CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Tatum
It’s cold when I wake up, and immediately I can tell that Remy is no longer in bed with me. I’m definitely not cuddled up to him in the way I fell asleep against him last night. I fight against the instinct to open my eyes. As soon as I do, I know I’ll have to face the fact that he’s gone. Even after we shared what we did last night, he left. As much as I wish I were surprised, I can’t bring myself to be. This is what he told me he’d do. He’d be a dick and push me away. This time it’s up to me to be the mature one, to keep his stubbornness from messing up our lives. I’ll do it, but damn he’s going to feel my wrath. No matter how mature I may have become, I still have a fucking temper, and he’s totally going to feel it.
“Damnit, Remy.” I sigh, as I fully awaken. “Why are you doing this? Why are you going to make me get angry?” I ask the empty spot next to me on the bed.
It’s no longer warm, which means he left like a thief in the night, taking my heart with him. I knew as soon as he mentioned his parents knowing who I am that he would try to protect me. And by trying to protect me, he would pull away and sacrifice us to keep me safe. Which is total bullshit and everything he warned me he would do.
Grabbing my phone, I fire off a text to him.
T: I know what you’re doing, Remy, and while I appreciate you being worried about my well-being, this is bullshit. This is what they want for you. They never want you to be happy. They want you to live your whole damn life questioning yourself. I love you, and you love me. That’s all we need.
Five minutes later, I can see he read it, but didn’t respond. Talk about pissing me off? Now I’m totally pissed. Glancing at the clock, I realize I’m late for work, but I give no fucks. If I’m late, then Remy’s at the shop, and if he’s at the shop, I can give his ass a piece of my mind.
*
As I pull into my family’s shop, I see Remy standing there talking with Jagger and Tyler. The me who knows she shouldn’t embarrass a guy in front of his friends thinks twice about giving him a piece of my mind, but the me who’s pissed and wants to punish him for being a dick doesn’t care.
I park out of the way and get out, marching toward the trio. My trusty combat books make loud slaps against the concrete. The pound of them makes me feel good, and I hope he can hear me approaching, can feel it in the way I’m glaring at him.
“Morning, Tate.” Tyler waves at me, a warm smile on his face. Any other day, I’d sit down and have a talk with Tyler, but today I’m on a goddamn mission.
I bypass the smile and the greeting, heading straight for Remy. “You son of a bitch. How could you leave?”
He folds his arms over his chest, shooting me a glare. I know this Remy, I’m well acquainted with this Remy. This is the one who questioned me in a truck last year after I stupidly slept with another man. This is the one who turns into someone else to protect his heart from the world. But he doesn’t need to protect his heart from me, if anything, he should be looking to me for comfort. But no, that would make too much sense.
“Maybe I thought better of what happened.” He hissed, grabbing hold of my wrist.
I try to pull out of his hold, fighting against the tears of frustration I feel building behind my eyes. To my utter humiliation, my bottom lip trembles. Even though I know this is a self-defense mechanism, I’m hurt and pissed. Regardless of how he feels, he shouldn’t be trying to hurt me to push me away. I thought we were beyond that. “You don’t mean that.”
“I do.” He drags me to a corner of the shop, blocking me from view. “This isn’t going to work out between us, not the way you want it to.”
“It will,” I argue, my voice louder than I mean for it to be. “But you’ve got to stop protecting me. You swore you wouldn’t do this again, promised me our love was enough to keep you from running.”
“I lied.” His voice is flat, devoid of emotion.
Before I know what I’ve done, my palm kisses his cheek, the force pushing his face to the side. “You lied when you told me you loved me?” I ask in disbelief.
I can see him fighting with whatever it is he wants to say, and I get the feeling he’s going to break my heart. I hold my breath, waiting to hear what he’s going to say. His eyes give him away as they soften.
“Not about loving you, Tate, but I lied to both of us when I told you we could be together. There’s no way in hell we can be together. Not with the past I have.”
“I don’t care about it.” I grab hold of his waist, threading my fingers into his shirt. “I don’t care what they come at me with, I’m ready. Nothing’s going to make me leave you. Don’t you understand? Love isn’t about the easy, Remy.”
