Kyle was on his way to England, and Anton wasn’t around, so I was alone in my thoughts with no one to confide to about the demons that plagued me. Kyle knew everything about me and River. The moment I began sharing a little bit of my past with River, the floodgates opened and I couldn’t stop. And much to my surprise, Kyle encouraged me to dwell on my feelings. He had such a soothing way of drawing out your secrets, and since I had kept all those emotions bottled up, it felt as though I was relieving the viscous burden from my heart.

At one point, he even stated that if I could begin forgiving myself, maybe then I could toy with the idea of going back to River. It was madness really, coming from a man I was having sexual relations with, but that didn’t seem to hold him back from being honest with me. And I appreciated his insight greatly. He was a remarkable man, yet it seemed we would remain as thus because we were both in love with other people.

“Hey, I’m back.” Anton knocked on the door. “Are you sleeping?”

No, I wasn’t. What I was doing, though, was staring into space while my mind prominently dwelled on River and Hailey, and maybe cursing them both every once in a while. I was close to being mental; I could almost swear it.

“One second,” I hollered as I lugged my bedraggled self toward the door to let Anton in.

“Yo, um, River’s asleep on the couch? Are you two fighting or something?” he whispered as he entered the room. The second he found my disheveled state, he paused for a moment before reaching for my hand. “I know it’s none of my biz, but I can sense tension between you two and it’s not the sexual kind.”

What was the point? Anton had a sly way in trying to get the truth out of me. Might as well beat him to it.

“He knows about Kyle …” I blew out an exasperated breath before I sat on the bed and held on to a pillow like it was a lifesaver. “And … well, he just told me he’s about to date Hailey Mavis, the clingy stalker who wouldn’t leave him alone.”

He dramatically gasped before resting a hand over his heart. “But why when he’s so in love with you?”

Because for some odd reason River had an attachment to that abhorrent devious woman.

“I feel so insulted. I feel crazy, Anton. I know we’ve broken up, but fuck, why does it have to be her?” I was hysterical, but never in tears.

He placed his shopping bags on the floor before giving me a worrisome glance. “If it’s someone else it wouldn’t bother you as much?”

“Probably not.” It didn’t matter because he was seeking to properly validate his relationship with this woman now. I was sure Hailey would greatly appreciate the added bonus of non-stop promo for dating such a sought after, high profiled actor like River. It was how they both started. She garnered enough momentum, but not to the extent she had hoped. Though she was becoming quite the desperate woman in social media by baring her body and her daily ins and outs like her world revolved around everyone’s likes and approvals.

“Well, I don’t know River all that well, but guessing from his actions, the guy just wants to feel safe right now … and Hailey probably offers that. Like you said, he knows about Kyle so he’s probably fucked up inside.”

My dear friend had a valid argument …

“But why tell me? He knows I hate her.” Hate was too mild of a word to decipher what I felt toward Hailey. No, hate would be too kind, indeed.

Anton sighed before he sat at the edge of the bed, mirroring the same sullen expression as I was. “He’s probably hoping that it might make you run back to him, Cara. Have you considered that?”

“Like hell,” I spat. If this was his twisted way of trying to win me over, it was callously done.

It was a poor taste in a woman. By choosing her, River was ready to mar me, the past and everything else it represented. The very idea of seeing those two everywhere in the news again made me feel nauseous.

My heart constricted like someone was gripping the life out of it, while my stomach churned and burned. My sight became a blur while I tried to vanish the images that flashed in my mind.

“I can’t breathe,” I gasped as I clutched my robe. “My chest hurts really bad.”

“I think that’s what you call a heartbreak, babe.” Anton wrapped his arms around me. “Just breathe. That’s it…. Inhale … exhale … I got you. I’m here.”

I focused on his words, doing as he instructed, drawing air in and out of my lungs before a serious panic attack set in.

Breathe in … Breathe out …

“Cara?”

“Yes?”

“I understand now. I mean, about why you didn’t want to go back to him. I’ve never seen you like this. It pains me to admit it but if I found someone that could trigger this kind of havoc. I maybe won’t take a chance, too.”

