Jiraiya

The other girls

 

I was confused. Something weird was going on with my nurse but I wasn’t able to tell what was bothering her. While I was taking a shower and later when my tired body was on the bed, I thought about the events of the evening.  Karine had on a moderately expensive dress and was in a good restaurant, but she seemed unhappy. Maybe it was because she hated being with me but didn’t know how to tell me. I know I am ill, but I am still good looking, and could charm the panties off any woman...if I set my mind to it. Why did Karine seem different than other women?  I have dated other black women before, but none compared to the timid sweetness of Karine.

I felt myself getting hard at the thought of how she licked her lips to savor the wine.  I tried to deny her sexy curvy body beneath her ordinary clothing, but it was getting harder to do that each day.  No, of course, I didn’t want something with her.  She’s just my nurse, but her behavior excited me in a weird way, and made me want to know her intimately.

I think of the women I’ve dated.  They were dazzled with the places I took them and the things I bought them.  Karine didn’t seem to be.  Why wasn’t she impressed?   Why was she different? I didn’t have an answer to that question, so I just continued to think about this caramel-colored woman until I fell asleep.

 

*****

“Good morning!” A soft voice was trying to wake me up, while the rays of the sun peeped through the slit in the draperies.  “It’s morning already,” I murmured, not wanting to be woke, but open my eyes anyway.

“Your breakfast is ready,” the voice continued to tease me with the promise of food, but my appetite wasn’t much improved from the days, and weeks before.

“Good morning,” I finally answered as I opened my eyes.

“Here is your breakfast,” she said as she put the tray on my lap. “I hope you eat more than you did yesterday. You must try to eat more so your meds don’t irritate your stomach,” Karine warned.

“I will try, but I am not fully dressed,” I cautioned her but that wasn’t needed because of the fact that I didn’t have a shirt on and she was more than conscious of that fact, yet her reaction stayed the same.

“Be careful, it’s still hot,” she said, completely ignoring what I had just said, like she doesn’t even care if I’m naked. That fact was hurting my ego.

“Thank you, Karine,” I replied. Surprisingly I was curious about the fact that she wasn’t even excited to see a half-naked man.

“If you don’t need anything else, I’ll be in the kitchen."

“No!” I shouted, not believing what I was doing.

“What’s wrong?” She quickly turned and gave a look of concern. I felt bad for causing the furrow between her brows to appear, but I felt the need for her to remain by my side.

“Uhh, nothing is wrong. I just wanted to ask you...do you want to go out for a bit after breakfast?” Karine gave a few seconds of pause before she finally nodded and said yes.

“Sure, call me when you’re ready to go out. I’m going to clean up the kitchen, while you finish your breakfast and get dressed. Don’t forget to take your meds,” she added pointing to the pills that were lined up in a pill box on my breakfast tray. She gave me a sweet smile and walked away. Suddenly, I felt like eating. I dove into my breakfast with more gusto that I’ve felt in a while.

I finished eating most of the meal on my plate and got up from the bed. I walked over and looked at myself in the mirror. What was happening to me? Without an answer again; I just returned to take my medication, lest I would have to deal with the wrath of Karine. The thought made me smile as I walked to the closet and opened the door.  I took the first items which my hands touched, put them on my bed and went to take a shower.   Why is she looking at me like I am not a man at all? That question was in my head while I was tried to understand her. Once I was dressed, I walked over to my bedroom door to call out to her.

"Karine!" My voice broke the silence of the morning.

"Yes?" She answered and came into my view the very moment I called her.

"Are you ready?"

"Sure, let's go, but where are we going?" She asked.

"What about the lake again?" I asked, trying to come up with a better place but all of them were expensive. All of them were able to make other women smile, all of the other women but not her. A pleased expression appeared on her face.

"Okay, let's go," she agreed.

While we were in the car and on our way to the desired location, Karine remained silent. Soon, we got to the lake and took the same position as last night. The water of the lake shone in the daylight, reflecting the sun that was still making its way across the sky.

"Why are you so quiet, and what are you thinking about?" I asked her to try to break the silence that had gathered around us.

