“Again?” Lucy asked, her voice disbelieving.

Amelia laid her cards on the table with a roll of her eyes. “Why do you look so surprised? Maisie almost always wins.”

Leaning back in my chair, I glanced to Maisie who merely shrugged. “You can’t expect me to throw a game just because you want to win,” she offered with a sly grin.

Lucy rolled her eyes and reached over to lift the bottle of wine from the middle of the table. Filling her wine glass, she sighed. “Fine. I can always be hopeful. Every once in a while someone else wins.”

Lucy’s gaze caught mine as Amelia leaned over to snag the wine bottle from her. Without saying a word, I knew she was wondering when I planned to share my news with everyone.

It wasn’t that I was trying to keep it a secret anymore, but more that I was trying to figure out the best timing. Amelia promptly offered me an easy in when she glanced my way, starting to hand me the wine bottle before setting it down. “Where’s your wine glass?”

I wasn’t a heavy drinker, but I generally enjoyed a glass of wine or beer with my friends. I met her gaze and shrugged. “I guess now is as good a time as any. I’m pregnant.”

My last two words dropped with a thud in the middle of the table. We were having our girls’ night. It was nothing official, but we regularly got together to play cards, have dinner, and just hang out. Tonight, we were at Cade and Amelia‘s place. Cade had been shooed off to catch a beer with the guys at Wildlands.

We were seated at a small round table in their kitchen. Amelia had built this place a few years before Cade moved back to Willow Brook. The downstairs was open and airy with the kitchen at the back opening into the living room. Glancing around the table, I had two startled pairs of eyes on me between Amelia and Maisie. Amelia glanced to Lucy who didn’t look as surprised because I’d already told her I was pregnant.

“How come you don’t look shocked?” Amelia asked.

I answered for Lucy. “Because I already told her. I needed some advice.”

“You’re pregnant?” Maisie asked, her tone disbelieving.

“Uh huh,” I said, feeling my cheeks heat. “I suppose I’d better explain it all. So four years ago, I met Ward at training in California. Never thought I’d see him again. So we had a one-night stand. No big deal right?” Glancing around the table, I met the still wide eyes of Amelia and Maisie and a look of empathy from Lucy. I continued, “So when he showed up here…”

Maisie cut in. “He’s your boss.”

My checks got even hotter. “Tell me something I don’t know. Anyway, I guess you could say there was still some chemistry. It was supposed to be just another night. But I got pregnant. So now…” I sighed, resting my chin in my hands and glancing around at my friends. “Well, now I’m having a baby.”

Maisie’s eyes coasted over me. “I noticed you looked a little different. If I’d known, I would’ve figured it out right away. But since you haven’t even been dating anyone, at least not that I knew, I certainly wasn’t wondering if you were pregnant. Tell me, how far along are you?”

On the heels of another deep breath, I answered, “Almost at the end of my first trimester, ten and a half weeks.”

Amelia‘s mouth dropped open. “How long have you known?”

“Well, I did a pregnancy test the week after I missed my period, so about five weeks. Look, I was pretty freaked out about it and still am. I waited to confirm it with my doctor and then I talked to Ward.”

“So are you two official?” Maisie asked.

I’d asked myself that same question again and again and again. Emotion tightened in my chest, but I ignored it. “I don’t know,” I finally said.

“What about him? How does he feel about the baby? Because a baby is kind of a big deal,” Maisie said.

“Obvious much?” Lucy asked.

Maisie rolled her eyes. Collecting the cards scattered on the table, she looked over to me. “I wasn’t being sarcastic. Beck and I wanted to have a baby, and it’s still so much more work than I ever could’ve imagined. I wouldn’t change it for a second, but it’s no joke.”

“I know. I didn’t plan this, and I’m probably crazy, but it’s happening.”

Amelia took a gulp of her wine, her gaze somber as she looked over at me. “And you’re sure this is what you want?”

“Trust me, I know I have options. But this is what I want. I know it doesn’t make sense. It wasn’t like we were careless about it. We used condoms. They just didn’t work.”

Lucy burst out laughing at that. “I’d say not. How are things with Ward?”

The emotion I could never seem to swat away tightened in my chest again. “I think things are okay,” I finally managed.

“Have you decided what you want?” she asked, referencing her simple advice to me earlier.

Amelia glanced between Lucy and me. “Obviously, you two had a chat. Let me guess, you figured Lucy would give you the most blunt advice.”

Grinning, I nodded. “Of course she did. I just haven’t followed it.”

“What was it?” Amelia asked.

“Oh, you know, the obvious. I need to figure out what I want. Here’s the thing with Ward, the sex is great. I mean like great, great. But that kinda makes it hard for me to know how I really feel. I mean…” I paused, trying to gather my thoughts into something that made sense. “I guess I’m worried I’m letting the great sex lead me into something serious when I’m not sure that’s what I want. We shouldn’t get serious just because I’m pregnant.”

