Another week had gone by. His promotion was announced to the company, and everyone came up and congratulated him.
Everyone but Jill.
She wasn’t even looking at him at this point. He probably had it coming but wasn’t sure how or what to do. He’d tried to give her some space that night and he realized that was wrong of him. It seemed no matter what he did, it wasn’t the right thing.
Part of him was ticked off that she was throwing this all on his shoulders.
By her own admission, she was looking for something more than he had planned.
Or had he? By bringing her into Luke’s life, did she think that it meant more?
Well, it did mean more. And maybe he should have clued her in on that somehow.
He’d thought long and hard before he made that decision. But that didn’t mean he was going to risk his career for someone he’d only been dating for a few months. He didn’t even risk his career for the mother of his son.
Ashley had caused him enough grief with his job, his friends, and any woman he was dating back then. From that point on, he just decided to keep to himself.
He’d never expected to find someone he wanted a relationship with at work, but he was sick of being alone. He was sick of focusing everything he had on just Luke. He was looking for a little bit of joy in his life and thought he’d found it with Jill.
Luke would always come first, he always had to, but Owen deserved to have a life too. It seemed he threw it all away though.
The few times he’d tried to talk to Jill at work this past week, she’d brushed him off or kept it completely businesslike.
He needed to try one more time, so when he saw her walking by, he called her in. “Jill, do you have a minute?”
He hoped his voice sounded sincere and not formal. Not like he was calling her in for a job-related issue.
She stopped in his doorway, and he could see she was itching to keep going, like she knew it wasn’t work related and she didn’t want anything to do with him.
She was looking down the hall for some excuse to jump on and leave dust in her wake, he knew. “I’m backed up right now. What do you need?”
“You’re never backed up and you know it. You’re the most efficient person in this building.”
She crossed her arms. So much for flattery.
“I just wanted to talk to you.”
“You’re talking. I’m listening if it’s about work. If it’s not, then now isn’t the time.”
He held her stubborn stare and dropped his shoulders when she moved on, leaving him there looking at the open doorway wondering how the hell he was going to fix this. If it even could be fixed at this point. He’d messed up royally.
***
“What’s wrong with you?”
Jill turned to see Tiffany standing by the water cooler a week before Christmas. The place looked festive, but she wasn’t feeling any of it. Considering it was her favorite holiday of all the holidays and she’d had such high hopes for her and Owen, she kind of wished all the ho ho ho vibes were out the window since she was feeling more like blah blah blah.
She never thought it’d be this hard to work with someone she was angry with. Now she had to add “slept with and tossed away something so good” to the list of things that sucked in her life.
“Nothing,” she said, filling her cup and forcing a smile on her face. It was probably wobbly at best, but it would have to suffice for now.
“Come on. You’ve been quiet for weeks. Sad even. You were crying once or twice too. I could tell. Like something caused tears to well up in your eyes and you had to fight them back.” Tiffany reached her hand forward and held on loosely. “You can tell me. I thought it might have been PMS because I get all emotional at times too, but PMS doesn’t last this long. Or if it does, then you’re one unlucky person.”
“I’m unlucky for sure,” she said. Unlucky in love.
“So not PMS, just like I thought. Is it Darren? Is he being a jerk and bringing his girlfriend around you again, rubbing it in your face?”
“Why do you hate him so much?”
“I don’t hate him, Jill. I’m surprised you don’t with everything you’ve told me. But I just think he’s selfish and self-absorbed and has never taken your feelings into consideration.”
It seemed everyone thought she was a fool, even Darren, just all for different reasons. “Lots of women are friends with their exes.”
“I get that. I really do, but it’s just odd when there aren’t children in the picture. It’s like he doesn’t respect you at all. He only comes around or calls you when he wants something. When was the last time he called to say hi? Or called to take you out to dinner to thank you for being there for him? To thank you for anything at all? Did he even thank you a while ago when you met his girlfriend and you said you liked her? And, did you even like her or just make it up because it was easier than being honest?”
Jill felt her shoulders drop and moved away from the water cooler and into Tiffany’s office. She didn’t want anyone to overhear this conversation.
The sad part was, here was another person opening her eyes to things she’d never seen before. Forcing her to realize that when push came to shove, even Jill put herself last.
“I haven’t talked to Darren in weeks. Matter of fact I’ve been avoiding him since I told him that it was time we went our separate ways and lived our lives.”
Tiffany’s jaw dropped and she raised her hand. When Jill refused to slap it, Tiffany picked it up and manually did it herself. “What caused you to do it? Why now?”
There was no way she was telling Tiffany that it was what Owen said that made her do it. That she wanted something so bad with another guy and knew she’d never be able to let herself go completely if she didn’t shed a part of her past with it. She was realizing that her past had been keeping her locked in one spot.
“It was time. It was holding me back. Every time I saw him, I’d go home and beat myself up. I’d ask myself what I did wrong or what was wrong with me that I wasn’t good enough.”
“You’re too good for him. That’s what is wrong with you. He knew it too. He held you back so that he could feel better about himself. He came out smelling like a rose. Don’t you think he tells all the women he dates that you two have such a great relationship because he caved and is there for you? That you wanted a divorce and that he gave you what you wanted, but he’s still there for you. I bet he doesn’t tell anyone it’s the other way around.”
“I wanted the divorce though,” she said, finally saying it out loud.
Had she wanted her marriage with Darren to work? In the beginning she did, but when she realized he was content just going about his life and leaving her there by herself, she knew it would slowly kill a part of her.
“You keep telling yourself that and maybe you’ll believe it. Let’s be honest, Jill. From everything you’ve said, you were more a mother or big sister to him than anything. He got what he wanted and he still needs that big sister support. Remember, people always feel like they can shit on their family because family would always be there for them. You aren’t his family anymore.”
“You’re probably right. It’s still hard though. I’m not his family anymore, but it’s difficult to walk away from someone that has been such a major part of my life for so long.”
“Not a good part of your life. Don’t use him that way.”
Jill crossed her arms. “How did this get turned around on me?”
“Sorry. My bad. My mouth gets ahead of me at times. But you’re using him to stay in one place. You’re using him as a reason to never try again because you failed. So what? Lots of people fail at relationships. But they move on. I’m glad to know you at least figured that out.”
“Yeah. Better late than never, right?”
“Exactly. Now you just need to find the perfect guy for you. He’s out there and when you find him, don’t let go. Fight for him. But if he won’t fight for you, then kick his ass to the curb and don’t wait years to do it either.”
Jill laughed. “Good advice to have.”
Guess she already kicked Owen to the curb because she felt she wasn’t worth fighting for in his eyes. Why did it have to hurt so much if it was good advice?