CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Millie
Before opening my door, I paused in the hallway, contemplating whether or not I should march back down the stairs and go into Drew’s room and order him to tell me what it was he was talking about and with whom. I was worried about him. The look in his eyes was pure savage and one I had never seen before.
I took a deep breath and decided against it. Whatever it was that was going on was bad, being that I’d never seen like him that before. He was visibly shaken.
The longer I thought about it, the more I didn’t understand him or how we could go from making love one minute to him barely lookin’ me in the eyes to say goodnight. I thought we were past that bullshit. I thought he…loved me.
I shook my head, climbing into bed, my emotions reeling. Whoever it was he was talking to, he warned, which made me more curious about what kind of secrets he was keepin’ hidden and why he was keepin’ them from me, of all people?
I tried to jar a thought from my mind where maybe he had said somethin’, but everything I knew about was stuff that everyone else knew, too. There were no secrets that he told me that no one else knew.
Golden boy. Prom king. Star quarterback.
I rattled off the things, thinking harder. He had lost his grandparents, but that wasn’t a secret. Everyone knew about their passing. It was just a surprise how sudden and quick their deaths were to each other. I knew nothing about Drew or his family, and if I was bein’ honest, it kind of bothered me. Everything about the man was a mystery. Maybe that was why I was so drawn to him.
I woke up in the middle of the night, my bladder about to explode. I slipped from my bedroom quietly and into the bathroom. I did my business and then washed my hands.
Daddy’s hoarse coughs shook me to my bones, and I panicked. I quickly dried my hands with a towel before rushing out of the bathroom and into his room. My eyes honed in on him. He was sittin’ up on his bed with the light on, coughing furiously.
I ran over to him and grabbed the glass from his nightstand to go fill it with more water, then I brought it back to him. But he didn’t take it. He couldn’t.
He was coughin’ too hard and couldn't get in any air. Fear seized me. I had to do something.
“Drew!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. “Drew!” I screamed again, and within seconds he was barreling up the stairs. I heard him open my door first, so I hollered again. “Drew! In Daddy's room.” Drew busted into the room, his eyes fixated on Daddy.
Daddy's face was turnin’ blue, his cheeks were puffin’ up with each cough, and the veins in his temples started poppin’ out. I stood there in shock, frozen, not knowin’ what the hell I could do to help him. The coughs kept comin’, one after the other without a break in between for him to catch his breath.
“Hey, man. Try to relax.” Drew placed a calming hand on his shoulder as he spoke. Then it hit me: He was who I hollered for. I didn’t holler for Nora.
Daddy brought his shaky hand up and pointed to his dresser vigorously. Drew followed his point and tapped each drawer until Daddy gave him a thumbs up. Drew dug through the drawer and finally pulled something out: an inhaler. An inhaler? Daddy had always been so healthy. I never knew he even had one of those.
I watched Drew’s calm and collected nature and how my daddy seemed to be at ease with him. And that’s all I did, stood frozen in fear. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t force my feet closer to Daddy. But that seemed to be okay because Drew was takin’ care of it.
Daddy placed the inhaler to his lips, pressed the button on top, and inhaled deeply. He was still coughin’ hard, but I could tell he was relaxin’ a bit with Drew there beside him, and the inhaler was helpin’.
I finally was able to lift my feet and step toward Daddy with the glass of water, condensation already forming on the glass from my palms sweating against the cold water. I reached the glass out to Daddy and he took, hands still shaking slightly, so I helped him get it to his mouth and sat down on his bed next to him. No one said a word for a couple of minutes, but then Daddy spoke up.
“I’m okay, sweetheart. I’m fine, just a bad cough.” He pulled me into his side with his grip around my shoulder.
“Daddy…” I looked up at him and felt wetness against my cheek.
“We all know you’re not okay.”
“Oh, sweetie. But I am. I’ve got y’all here, and that makes everything okay.” He wiped my tear with his rough thumb. Drew stepped over to us and rubbed Daddy’s shoulder, ending it with a quick tap.
