CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE

Dante

IT’S INSANE.

The fact that I hate lying.

I’d rather shoot someone in cold blood than be dishonest to their face, maybe that was the one gift God decided to give me in this fucked up life.

Honesty.

I still couldn’t look at her.

She wanted reassurance I couldn’t give her.

I stayed like that, my head pressed against her chest, listening to her heart race for a few minutes before I finally pulled away, fully expecting to see disappointment in her eyes.

Instead, I found resilience.

The same resilience I’m sure was her only friend when she suffered under the hands of Xavier.

She pressed a kiss to my cheek. “I’m going to change, and then maybe find us something to eat? You think they left it stocked?”

And that was it.

She grabbed her bag.

And returned to the room ten minutes later in a pair of leggings and a sweatshirt.

They looked new.

I tilted my head, examining her from head to toe, I rarely saw her outside of her Eagle Elite uniform and even then she typically dressed to cover her body.

I could see the outline of her ass perfectly.

I licked my lips.

“See something you like?” She asked in that teasing tone that had me ready for round two and a hell of a lot of naked time with those legs.

“Always.” I grinned. “I always like, trust me, even when I pretended that I didn’t like what I saw, I always did, I think your beauty fueled my anger.”

“I’m trying to find the romance in that.”

“My curse.” I shrugged. “Complete honesty.” I grabbed my own bag and pulled out a new shirt. I peeled off the old wrinkled one and put on a black T-shirt.

El made a noise in the back of her throat. I turned. Her face was pink, her neck was pink, about as pink as all of my favorite parts that I kept licking.

“You all right over there?”

She nodded. “Sorry I just, is it normal to have abs like that?”

Not what I was expecting. I burst out laughing. “When you get your ass handed to you by five guys on a daily basis and need to defend yourself — yes, normal. How else am I supposed to brace against all their punches?”

“Armor?” She offered.

“Yeah I wasn’t there the day they handed out the new mafia armor with full on bullet proof vests and helmets, maybe next time though.” I winked.

She bit down on her lip still checking me out, then nearly ran into a wall before finding her way into the kitchen.

“Any food in there?” I called.

“My guess is they sent Chase to grocery shop because whoever did it remembered cookies and wine.” She held out a bottle and then tossed me Oreos.

“Whoa!” I caught them with one hand. “One doesn’t just toss a bag of Oreos, El, they’re delicate.”

She pressed her lips together like she was fighting a smile. “You know they still taste good if they break, don’t you, Dante?”

I narrowed my eyes. “Are you making fun of me?”

“Never.” She winked and lifted her hands innocently into the air. “I’ve seen what you can do with your… body.”

I closed my eyes and groaned. “We should at least eat first, before I do things with my body.”

She sighed. “If you say so.”

“Killing me.” I ran my hands over my face in frustration. “I’m trying to be gentle with you, ease you into things, the last guy you were with—”

“Was a complete sociopath.” She finished. “And never looked at me once the way you do.”

“How do I look at you El?”

“Like I’m not just an object, a means to an end, you look at me with purpose — you look at me the way I think every girl on this planet wants to be looked at.”

My chest heaved as I waited for her to say more.

She swallowed, and uncertainty lit her eyes before she looked away and whispered. “You look at me like you can’t see every dirty impure inch of me — you look at me like you aren’t worthy. And sometimes, it breaks my heart, because that’s how I feel when I look at you. So I know what it’s like, to want so badly but be afraid that it’s going to get ripped away from you the minute you give in.”

I was too stunned to speak.

She eyed the Oreos. “Want some milk?”

“You say that,” I croaked. “And then you offer me milk?”

“We have time.”

I wanted her to take it back.

Because time was the one thing we didn’t have.

A choking sensation wrapped around my neck as I glanced between her and the rest of the living room.

Was this how my father felt?

When he was with my mom?

When he knew his time was limited?

All I was told was that they were given a sort of pass by Frank to be together, but it was only a few days.

I was conceived in a few days.

In a cabin that looked just like this.

El placed a glass of cold milk in my hand. I almost spilled it. “I didn’t hear you.”

“You look haunted.”

“This house is haunted,” I said eying where I’d dropped the diary onto the floor.

El walked over and picked it up. “Want me to read to you?”

I gave her a jerky nod.

And then her voice washed over me like a warm blanket, like safety, like love, and I prepared for the worst between those pages.

I prepared for shattered promises.

Broken hearts.

Death.

I prepared for my future.