Hands on my hips, I stood outside, watching as one of our crewmembers came dashing out of the burning house. The wind was gusting high, but clouds were rolling in. We’d been called to a fire in a neighboring town. A fishing lodge had caught fire when a chimney stovepipe got too hot. The lodge was sprawling and had guests, which meant we had our hands full. At the moment, the crew was focused on ensuring all the guests were out safely.

Meanwhile, I was annoyed, frankly annoyed didn’t quite capture how I felt. I was pissed. Ward, being high-handed as hell, had kept me on duty by the truck. He’d actually ordered me not to enter the building. I didn’t like feeling useless. One of the things I loved about being a firefighter was charging in and helping. I’d never been one who preferred to hang back on the outskirts. Yet, that was where I was.

A few of us needed to stay by the trucks. Ward, of course, was in the thick of it. He’d entered and left the building several times, escorting a number of guests out safely, along with the rest of our crew.

Mingling with my irritation towards him was the fact I was concerned about him. This wasn’t a foreign feeling, generally speaking. Hell, when you were on a crew like this, you bonded with all of your crewmembers. With the exception of Chad, who I was relieved to see Ward had dispatched quickly, I was close to my entire team. I’d been on this crew for three years now.

Being concerned for my crewmembers was a common feeling. Yet, the worry I felt for Ward was totally different. Just now, my heart was pounding and my chest felt tight because I watched him run back into the building. Meanwhile, I was stuck on the sidelines.

Hours later, we were back at the station, tired, gritty and grimy. The guys were crowding the shower room that they shared, while I headed into the smaller shower room for female firefighters. There weren’t many of us at the moment, a whopping total of two, myself and Harlow May. Harlow had joined Cade’s crew about a month ago. She was tall and strong, and easily held her own. She was also gorgeous with her glossy dark hair and dark brown eyes, yet she appeared oblivious to this and was so tomboyish she fit in easily with the guys.

I was rinsing the soap out of my hair when I heard Harlow’s voice. “God, sometimes I’m so glad you’re here. I’d hate being the only woman in this whole station,” she said by way of greeting.

She turned the water on as I lifted my head and glanced over with a smile. “Oh, I get the feeling. For the three years I’ve been here, you’re only the second woman who’s been through here.”

We showered in silence for a few more minutes. As I was turning the water off and walking past her, she followed suit. We were in the small locker room when she glanced my way, her eyes a tad curious.

“Everything okay?” I asked.

Harlow stared at me for a beat as if considering her words. Finally, she spoke. “Not to be nosy, but are you pregnant?”

My mouth actually fell open, and I felt my cheeks heat. Fuck. The look on my face must’ve given the answer away because she smiled softly. “So you are then?”

I nodded slowly. “How can you tell? I’m not that far along.” Almost seven weeks to be specific, but I didn’t say that aloud.

She lifted her shoulder in a shrug. “I was pregnant before.” She held her hands up to her breasts and then patted her tummy. “It’s not much, but I can tell. Not that I’ve been staring at you, but, well, you’ve changed a little bit.”

The wheels spun in my mind. I knew she didn’t have a child, so I wasn’t sure what that meant. As if reading my expression, she explained. “I had a miscarriage four months in,” she said matter-of-factly.

“I’m sorry,” I offered, uncertain what else to say.

Sadness flashed in the depths of her eyes. “It’s life, I suppose. The timing was terrible, and I can’t say I had planned to get pregnant. But once I was, I wanted to have the baby. I had an accident out in the field, a bad fall. The doctor said that may or may not have caused my miscarriage, but still. It’s none of my business, but if you really want your baby, just think about what you do out in the field. You should probably tell Ward what’s going on, so he can make the call on whether you should be on light duty.”

I stared at her, hard, my thoughts tumbling every which way. Fear stabbed at me—the very idea I could have a miscarriage making me want to cry. Intellectually, I knew it was a possibility in every pregnancy, but nothing was intellectual now. Everything was very real. I gave myself a mental shake, forcing my attention back to her. “I’m so sorry that happened to you.”

