Sitting in the doctor’s office, I rested my elbows on my knees and resisted the urge to twist my hands together. Damn. This was an entirely new experience for me. Glancing around the small examination room, I took in the space. There was a table, on which Susannah currently sat, with crinkly white paper on it and those foot stirrups that men only heard about.

Well, unless they were an expectant father and attending one of these appointments. Beyond the table, there was a counter behind it with a small sink, a giant bottle of disinfectant and boxes of what I imagined to be all kinds of medical odds and ends. The walls were covered with posters about what to expect at different stages of pregnancy. Aside from the chair I currently occupied, there was a stool on wheels with an attached table. The entire space felt sterile and chilly.

Susannah sat on the table in a thin cotton gown that tied behind her neck. Her legs were bare, but she’d kept her socks on, which was strangely endearing. At the moment, her feet were swinging back and forth idly. Her eyes flicked to mine and then away before she brushed a loose lock of hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ear.

“What’s your doctor‘s name?” I asked.

“Dr. Jenkins.”

“How well do you know her?”

I suddenly had a host of questions about Susannah’s doctor, none of which were likely any of my business. Yet, this was the doctor who was overseeing her pregnancy. I suddenly cared. A lot.

Susannah’s gaze caught mine again, and she rolled her eyes. “She’s been my doctor since I was a teenager. It’s fine for you to be here, but don’t go thinking I would change doctors if you asked. I trust her, and I’m comfortable with her,” she said firmly.

I couldn’t help but chuckle. It was as if she’d read my mind. Not that I’d been planning to ask her to change doctors, but it was important for her to have a good doctor.

“I wouldn’t consider it,” I finally managed.

“Liar,” Susannah retorted with a grin.

At that moment, the door to the examination room opened, and Dr. Jenkins stepped through. She wore a white lab coat, as expected, with her name embroidered on it in purple lettering. Her dark hair was pulled back in a tight twist with streaks of silver shot through it. She wore glasses and had sharp brown eyes.

“Hello Susannah,” she said with a slight smile. “I understand from Jane in reception that you have company today.” Her gaze spun to me, her eyes far too perceptive for my comfort. She turned, stepping to me and holding out her hand. “Dr. Jenkins.”

I stood and reached out to shake her hand. She shook hands like she spoke, strong and firm. Everything about her screamed matter-of-fact and no-nonsense.

It suddenly occurred to me that she might care that Susannah‘s baby was the product of what was supposed to have been a one night stand. I hoped it counted for something that I was here.

Once I was standing, I didn’t quite know what to do with myself and stuffed my hands in my pockets after Dr. Jenkins released my hand. It only belatedly occurred to me I hadn’t returned her introduction. If that didn’t tell you how fucked up I was inside my head, I didn’t know what would.

“Ward, Ward Taylor,” I offered belatedly.

When my eyes flicked to Susannah, her cheeks were pink. It occurred to me she might be just as uncomfortable with this as I was. Not for the first time, I wished I knew how to navigate this.

Dr. Jenkins simply nodded with a friendly smile and turned to start checking on Susannah. Meanwhile, my mind wandered off temporarily.

See the thing was, I had no idea how to do this. I knew exactly what I wanted, but Susannah’s walls weren’t making it easy. I could fight fires, save lives, lift all kinds of heavy things… Yet, fighting to get Susannah to accept she was meant to be mine. Well, not so easy. Even while I was confident in what I wanted, it didn’t help that I had no experience to speak of.

My own father didn’t hang around too long. He managed the sperm donor part just fine. He’d also set himself up quite well in the divorce from my mother. I supposed it had been smart to marry into money. That was round one of father role models for me.