“You get some rest. You need anything, I’m always here.” Drew’s voice was soft but firm. His eyes met mine, speaking much more than any words he could have said right now. All I needed for reassurance that he would be there was that one look in those deep, coffee-colored eyes.
And while Drew walked away, leaving the room quietly, I sat there for a while longer, cherishing Daddy’s embrace, breathing in his musky scent and praying that I’d never forget his smell, the scruff of his cheeks, or how his strong, rough hands could be so gentle.
I couldn’t lose him. Not today, not tomorrow.
“I can’t lose you,” I murmured against his cheek, squeezing him tighter around the middle. A single tear slid down his cheek.
“I’ll always be here, even if I’m not here in physical form. We live on in those we leave behind, sweetie.” Daddy tried to soothe me, to convince me that losing him was going to be okay, but I didn’t want to lose him. I just didn’t, and it wouldn’t be okay.
***
The days passed in a blur, Daddy trying to convince himself he wasn’t sick while the rest of us clung to him, just wanting to enjoy what time was left.
Things with Drew were tense and complicated, to say the least. He hadn’t touched me since that night in the shower, and I was starting to feel the walls come back up between us. I missed his touch, his kisses, his caress, and I realized then just how much I needed him in my life.
Then again, I couldn’t be with someone that hid things from me, and Drew was hiding something, I just knew it.
I was gazing out the window when I should’ve been studying the textbook in my hand, resting it on my knees as I watched Daddy and Drew discussing something out by the barn.
“You two might be able to pull the wool over Daddy’s eyes, but ya can’t hide anything from me.” Nora’s laughter filtered into my ears from the kitchen.
“I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.” Nora wasn’t the type to tattle on me—we had never been that way with each other—but she also couldn’t be fooled.
“You know damn well what I’m talkin’ about, Mill. I see the way you two look at each other as if no one else is in your guys’ world. Not to mention the fact that when Daddy was havin’ a coughin’ spell a few nights ago you didn’t holler out for me like you normally would’ve. You hollered out for him.” Nora kept her eyes on the dishes in the sink as she scrubbed a plate with a soapy sponge.
“What? I thought you were sleepin’ that night, dead to the world. That’s why I didn’t take the chance of hollerin’ for you and you not hearin’ me.” I couldn’t make eye contact with her and fib straight to her face.
“Millie, I was standin’ outside the door peekin’ in and makin’ sure everything was okay. Drew seemed to have it handled much more than I would have, and I didn’t want to walk in and take that away from him. He knew what he was doin’, and I knew that Daddy was fine.” Nora stopped scrubbing, and I could feel her eyes on me. I took a deep breath and sighed, then looked over to her.
“Fine, okay. Fine. You’re right,” I admitted, shutting my textbook and placing it up on the counter since I wasn’t payin’ attention to it anyhow. I stood and walked away from her, pretending to look for something in the cabinets.
“You didn’t have to say it, Millie. You could have kept your pride a lil while longer. I already knew.” Nora spat out a loud laugh. “So, what happened between you two that weekend?”
My cheeks flushed and I swallowed hard. She couldn’t know what we had done. There was no evidence. “Nothin’, just what we already said. Drew worked, and I studied, then we went up to the drive-in.” I bit the inside of my cheek, trying to stop the rest of the truth from spillin’ off my tongue. But she gave me those eyes like Momma always did when she knew I was keepin’ somethin’ from her. Turnin’, she placed her hands on her hips and arched a brow at me.
“We better get started on dinner. They’re gonna be done soon,” I quickly changed the subject with a mischievous smile plastered on my face that I couldn’t hide.
“Ooh! You dirty bird! I need to know, now!” Nora squealed and followed me around the kitchen. “Tell me! How was it? Was it big?”
“Oh, God. Yes, Nora!” I confessed and licked my lips.
Nora’s eyes widened. “Go on!”
“The burger was huge and so juicy, and the malt was so creamy. I couldn’t get enough.” I began laughing hysterically, and Nora slapped my arm.
“Ugh! You’re such a brat sometimes.” Nora rolled her eyes and put the dishrag down next to the sink.
