KATE
“What about Victoria? It sounds regal and fit for a princess.”
“So, she can be called Vicki or Victor for short? Not happening, my love.” Weston shakes his head, lines of determination set in his hardened features.
“She can also be called Tori. That’s cute.”
“No, Kate. That’s not cute.”
Every name I suggest, he vetoes. It’s getting ridiculous. “I get it’s important to pick a good name but if you don’t like any of the ones I do, at least make me some freaking suggestions.” I sigh. “How about Isabella?”
“Do you know how many Bellas are out there thanks to that goddamn Twilight series?” His eyes darken momentarily as he continues flipping through one of our baby name books while I peruse through another.
“Dear God, Weston Alexander Cahill. I’m so close to strangling the daylights out of you right now.” I rest the baby book on my forehead, groaning in frustration.
“How about Charlotte?” His deep timbre hangs in the air, my ears needing a matter of seconds to process what I’ve just heard. I pull the book from my eyes and look at him. His chiseled jaw clenches as I cross my legs. I’m thoroughly shocked he finally picked a name and even more surprised that we both like it.
“I like Charlotte. It’s pretty.”
“Really?” He smiles real big at the same time I call him a nerd. I place the book down and crawl on top of him, straddling his hips.
“Is it really that much of a surprise that I like what you chose?” I quirk my eyebrow at him and dare him to say something that he might regret. He misses that hint, though.
“I don’t know how many times I need to tell you this, but you’re difficult, annoying and stubborn. So yes, it’s a surprise that we agreed.”
“I am not. Take it back right now.” I growl at him while I climb from his lap, angrily.
“It’s the truth, Kate.”
“It is not.”
“You are only further validating my point. Feel free to keep it up.” He laughs, seeming amused at my stubbornness. It makes me want to smack him, but I don’t. I place my hands on my hips, pouting with my bottom lip puckered.
“Jackass.”
“Oooh.” He raises his hands in mock surrender. “I’m in trouble now.”
“When aren’t you?”
“Good point.” He stands, stretching his legs. “And by the way, Katie Kat, we finally picked our daughter’s name and all we’ve done since is argue. I rest my damn case.”
I square my eyes at him, watching his butt as he saunters sexily from the room. Now, this is a view that I don’t mind watching on the daily.
“Oh, don’t forget, beautiful, we still have to pick a middle name.” he shouts from wherever he’s walked to.
“Grrreat.” I grumble.
~*~
I sit on the shore, watching the white foam of the waves crashing against the sand as the sun begins to set. The smell of the sea salt in the air with a slight subtle breeze, well, it’s refreshing.
It’s hard to really picture my future right now. When I think about my unborn daughters’ life, everything is so clear. I can almost imagine her growing up with a father that spoils and pampers her more than just about any little girl. I see dance classes and preschool. I can picture him packing her a lunch and including little surprises in her lunchbox. I can even picture him escorting her to college and helping her set up her dorm.
Everything is there.
Except for me.
I was given a choice and sitting here now, I don’t even have to think about it. I don’t need to digest what they’ve told me, because the decision is crystal clear. The answer couldn’t be more obvious, to me at least.
“Unfortunately, Miss Benson, after some very thorough testing, we have deduced that you have Stage 3A Cervical Cancer.”
I sit still, frozen in place as if I am completely incapable of moving. I hear what the doctor is saying and I know it sounds awful, but I’m not scared, as stupid as that sounds. If you were to tell me something was wrong with my unborn baby, I’d be a panicking mess, but myself? Well, it just isn’t as much of a worry, I guess.
“We do understand that at this time, you are pregnant; however, we do not advise that you continue this pregnancy. In our professional opinion, we would recommend setting up an appointment for termination so you can begin treatment as soon as possible. At this stage, it’s still early enough to treat. You can beat this, Miss Benson.”
I look into the doctors eyes and I nearly start laughing at his words. He doesn’t know me and what I’ve been through. He hasn’t a clue with whom he’s speaking. One thing is for certain, there is no way that I was given this miracle baby just so I could abort her like my previous one.
“I respect your opinion; however, I will not be terminating my pregnancy.” His eyes remain locked on me as I stand to leave, but it won’t change my choice. I couldn’t care less if he feels that he knows what’s best. For me, he most certainly does not.
There’s nothing else to think about and nothing else to know.
Except that isn’t exactly true. There is a lot that I don’t know about this diagnosis and I would’ve known more had I stayed around and listened to what the doctor had to say. I couldn’t though. I couldn’t sit there and listen to them go on about an abortion that I feel deep within my soul is wrong.
This baby- our daughter- she’s already become the most important part of my world. I feel this new connection. My heart beats faster and melts at the same time when I feel little flutters in the base of my tummy. I don’t even know if that’s something my mind is fabricating or if it really is our daughter moving inside me, but after feeling it, there’s no way I can just give her up.
