Jiraiya

The Morning After

 

I woke up with a headache, where was I? The huge bed that I was in felt unfamiliar. What in the name of the Lord had happened here? The taste of alcohol clung heavily to my taste buds…

I stood up from the bed and held my head in my hands.

What have I done?

The memories came pouring in like a raging flood. “Fuck!” I exclaimed and looked around the room for Karine. “Karine,” I called out but no answer. I walked across the floor to the bathroom, but she wasn’t there either. I took my cell phone from the attached clip on my pants and called Karine. Karine, the only person who showed me more care than I showed myself.

“Karine!” I shouted at the phone.

“Good morning to you too,” she greeted in a cool tone.

“I’m sorry, I made a mistake,” the words flew out my mouth of their own accord.

“You did?” Her voice changed while she was waiting for the rest of my words, while she was waiting for something.

“I don’t remember anything from last night,” I changed my mind at the last second to explain myself further. Karine deserved so much more than the likes of me.

“Oh, well… We were at the club and after a few drinks I got a call and I needed to go…. We said our goodbyes, what happened then, I have no idea." She responded.

“Are you sure?” I wanted her to curse me out, tell me to go to hell or something. I held my breath. Hell, maybe I had dreamed up last night. Alcohol and meds might make me hallucinate.

“I need to go, Jiraiya. I spent the night at my mom’s house last night. Oh, and if you don’t mind...can we can keep this going out thing between ourselves, please? Your parents would be mad if they knew that I was partying with you and that we had too much to alcohol,” she said.

“Oh, come on. You won’t be fired,” I said, trying not to roll my eyes or say something sarcastic. “I am the one paying you, not my parents.”

“Okay. I need to go,” she muttered and ended the call.

Alone again.  I felt a sadness overcome me like the sadness I felt when I lost Gracen. Somehow, someway this felt much worse. I can’t help feeling like I’ve disappointed Karine. Slowly, I made my way to the shower and stood under the hot steaming spray. I dressed and left the room, and the quietness of the darkened club behind. I felt simply dejected.

“She is angry…” I whispered to myself.

Karine still wasn’t at my place when I got there, but there were several messages from my parents.  Father was wondering where I was. Amazingly, I can have the whole world and my parents will still think that I am a child. Shit!

I somehow managed to do some much-needed work, sign some contracts, and call my secretary to extract orders, all from my home office. I heard the front door open and close, before hearing footsteps go past my open office doorway. Karine looked straight ahead, never glancing inside to see me sitting behind my desk.

I stood and walked to her bedroom, but she wasn’t there. Sighing, I walked further down the hall to my bedroom and she was waiting for me in my room. I thought that now she’d say something, but she sat in a nearby chair completely ignoring me; I did the same.

“Finally, I spoke. I had breakfast already, you can have the morning free,” I said, not wanting to gaze into her expressive brown eyes.

Karine just nodded, stood and walked out the room without one word. Alone again, I felt different. Not just different because of what happened, but the pain has returned. I knew that I was supposed to tell her when my condition had changed to almost unbearable, but I remained silent. The day passed, and I continued to remain silent with thoughts of Karine being never too far away…

Later that day a knock woke me from an uncomfortable nap.

“Yes?” I called out wiping sleep from my eyes as I sat up on the side of the bed, expecting Karine. But my father entered the bedroom instead.

“Where were you yesterday and this morning?” He asked.

“Good day to you, Father,” I said, ignoring his question.

“Answer my question, Jiraiya.” He was stubborn but not just that. His face held a deep crease between his brows. Worried; his face was a palette of emotions, but his sadness stood out “I was by the lake,” I lied to him, looking him directly in the eyes.

“Is that a reason why you stink of alcohol?” He asked, not believing, knowing that I was lying to him.

“Maybe.”

“How the hell did Miss Banks allow this to happen? Where is she by the way? She will be fired, you know that?” He asked, looking more than serious.

“She will not,” I stated.

“I told you that it wasn't a good idea to hire her. She doesn’t even have a degree in nursing. Plus, she is different than us,” my father said.

“Really? Is her skin color more important than who she is?” I asked, not believing that my father was still trying to rule my affairs.

“You know you aren’t supposed to drink with your medication! She knew it, too,” he shouted, seeming to lose patience.

“It wasn’t her fault. It was all my idea, everything was my idea,” I said.

“Sure, but she is here to stop your stupid ideas,” he stated, his face turning fiery red. What’s going on here Son? Are you falling for your black caregiver? I surely hope not!”