"I’m just enjoying the scenery, that’s all.  I’m not thinking about anything. Why do you ask?"

"Well, your boss made you join him at the lake to look at the water or whatever people do near the lake. Maybe you didn’t want to come out or maybe you are angry about something I did or didn’t do. Are you?" I asked her.

"No, you are paying me to work for you," she answered with a little smile on her face. “Although, what I’m doing now is far from work.”

I laughed so hard that I surprised even myself. She has such a smart mouth and a quirky sense of humor, and I love it.

"Maybe I should give you a raise," I suggested.

"Are you buying my company, boss man?" She asked, saying the 'boss man' with a different accent.

"Are you denying the fact you like that offer?" I answered her question with another one and, a few seconds after that, we were roaring.   I laughed even harder when she snorted.

“Karine, did I just hear you snort?”

“So, what if you did?” She glared at me but soon doubled over in laughter again.

“Well, I think it’s cute,” I responded and gazed into her brown eyes. A silence thick as fog hung between us. My eyes trailed down to her lips, just as her pink tongue darted out to swipe against her bottom lip. I felt a tightening in my pants at once. I tore my gaze away and spoke to cancel the silence that hung between us.

"I like this place. Can we play last night’s game again?" I asked without realizing that I wanted to dig deeper into Karine’s brain.

"Well..." She muttered. “I’m not a fan of talking about myself a lot.”

"Come on! Why not? Let's get to know more about each other," I urged her with a grin.

"Okay. Let's play your game," she said and nodded. I could tell by the doubtful look on her face, she still thought this wasn’t a good idea.

"Why don't you trust in love?" I asked directly.

"Next question, please.”  She followed my tactics in avoiding my query.

"Okay if you don't want to answer a question, then you'll spend the whole day with me doing anything of my choosing," I said while my heart was beating faster than it should.

"But..." She tried to say something, but I was faster.

"Your boss gave you a choice, that's a lot more than most bosses do; they just say what they want you to do. Can you see how I am better?" I asked, even though that was a rhetorical question.

"I can see that! So, if you're playing you will be the person to answer the first question," she said, smoothly turning the game in her favor.

"What did you like to do in the mornings on your off days before I came to work for you?" She asked me.

"I used to love making love, and cuddling with Gracen in the mornings," I admitted honestly.”

"To cuddle?" She repeated.

"Yes, I am a touchy-feely kind of a man; I just want the attention and love. And I adore, literally adore, to cuddle and have someone by my side," I said and stopped talking because I really missed that feeling.

“Tell me, what do you like doing in the mornings?" I asked her the same question and she smiled.

"I like to be alone. The time in the morning is my time, I like to drink my coffee slowly, read the news, sit alone and simply give myself enough time to prepare for the duties which come with the day," she explained.

"You don't like being cuddled in the mornings?" I was surprised.

"No, I don't, but that’s probably because I don’t have anyone to cuddle with,” she sighed.

"And at night? What do you like doing at night?" I just wanted her to talk about herself. The sound of her voice soothed me, and even made me forget my fate for a while.

"Again, to be alone and take a rest from an exhausting day’s work," she said.

"You are boring, Karine" I told her.

"Maybe but at least I know who I am. Can you say the same?" She answered and put me in an unpleasant situation.

"I don't know how to answer that," I said honestly. “I used to know who I was before I was before the leukemia, but now I am not so sure.

"So, don't say a lot of things when you're not able to answer the simplest question,” she responded, showing me who the boss here is really.

"Why don't you believe in love?" I asked her, wanting to know the answer so badly. She wasn't as flawless beautiful like Gracen, but she made up for it with personality and inner beauty. Karine wasn’t unique, she wasn’t a college graduate, but she was smarter than any other woman I had an opportunity to speak with. She was still in a class by herself.

"I'll spend the day with you. I won’t answer your question," she said with a stubborn pout to her full lips.

"But--" I started to say but she cut me short.

"I don't care. You said that if I spend the whole day with you doing anything you want to do, I won't need to answer every question you asked," she reminded me, and I couldn't do anything nod. She had her facts right.