Three pairs of eyes stared back at me as I glanced around. Though the expressions varied, the general vibe was what the hell.

“Well, how did he deal with the news that you’re pregnant?” Maisie finally asked.

“Better than I expected. I mean, he was shocked, but once I told him I was having the baby, he’s been… Well I guess he’s been supportive.”

“I get that you don’t want to assume great sex equals a great relationship, but seeing as you’ve decided you’re having a baby and he’s the father, this isn’t a simple situation. If you’re not even kind of confident you want more, you might want to put the brakes on the sex. Because that muddies the waters—for him and for you,” Amelia said, her tone careful.

That was the problem. For weeks, I’d been telling myself I didn’t know what I wanted when it came to Ward and me. Yet, it was becoming painfully apparent I did know what I wanted. Or rather, what I didn’t want. When it came to the idea of cutting off what we shared, my reaction to that was visceral. I couldn’t even imagine putting a stop to it. I had no idea, none whatsoever, what to do about it.

Whatever expression crossed my face, Amelia shifted in her chair, sliding her arm around my shoulders and pulling me in for a side hug. “Okay, so it’s like that.”

Taking a shuddering breath and swallowing through the thickness in my throat, I managed to nod as she leaned back. “I didn’t plan any of this. I’m kind of a mess.”

Amelia pushed back in her chair, hurrying to the bathroom and returning quickly to slide a box of tissues on the table. It was only then that I felt the hot tear rolling down my cheek.

Snagging a tissue, I glanced amongst my friends. “No one told me what an emotional mess I’d be either. I mean, my doctor said I would experience hormonal swings, but oh my God.”

Maisie smiled softly, rolling her eyes. “Oh yeah, I was all over the place.” She sobered. “Look, maybe you shouldn’t worry so much about sorting everything out now. Maybe it’s okay to just play it by ear with Ward.”

I shook my head firmly. “No, it’s not okay. Some sort of wishy-washy friends with benefits thing is not a good plan. Not when we’re having a baby.”

Lucy reached across the table, squeezing my hand and handing me another tissue while she was at it. Seeing as I’d nearly shredded the one in my hand, that was a good thing.

“Back to square one. You have to figure out what you want. But we’re here no matter what, and if he’s an asshole, we’ll kick his ass for you,” Lucy said.

Scanning the table, a little bubble of joy rose inside. I had awesome friends, and they could actually kick Ward’s ass if needed. Maybe not independently, but certainly as a unit.

Driving home later that night, I wondered if Ward was at his place or mine. He’d been staying at mine so often, we didn’t really talk about it anymore. I told him I was meeting friends tonight, but that was it.

When I rolled to a stop at the end of my driveway, I was relieved to see his truck there. Because no matter how hard I tried to tell myself it was nothing more than me being sex crazed and pregnant, somewhere in the corners of my heart, I knew I’d miss him if he weren’t here.

* * *

Walking inside, I found Ward stretched out on the couch, sound asleep. I took the moment to simply look at him. Even in sleep, he was just so damn handsome. His chiseled features were stark in the shadowed light and his dark curls tousled. My eyes traveled down over his body. Even relaxed, every inch of him was sculpted. His T-shirt and jeans did little to mask the raw strength he exuded.

As if he felt me looking at him, his eyes opened—that silvery, smoky gaze locking with mine. My belly flipped, flutters spinning wildly.

On a burst of courage, I sank my hips onto the coffee table, clasping my hands together and finally asking the question I should’ve asked weeks ago. It was bad enough I didn’t know what I wanted, but I didn’t even know what he wanted. “What do you want?”

He arched a brow. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

“With us?”

The moment felt heavy and uncertain. As he stared at me in the soft light cast from a lamp in the corner, he didn’t reply. Not at first. After what felt like forever, but was probably only a few minutes, he reached over, his hand sliding over my knee and down my calf. I hadn’t even noticed I was nervously wiggling my foot.

“You,” he finally said.

One simple word—so clear, so confident, and so possessive.

Emotion thickened in my throat, and I swallowed, trying to beat back the sense of panic rising inside.

I said nothing. Emotions pummeled me—relief, confusion, frustration. Part of me savored how alpha he was—stating so clearly what he wanted. That same part of me thrilled to the idea it was me he wanted. Yet, I was simultaneously annoyed at how susceptible I was to this. Uncertain how to corral the jumble of emotions inside, I didn’t reply and turned to look out the window behind me, my courage deflated. The sun had fallen below the horizon, leaving streaks of fading pink in its wake.

All of a sudden, I needed to throw up. Dashing to the bathroom, I was almost annoyed when Ward followed me, brushing my hair back from my face as I vomited into the toilet.

Somehow, it only made it worse that he was so solicitous. Because that was part of what snagged on the corners of my heart and wouldn’t let go.