Harlow shrugged, although her gaze was somber. “It’s okay. It was two years ago now. As I said, it wasn’t the best timing. Plus the guy who I was with, who would’ve been the father… Well, it’s safe to say he was an asshole. Or more accurately, a hound dog. He got around. I promised myself if something like that happened again, I wouldn’t be dating an asshole.” She paused, her gaze careful. “I’m guessing you plan to keep the baby.”

At my nod, she smiled softly. “Congratulations.”

We stood there, staring at each other. I had no idea what else to say at this point. I was so freaked out by her experience, I was scrambling to get a grip inside. I was saved by the station intercom going off, and Maisie reporting another call to a fire on the outskirts of town.

Though all three crews stationed here were hotshot crews trained to be sent out into the backcountry, we also responded to local calls. Although Willow Brook wasn’t by any means a large town, we served every community in the surrounding area until we bumped into Anchorage. As such, we were busy as hell.

Harlow hurried back into her gear, racing out to touch base with Cade. Meanwhile, I didn’t know what to do. As irritated as I’d been at Ward’s call earlier, learning that Harlow had a miscarriage scared me near to death.

I hadn’t been fully dressed when the intercom call went out, and I stood there contemplating what to do. Technically, I should go check in with Ward, but I figured he was busy. As if conjured by thought alone, there was a knock on the locker room door.

“Susannah?”

The sound of Ward’s voice saying my name set my pulse off and emotion rocking through me. “You dressed?” he asked through the door.

“Give me a sec,” I called, quickly tugging my jeans on and throwing a T-shirt on.

Stepping to the door, I opened it. Ward stood there, already in a fresh set of gear. Gesturing him in, I closed the door behind us. His gaze swept over me, the heat of it searing me. He stayed by the doorway, exuding a sense of control, as if he was trying to keep something in check. His eyes locked to mine, he said, “Harlow mentioned you might want to check in with me about going back out.”

I nodded, conflicted inside. Part of me was still angry with him. I didn’t like him making the decision on limits for me. Yet, I loved how protected he made me feel. Much as I loved that, I also abhorred the sense of weakness it represented for me.

Before I thought about it, I was blurting out what Harlow told me. “She had a miscarriage, an accident in the field. I don’t know…” My words trailed off as emotion thickened my throat.

Ward flipped the bolt on the door behind him and closed the distance between us, stopping immediately in front of me, so close I could feel the heat of him.

“I know you were pissed earlier, but that’s why I asked you to stay back. We need to talk about this, to have a plan. If you’re going to fight me on it, I don’t know what to do.”

“What am I to you?” I asked, the question slipping out unbidden.

His eyes flashed silver and smoke as he stared at me. “All I know is I don’t want to put you or our baby at risk.”

My heart hammered in my chest, and that need—a need very specific to Ward—rose within. It felt as if Ward was pounding at the doors guarding my heart. I couldn’t seem to separate out my desire from my emotions. At least not when it came to him.

“For tonight, I’ll stay back if that’s okay.” I hadn’t planned to say that, but it was what came out.

His expression softened, relief washing over his features as the tension eased. He pulled me swiftly into his arms, into his strong encompassing embrace. Suddenly, I wanted to cry. But now definitely wasn’t the time for that. He needed to leave. I swallowed through the thickness in my throat and stepped away. “You have to go, what will you tell the crew?”

“That you don’t feel good. That’s it.” He opened his mouth as if to say something else and then snapped it shut. “I should go.”

At that, he spun away, and I watched him walk through the door, my eyes tracking the swing of his shoulders.

The moment he was out of sight, my mind swung into battle with itself. I couldn’t quite believe I’d given into my fear so easily. That wasn’t who I was. Yet, Harlow’s experience was hard to ignore.