CHAPTER FIVE
Millie
The days seemed to drag on, and the nightmares failed to let up. No matter how much I tried to let go of what had happened, it didn’t help. Then, to make matters worse, the one man who could still the madness inside me refused to talk to me.
It had been two weeks since Daddy caught Drew in my bedroom. Drew had taken the warning my daddy gave him far more seriously than he should’ve. My daddy was a brute, but his heart was soft. I knew by the look in his eyes he knew Drew had done nothin’ wrong, and I’d be damned if I didn’t get Daddy to apologize for scarin’ the livin’ daylights out of him.
I was fed up and alone in my own misery. The asshole I had found Drew to be in the beginning was now the one thing I felt I needed to get through the day. He was my savior, and yet he refused to talk to me or even meet my eyes.
“You goin’ to eat something?” Nora questioned, coming up behind me. Startled, I jumped as her voice met my ears.
“Uhh… I’m not really hungry.” I wrung my hands together nervously, my eyes settling on Drew’s form in the bull pin. He was shirtless and sweating up a storm. With a simple, innocent look, that man made my knees weak.
“The way you’re staring at him is almost stalkerish…” I turned, coming face to face with Nora. She was smirking as if she knew something I didn’t. Her dark eyes flickered with amusement.
“He’s a fine specimen to stare at, and it ain’t like Daddy allows any other good-looking men out here. If he had it his way we would be married to a chicken,” I teased, though I was kind of serious. Daddy was protective, as he should be.
“Well, here then…” Nora shifted and then turned around, grabbing something off the counter behind her. A paper plate with a sandwich, chips, and piece of pie were shoved into my hands. I stared down at them wondering why the hell she was giving them to me. Drew didn’t want anything to do with me; he wouldn’t even talk to me.
“What’s this for?” I questioned, hoping she wasn’t going where I thought she was.
Her dark brow rose as she pointed out the window. “Him.” I should've dropped the plate then, but I didn’t. Instead, I moved in the direction of the front door, feeling as if an electric current was pulling me in his direction.
“Oh, and this too…” She squeaked, shoving a milk jug full of lemonade at me. I rolled my eyes and took the jug, pushing through the screen door. I shivered away my nerves and swallowed as I strutted out to Drew, balancing the food on the flimsy paper plate all while managing to carry the gallon of lemonade without dropping anything.
My feet carried me across the gravel and over to where Drew stood, staring out into the field. I could hear my heartbeat pulsing in my ears.
“Umm, here.” My voice wobbled and my knees went weak as he turned around, squinting from the sunlight above. His coffee brown gaze moved over my body from my face down my torso and to the tips of my toes, and when he finally came back up to my eyes, I knew he was feeling a smidge of the emotions I was.
“You make this?” he made small conversation.
“No, Nora does all the cooking. I just…” What did I do?
“You what?” He cocked an eyebrow, his voice rough but void of all emotion. I hated not knowing what it was that he was feeling or thinking.
“I’m just…me…” I forced a smile, even though I desperately wanted to talk about everything that was running through my mind.
“Let’s sit in the barn. The heat is wicked today,” he mumbled through bites and headed off in the direction of the barn. I followed behind him and settled onto a hay bale right next to him.
“I….” I stumbled over my words. “I want to talk about it, about everything…” I would beg, even plead for him to stay here with me to simply talk to me.
“There ain’t nothing to talk about, Millie.” Drew was callous and cold now, the warmth he had admitted just moments ago having dissipated.
“You can’t seriously believe that, can you?” Silence ticked by. “I mean, I don’t know what my daddy said to you, but no matter what it is, he didn’t mean it. He ain’t no mean man. He doesn’t even have a gun.” I didn’t want to lose this moment with him. I was grasping at straws trying to make him stay and talk to me.
“I ain’t talking about it, Millie.” His strong jaw clenched with some type of emotion.
“No, you are.” I shoved him in the shoulder, the plate in his hand slipping to the ground in front of him. His eyes lifted from the hay-covered barn floor where the plate sat and back up to me.
“Stop being a brat and run along, Millie.” I licked my lips, his gravelly voice making my heart flutter out of my chest.
I knew what I was about to do was bold and possibly reckless as hell, but none of that mattered. I threw caution to the wind when it came to Drew.
“No. You can’t tell me what to do. I want to talk, and we’re going to talk,” I ordered while throwing a leg over Drew’s jean clad one. His eyes stayed on mine, but his body went rigid under my touch. I was straddling him now, forcing him to see me, really see me.
“Get the hell off me before I remove you, and I won’t be gentle about it…” There was a glint in his eyes that told me otherwise, that he liked having me on his lap.
“I’m not scared of you. If anything, I’m fearless because of you.” My hands shook as I lifted them, placing them against his ragged heartbeat. His skin was slick with sweat, and my eyes glazed over as I stared at his tattoos.
“Watch yourself, darlin’. I might seem as if I’m tamed by your touch, but there isn’t anything stopping me from being just like him.” Him? I nibbled on my bottom lip. Drew was nothing like Matt. There wasn’t even a comparison to be made.