"Okay. Just one more question. How come you're not attending college or something?" I asked, not understanding why a smart girl didn’t take advantage of the asset that could make her lots of money.

"I was facing a rough time. I had to work and help take care of my dad. He was gravely ill. He died, and now it’s just me and Mom living together, and she is… Well, she is different than the rest of the mothers. I feel that I am the mother at times. My sister Amber finally stepped up. Mom is with her and her husband while I’m here working for you.”

"I’m sorry about your dad, and I’m also sorry about whatever issues you are going through with your mom. The newspaper is how you found out about the advertisement, right?" I asked changing the subject when I noted the sad look lurking in the depths of her brown gaze.

"Yes, like I said, I love reading the news. Your ad just caught my attention and I saw something which could change my whole perspective, and the pay offered was a lot more than I was making at the coffee shop or even the hospital before then." She was honest, and I was listening to her without interrupting.

"I saw the opportunity for a new beginning," Karine added, and I was able to feel the pain which was hiding below the surface of her words.

"Why was college not a new beginning for you?" I couldn't help but ask, feeling sorry for her.

"Because it's not that easy when you don't have money and when a lot of things are happening in your life. I am—I don’t know," her voice trailed off. “I guess I’m just messed up.

"All of us are messed up to a point. Take me for instance. Money can’t buy the health that I seek, I'll die in less than a year even though I am richer than eighty-five percent of the working men and women in this country," I said slowly, trying not to hurt her more than she has already been.

"Yes, that's the truth. I don't like your games, you know. It's a sad excuse to ask people weird questions," she whispered while it was obvious how hard the conversation had hit her.

"You know, what is the best way to forget everything?" I asked her while my inner voice was shouting at me that I was crazy.

"No, tell me," she said and shook her head.

"Having fun. So, Karine, let's have some fun. Let's drink, talk, do whatever we want today!" I said and smiled, teasing her to accept my offer.

"But your medicines," she started but I already knew that it was coming, and I was ready for it.

"Only for today," I said.

“I really need to be the responsible one. Your parents’ will—"

“Hell Karine. I’m a grown man. I don’t need my parents’ permission to have a drink. I wasn't a lush before, and I won't drink anything else alcoholic after today. One day won’t kill me, I promise you," I said while her eyes were focused on me.

"Where will we go this early to drink?" She asked.

"What do you think? Where is the best place for having fun?" I asked her, wanting to hear her opinions.

"The club?" She asked, not being quite sure of her answer.

"The club." I accepted that.

"When?" She asked.

"If not now then when?" I asked and smiled.

"But the clubs open only at night," she gasped.

"Not when you own it. The club will work when I want it to work." I said, feeling amazing about this idea.

"You own a club?" She asked confused.

"I own a lot of things, Karine," I said, I couldn't help but feel proud at how amazed she was or at least that's what I thought.

"The news said clubs were a bad investment," she stated.

"It's quite the opposite; the clubs are making so much money." I tried to save my ego and still feel special, but she simply didn't want to lose so easily.

"Show me your club then," she said and gave me a saucy grin.

"Let's go," I winked at her and, managed to say. After a few seconds, we were in the car, driving to my club.

 

*****

Karine

This idea was crazy. Instead of taking care of him, I was pushing him into a deep hole of sin. Why then was I feeling so good? Maybe, because one day with him was bringing me a lot of fun. God, I hated myself for being so weak in front of him. I knew that this idea was wrong, but I wasn't able to change it because I wasn't controlling my voice. He said that everything would be okay, and I believed him.

So here I am in his car, being driven to his club to see “the good life.” It can be, as long as I am by his side, it can be. I thought to myself.

"What thoughts are running amok in that brain of yours, Karine?" He asked while his eyes were focused on the road.

"I am thinking about how bad this idea is." I couldn't help but be honest.

"Bad decisions make good stories," he said with a smile on his face.

Tell me how am I supposed to tell him 'no' while he seems so happy? I won’t do it.

"We are here," he announces thirty minutes later and helped me get out of the car.

“Great!”

"We'll have some lunch first, if that’s okay with you? Then I will show you the club," he explained.