He reaches around his waist, grabbing my hands and unclenching them from his shirt. “It isn’t easy, Tate, but I’d never be able to protect you.”
“You would.”
“From them I would, but not from me.” He reaches out tilting up my chin. “Once I unleash on them, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to put it back in. If they hurt you, that’s the end of it.”
“You’re throwing away what we have on the chance that you could hurt me? I don’t understand.” I pull my bottom lip in between my teeth. “Why are you willing to give up on us so easily?”
“Easy? You think this shit is easy? I’m trying to protect you.”
“That’s bullshit!” I scream at him, my voice getting higher and louder. “You’re protecting yourself. Poor Remy who had shitty parents, God forbid he get something good out of life. Why the hell would he want the love of someone who cares so much about him, she was willing to go against her family, if that’s what it took.” I beat my hands against his chest, pushing him away from my body. “Why do you keep doing this to me? To us?” I sob, hoping like hell I can get through to him and can make him understand this sacrifice isn’t wanted, it isn’t needed.
“Tatum.” He grabs hold of my hands.
“Don’t touch me.” I let the tears flow, let every bit of emotion I’m feeling out, because I’m sick of holding it in.
“Is everything okay over here?”
My brother’s voice is my lifeline. I wipe the tears off my chin, stop them from dripping off my jawline. “No, it’s not okay. He’s a piece of shit, and I want you to take his cut and his tattoos, wreck his bike, and leave him without a family.” I hiccup a breath. “That’s what the old Tatum would say, the brat. The new Tatum, the one who loves him, even though he won’t love himself, is begging you to help him. If anyone needs it, it’s him. His parents are back in town and he’s scared.” I reach out and grab Drew’s hand, needing the touch of someone familiar to ground me. “Just help him, I’m going home. I can’t stand here and watch him throw everything he’s worked so hard for away. I’d rather go home and cry in my own bed.”
“No, let me drive you.” Drew stops me from leaving. “You’re in no shape to drive, and I’d never forgive myself if something happened.”
I nod because there’s nothing else I can do. There’s no way I can argue with any of them, and right now I can’t even convince myself to look at the person I gave myself to last night.
Blinded by my tears, I make my way to my SUV, waiting for Drew to drag himself up into the driver’s seat. “How are you going to get home?” I ask, closing my eyes as I curl up into a ball next to the passenger side door.
“You let me worry about that, Bug. Right now I’m worried about you.”
I’m worried about me too, but I don’t say anything. I can only watch as the memories of my life pass me by.
*
Hours later I’m still in bed, trying to forget what the hell happened. I keep trying to decide if I’m stuck in some crazy, fucked-up alternate universe, or if Remy and I broke up earlier this morning. After the most amazing time together, and he just threw me away. I hate myself, because as soon as I got home, I put on his hoodie and curled up against the pillow he used last night.
I’m weak, and I’m at the end of my rope. I wish I understood why he’s done this to us, and maybe in a way I do, but no matter what I’d never give him up if the situation were reversed. My brain fights against common sense though, because I know I don’t come from the same family he did, and my thoughts are different than his. Either way, I’m upset. Basically, I have to get over what’s happened, and him.
Truth is, I know I won’t get over him, and I’m done fooling myself. Remington Sawyer is it for me, and I have to decide if I want to keep fighting.
Beside me, my phone beeps. My silly heart jumps, thinking it’s Remy apologizing. I try not to let it bother me when I see that it’s Addie.
A: Hey girlie! Don’t know if you’ve seen the news or not, but they’re calling for possible ice tonight. I’m going to stick around CRISIS in case they need help. If you want to come out here, that’s cool, just let me know what you want to do.
T: I’ve had a shit day, I’m staying home, and drinking that bottle of wine we smuggled from Mom’s house the last time we went over for dinner. I’ll check in tomorrow.
A: Wanna talk about it?
T: Not even a little bit. Be safe.
A: You too, and if you need anything, call me or text me.
I won’t need anything. That bottle of wine has my name on it, and I’m going to drink it down. Tonight I’m saying fuck Remington Sawyer. Fuck love. Fuck my heart. Tomorrow, I’ll fight, but first I have to lick my wounds.