Opening the fridge, I grabbed the minute steaks, the milk, and the eggs out. I set them down on the counter and Nora grabbed a couple plates and a big bowl out of the cupboard.
“Ya know, I could always ask him,” she teased, her eyes twinkling with mischief as she turned around to face me. The blood drained from my cheeks.
She wouldn’t, would she?
“Fine. Ask him,” I challenged her. We stared at each other for a long moment before bursting out into laughter together.
“You totally screwed him. It’s written all over your face.” I shook my head, golden brown locks falling into my face as I stuck my tongue out at her.
“Guess we’ll never know, will we?” I taunted.
“Actually, I already know, brat, so you’re wrong,” Nora countered, and we went back and forth. She knew, and I didn’t have a problem with it. With Momma gone, I needed someone to talk to about it since Daddy was completely out of the question.
The sound of gravel crunching beneath tires filled the air. Nora and I both lifted our eyes from the task at hand and out the window that overlooked the long, winding driveway. A flashy silver BMW came down the driveway.
What the hell was going on? I moved over toward the door, my heart stopping in my chest as a man I’d never seen before exited the vehicle. He was wearing a black suit with shiny shoes and was around Daddy’s age. He stuck out like a sore thumb as he looked around before walking in the direction of the porch.
My eyes moved up and down his form. He was fit for being older, his face wrinkled and worn like leather, though he was handsome in a grandpa kind of way. His hair was dark and slicked back in an old man way.
“Hello there?” He removed his dark sunglasses from his eyes and pierced me with a stare. Blue eyes the color of the ocean seared through me. I couldn’t find my voice, not even if I tried. I didn’t have the first clue who this guy was or why he was here.
Opening the screen door, I walked out onto the porch and Nora followed behind me.
“If you’re lookin’ for my daddy, he’s down by the farm,” Nora directed the mysterious man. I got a bad feelin’ from him, and I couldn’t place my finger on the reason why. People didn’t come around here in cars like that. People ‘round here drove pickup trucks and old cars covered in dust and dirt.
Looking away from the mysterious man, something caught my attention, and my eyes drifted to Drew who was sprintin’ up to us like he was runnin’ the ball on the football field for a winning touchdown.
Determination and fury were burnin’ in his eyes.
The man reached for my hand, and I offered it to him as he placed a gentle kiss on the top of it, heating searing into my bones at the touch of his lips against my skin. His eyes lifted to mine and then he smiled at me and looked in Drew’s direction, watching as he approached us.
“Well, hello there, Drew. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you.” The man’s voice went from gentle and soothing to dark and menacing in seconds.
My body tingled as Drew grew near, and before I could say anything, Drew cocked back his fist and connected it with the mystery man’s face, blood instantly gushing from his nose. The man laughed devilishly, with the crimson liquid dripping down from his nose and onto his lips. He wiped at the blood with the back of his hand while a gasp left my throat.
What the hell?
I couldn’t get my lips to move fast enough. It was as if they were lodged in my throat. My eyes moved from the mystery man before me and then to Drew. He was breathing hard, his eyes burning with rage. He looked like a bull that was ready to charge.
“I told you,” Drew gritted out, his eyes moving over me so quickly it was as if I wasn’t there at all.
“And I told you I didn’t care for your warnings.” I knew then that these two knew each other and somewhere in my mind, it clicked. This was the man he had been talking to that night I heard him on the phone, the night he all but gave me up.
I looked over my shoulder to Nora who was staring just as I was, with eyes as wide as saucers. Drew righted himself then, a coldness rolling off his shoulders and outward.
“Get into your fancy ass car and get the fuck off this property, Alan.” Drew’s voice was stone cold and harder than a ton of bricks.
“I do believe I’ve still got a business proposition to make here, so where do I find the man of this house?” Alan sneered at Drew, and I stepped toward him, grabbin’ his arm to keep him from swingin’ again.
A business proposition? Maybe Daddy was going into business with him?