"Doesn’t the club open when you say so?" I repeated his words.

"It does, but it would be weird if we were the only people in the club. The crowd will start coming in for drinks around lunch time, and thereafter," he said and I nodded, probably because I found the rationale behind that sentence. But a part of me was still thinking that we were doing something wrong.

Then the time just started to fade away; we were having lunch, talking and eating at the same time. The most important thing was that a smile was on his face, all the time. It was like he wasn't my boss and I wasn't his nurse; he wasn't ill, and I wasn't drinking with him even though that was forbidden. There were only two of us and we were spending the time like we didn't care about tomorrow.

"It's time," he stated after a few hours.

"But am I dressed properly for the club?" I asked.

"You're perfect the way you are," he said, and I didn’t want to read too much into those words.  He was just being nice...He’s a nice guy.  I repeated in my mind, but that didn't stop my cheeks from becoming flushed. Luckily, he didn't see that.

"Come on," he replied, and I followed him.

The noise was so loud that I wasn't able to hear my thoughts; Jiraiya was doing more than okay.

"You said that you haven't had any alcoholic beverages in a while!" I repeated his words in a serious tone.

"Correct. I haven't. But even though you're on a diet, that doesn't mean you're not allowed to look at tasty food," he said.

"Just relax and dance!"

"I’m not a very good dancer," I said, trying not to look embarrassed.

"Just follow me," he said and came closer to me, putting one hand on my waist to pull me in closer. After only a few minutes, I was dancing with him like I was born to be held this close in his arms.

"That's right!" He said and smiled so hard his eyes crinkled at the corners.

I was shining. A young woman having fun for the first time in her life, wild and with a person I liked—it seemed like a dream. We were drinking, laughing and truly happy...swaying to the music.  

"It's so loud in here!" I shouted near his ear a he bent his head to hear me. He just grinned and pulled my body closer.  Our professional relationship was forgotten, and we were simply having fun.

"Do you want to take a break and go somewhere else?" He asked, with sparkling eyes.  I knew that sparkle; I felt shivers down my spine when his hand touched my back. But because I was tipsy, I was going with the flow.

"Let's go somewhere else," I suggested. I bit my lower lip, having no idea what I was doing.  A naughty smile appeared on his face and he just nodded while his hand was holding mine.

"There are a few rooms on the third floor. We can have some privacy there," he suggested.

"But this is a club." I said and started to giggle, not realizing what exactly was funny. We walked up to the bar area and he told me to wait as he went around the bar and went through a swinging door. He was back a few minutes later with a key card in his hand.

We took a glass elevator up to the third floor in relative silence.

"Here we are," Jiraiya said when he unlocked the room door and invited me inside.

"Why are we here?" I asked him, slowly teasing him while my hands were holding the fabric of my simple maxi dress. His eyes were intense as he looked me over from head to toe. 

Jiraiya and I came from totally different worlds but, in that moment, he was looking at me like I was a goddess.  Or that's what I wanted to believe. Then everything became blurry and messy. We were both drunk and my eyes were closed for a long time until he made me open them because of what he was doing. My dress was on the floor.   He didn't wait for me to take off his shirt; it was on the floor after just a few seconds. The tips of his fingers were playing with my body and I was quietly moaning, not wanting to be loud.   One fast movement and my bra was off; another move and I was standing naked in front of him.

"You're so beautiful..." he said as his lips touched my skin.

Slowly, he was kissing my neck, moving lower to my breasts, leaving a trail to know which spots on my body he kissed and which ones he wants to kiss again. Completely drunk I took the rest of his clothes off and pushed him to the bed, getting on the top. Jiraiya had other ideas; he rolled me over onto my back.  The desire was growing fast in me and all I was able to feel were his hands on my skin and his lips on my body. Teaser...that's who he is.

On the one hand, I knew I should stop all this; that this wasn’t the right thing to do. I was his nurse and most likely he didn’t care at all about me. But as I said before, I was the woman nearest to him and maybe he just wanted to boost his ego and somehow feel better. To heal his bruised ego from the loss of his fiancée, Gracen.