I found it difficult to deal with my father when he was in this state of mind. He always found a reason to dislike the women that I brought home, but he was not going to do the same to Karine. I did not have the strength to argue with him, so I told him no, that I wasn’t falling for the hired help, just so that he would leave me alone. I needed some quietude in my life, so I could suffer in peace.

Father left, and I finally spoke to Karine. I talked with her and hoped my words were enough to iron out the awkwardness.

“Karine, if I did anything to disrespect or hurt you, please forgive me. I honestly don’t remember what happened last night.”

“Nothing happened, Jiraiya. We are fine, but I think it would be best to avoid drinking when we are together. Your mother and father grilled me and promised me that, if anything happened to you because of my negligence, they would see to it that I’m fired. And that I would never work in this city again,” she said with her head down. She nibbled at her bottom lip with worry.

“Do you trust me, Karine?” I walked over and lifted her chin with a finger.

“Yes,” she nodded gazing up into my eyes. Her brown eyes were shimmering with tears.

“I will never let my parents fire you. They don’t have it in their power to do so. You mean too much to me, to allow you to get away.”

Karine’s mouth opened in a gasp. Maybe the alcohol helped me to see clearer; this morning when I woke up, I knew that I loved Karine Banks. It wasn’t the kind of artificial love I had for Gracen. My love for Karine grew from the inside out, like a slowly opening rosebud. For now, I will keep silent because I dare not scare her away.

I hoped that Karine felt the same way, too.

*****

Karine

“Okay, so he asked you out again after last night,” Nadia said as I reached for a French fry and dipped it in the ketchup that was on the side of my plate. We were in a small cafe eating lunch with sunlight streaming in through the big picture window. I had awoken to birds chirping and the sound was sweet to my ears. I decided that, today, I needed to meet with my friend for an hour or two.

“Yeah, he did. I’ve already told you about this, Nadia. Must I repeat myself?” I answered as I took a big bite of the cheeseburger that dripped with cheesy goodness.

“Well, I just want to make sure I heard you right. Although I can’t blame you since I would have probably said yes, too. You’re almost dating Jiraiya Sampson and I can’t lie and say I am not a little jealous. You got lucky this time, Girl.”

I almost choked on my food. “How is that being lucky?”

Nadia shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, it’s not every day you get to work for the man of your dreams, who also happens to be Jiraiya Sampson. You must be over the moon.”

“He’s just a normal person like you are, Nadia,” I pointed out.

“I know,” my best friend nodded. “But it’s probably not a big deal to you anymore since you’ve been with him for quite some time now. I know it would not be the same if I had asked you on the first day you discovered that you were going to be working for him.”

“It’s not the same,” I said half-heartedly.

“Sure, it isn’t.”

“I have to get going,” I announced before standing up from my chair.

“Okay Girly, but I know what you’re doing.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said leaning down to give her a quick hug before making my way to the bathroom where I turned the tap on, splashed water on my face and wiped my face with a paper towel. I turned, jumping up in the air when I saw Nadia standing by the doorway. I hadn’t even heard my best friend come in.

I placed my hand against my chest. “What are you doing?”

“Waiting for you to finish,” Nadia responded calmly.

“You should have let me know you were standing there or something. Jeez, Nadia. You gave me a fright,” I said as I walked towards the trash can to dispose of the paper towel.

“So, you’re meeting him again, aren’t you?” Nadia prodded as she followed me.

“Yeah. We’re going out sightseeing. You know, to see the local vegetable markets and some of the other places that he has in mind.

“Well, you’ll call me if anything happens, won’t you?” Nadia said as I followed my best friend to the door of the café.

“Yeah, of course. I’ll see you later, okay?” I said and parted ways.

Jiraiya was waiting for me out front when I returned. He looked up from where he was leaning against the side of his vehicle. I had texted him and told him I was on my way. Once our eyes met, he smiled. My heart skipped a beat as I returned his smile.

“Hey,” he greeted.

“Hey. Have you been waiting for me for long?” I asked.

“No, not at all,” Jiraiya said as he pulled me in for a hug. I shivered as my body tingled from the contact of his arms around me.  "Shall we go?” he asked.

“Yes,” I readily responded.

Just as I had hoped, Jiraiya took my hand in his and led me around to the passenger side of his car. We hopped inside his car and I turned toward him, ready to ask where we were going first.

