CHAPTER EIGHT
Tatum
“Last winter, when I got my hair done before Christmas, I did it for Remy.” I start my story from the beginning. Glancing down at my soup, I play with it before I drop my spoon and give myself over to the memories. “I wanted him to look at me like an adult. On my birthday, I cornered him and kissed him, the way I always wanted to.”
Charity chuckles. “Poor Remy, I bet he didn’t know what hit him.”
“No,” Mandy interjects. “Pretty sure he knew he got hit by Tornado Tatum, who’s never heard no for an answer.” She cuts her eyes over at me. “Am I about right?”
“It wasn’t the fact I’ve never heard no before, Amanda.” My voice is sharper than I mean for it to be. “He called me a brat too, but that’s not even what this is about.” I play with the spoon again, refusing to meet their eyes. “It was about my heart skipping a beat every time I saw him, how his voice warmed my stomach, how my day was better when I saw him.”
Charity makes a noise. “Tatum, do you love Remy? Because that sounds a lot like love to me.”
“Yeah,” I whisper. “Call me crazy, call me naïve. I’m cool with it, whatever you think, but I know how I feel. I’ve known how I feel about him for almost two and a half years.”
“Speaking as two people who had to have breaks in their relationships for them to come together,” Charity says as she points to herself and Mandy, “we totally understand where you’re coming from. It took a baby for them and ten years for me and Drew to figure out what the fuck we wanted. You’ll get no comments about how crazy you are from us.”
“So what happened to make you two stop talking to one another?” My sister puts her chin on her hand and gazes at me, almost like she’d dreading to hear what I’m going to say.
I don’t look at them as I speak, can’t look at them, because truth be told, I’m embarrassed about how I acted. “After we had our interlude in the garage at the club Christmas party, he pushed me away. Said he was too old for me, basically that my virginity was a problem. So.” I shrug like it’s no big deal before I continue. “I got rid of it.”
“Oh, honey.” Charity and Mandy both sigh.
“Addie and I went to the party together, and I found someone I knew liked me, had liked me for a while. I gave him an offer he couldn’t refuse, so to speak.” It still makes me emotional, and I wish like hell I could take it back. “It was awful,” I admit in a soft voice. “Remy came busting through the door, put the guy on his ass, and then kicked the shit out of him. All while I was trying to get dressed.”
Charity breathes deeply. “Something tells me that’s not where this ends.”
“No.” I shake my head, embarrassment riding high on my cheeks and tears threatening to spill. “Remy got Addie and I out to the truck and took us home. The whole way to Tyler’s they talked like I wasn’t there, whispering about me and wanting to make sure I was okay,” I spit the word out, before pulling my lip between my teeth. “Addie got out, and we drove for a long time before either one of us said anything. Remy was the one to break the silence. He asked if I’d had a good time, and I begged him not to be a dick. Then he told me he could smell the other guy on me, see the bite marks on my neck, and the stubble burn on my chin. Then he asked if I was proud of myself.”
The words are so low, I almost can’t hear myself speak them.
“Son of a bitch.” Mandy throws her roll down on the table. “I can’t believe he said that to you.”
“Was he wrong?” That’s the question that’s been at the back of my mind since the whole situation went down. “He said I see the world through rose-colored glasses and there’s darkness in him, but I never see that darkness.” The tears fall now. “Not when I’m around, not when we’re together.” I push against the corners of my eyes, catching the moisture. “Then he said I don’t see him for who he really is, but he sees me for who I am. A brat who didn’t get what she wanted, so she gave it up to the first person who said yes.”
“That was fucking harsh.” Charity cracks her knuckles. “Does your brother know he talked to you like that?”
I’m quick to answer. “No, no one knows what we said to each other. You two are the first ones I’m telling. Not even Addie knows.”
“You both hurt each other in a big way, Tate.” Mandy takes a drink of her sweet tea. “You slept with another guy, and the man you love berated you for it.”
“Neither one of us have made the right decisions in the past, but we both want to start. Before B’s birthday, I went a full year without speaking to him, and I realized something.”
“You miss him, right?” Charity has a grin in her face. “No matter how long it’s been since the two of you spoke to one another, it’s like you never stopped. He still knows everything about you, and it feels good to have that one person who knows everything. Who you feel comfortable with.”
“Yes, and now he asked me to go for a ride with him on his bike.”
The two older women share a sly look and a smile before turning back to me.
“Have you ever ridden with him on his bike?” Mandy asks, the grin getting bigger.
“Once.” The memory is vivid as it replays in my head. “It was after you, Mom, and I got taken. The guys came to get us, and Remy was with them as a prospect. I rode back to the clubhouse behind him. But I was so nervous that I hardly remember anything about it.”
“I can’t believe you’ve kept all this to yourself, Tate.” Mandy stands up to throw away most of her untouched food. “Why didn’t you come to any of us?”
“After what Remy said to me? It was embarrassing. How I acted? I knew better than all of that, but I just wanted him to want me. I wanted to be the person he had to have in his life.” I curl a piece of dark hair around my finger. “But it looks like he survived pretty well without me,” I say sadly.
“No, he didn’t,” Charity interrupts. “He’s here at least twice a week. The amount of times he’s smiled in the past year? I can count on one hand. I saw him yesterday, and he walked in here whistling. Trust me, he may have survived, but he wasn’t living.”
“Am I stupid to forgive him? Are we dumb for trying to do this again?”