His words cut deeply into me. I was almost brought to tears.

“I’ve worked so hard not to be so crippled again, but all he had to do was say her name and I’m back in hell again.”

“You’re strong. You’ll prove to yourself that you won’t let this this defeat you. Hailey will never win.”

“Anton, I don’t think I can join you guys tonight.” Seeing him would be too soon. I didn’t want to commit murder, so it was best I kept away from him. First thing tomorrow, I would book a flight out of here.

Anton didn’t appear too keen on the idea. “You are, and you will. Skip the dinner, but show up to the club. Consider this like you’re going to do a performance of a lifetime. You chose this path, Sprinkles. Maybe it’ll help you solve what you truly yearn in your heart.”

The boy could be right. This wasn’t all about her. This was about me fighting for myself by not cowering and appearing defeated.

“I’ll go, but I’m leaving first thing tomorrow.” Shattered though I was, I wasn’t ready to let this conquer me. Maybe in time, I would have a better grasp at controlling my reactions to such horrid news. Crawling into my own hellish hole wasn’t an option.

“Figured you’d ditch, but you know your limits better than anyone. Do what you gotta do babe.”

I was in shambles, and if it weren’t for him, I would still be feeling down rotten. Anton brought me back to reality by shedding the light on what really mattered. He showed me something to fight for—myself.

“Thank you for being my rock.”

“You are mine, too. You just don’t know it yet.” He gave me the tightest hug before kissing me on the cheek. “Parade those goodies so he can be reminded of what he’s missing. Make sure to dress up the part, too, like a fierce siren so he can eye fuck you all night because he know he ain’t getting it with you anymore.”

How could I not laugh at Anton’s mad idea?

When it was time for him to leave for dinner, he made me promise to meet them at the club and that he would text me once they were done with dinner.

While they all dined on sushi, I opted room service. Though I barely ate the excellent soup and niçoise salad, I tried to muster an appetite. I didn’t want to drink on an empty stomach.

After dinner, I unhurriedly went into the bathroom and drew myself a bath. The hot water seemed to do wonders to my sore body and fractionally lifted my mood. Once finished, I donned my comfort robe before I began toying and shaping my hair. I settled on a high bump ponytail that came out nicely after using a few products to tease my hair into place. Then I carried on to makeup.

From what I learned from Kells, the skin better be scrubbed off of any dead skin so that the foundation appeared luminescent. She even encouraged on giving a facial massage after polishing the face to suffuse the skin with a natural rosy glow. Next, I primed and contoured my face just as Kells had shown me. Lastly, I did my eyes, using a glittery black shade before applying heavy winged eyeliner, then finishing the look with one of my favorite brand of fake lashes.

Beautifying accomplished, I donned a black latex bare back mini-dress that stuck to my body like a second skin. It beautifully contoured my figure, proudly putting forth my best assets. Undergarments were nonessential. Pairing it with my black Giuseppe Zanotti killer heels, I was ready to party like a rock star.

Checking the brazen ensemble over the large paneled mirrors, I couldn’t help giving a mad grin at my appearance. It showed the epitome of a confident woman. I understood now why appearances meant everything.

Glossing over my glammed up exterior, River would never know how much he weakened me.

“Go rock it tonight, Cara. Show him you don’t give a fuck about Hailey.” Here was to hoping he and I didn’t have to converse tonight. The confrontation would most likely push me against the edge. Besides, he was most likely going to be hounded by his ever-devoted underlings.

My phone beeped while I gathered the essentials to put in my clutch purse, halting me from my course. Quickly checking the sender, I wasn’t surprised to see it was Anton, possibly telling me that they were done at the restaurant.

Warning! Alert! Fucking Alert! He’s on his way up. Rush out now if you don’t want to confront him. Love you.

“Shit cakes,” I muttered as I hastily speed checked that I had everything before striding toward door.

Upon exiting our suite, I was relieved to see that there was not one soul in the corridor.

“Maybe he’s in that Latina’s room to finish their session.” I laughed dryly as I made my way toward the bank of elevators.