"We’re still doing what we planned last night,” Jiraiya nodded before he glanced at me. “Unless you want to do something else? I put your beach bag in the car already,” he added.

“No, no. It’s fine and thank you. I haven’t had the chance to get out much lately anyway.”

He grinned. “All right, then. Let’s go.”

 

*****

As soon as we reached the beach, Jiraiya walked out and opened the car door for me. I thanked him as I looked around at the surroundings, breathing in the familiar salty scent of the ocean.

“You seem to love being around water," I said amusedly.

“Yeah,” Jiraiya responded with a lopsided grin on his handsome face.

“I used to like coming to the beach with Gracen. It was one of the things that we liked to do.”

“Oh, I thought you just came here when you needed to clear your head,” I responded, surprised.

“No,” he shook his head. “Gracen and I liked playing in the water, water skiing and other fun activities. I can’t believe how much of my life revolved around her.”

“Do you miss all that? Do you miss, Gracen?”

“Yes, I miss the competitive sports. It kills me not to be able to do all the things that I used to do. I feel like a damned cripple. But no, I don’t miss Gracen anymore. Gracen was shallow and not loyal when the times got rough,” he responded.

Jiraiya locked the car doors and came to walk by my side, sliding his fingers through mine, and pulling me towards the water’s edge. I bit my bottom lip, fighting back the smile that threatened to spill over my face. I felt like a teenager on my first date with the boy I really liked. Jiraiya made me feel emotions no one had ever made me feel before, and I didn’t know whether I should be scared of the alien feelings rushing over me. I was particularly happy that he didn’t miss Gracen anymore.

“It’s so beautiful here,” I said, gazing out at the beach.

“What is it?” Jiraiya asked as he turned toward me.

“I was just thinking how the water looks so inviting. I wanted to go for a swim before, but now it looks rather cold.”

“It’s always cold at first but you get used to it,” he responded. “But we could go later tonight when no one is around if you want to.”

“You want to go in naked?” I asked, shocked.

He looked at me with a twinkle of amusement in his green gaze. “Yes, sure. Why not? I’ve done it before. Haven’t you?”

My brain went blank. Should I lie and say I had before? What if he finds out in the end anyway? That would be embarrassing. Why lie anyway, just to sound worldlier?

"No, I haven’t done it before,” I said, going for the truth. “But I am willing to give it a try if it won’t be too cold later on.”

“It will be cold, but it won’t be unbearable,” he stated, looking at me. A look of doubt crossed my face, and Jiraiya chuckled. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer to his body. “You’ll get used to it as soon as you go in. It won’t be as bad as you’re probably thinking, I promise.”

“Well, are you sure?” I said, uncertain.

He nodded, “I am sure.”

“All right then. I’ll go for a dip with you later tonight,” I confirmed.

“Good," he said smiling at me.

We continued to walk along the shoreline, hand in hand. I stared out at the open water and watched as a flock of birds landed on the dry, white sand. I looked down at my feet, my toes wet from the water. We were standing by the shore and my eyes were looking at the blue sky, but my mind was elsewhere. I thought about my mom and sister, wondering what they were doing right now.

“What are you thinking?” Jiraiya asked, bringing me back to the present.

I blinked, reaching up to push away the strands of hair that covered my eyes. I gave him a small smile. “Nothing important.”

“I know it’s not nothing," he said, frowning.

“I was just thinking of my family and the way it used to be when my dad was alive,” I confessed.

His frown deepened. “Oh. I am sure you’re looking forward to going back home, huh? Spending some time with your family… your mother and sister.”

“My family and I aren’t like that,” I muttered.

“Why not?” he probed again.

I shrugged. “That’s just the way it is,” I answered simply.

Jiraiya looked as if he wanted to ask more but I had already shut him out and he knew it. I wasn’t the type to open up about my personal issues; my family had always been a closed door to anyone who had gotten close to me.  The only person who knew about my family drama was Nadia, whom I had grown up with. Nadia had seen the worst situations of my life but not a single word had come out of my best friend’s mouth about the matter. I had told my friend Nancy, at the hospital, some things but never all of it. I even left my family out of any discussions I had with Samantha while I worked at the coffee shop.

Nighttime fell, and people had already decided to head back home. By seven-thirty in the evening, no one was in sight. I grabbed my sandals and jammed them into my beach bag as I waited for Jiraiya to get back from the bathroom. He had decided to get changed a half hour ago. I was glad he hadn’t forced me into changing right away. I wasn’t even sure whether I really wanted to go skinny dipping.