“Shhh… Just let him talk to Daddy. It’ll be okay,” I whispered in Drew’s ear, my body right up tight against his, tryin’ to calm him, but it didn’t work. He wiggled right out of my grip.
“You talk to him, and I’m gonna castrate you, mother fucker.” The words slid out through Drew’s gritted teeth as he clenched his jaw tight.
I didn’t know what to say or do. I couldn’t stand seeing Drew this way, and I didn’t know who this Alan guy was.
Thankfully, Daddy came ridin’ up on his tractor right then. I glanced to Daddy but noticed Alan giving Drew an evil grin out of the corner of my eye.
He rubbed his hands together, forgetting about the blood that marred his hand. “Looks like that’s the man I came here to speak with.”
Parking the tractor and turnin’ it off, Daddy looked between Alan and Drew, his eyes going wide before he hollered to Nora.
“Nora, go on and get this man a wet rag!” he demanded firmly. “What in the hell is goin’ on here, fellas?” Looking at Daddy now, you wouldn’t have known he was sick.
“He was just leavin’,” Drew snarled, sending goose bumps down my skin. Whoever this man was, Drew wanted nothing to do with him.
“Well, dinner should be done or damn near it, no sense in fightin’, y’all. Let’s gather ‘round the table, peacefully.” Daddy was stern with his demand but spoke with a smile on his face, even though he didn’t mean it. He wanted to know what this Alan man came for, and he wasn’t lettin’ him leave without hearin’ him.
Daddy hopped down off the tractor, his legs wobbly as he tried to right himself. My heart sank into my stomach as I moved closer to him.
“Gettin’ old sure does suck.” He laughed it off and led the way up the porch and into the house just as Nora came runnin’ out with the wet washrag Daddy had asked for. She moved out of Daddy’s way, holdin’ the door open for all of us, but Drew stopped and let her walk in ahead of him. Alan took the washcloth with a thank you to Nora.
“Your house is beautiful,” he complimented Daddy, having only been inside the kitchen. His presence gave me an eerie feeling.
“Thank you. Now what’d ya say your name was?” Daddy swiped at the sweat that clung to his forehead with his handkerchief.
“I didn’t get the chance, actually.” Alan’s blue eyes darkened as he shot Drew a look that would’ve frozen me in place. “I’m Alan, Drew’s uncle. It’s so nice to meet ya’ll.” He faked a smile. He was trying too hard, and if Daddy didn’t see it, then we had a problem.
Daddy’s dark eyes moved over Alan before he looked to me. “You’ve got some blood on your fancy shirt, and if ya don’t get it out soon, it’s gonna stain, or so my daughter Millie always says.” My Daddy snickered, and Alan’s eyes moved from his shirt and then to me.
There was a curiosity that bloomed in those dark blues.
Drew had been standing by the door, but after noticing the flicker of interest in his uncle’s eyes at my name, he was standing right beside me, the heat of his body slamming into mine.
“Ahhh, Millie…” My name rolled off his tongue. “She has a name.” Drew grunted next to me as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t. Daddy noticed Drew’s discomfort but didn’t say anything either, and I was starting to get uncomfortable with the whole situation.
“Dinner’s just about done if y’all wanna take a seat,” Nora announced, placing a basket of rolls on the dinner table. Nora didn’t care for the manly drama that was taking place, and usually, I didn’t either, but Drew’s anger and rage had appeared out of nowhere, and now this man was here. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but it wasn’t a mere coincidence, I’d tell ya.
Alan shrugged out of his suit jacket and placed it on the back of the wooden chair before unbuttoning his wrists, then he unbuttoned the front.
“I hope it’s not too much to do this…” Alan smiled at me, and I cringed as he shrugged out of the button-down, my eyes moving to a large scar that covered almost his entire upper arm. Deep divots marred his skin, all of them pink, purple, and red in color.
Had someone burned him? A gagging sound met my ears, and I shifted toward Drew as he muttered something under his breath before hauling ass in the direction of the bathroom. I followed behind him, catching the door in my hands right as he was slamming it, the force of the door knocking the air from my lungs. I stood straighter, righting myself before slipping into the bathroom and closing us inside.