Role model two was my stepfather, Dwight’s father. He’d thought he was smart by marrying into money. But my mother wasn’t so foolish anymore. She hadn’t been so cynical as to avoid marriage altogether, but she was quite practical about the money side of things by then. My stepfather had also managed the sperm donor part just fine. Dwight came along and then when he was about five, my stepfather filed for divorce. He got his divorce, but no money. He proceeded to spend the next twelve years or so giving my mother hell, taking her back to court again and again in one failed effort after another to finagle money out of her. Poor Dwight had to bounce back and forth between his dad and my mom. It was no wonder he was a mess inside about who and what mattered in his life.

In short, as far as learning how to be a father, my skills were limited, but I’d be damned if I’d let any child of mine grow up without a father who was very involved in their life.

Now my mother, she’d been amazing. She was a rock for me and for Dwight. I didn’t know if he would ever admit it, but the choice she made to never badmouth his father was a gift. She was there for us in every way that mattered. Dwight tied it all into money, while I would’ve given the world to have more time with her.

No such luck. I figured if I could be half as good of a father as my mother had been a mother, I might be halfway decent.

My meandering train of thought was interrupted when Dr. Jenkins said my name.

“Ward?” Her tone indicated she’d said my name more than once already.

I looked her way and nodded. “Sorry about that.” My next words surprised me. “I’ve never been to anyone else doctor’s appointment. It’s a little strange.”

Dr. Jenkins’ smile felt more than polite this time. She nodded her head towards the screen behind the examination table. While I’d been zoning out, she had Susannah laying down on the table and something between her legs. I didn’t dare ask what it was.

Dr. Jenkins gestured to the screen. “There’s your baby.”

Staring at the screen, I saw a grainy black, white, and gray image with the distinct shape of a baby curled up. Stunned speechless, I simply stared at it. When I didn’t say anything, Dr. Jenkins carried on. “So that sound you hear…” She paused looking at me, a brow raised in question. I nodded when I heard a rushing sound and a faint, but steady thump underneath it. “That’s the heartbeat,” she finished.

With my heart tight, I stared. I had tons of questions. I limited myself to one. “When will we know if it’s a boy or a girl?”

“I’ve already scheduled the next ultrasound. That’ll be at roughly twenty-one weeks. We should be able to tell then.”

I met her steady, kind gaze and managed to nod. Emotion rocked me, kicking at my heart and clogging in my throat. I looked down to Susannah where she lay in her thin gown, my eyes distantly noticing she had goose bumps and her skin had a chilled, bluish hue to it.

For a moment, it was as if we were alone in the sterile room. Dr. Jenkins’ presence faded. Our eyes met and that now familiar electricity arced to life between us.

At that moment, Dr. Jenkins’ beeper went off, the sound snapping through the intimacy. I looked away, but slid my hand on Susannah’s calf.

Dr. Jenkins stepped away to answer her pager, asking Susannah to hold the wand.

“The wand?” I asked once Dr. Jenkins was out of earshot.

Susannah grinned, the paper underneath her crinkling as she shifted to reach between her thighs. “This thing,” she said, wiggling it. “Trust me, you have no idea how lucky you are to be a man. You might think this is fun, but it’s not. It’s a cold, hard wand. It’s what they use for the ultrasound,” she explained when I still looked confused.

“Oh,” I finally said just as Dr. Jenkins stepped back into the room.

Dr. Jenkins got right back to business, quickly reviewing a few things, spelling out everything for me. Once she declared she was done, she calmly had Susannah remove the wand, quickly taking off the condom on it and tossing it in the waste basket nearby, along with her latex gloves. I stood there, contemplating how it had never occurred to me a condom would be used in a doctor’s office.

After Susannah was sitting up, Dr. Jenkins glanced between us. “Any more questions?”

I looked to Susannah because I really had no idea what to ask. I didn’t quite think it would be appropriate if I asked Dr. Jenkins how to persuade Susannah what lay between us was so much more than sex.

Driving home later that afternoon, I was impatient. After we left the doctor’s office, Susannah got distant again. She didn’t even give me a chance to get close enough to kiss her and practically ran to her car. I was reaching the point where I wanted to demand more, to force her to face what was so obvious.