It took me a couple of minutes until I finally reached the main floor. Boldly stepping out from the lift, I began to strut my way toward the opposite wing of the hotel, where the famous club was located. En route, a few men tried to catch my attention, and a few more tried to strike a conversation, but I politely declined them, not having patience for small talk amidst of a crisis.

Then I spotted him. His eyes audaciously travelled on my body, lingering on my shapely legs, then glued to my cleavage. His nose flared while his eyes sparked indecent intentions, and just like that, his face quickly shifted to hesitation like he was unsure of his next move, whether to approach me or leave me be. After a minute of contemplation, he slowly made his way toward me with his hands in his pockets.

“I was hoping to come and get you,” he said with a strained smile, realizing people had begun to notice that it was the actor himself.

Glancing away, I saw a few people several feet away taking pictures of him.

We had best get out of the open or this could spiral and end up in TMZ or something. I could do without all the media slander and pressure that he was so used to.

Reverting my attention to the man before me, I wondered why we were being polite to each other. Hours ago, I was ready to chop his wienerschnitzel off.

“I’m fine, no need to worry about me.” No, not any longer. I was sure once the wicked wench of the west got ahold of him, she would monitor everything he did.

His brows knitted together before shifting to block my view so I focused solely on him. Pressing his lips together, he ran a hand over his hair, appearing anxious and somewhat nervous from my cutting reply.

“I didn’t think it’d affect you. I’m sorry for that.”

He was sorry? For choosing the woman who incessantly hounded him while he was secretly engaged to me? Nah, I didn’t care for his arguments or reasons behind his decision. Intentional or not, it was fucked up. But that was all in the past, right? So, he didn’t need to be sorry. Evidently, he was single and could do and fuck as he pleased. What I thought on that score wasn’t of importance.

Gingerly making sure my hair was still in place, I tried to smile, but it came out forced and artificial. “I’m leaving in the morning. I think it’s for the best. And as for the friendship, we’ll try again down the road. For now, I don’t want this anywhere near me.”

His mouth hung ajar like he couldn’t believe what I was spouting about. “How can you say that after what we’ve been through together?” Ashen, he was beyond bewildered. “Nothing I do is ever enough anymore. But if that’s what you really want, if it’s the last thing I can do to make it right so that you can be happy, then I’ll stay away from now on.”

Our eyes clashed with such earth-shattering force that I could almost feel the impact explode in my chest. We were on the verge of something ugly and beautiful, but I was past letting it dictate me.

I disconnected from the powerful grip of his gaze, brushing past him and walking away.

It took a few minutes for me to sense him behind me, but I continued on, eyes forward with steely determination, never looking back, mentally and metaphorically speaking.

The group detected the grave mood that River and I had for each other, but they had enough sense not to breach the subject. Instead, they banded together to make sure that we were all having fun. I appreciated their effort. And with River busy doing the meet and greet with fans, Anton and I danced our little booties off. Kells joined Phoenix in the booth while he spun upbeat jams that made the partygoers go wild.

We were then joined by Mint and Lauren who awesomely brought me a bottle of Dom to share while be danced about. I was not particularly close to the girls, but Lauren seemed to be such a darling with a great quirky personality. Mint, on the other hand, was nice enough, but I could sense a little jealousy when River used to shower me his exclusive attention. I was almost sure that she would be rejoicing that I was out of the picture. She would then have Hailey to contend with. Best of luck to her.

When Rihanna’s song came out, I became excited as I guzzled down the bottle of champagne while swaying to the beat, lost in the simplest pleasures of life.

“Can I steal you for a dance?” a stranger’s voice came up from behind.

I twisted my head to check out who it was.

The man was blond and gorgeous, athletically built.

“Yes, you may steal me just for one dance,” I cheekily quipped back before my emboldened hand curiously gripped his muscles. “Gym rat?”

He snickered, closing the gap between us. “I’m a Trojan,” he cockily stated like that credential alone should impress me.

My brow rose before I coquettishly bit my lip, lavishing on the man’s unrepressed reaction. It gave me a sense of control, a twisted kind of power trip that I could command and mine to exercise.

“The condom or the team?”

