Chapter 4 - Connor
“Where were you last night?” Mother sat at one corner of the breakfast table, buttering her toast. I had just walked in, feeling a dull ache throbbing at the back of my head. After I left Paddy’s Pub the previous night, I’d bought a six pack from a convenience store and sat in my car and drank them all.
I sat down at the other end of the table while Mother’s housekeepers fussed around me with their danishes and pots of coffee.
“I went for a stroll,” I said to her and met her eyes. She liked to sit on the same chair that she sat in while father was still alive. Nobody was allowed to sit at the head of the table anymore. Even though there was no romance or love in my parents’ marriage, I had to hand it to my mother for her feeling of deference towards him even when he was dead.
A sound like a snort escaped mother’s lips and she shook her head.
“Thirty-four years old and you’re still sneaking out of your bedroom window and going to the bar,” she said while I munched on an almond croissant. Back at the ranch, I ate toast and beans every morning for breakfast. It was comforting, hardy and exactly the kind of food I needed to sustain me for my work on the ranch.
“What do you want from me, Mother? I came here, I mingled with your guests, and then I left,” I replied and glanced at the stack of newspapers that somebody had politely placed beside me.
Mother drew in a deep, annoyed breath and shook her head some more.
“Why didn’t you bring Alfie with you? I haven’t seen my grandson in months!” Mother exclaimed and I bit my tongue to stop myself from telling her the truth. That I was shielding my son from the coldness of this house and his grandmother’s ways.
“He has school,” I said instead and mother clucked her tongue.
“And you left him in a house full of country men?” she asked and I shrugged my shoulders.
“He’s seven, Mother. He needs someone to watch him,” I said, even though I knew exactly where this conversation was going.
“Which is why you need a wife. Alfie needs the presence of a nurturing woman in the house. He should be rightfully pampered and brought up with manners,” Mother continued and I gritted my teeth so that I didn’t burst out in fury. She had no idea about what she was talking about. I had seen firsthand what the nurturing qualities of a mother like Natalia could do. Even though she lived in the same house as Alfie, she could go days without actually seeing her son. I had never seen them hug. When she eventually left, to move to New York with the lover I always knew she had, Alfie didn’t even realize that his mother was gone.
“I don’t need a wife,” I snapped at Mother eventually. She looked up at me sharply. She was upset that I had spoken to her that way, but what choice did I have? I needed her to shut up. I didn’t need any more advice on how to bring up my own son.
“Yes, you do. And any of those girls from last night would have been a perfect choice!” mother continued and I clenched my jaws as I stared at the front page of the newspaper. I wasn’t really reading. I was thinking about the girls from last night. Not Maisie or any of the other blond haired, shrill-voiced ones . . . My mind had wandered to Lesley. I’d sat in my car thinking about her all night, too.
“Alfie needs a womanly influence. Someone to teach him how to use cutlery in the correct order . . . ” Mother’s voice continued in the background. No, what Alfie needed was someone to help him with his homework, to read him a bedtime story, to make sure that he took his baths in time. Someone he could share inside jokes with. I didn’t know how to be a father to him without being reminded of Natalia.
“And you need a woman to knock some sense into you. Someone you’d be proud to have on your arm. Someone you can return to the Hamptons with. That house of yours is lying empty now. You need a wife to help you redecorate,” Mother went on. I jerked my head up to look at her. I had enough.
“I don’t need a wife and Alfie doesn’t need a mother. What we need is a nanny!” I barked at her and then stood up from my chair and left the dining room.
Lesley’s face was whirling around in my mind. I couldn’t help but wonder how soft her skin was, what her lips tasted like . . . If those breasts would fit in the palms of my hands. I’d offered her a job on a whim. I knew I shouldn’t have. It wasn’t her capacity to work for me that I wanted. It was her body that I was after.
My cell phone beeped in the pocket of my pants and I drew it out. It was a text message from an unknown number.
Okay. I’ll go to Texas and work for you. I’ll be there in two days. Thanks – Lesley
I had to read the text five times before the words actually sunk in. I hadn’t expected her to accept the offer. This was going to be a huge mistake. She was the last person I wanted to come work for us as a nanny because it would mean I’d have a perpetual hard-on – every day, all the fucking time!
I should have just kept my mouth shut and walked away from the bar without saying anything to her. But instead, I’d gone and dug my own grave.