“You ready to go get changed?” Jiraiya asked once he came back.

I turned and saw him wearing only a pair of board shorts. A hint of a six-pack showed across his abs, his muscles subtle and not overly dramatic. I found myself captivated, unable to tear my eyes away from his body. My mouth suddenly went dry. Sometimes, it was hard to believe that this man was sick.

“You okay?” he asked, placing his hand on my shoulder.

I blinked, staring back up at those green eyes, I nodded. I felt a rush of electricity run down my body, making me very aware of him even more.

I cleared my throat.  “Yeah. I am ready. Let me just go get changed and I’ll be back.”

I left without waiting for his answer and rushed to the bathroom. I locked myself inside one of the free stalls, heart pounding. I placed a palm against my thumping chest, feeling my heart beat faster.

What on earth is going on with me?

Shaking my head, I began to undress and grabbed the two-piece suit I had packed up this morning. There was probably no need to wear them since we would be taking it off later. I walked out of the bathroom and found Jiraiya in the water already. I could tell it was him by the wet shorts waiting by the sand, as if he had thrown them onto the sand after getting into the water.

I felt a rush of excitement as I headed towards him. My nipples were hard beneath my bra, my chest rising and falling with every step I took. Jiraiya noticed me, his head turning around to face me. His hair shone in the moonlight, making it impossible for me to mistake him for anyone else.

“Is the water cold?” I asked, biting my lip and gazing down at the water.

“It’s not as cold as I thought it would be!” he yelled as he swam toward me.

I had a towel wrapped around my body; goose bumps had erupted along my skin already. I reached up, lingering and unsure whether I really wanted to do this. Taking a deep breath, I spread my towel and dropped it on the sand. I walked toward him, looking almost naked in the skimpy swimwear that did nothing to cover my body under the moonlit star filled sky.

Jiraiya’s eyes lingered on me, his gaze sliding down my body. I shuddered but not from the cold. Before I could think about it and change my mind, I gathered as much courage and reached up to unclasp the straps of my bikini top. It dropped on the sandy beach as soon as I lowered my arms. I headed toward Jiraiya before I could think twice about what I was doing.

He stared at me eyes slightly wide, with a look that made it seem like he was fighting to keep his eyes on my face. But temptation won the battle and I saw his eyes glide down to look at my brown naked breasts. I felt a chilly rush as if the wind had suddenly caressed my body; making my hard nipples point directly at him like two tiny missiles getting ready to fire.  Then, as I walked deeper into the water to reach Jiraiya, I gasped as the cold water started to envelop me. Goosebumps erupted along my arms. A grin broke out on my face when I saw the look of surprise still hadn’t left Jiraiya’s face.

“You okay?” I asked him, trying to hide my nervousness.

He looked up at me, blinking. “Yeah, I am fine. And how are you holding up?”

“I’m better with you here,” I said smiling.

I jerked when something touched my foot. Gasping and inhaling water, I swam hard toward shore, coughing as I tried to get away from whatever had touched me. I was almost at the shoreline when Jiraiya burst through the water, laughing. His deep voice sounded loud in the silent night, making me slightly confused.

“That wasn’t funny, you know,” I grumbled, scowling at him.

“Sorry" Jiraiya apologized, even though he didn’t sound sorry at all. He sobered up when he saw that I wasn’t impressed.

“Come back here, I am sorry. I shouldn’t have done that, and I promise I won’t do it again.”

“No funny business, okay?” I said, eyeing him warily before deciding to head back to where he was. Jiraiya nodded, enveloping me in his arms when I finally reached him.

“No funny business,” he confirmed.

Rolling my eyes heavenward, I felt him pull me closer until our bodies touched. I felt his legs slide against mine; igniting sparks that started in the pit of my belly. I looked up at him, pushing locks of hair behind my ear to see him better. Before I could realize what was happening, Jiraiya’s head was already descending. Our mouths touched as my heart rate picked up from the physical contact. He didn’t deepen the kiss as I had expected, he merely let them touch, lingering as I waited impatiently.

When I could no longer hide my disappointment, I made a sound of dismay. Jiraiya pulled away, chuckling at me as he cupped my face.

“I thought you would have made the kiss longer,” I said honestly.

His chuckle turned into a full laughter. “You want me to kiss you deeply?”

I nodded, surprised that I didn’t feel embarrassed. “Yes, I do.”