His eyes lit up, his interest went ten-fold. “Both, I’m definitely both.”

I was becoming a lethal flirt. Flirting was an art, and I was honing my artistic skills. What happened in Vegas stayed in Vegas.

“If you can dance and manage to impress me, maybe you’ll have a chance in executing one or two of the dirty thoughts you’re thinking right now.” I could tell he was quite the typical arrogant jock, but since I was ruling and commanding his usual game play, he wasn’t sure how to handle me. Good, unpredictability always gave the upper hand. A vital of importance when around men of new acquaintance.

“You’re unbelievably hot. It’s so fucking hard to keep my cool around you,” he admitted, boosting my confidence even more.

Capturing his hand, I placed it on my hip before leaning over him and strategically brushing my lips against this ear. The man smelled delicious, too.

“Let’s dance. That way, I can slowly warm you up.”

“Damn, how are you even real?”

The real me would probably bore him to tears. Sassy Vegas Cara was ready to come out and play.

We were just getting our groove on when Anton tapped me over the shoulder.

“I’m her side bitch. And who’s Mr. Muscle Man?” he asked, ogling the jock like a piece of dessert about to be devoured.

Good question. I was so caught up with the whole ordeal that I had forgotten to ask his name.

Grinning, I slung my arm around the jock’s toned arm before gazing over his face. “This is …”

“Calvin,” he offered before looking down at me with a wicked look.

“Right.” I tapped his chest before glancing back at my over inquisitive friend. “This is Calvin. He’s a Trojan.”

“I’m heading back to the table to recharge.” Anton winked at me before giving Calvin one lusty brazen onceover. “Join us once you’re done teasing the heck out of this beast.”

“Don’t mind him,” I said before investing all my attention to the man whose hands began to find confidence in the way he held me.

We danced, gyrating against each other for almost an hour. By the time I announced exhaustion, I had a vast idea of the size of his package. It wasn’t all that impressive, truth be told, but I wasn’t planning on getting laid, but maybe everything else but the blatant deed.

My forefinger grazed his lips, checking to see if his bow-shaped lips felt as soft as they looked. “Feel like going somewhere quiet?”

“Hell yeah.” The Trojan and I were on the same wavelength.

I flirtatiously smiled at him before softly tapping the side of his chin. “Good boy.” Taking charge, I grabbed his hand and led him toward our private table. The club was so condensed with people it felt like we were sardines in a small can.

Upon reaching the table, I caught up with Kells and Anton, who were in the midst of eating sliders and fries.

“I’m heading out,” I announced before picking up a fry and biting it in half. Heaven.

“With the USC quarterback?” Anton cocked his head to the side, double-checking Calvin who stood ten feet away, waiting for me to finish saying my farewells.

“Yes, sir.” I stole another fry before blowing them kisses. “Catch ya laters.”

“Cara!”

Ah, the asshole of the year was amongst us. Where was he? Lurking in the shadows before finding the right opportunity to pester me? Yeah, he could go suck a toe—Hailey’s fucking toe.

Without glancing in his direction, I gave him the finger before marching off.

Trojan and I exited the venue with great relief. As much as I adored partying, Vegas was hardcore compared to the bars we frequented in LA. It was hard to keep up with the energy and the wild commitment to party like a rock star.

My spirits were lifted as we joked about playing strip poker. True, I hardly knew the man, but that was the whole point of tonight—to forget about my qualms.

We strode hand in hand through the halls of the hotel toward the bank of elevators to take us to the suite. Upon reaching my level, I pulled out the keycard to access the room.

“Can I get you something to drink?” I coyly asked the second we entered. Apparently, he and his friends were staying at a different hotel, and I didn’t see the point as to why I had to trek farther when I could use this room. River and co. would be partying until the break of dawn, so it would be of no consequence.

That sentiment lasted for another minute until I heard the front door savagely open, then in rushed a severe looking River. I had seen his anger in different stages, but this one topped the list. He flexed his hands, gearing for a fight.

Venomous eyes seared toward where Calvin stood. “Get the fuck out of here!”

The poor jock’s shocked expression didn’t cover the horror of his situation. “Cara told me she’s available. She’s not yours.”