On the other hand, I didn’t want this feeling to stop.  Maybe because it was easier to just let go, maybe because I wanted this so badly and probably because I was almost drunk (ignore the ‘almost’ part). I needed to let go and just be in the moment. Jiraiya meant more to me than he knew…

His kisses became serious and I was answering them with even more passionate ones.

“You’re so beautiful…” He said again and, after just a few seconds, he was inside my wetness. “You’re so damn tight, like a virgin,” he grunted out.

Because I was drunk, I didn’t feel a lot of pain from him being so huge but deep inside me, I knew that the two times I had sex before didn't compare to being with a real man like Jiraiya. In my heart of hearts I wish he had been my first.  In love with romance I should have waited for the right one, maybe that’s the reason why my boyfriend cheated on me. There were girls ready to sleep with him now, not paying attention to the fact he had a girlfriend and he thought that it was okay because I didn't give it up as much as he desired.

I still remember his voice when I found out what he did in the bed, in his apartment. He even had a reason to defend himself of why he cheated on me.

“I am a man,” he had said like that was an explanation; as a woman, I should understand.  Well, I didn’t…

While Jiraiya was deep inside me, faint moans escaped from my lips. I bit his earlobe while my nails were digging into his back, inviting him in, offering him more.

"Karine, will you miss me when I'm gone?” Jiraiya asked, sliding almost all the way out of me, and then pushed all the way in to the hilt. I let loose a keening moan before I found the breath to respond.

“Don't talk like that. You are here with me now, and I will cherish every moment of the time we have together,” I said softly, wrapping my legs tighter around his trim waistline.

“I never want you to forget what this feels like,” he told me.

"I will never forget; how could I forget the most precious moments of my life?” I asked.

“When I'm no longer of this earth, I want you to remember that you are special to me, Karine. I've felt this way for a while now. I don't want you to ever think that you are just another warm body for me. Sweetheart, you have wormed your way into my heart,” his voice was low and full of emotion Tears welled up in my eyes as he sustained his slow long thrusts; I vibrated with an impending orgasm.

“I won’t ever forget. This is my solemn promise,” I assured him.

“I won't be a selfish bastard. When I'm gone, I want you to find happiness with someone who will cherish and love you in a way you deserve. I will forever remember your loving care of me Karine—as long as I have breath left in me,” he whispered.

“Oh Jiraiya,” my words came out shaky. His confession, made me want to cry. I prayed a silent prayer to let Jiraiya remain with me forever. I wanted—no, I needed to get to know everything about him. I needed him to know everything about me.

Jiraiya must have sensed the hot salty tears sneaking from my eyes. His thrusts slowed as he pulled away from me to gaze into my misty eyes.

"Sweetheart, don't cry for me. I just wish I had met you sooner in life, before I became...," he started to say but I placed a finger against his lip to stop him.

"Shush. I already know how you feel. I feel the same way, but I wouldn't trade anything for knowing the man you are right now."

"Oh Karine!" He grunted before burying his face in my breasts. He held my hips in a vise-like grip, and slammed his cock into forcefully.

"Ahhh, mmmm," I gasped as the most delicious sensations vibrated through my core. My toes curled as the first orgasm ripped through my being. My hips in an upward arch meeting him...thrust for thrust. I could barely catch my breath when he was plummeting back into me. There was nothing sick or frail in the way Jiraiya made love to me. Sickness be damned... he was still all hard tone muscle and a pumping machine… All man.

“I love you,” he startled me with his declaration, and I started to shiver all over my body.

“I love you more,” I confessed on an exhale.

I was able to see his eyes and I had seen what I had wanted to see. No, those words weren’t for me, because his eyes were searching for something else. Alcohol gave him the possibility to forget but his body had not forgotten.

“Gracen, my love!” The name fell from his lips like a prayer.

Those words made my eyes open widely; those words felt like a slap in my face.   His eyes were closed, and I felt that he had fallen asleep, which he did after just a few seconds, not knowing how to control his body.

It was like the alcohol evaporated from my body. I became more than conscious, and a small tear trailed down my face. I stood up from the bed and called an Uber.  I did not want to be there when Jiraiya woke up.