Mandy leans forward, putting her elbows on the table. “If you love him, if he’s the one guy you know you’re never gonna get over – you fight for it, Tate. The result will be worth the battles you’re facing. As far as what anyone else thinks? Fuck ’em, you’re an adult.”
“Dad gave his permission for us to date.” I let the little juicy tidbit slip.
“He asked?” Charity squeals. “That’s so romantic. I’m proud of him.”
“Me, too. I know how he thinks about himself and how he grew up; he’s scared to death of rejection, but he put himself out there for me.”
“Then obviously he loves you a little bit too, Tate. Take it slow, go into it with both eyes wide open, and let nature take its course. I think you got this.” Charity leans over giving me a hug.
And for the first time in a long time, I feel like I got it, too.
Remy
Most guys, no matter what their age, would kill to be where I am right now. In the middle of a strip club. But I have to admit, working at Wet Wanda’s is one of my least favorite jobs for the club. I hate the way men with wedding rings come in and throw money their families probably need at scantily clad women. I wonder, what do their wives think about them being here? Do they have little kids at home waiting for Daddy to walk through the front door?
At the same time, I realize a lot of that is my damage; how I sat at the door waiting for my dad to show up, and how he rarely did. When he did, it was never good.
“How’s it going?”
I glance over my shoulder, seeing Tatum’s brother walking over to stand beside me. Drew’s got a couple inches on me, but I’ve bulked up in the past year. There was a time when I would have been intimidated by him standing next to me. I’m not that guy anymore.
“Ready to get the fuck outta here,” I admit, blowing out a breath. “It’s been a long day, as you well know.”
“Yeah, but at least I got a little bit of a break, unlike you. Thanks for helping at the shop this morning for me.”
“No big deal, I didn’t have anything going on.”
He doesn’t say anything as we both look out over the crowd, watching and waiting to see if anyone gets stupid with too much alcohol in their system.
“I’m just gonna come right out and say this because I like you, Remy.”
Immediately I’m on the defensive. It’s how I’ve lived most of my life. “Say your piece, whatever it’s about.”
“Dad told me you asked for permission to date Tatum.”
Fuck me, am I gonna have to go through this with every member of the family? It’s then I realize I will, and gladly. She is who she is, and she has a ton of people who love her. “Yeah, I had a talk with him.”
“I know my sister.” He takes a drink of the water he holds in his hand. “She’s stubborn as fuck – to a fault. I’m also not stupid; I know something happened between the two of you last year. That’s your business, and I’m not interested in rehashing shit if you and her are over it. What is my business, though, is if you hurt her again. Don’t think I haven’t noticed the way her smile hasn’t gone to her eyes in the past year, how she isn’t readily available for family functions, the way she avoids the fuck outta you. I’m assuming if went to Dad.” He takes another drink. “Then the two of you are working your shit out. I won’t stand in the way of that, Jesus knows I fucked up plenty with Charity. But if you hurt her again and I find out about it? You’re mine. In the boxing ring, you feel me? We’re brothers,” he says pointing at the Heaven Hill patches on both our cuts, “but she’s my baby sister, dude, and ain’t nobody gonna hurt her on my watch – not when I can prevent it.”
I totally understand what he’s saying, and I know he’s saying it out of love. “If I hurt her again, I’ll meet you there and give you a free minute to get started. I’m not interested in hurting her, and I sure as fuck ain’t interested in how we’ve been living the last year. I wanna make her happy and build a life with her, if that’s where she and I end up. What I don’t want to have to do is defend myself at every turn, so please tell me you’re the last one I have to talk to about this.”
“I believe you, and because I do, I’ll make sure to put the word out so that no one else questions you. I just wanted to make sure where your mind was before I gave you this.” He holds out the now familiar envelope that holds Tatum’s notes to me.
I reach out, grabbing it like it’s a lifeline.
“You understand, it’s not that I don’t think you’re worthy. There’s not many guys I would trust with her, and you’re one of them.”
That’s high praise coming from Drew, and I take a minute to appreciate it. Not everyone is constantly thinking the worst of me, but it’s hard to get out of that mindset. “I appreciate it, and you have my word. I won’t purposely hurt her.”
He hitches his chin at me. “That’s exactly what I wanted to hear. Go ahead and take a break.”
I hurriedly walk out the backdoor, staying away from the smokers. As someone who had asthma as a kid, I never picked up the smoking habit like so many of the members of the club. My hands are shaky as I open the seal, and I wonder if I’ll ever get over this excited feeling. I’m not sure I want to.
Unfolding the paper, my eyes scan what she’s written.
Your
Exceptional
Smile
Is what I’ve missed the most
I know with you, I’ll be warm as toast.
I can’t help the laugh that comes from my stomach. The yes is obvious by the underlined letters in the words, and I have to give her points for creativity for rhyming most and toast.
Pulling my cell out of my pocket, I do something I haven’t done in a long time. I text Tatum.
R: Be ready after work tomorrow. I’ll pick you up.
Her response is immediate.
T: You mean you’ll ride your bike across the street and get me?
R: Don’t be a smartass. Just be ready for a ride.
T: Should I dress for a long one?
The innuendo is there, but I know she’s actually asking.
R: Yeah, be sure and dress warm. See you tomorrow?
T: Can’t wait!
When I walk back into Wet Wanda’s, it’s not as bad as it was before. Especially not with me looking forward to a ride in the countryside with a beautiful girl on the back of my bike.