CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

Dante

EVERY SINGLE TIME I kissed her in my mind, it was frenzied, rushed, with barely restrained passion.

But now that it was a reality, now that my lips were tasting hers, now that our mouths were sealed with words we’d never trust the world around us to hear — I knew. I would rather die than rush each kiss she let me give her.

I reached for her ass lifting her onto my lap, she leaned up on her knees straddling my body against the dirty mat as I dove my fingers into her silky hair jerking just hard enough to gain access to her throat.

El let out a moan as she clenched my shoulders moving her body slowly against mine in every way I’d dreamed of since that first time we kissed.

Since the first time we locked eyes.

Since the first time she let me see her pain.

And I let her see mine.

You know you’ve found something undeniable when you can show the girl the monster and rather than run away she runs toward it and holds its hand.

I was the very thing she hated.

The very thing that represented death.

And still she returned each kiss with more pressure, and when my tongue slid into her mouth, she cried out against me like she’d been waiting her whole life for my taste.

I pleaded with my body — remember this.

Never forget.

Because I knew I would never have it again.

Her lips trembled when I ran my hands up her sides my fingers dancing along her skin.

Remember.

Remember.

I wrestled.

I warred with the need to take her.

And leave nothing for him.

Maybe I wasn’t a monster after all.

Because I couldn’t find it in me.

I lifted her off my body, easily laying her down next to me. “Let me see all of you.”

She gulped. “I’m not used to…” Red flared across her cheeks.

“El, I’d kill him for you. I’d make him suffer, but since someone’s already beat me to it — I’ll make them suffer, I’ll make Andrei suffer. I’ll kill them all. For you. I’ll make it hurt.”

Her full lips spread into a smile that pierced my heart, shattering it with its intensity.

Her smile could both start wars.

And end them.

“Please,” I urged. “Please let me give you this.”

She nodded a jerky nod but it was still a nod.

I reached for her jeans and slowly pulled them past her hips, knees, feet with each movement, each tug, my breathing slowed.

Those legs.

I could spend years worshipping her legs alone.

Kissing behind her knees, licking my way between her thighs until she screamed my name.

Until she knew what real pleasure was.

Not some prick getting off.

But love.

The kind of passion she was born for.

The kind she would never get from Chris.

Me. Only me.

I focused totally on her as I dropped the jeans next to us fully aware that there were cameras, I turned my back so that security couldn’t see shit even if they wanted to.

I’d delete it in the morning.

Or maybe keep it and watch her face when I had nothing left of her except the memory of her taste on my lips.

She didn’t move to cover up anything as I followed through on my fantasy and leaned my face toward her hips. Inhaled and exhaled against her hips, and then very gently bit down on the lace of her underwear and slowly tugged it down her leg, watching her watch me the entire time.

Her chest rose and fell slowly.

Her eyes hooded as she clutched her hands into tight fists.

I released her underwear from my teeth and stared.

At every effortless piece of her.

“You’re more,” I said reverently.

“More,” she repeated in a whisper. “What do mean?”

Even now I could see the hesitation in her gaze, the fear that I was going to turn into him. She was used to being screwed.

No pleasure.

She expected men to have no control.

Control was all I had left to give her.

She’d already taken my heart.

“More,” I reached for her hand and kissed her fingertips one by one, then moved between her legs, resting my hands on her thighs. “You’re more beautiful than I could have possibly imagined, more tempting than I ever realized, you’re more in every way, El. Just. More.”

Tears filled her eyes. “I wish.”

“What?”

“That I could get looked at the way you look at me — every day.”

“You will,” I promised. “Even if you don’t see me, know that every night for the rest of my life, I’ll look at you just the way I am now — even if you can’t see me.”

She nodded, tears filled her eyes.

I wasn’t safe.

But a part of me hoped she’d still see the good.

Amidst all the bad.

I kissed her then.

Kissed her with the promises still fresh on my tongue.

Sealing them between us.

Something inside me mourned the loss of what could have been with the girl that should have been.

She wrapped her arms around my neck, her mouth pressed against mine, completely naked from the waist down, in only her bra and she still kissed me with abandon.

Women like her were made to be worshipped for hours.

I pulled away then kissed her again.

“Your kisses distract me,” I said aloud.

“Isn’t that the point?” She said sadly.

“No.” I lowered my head. “This is.”

My first taste of her would be cemented in my brain and etched in my soul for the rest of my existence.

Her hips bucked against my face. “I’ve never — this isn’t something—”

“No, he wouldn’t do this because he was a bastard who deserved death.” I stopped and glanced up at her. “I’m making up for it right now.”

“That’s not your job you know…”

Loving you has always been my job. I just didn’t know it.

More things left unsaid.

Her gaze didn’t leave mine as I leaned down my tongue invaded every tight inch of her. I drank her in as her body contracted around me, begged me for more with each touch of my tongue. I sucked deep.

“Don’t stop—” she cried. “Please don’t stop.”

“Never,” I rasped against her core as she dug her hands into my hair. “Could stay here forever…” Another swirl of my tongue. “Live here forever.”

“Yes.” Voice hoarse, she lifted to meet me again and again, I loved her with my mouth, played her with my tongue, tasted her like she was mine to taste.

A shudder wracked my body as she contracted around my tongue squeezing me tight, and I wished in that moment I would have done the shitty thing.

And filled her with me instead of only part of me.

Her muscles spasmed again, I sucked harder, reaching my fingers in to her most sensitive areas.

And set her free.

“Dante, Dante, Dante,” She clamped her legs around me, my name on her lips, the taste of her on mine. “I never knew.”

If it was possible for someone’s heart to break multiple times, mine would have.

“Good,” I whispered reverently, as her face lit up with a smile. “I’m glad it wasn’t him… but me.”

“Me too.” She reached for me just as I lowered my head to kiss her, our hands intertwined as she rocked me onto my back straddling me yet again, reaching for my belt.

“No.” I grabbed her eager hands. “I’m not taking that from you.”

“But—” her eyes clouded. “I don’t understand, don’t you…” She chewed her lower lip. “Don’t you want to?”

“Do I want to?” I repeated, then rubbed myself against those eager hands. “What do you think?”

She blushed again.

“You’re not mine.” I hated the way it killed the look of bliss on her face.

“Why does this feel like goodbye?”

Because it was.

Because he was coming back.

Because he’d already kissed her.

Because I had a feeling a war was coming, and I would do anything I could to keep her as far away from it as possible.

“Memories,” I reminded her. “Good memories.”

She swallowed and looked away as another tear fell. “The best.”