“Oh, she’s mine. She’s been mine since she was eleven,” River jeered. I could literally see his rage about to explode like a viciously shaken uncorked champagne bottle.

Calvin seemed oblivious to who River was, or he didn’t give a hoot about his fame. As much as I loathed granting River my gaze, I knew I had to look at him so he could see the depths of my frustration. I didn’t need him to act like a bastard and shining armor for me.

“We’re just going to my room then, since you don’t look like you’re leaving any time soon.”

River growled like some uncontrolled animal ready to pounce. “I’m not leaving, and if it takes muscle to let this fucker out, then let’s have at it.” He flexed his arms then his neck, eyes a fiery inferno.

He was ready to brawl? WTF!

Shielding Calvin from River, I knew was a moronic move since Calvin was a jock, but River had months of serious MMA training, fencing and all sorts of rigorous exercises to prep his body for his role as a Viking. Calvin wouldn’t survive a minute with him.

“Enough!” I bellowed. This wasn’t the kind of fun I had in mind, not with Calvin ending up in ER.

“I’m going to lose my scholarship if I fight you,” I heard Calvin speak behind me, sounding defeated.

It seemed he had an idea who River was and what engaging him in a fight would entail. Damn, I quite liked the man.

“I’m sorry.”

Calvin shrugged like he wanted to put this horror behind him as he scrammed out of the suite.

It was right after the sound of the door being securely shut that River’s antagonizing demeanor shifted back to a normal human being. Well, good for him, because I wanted to fucking murder something. The second his eyes flickered toward me, I threw the nearest thing I could get ahold of—a saltshaker from the room service I had earlier on.

“You fucking maniac! What right do you have to fucking barge in here like you have every fucking right to control my life!”

“Ah, there’s the passionate Cara I know very well. I was wondering when that’d happen.” He actually had the gall to grin.

My entire system went into overdrive, seeing red. Completely going bonkers, I violently chucked my shoes at him, one after the other in hasty succession. But much to my chagrin, River caught both without much effort before dropping them on the floor, unperturbed.

“You bastard!” I screeched, advancing on him, wanting to hurt him somehow.

River immediately took hold of my hand, halting me. “Come here!” He hooked an arm around my waist, colliding my body against his. “Yes, I’m a jealous fool who can’t stand seeing you with another man. It’s fucking me up. I can’t fucking think or sleep. I just love you too damn much … I apologize if my love sickens you.”

Jealous, was he? Well, I didn’t give a damn.

“Don’t give me the same bullshit spiel about love when you’re in love with her, too. That’s what sickens me the most.” The lies, when would it stop?

“I’m not in love with Hailey,” he vehemently stated. He cradled my cheek, beseeching, “I’ve only loved one woman in my entire life and that’s you, Cara.”

“Stop lying to me.” My lips quivered before my tears fell. The floodgate ensued. “I hate you, and I will never forget it.” How belittling and irrelevant he made me feel by choosing Hailey over me on my birthday of all days.

“Baby, please.” There was a tremor in his tone, but I was beyond seeing his hurt.

“Let go of me,” I harshly demanded, almost spitting on his face as I tried to loosen from his tightened grip. “I said—let me go!” I shrieked as our eyes fought, but the man was unyielding, not lightening his shackles.

Consumed by every damning violent emotions, my palm unceremoniously found contact with his cheek. The slap burned my skin and left an imprint on his face, but he remained unmoving, uncaring if I was getting physical.

Pressing my lips together, I huffed air into my lungs, ready to strike him again, before I made a ferocious growl. Then he kissed me.

It was punishing, titillating, a mating of senses as he sought to balm his pain. He kissed me like I held the answer, like I alone could chase his demons away. Like I could make him whole again.

“Mine,” he gruffly stated before delving into my lips again. Gently, he pushed me against the wall, destroying, consuming everything that I was, everything that I had been. He demanded it all. “Mine.”

No, my mind kept responding, wanting to send him to hell, but my body gave him free reign. His touch was my kryptonite.