My eyes took in Drew as he spilled his breakfast and lunch into the toilet. The contents of my own stomach threatened to come up at the sight.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” I asked, holding a hand over my mouth.
“Jesus Christ…” Drew sighed, turning on me as if he was shocked that I had followed him. Like I was going to let him walk away any longer. No way. He wiped at his lips with the back of his hand. His face was sweaty, and his dark eyes looked hollow, as if he’d just seen a ghost.
I knew that look because I felt it every time I thought of my momma.
Something was haunting him… somethin’ that he was scared of. I knew if a man like Drew was scared, then I should be, too.
“Tell me, please,” I begged, his body turning away from me as he flushed the evidence of his fear down the toilet and washed his hands. When he was finally done and facing me again, the look I had seen was gone.
“Tell ya what? I ain’t got anythin’ to say, and if I were ya, I wouldn’t have followed me in here ‘cause I’m pretty sure I’ve got some stomach bug or somethin’.” Shock wasn’t an emotion that I felt often, but Drew made me feelin’ it right at that moment.
“Liar. You’re such a liar, lying to me about the phone call, about that man out there. What’s really going on?” I hissed, standing in front of the only exit. If he wanted out of this room, he would have to answer me or go through me at the very least.
“You don’t understand when somethin’ ain’t your goddamn business, do ya? Ya just push and push until you get what you want, huh?” He was in my face, his words spat at me like I was below him. They stung, crunching my feelings like they were nothin’. Drew was s’posed to trust me now and he didn’t. That or he thought he was protectin’ me again when really he was just hurtin’ me.
Something inside me snapped. I wasn’t afraid of this bull. No matter how much he flared his nostrils at me and snarled his lip, I wouldn't back down.
“You.” I shoved a finger into the center of his chest. “This is on you. If you’d been honest from the start, we wouldn’t be stuck in this bathroom right now.”
I could visibly see the frustration inside of him. He was angry that I was pushing the matter, and I was angry that he wasn’t telling me the truth.
“There are things ya don’t need to know about me. We aren’t together, Millie, and even if we were, I’m not dumb enough to spill all my secrets. Sometimes, we have things we hold inside… I’m sure even you’ve got things.” I narrowed my eyes, pulling away from him so I could cross my arms over my chest.
“Again, you're ignoring the problem, merely brushing it off, and let me just tell you, Drew Weston, I’m doin’ my best to be a good friend here, and you’re just bein’ mean and hateful and…”
A crude laugh escaped his firm lips. “Friend? Do you let all your friends come inside you?” My mouth popped open and then slammed closed. My nails digging into my palm as I itched to slap the stupid right out of him.
“Do you fuck all your friends?” I countered, and he grinned, once again getting what he wanted by changing the subject and hurting me all at once. This was getting us nowhere real quick.
“Actually, most of the friends I have that are girls are ones I’ve screwed, so welcome to the club, darlin’…” Anger zinged through me, and I unleashed the pain in a hard smack against his right cheek, the contact of his skin against mine burning.
“Don’t you ever talk to a woman like me like that ever again. Understood?” I spat my words laced with pain and fury. If he thought I was anythin’ like the others he had been with then he sorely mistaken. Drew’s eyes narrowed in on mine, the soft brown in them bleeding to black as his hands dug into my shoulders, lifting me up to where our lips were aligned.
“Don’t hit me ever again. Understood?” he whispered sternly against my lips and kissed me hard, then planted me back on my feet before him.
“Don’t be stupid and I won’t. All I want is to be there for you, to support you when shit’s goin’ on that brings you down. If all I ever end up bein’ is a best friend to you, then I’ll deal with that.” My body tingled all over from his kiss.
“If you wanna know the truth then meet me outside after dinner and I’ll tell ya the truth.” He gave me one last onceover with his eyes before gripping the door handle and exiting the bathroom. I sagged against the wall, my insides turning to mush. Drew was going to tell me the truth. He was going to let me in.
Maybe there was still hope for us, or maybe I was just being optimistic?