“Stop trying to scare me,” I ordered, gripping him by the chin and forcing his eyes to meet mine. His body was tight and hard as steel beneath my fingers.
“No,” he growled, his fingers digging painfully hard into my hips. He was warning me, reminding me that if he wanted to, he could hurt me.
“Yes,” I countered, shoving him in the chest. Fire flickered in his eyes, and I liked—hell, I missed—seeing the flame of desire in them.
“You ain’t worth the risk, Millie. Yeah, you’d be a nice fuck, but the risk outweighs the reward, and I ain’t got time to deal with a virgin.” I squeezed my eyes shut. His words stung, but I wouldn’t admit that out loud to him.
He doesn’t mean it.
“I just wanted to tell you thank you, for…for protecting me that night.” I tried hard not to remember the details of that night, and thankfully, I had consumed enough beer to only remember bits and pieces, but what I did remember would haunt me forever.
“I was merely doing what any man would do. Don’t take it for something it ain’t.” His nostrils flared and his grip on my hips grew harder. “Now, get off me before I make you get off me.”
Gently, I cupped his cheek and leaned into his face, wanting to stoke the fire that existed inside him. It wouldn’t be hard to either; a simple kiss would do just that.
“I feel different when I’m around you, like nothing can touch me, and like I’m whole instead of a person missing a piece to her puzzle.” I scanned his face, noticing the mask he put on had slipped a bit.
“Get. Off. Me.” Each word was a growl, and punctuated as so.
“No,” I whispered against his lips before pressing my full ones against his. For a moment, he stayed still, his grip still hard and his body still rigid underneath my fingertips. Then the air shifted, and a sizzle of electricity shot down my spine, his steel touch melting to nothing more than a gentle caress.
He kissed me back, his lips gently nibbling at mine. I could feel my entire world coming together as we became one in that moment, and then, just like all good things, it ended. Drew realized what it was that he was doing and how much he enjoyed doing it and shoved from the hay bale. His harsh movement sent me tumbling to the ground on my ass my dress riding up from the movement.
“Don’t kiss a man unless you’re prepared for what comes next,” he hissed, pain and anger raging in those brown depths. Tears filled my eyes as the connection between us severed.
“I need you,” I softly sobbed into the dirt-covered floor, my nails scraping against the wood. Drew had saved me and made me feel something that no one ever had before, and now he wanted nothing to do with me.
“Stop. Get up off the floor and quit your crying.” There was a coldness in his words as I laid there disobeying what he had said. I wanted him to know I was grateful for him being here, and I wanted to talk to him.
“Please, Drew…” I lifted my head, staring up at him, his fisted hands at his sides while his chest heaved.
One second I was on the floor, and the next I wasn’t, his huge hand engulfing my arm while he forced me from the floor.
“What you want from me, sweetness? You want me to break? You want your daddy to kill me, because that’s what’s going to happen if he finds us together again…” Drew spoke through clenched teeth. His hair was a disheveled mess, and his eyes were wild. He wanted me, and I wanted him, so what was stopping us?
“I just want you, Drew.” Tears lingered in my eyes as he hauled me across the floor, forcing my back to the barn wall. His touch was gentle, but his body language told me he was barely restraining himself.
“You want me, after everything that’s happened? After that fuckface felt you up and hurt you? You want me?” He ground his hips into my center, the rough denim of his jeans biting into my exposed thigh.
He was hard. His cock was hard and large and…
“See, you don’t want me. You’re terrified.” He ground his center into me once more just to prove a point, a whimper slipping regretfully from my lips right then.
“I do want you. I want you to talk to me. To stop ignoring me. I want to talk about everything that happened, about us.” I laid it all out on the line, praying that he would give into my touch and pleas for more.
A scary laugh ripped from his throat, and I almost cried out as he held me in place, his knee, moving between my thighs and forcing my back up the barn wall, only stopping once I was level with him and nearly a foot or two off the ground.
“What I want and what you want, darlin’, are two very different things. I want you the same way that fuckface wants you. The only difference is that I won’t take from you unless you beg me for it. Would you beg me for it?” Drew’s voice dripped of sex, and I wanted to give into his command so badly.
My body shook with need and fear of what would happen next. “No, I want more than that.” I shook my head; dark golden locks of my hair escaped my ears and fell across my face. Drew’s grip on me went slack as he removed his leg from between my thighs. I slipped down the barn wall my fingers clinging to his bare chest.
“If you want more from me, then you’ll need to find someone else. I ain’t risking shit for you anymore, Millie. Your daddy would kill me for touching you, and I got plans to live a long, happy life.” I fisted the hem of my dress, anger filling my belly.
“What happened to you? You were fine, everything was just fine. Then you just…you stopped talking to me. You’re the only thing I look forward to every morning.” I was aware I was baring my heart to him.
“Let it go, Millie, because if you don’t, I’ll have to make you, and I don’t want to hurt you any more than I already have.” Those brown eyes I wanted to sink into softened.
Anger seared me in my place. I cared for this man, and I wasn’t going to just let him rule me. I was going to make him want me until all he could do was see me.
“I’m not giving up, Drew. I’m not,” I promised, shoving past him and out of the barn. I would make him want me. I would make him beg for me.