With a mind of its own, my hand went south, taking control as it hazardously unbuttoned and unzipped his pants. I let out an animalistic sound when my hand grappled his endowed manhood.

“Jesus, I hate how I want you,” I hissed as he let my lips go and began to nip on the skin on my neck, huffing, growling as he felt my hand jerk him the way he loved, hard and tight, fitting like a glove in my hand, just as he had demanded me over the years.

Opening my legs a little wider while my mini dress rode up, rolling over my hips, I led his cock toward my wet crevice, potently out of my mind at the anticipation of him driving his need into my pussy.

I cried out with divine pain and pleasure when I felt him slap my clit, sending sweet tremors all over my body.

“Please, I need you …” To push your hips. To fill me with that cock.

At my unsubtle command, River thrusted, slipping his cock halfway into my juiced-up channel before taking over my lips once more.

Closing my eyes, I became lost as we rutted and mated like animals, making love as I clung to him, gasping, begging for him to end this incessant yearning to feel him come inside my womb. There was nothing more powerful than that very moment; us connected as one, the yin to my yang, the positive to my negative, the ugly to my beautiful, the love to my hate. We were one—one body, one mind—consumed and driven by one greater factor, the essential ingredient in life—love.

I loved him, but I would rather die than utter those words out loud. He was my crucible, but I would rather carry on with my life than surrender to my heart’s primal commitment to him.

After our wild romp against the wall, I was beyond spent as he gently carried me into his room and held me like he didn’t want to let me go. My thoughts ran riot, but my spent body gave in to the exhaustion, submitting to unconsciousness.

Sometime later, I awoke in the same position.

What time is it? I wondered as I tried to move, but his arm was locked in place.

“You’re not getting rid of me just yet,” River’s stern, unbending voice whispered into my ear. “Just a little more, then you can go as you please.”

He was singing a different tune. Could he really be serious this time?

“You’re really going to let me go?”

“I am,” he stated, unfaltering.

Good, because I didn’t plan on staying in his bed.

“You probably wish that I fall in love with her, huh?” he asked out of the blue, breaking me out of my damning thoughts.

Wish? Hardly. But it seemed going back to that wretched Hailey would make him feel like a man, so he could go ahead and get on with his life.

“I won’t care.” Maybe they deserved each other, the lying lot.

He laughed mockingly. “I know. You don’t have to say it. I already know you don’t give a flying fuck if I die tomorrow. I get it. I’m nothing to you.”

“Then why do you keep me imprisoned in your arms!”

“Because this will be the last time. I’m quitting you, too.”

His words stabbed deeply into my heart. It was moronic since I kept telling him that I wanted him to leave me, be with someone else. However, it was different when those statements came out of his lips.

Not wanting to dwell on the madness that ensued in my mind, I felt suffocated. Like a knee-jerk reaction, I had to get away so I could breathe.

“I have to book my flight for tomorrow.”

River was still unrelenting as I tried to yank his arm away to no avail.

“I’ll have a jet ready for you. I’ll take care of it.”

Damn him. Why did he still feel the urge to take care of me after all that’s happened?

“You don’t have to do that.”

“It’s not a big deal,” he reassured me before I felt his lips against my ear, freezing me in place. “Promise me something?”

“What?” I croaked out, still holding my breath.

“Don’t marry unless the love is greater than ours.” His words intonated emotions that weren’t being spoken out loud.

His request would prove to be difficult.

“I promise,” I lied.

What else could I say? I knew in my heart of hearts that I wasn’t going to love any man the way I loved him. It was impossible to replicate this beautiful madness. He knew that. I knew that.

I stayed awhile. Five hours to be precise, before it was time for me to leave.

River delivered. While we were in bed, he managed to get everything done with a quick phone call. He didn’t see me out, but I knew when I left his room, he was wide-awake, though pretending to be asleep. We didn’t exchange good-byes because how many times did we have to put ourselves through that? Our silence said it all.

Anton had all the markings of a man who had the time of his life, sleeping with his mouth open with slight drool leaking out. I kissed his forehead before wheeling out my belongings. There was a limo waiting for me, all thanks to River, to take me to the airstrip.