Brandon

 

I’m awake before Juliet. Which is fine by me. As I slip my arm off of her slim, still-warm body, I can’t believe how gorgeous she is. I also can’t believe we just fucked like that. When I’m supposed to be protecting her, and when I know she’s suffering from mental health issues. But as I get out of bed and quietly dress, I’m glad to see that Juliet’s sleeping.

Peacefully. Easily. And after an entire night of wakefulness split up by nightmares.

As much as I want to beat myself up about taking advantage of my guest sexually, I just can’t. Not when I see so clearly some benefits to the contact. Not just for her but for me as well. For the first time in ages, I’m actually full of energy in the morning.

Bright eyed.

Which is not something that happens without a great amount of force. And even then, most days I’m just up and out of bed because I have to be. Because my Navy training won’t let me just lay around in bed all day.

But not this morning. As I finish slipping my clothes and shoes on, I’m thinking of what else I can do for Juliet. How else I can make her more at “home” especially after how we ended the night last night.

Breakfast, definitely. Then some time to relax. Maybe even let her sleep more, I think, heading toward the door.

Suddenly, Juliet’s up. For as peacefully as it looked she was sleeping, she’s suddenly awake. Grabbing toward me, like I’m a part of her she can bear to lose. “Don’t leave me,” she says. “Don’t leave me alone.”

Dutifully, I make my way back to the bed. I sit down on it, bringing her back down to a relaxed position. I stroke a few pieces of her hair from her face. Wild pieces, that look like parts of her fringe, or other aspects she might style. Might make cool and unique, if she had the product. Something about her lets me know she’s not lacking on the experience. The knowledge.

“I’m not leaving you,” I tell her. “I’m not going to just leave you alone, Juliet.” With this, I stroke her cheek. Fluff her pillows, and tuck the blankets and sheets more tightly around her. As I do, I get a quick glance and feel of her nipples. They are hard and puckered in the morning air, but I don’t let myself linger. “I was just going to go make some coffee. Some breakfast, since it looked like you were sleeping so peacefully.”

I fall silent for a moment.

When Juliet doesn’t immediately move to say anything, I add, “We can talk if you want. We don’t have to. I’m fine with not talking, if that’s what you need.” Sex or no sex, she’s still struggling. Still dealing with some kind of trauma, and while it might’ve been okay for me to “forget” that last night — give her what she needed to “feel better” — she’s still unwell. She still needs me to provide safety and comfort, which I need to remind her I’m here to do. And that it’s on her terms, not mine. “Whatever’s gonna make you feel as good as you can feel right now, Juliet, I want to do that.”

As I go to get up and head to the door again, Juliet comes to life again. Stirs, as if distance from me is the only thing that will get her to move. To open up. Fear of losing me now, it seems, not of me being too close.

Fear of me capturing her seems to be a “night before” fear of hers. Not something alive and well this morning.

“How did you know?”

I turn to her. “How did I know what?”

Juliet’s beautifully haunted face tightens. “About the night terrors,” she whispers. “How did you know about them?”

I clear my throat. I didn’t want to have to bring up my past as a Navy seal to her, but if I don’t answer her correctly, honestly and truthfully — she might go back to being closed up. Distrustful of me, so I say, “I used to have dreams like that myself, Juliet. I was a seal in the Navy.” I pause, seeing and hearing dull recreations of my combat. Before today — before I got a handle on my own trauma — they used to be in Technicolor, like they are for Juliet. “Saw a lot of things I shouldn’t have. A lot of things I didn’t think I would ever get over, so I used to have a lot of dreams.” I lick my lips. “Night terrors, like you. Had a hard time for a while after I got home. Still have a hard some days, but there is a way through. There is help to those who want it.”

To my surprise — and secret relief — Juliet looks enlivened, encouraged by my words.

For the first time since she came to stay with me, she smiles.

It’s not the biggest, brightest smile I’ve ever seen, but compared to her gloom and doom from the night before, it’s a fucking ray of sunshine.