  I dressed silently and closed the doors of the room; holding back my tears as I looked at him for the last time.  I could not tell why the tears wanted to flow, were they tears of joy that I’d finally given myself away to a man I loved?  Or of sadness that Jiraiya, a dying man could never love me? Why was my heart breaking like this? I always knew his heart belonged to another. That fact wasn’t anything new. I love him! The words thundered through my head. This was the answer… I loved a man who could never belong to a simple woman like me. This is the reason why I don’t trust love. But even with all the thoughts that ran through my mind, there was a certain rush of joy that overcame me as I approached my home. I was actually glad it had happened... My memories would bring me comfort...in time.

The first thing that caught my attention when I walked into my home was the ringing of my cell phone. I pulled it out and saw Nadia’s name on the screen. Nadia had been my best friend when we were kids; the only girl I had ever trusted. She must have sensed I needed a friend right now; her call is right on time. Pressing the answer button, I held the phone to my ear

“Hey, Nadia.”

“What’s up girl? It’s been forever since we talked.

“I know. I have been busy at work.

“So how is working for your crush going for you?” My best friend asked.

“It’s not going well at all. I think I messed up,” I went on to catch her up on what has been happening in my life, about the date I had with Jiraiya.  I left out the end-of-the-date details.

   “Wow, Karine. So, how was your date?” she asked in a surprised tone of voice. I wondered...Would she think I was easy and stupid if she knew what I had done?

"It was interesting," I replied honestly as I closed the door behind me. I scanned the room, my eyes landing immediately on the bed. I considered lying on it and curling into a ball to forget my troubles. I sighed.

“So, did he ask you out again?” Nadia probed.

I flopped down on my bed; I switched the phone to my other ear.

“Yeah, he did.” I lied, too embarrassed to say anything more.

“What did you say?” Nadia asked.

“I said yes,” I replied

“You want to see him again?” my best friend echoed.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I? He’s my dream crush, after all."

“But you know how things are with you, and he is…well...you know, he’s gravely ill. How are you two going to work it out if this continues?” 

“I already know that he is not looking for anything serious, Nadia. I knew that before I even considered accepting his date,” I added somewhat truthfully.

“Yes, I know that but sometimes things change, Karine. There are things out there that you can’t possibly control… like meeting the notorious Jiraiya. I bet you never expected to go out on a date with him.”

“I don’t see how this is relevant, Nadia.”

“I am just saying!” Nadia exclaimed. “Besides, if he wasn’t looking for anything serious with you, why would he have asked you on another date, right?”

“I am not too sure about that one," I answered. “He’s probably just testing the waters, like I am doing right now. He probably just needs someone to talk to and make him feel like he is not alone and forgotten, given what he is going through. There’s no point in me stressing about it.”

“So, you wouldn’t mind if he tells you he only wants to have fun?” my best friend said bluntly.

“Honestly? I wouldn’t really care if he said that,” I declared and surprisingly, meant it.  I loved him enough to give him whatever he needed to make him happy.

“Whatever you say, Karine”

A smile crossed my face. “How was your night? You finally made up with your boyfriend?”

“Surprisingly yes. He apologized to me but that’s old news. We must do better, Karine to stay in touch.”

“Yes, we do,” I echoed as I leaned against the headboard of the bed.

“How is your mom? Is she still with your sister?”

“Yes, she is.   I want to hear more about your boyfriend’s apology. I know what a hothead you can be sometimes.”

“He apologized, and I didn’t feel like making him feel any worse than he already did, so I decided to let it go.”

“That easy, huh?” I replied with surprise tinged in my tone.

I heard my best friend sigh on the other end. “Nah. It’s not that easy wanting to marry an infuriating man. But he’s a great guy and has sacrificed a lot for me already, so I don’t think I can go a day without talking to him.”

“Well, good for the both of you. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay? I’m going to get ready for a much-needed night of sleep right now,” I informed her. We spoke for a few moments more before hanging up. I was left alone in my bed, mulling over what had happened tonight. I got ready for bed and went to sleep with thoughts of Jiraiya heavy on the brain.