“Well, then" Jiraiya’s voice trailed off as he stared at my lips, his tongue coming out to lick his mouth.

Despite the cold water we were immersed in, I felt shockingly warm with him in front of me. His body heat radiated, encircling me as we kissed once more. It started out slow as if he was taking his own sweet time. I got used to it, telling myself not to rush the kiss, to enjoy this moment.

Heart thumping loudly, I pulled myself closer to him so that my breasts brushed against his chest. My nipples hardened as my heart beats increased. I heard Jiraiya groan in my mouth before one of his hands dropped down between us, cupping my bare breast and squeezing it. I gasped, caught off guard from the contact.

I opened my mouth to say something, but he took that chance to sweep his tongue in. His male scent exploded inside my nostrils, our tongues swiping at each other’s as if hungry and desperate for more. His finger swept over my nipple, making it harden as another moan slipped from my mouth. I found myself wrapping my legs around his tapered waist, my thigh brushing against his hard erection.

“Jiraiya," I gasped.

“Shh” he responded before taking my mouth again; we kissed for so long that I lost track of time. I no longer knew where I was. The only thing my mind was focused on was Jiraiya and the way he was caressing my body with his hands and mouth. He could easily bring me to ecstasy.

He pinched my nipple and my back arched. His hands were all over my body now, touching my bare breasts and feeling the weight of them in his palms. The only thing I could feel was the loud thump of my chest and the wetness that slid down between my thighs. I had never been so aroused; I was so caught up in the pleasure that I began to lose all my bearings. If it weren’t for the loud barking that came from somewhere on the beach, I wouldn’t have stopped.

We broke apart, eyes wide as a chill ran down my body. I looked around, hearing a dog barking by the shore—probably about to draw its owner’s attention. I had totally forgotten about Jiraiya as I began to swim back but when he called out to me I stopped. The thing was he did not call my name; if I had heard him correctly, he had screamed out Gracen’s name instead. This was the second time Gracen’s name fell from his lips when we were together, intimately. When was I going to ever learn? You are a damn fool, Karine. My mind screamed out...tormenting me even further.

 

*****

Jiraiya

My heart sank immediately when I realized the name that escaped, unfettered, from my lips. What the hell have I done? I had made a mistake that I probably would regret for the rest of my life. I had called out Gracen’s name instead of Karine’s. I watched as she walked away angrily. She got her bikini top and dressed; when I finally got to her, she just asked me to take her home.

On the drive home, gloomy silence hung between us. That pained me terribly. I became lost in my own thoughts and let them wash over me like acid rain.

I had gotten so attached to Karine these past days, weeks, and months. I had started to have actual feelings for her, although I could not be sure that I could ever get over Gracen leaving me in the way that she did. Not having closure was a beast. Gracen had been part of my very existence. I never thought that a day would ever come that she would not be by my side; it was so hard getting over her. I had so much that I needed to do if I truly wanted to erase that chapter from my life. There were still many things that held me back from making peace before it was too late.

I sat down and tried to fathom how anybody deserved to go through what I was going through. Sometimes I prayed but I prayed with my faith flickering. Sometimes I wondered if that day would come when my dilemma would finally come to an end. I could feel my skin cringing even at the slightest thought of the impossibility because there wasn’t even a glint of hope that the situation could be short-lived.

Sometimes I prayed to God to never wake me up. I blamed God. I asked a lot of questions. I tried to figure out what exactly I did wrong in my lifetime. I wondered if leaving, running away, would offer a better experience to my eminent end. At least it was worth the trial to a painless end. Somehow, I knew what I had to do. So, I made up my mind. I knew what I had to do now...before I lost all my ability to do for myself.

Once we arrived home, Karine jumped from the car before it came fully to a stop. I slowly got out, trudged up the path to my doorway to unlock the door. She swept past me without a word, and she stormed to her bedroom. I shook my head in sorrow and went to my room after securing the door. I gathered all the pictures of Gracen that I still had and burned them. I made sure that I watched them burn so that I would be sure that they were really gone. It was silly, but I had to. I deleted all the pictures I had of her on my computer and cell phone. I threw away everything that even reminded me of her.  She had left me to die and maybe I was going to die but I was not going to die while still thinking about her. I was not going to lose sweet Karine because of Gracen. I was the one that caused Karine’s grief, but she was truly the one who occupied my heart now.   Despite my health and the pains, she still stuck with me. I owed her my complete heart and devotion. I needed to make things right.