw off the large duvet and stripped out of my boxer briefs, black, not white like Chris.

That should help get rid of all arousal.

Just think of Chris and his boring white walls, his Dateline, his inability to make El feel anything.

Ah tiny penis.

All better.

Except I was thinking of El again.

My body was completely out of control.

It refused to listen to the signals my brain was sending it, ones that said slow the hell down before you embarrass yourself for the first time since you were thirteen.

I flipped on the cold water and jumped in, gritting my teeth as I let the cold water pelt my body in punishment for wanting to sink into her and—

I slammed my hand against the tiled wall.

Not working.

Not even close.

Still painfully hard.

Something or someone whimpered. I shut off the shower and grabbed a towel just in time to hear El yell in her sleep. “Stop, I said stop!”

I jerked open her bedroom door and ran over to her bed.

Her fists went flying as I shook her awake.

She gasped. Then slapped me.

The sting of her slap made all happy thoughts down south reverse as I rubbed my cheek. “You wanna talk about it?”

“You wouldn’t stop.” Tears filled her eyes. “And then your face morphed into his and I remembered and I just—” She wiped under her eyes. “I’m fine. It was just a dream.”

“Shit, El.” I sat on her bed, ready to pull her into my arms when her eyes went wide. “What?”

“Is there a reason you’re naked?”

I quickly covered myself with my towel. Not that she hadn’t already seen every single inch of me. “I was showering.”

She frowned and looked at her phone. “At four am?”

“Early riser,” I lied.

Her eyes narrowed. The longer I stayed the harder it would be for me to leave, and I was all too aware of how thin her pajamas were, all I had to do was drop a towel and we’d have a serious problem that my dick was only too happy to solve.

“Well at least I didn’t wake you.” She licked her lips.

Yeah she did, just not in the way she realized.

She set her phone down.

Tension crackled like a hot burning fire between us, we’d gone past smolder and moved directly into firestorm.

“You scared me tonight,” she whispered. “But you were right. I don’t like it. I don’t like any of it. But I can see why you… why you did it.” She rubbed her arm. “I just — it reminded me too much of him.”

“I know.” I grabbed her bandaged arm and ran my fingers over it. “But I’m not. Trust me, if I had you in my arms I’d beg you to look at me so you’d never have any doubt that I was the man filling you — making you feel that way.”

Her eyes darted to my mouth then lower. I willed my dick not to conveniently shove the towel out of the way. “I know.”

I wanted her so bad I could taste it. Taste her. But the fear, the fear was still there and I hated that it was directed at me, like she wasn’t sure if she could trust me anymore.

“We’re friends, right?” I hated myself so much. So. Damn. Much.

She frowned. “Yes, why?”

“Friends give each other advice and shit?”

“More advice than shit. But yes.” At least she was smiling now.

I nodded to the phone. “Call him. He’s… safe.” I hated that word.

“Yes. He is.” She sounded disappointed. “Hey, maybe he’s even better once you get to know him. You can come to the wedding, I’d like to see you in a tux.”

What was this feeling? The one threatening to squeeze the life out of my chest as I tried to take oxygen into my lungs.

“Yeah.” I finally got one word out after seconds of painful silence where a part of me felt like it was dying. “I bet you do.”

Her smile was sad.

It completely gutted me.

I wanted her to yell at me again.

I wanted her to fight.

I wanted her to tell me that safe could go to Hell. Give me danger. Just give me you.

She didn’t.

And in the silence, I think we both had our answer.

Our paths had crossed, never should they meet again.

I kissed her head and stood.

“Hey Dante?”

I turned.

“If you put on clothes, can you just lay with me for a bit just in case the monsters come back or something.” Tears filled her eyes again, and I knew it had nothing to do with the monsters coming — but the one leaving her room — her life.

“Yeah,” I croaked. “Sure.”

It took me eleven seconds to grab sweat pants and pull them on.

Five to get back into her room.

And an eternity to fall asleep with her in my arms.

Closing my eyes seemed so final.

Like death.

And for the first time in my life — I didn’t crave it or the addicting darkness that came with it.

I just wanted her.