It would be so incredibly selfish of me to think only of myself; to worry only about my life as I end my unborn baby’s. I’ve been there and I’ve done that. I don’t ever want to go back to that dark and dreary time.
What if my daughter changed the world someday? What if I terminated the pregnancy and lived, but Weston and I were never able to have another baby? I couldn’t do that to him.
He’s so ready to have a family and whether I’m a part of that picture or not is irrelevant. This is our dream, Weston’s and mine. And if it’s the last thing I do, I’m going to damn well see it through. He’s going to get everything he wants in the world and, as his fiancée, it’s my job to give him that.
Looking out at the water rippling and the seagulls grazing the water, I feel a sense of peacefulness overcome me. The clouds seem to part and the stars begin to twinkle down upon me in an enchanting warmth, as if it’s a special little reminder that I’m doing the right thing.
It’s crazy, right? To hear that you have cancer and to feel so lighthearted and carefree about the whole thing. It isn’t that I don’t care about what’s happening and what’s going to happen to me- I do care. It’s just that an abortion isn’t a viable personal option and it doesn’t sound as if treatment during a pregnancy is an option either, since the first recommendation the doctor had made was termination.
I will fight to live; I’m a fighter if anything, but that will have to come after this baby is born. The risk isn’t worth the horrible outcome that would accompany literally selling my soul to the devil again. I can’t say that I won’t- I just desperately hope I don’t- die. If I do, at least I will go knowing that my sacrifice is worth the reward.
And what a beautiful reward she will be.
No one knows what life will hold, but one thing is for certain; I intend to enjoy it. To do as Weston and I had promised each other from the start of this crazy, new, and beautiful journey- to focus only on the good and let go of the fears and worries holding us down, especially for those things that we don’t have the ability to change. To just live and love each other, no matter what comes our way.
I stand, brushing the sand from my pants and walk towards the wraparound porch surrounding our stunning beach home. My ballet flats dangle from one hand and I can feel myself kicking up sand behind me as I go.
When I reach the concrete, I dust the sand from my feet, slip my shoes back on, and climb the stairs.
WESTON
Kate walks in, looking absolutely radiant. Her hair is wind-blown and she looks beautiful, but it isn’t just her appearance that makes her especially breathtaking today. It’s something else I can’t quite put my finger on.
She sets her bottle of lemon water on the kitchen counter then pushes up her glasses that have slipped down her nose. I rake her body with my eyes, completely unashamed.
She’s hot; what can I say?
I close the distance between us, taking her small body into my arms. I rest my chin on her head, inhaling her fruity-scented shampoo. She melts into me and I sigh.
“I love you, Katie Kat.”
“I know.” She looks up at me, smiling.
“And our daughter.”
Her eyes glisten at the mention of our baby and it makes my heart swell with so much fucking love. She’s started to embrace her new role as a mother lately and I’ve found it sexy as fuck.
She doesn’t push me away or call me weird whenever I talk to her growing baby bump anymore. She has even started reading her pregnancy books, which to me is a little strange, since she’s not much of a reader. Athlete, for sure. Bookworm, not quite.
I was expecting to have to do everything for her, except carrying the child. Not that I would have complained. I love taking care of her and I wholeheartedly believe it’s normal for a man to want to take care of his woman and nurture her through such a dramatic change. Needless to say, it’s exciting to see her like this.
This is the future I have always dreamed of with Kate and it’s crazy because I was unsure of whether we’d get here, especially after I learned of everything she’s gone through, emotionally and physically.
I won’t lie and say that her past hasn’t taken a toll on our relationship, because it has. It’s been rocky with both of us trying to figure out the boundaries- how to talk to each other, how to treat each other, etc. If anything, it’s brought us closer together and made us much stronger.
It’s made us realize what’s important.
Me. Her. And our new baby girl.
A daughter. I’m still overwhelmed at the thought that I’m going to be having a little girl. I dread thinking of the teenage years and, if she’s anything like Kate, she is going to test the shit out of the both of us, I’m sure.
Karma’s a bitch.
I chuckle and Kate’s beautiful blue eyes meet mine. “What’s so funny?”
“I was just thinking that, if our daughter has your personality, we’re done for.” She giggles and winks at me before nuzzling into my chest.
“You love it and you know it.”
“I’m not denying it, beautiful.” I lift her into my arms, cradling her like a small child. I walk her up the stairs and set her down on the top step. “Follow me.” I lead her down the hall to the room formerly known as my man cave.
I open the door, the room now completely barren. No more video game systems and giant flat screen TVs. No ratty recliners or my large pool table. Goodbye weight bench and mini fridge full of beer; it’s been nice knowing you.
“Where is everything?” She honestly looks confused. It’s so fucking adorable.
I wrap my arms around her waist, snuggling into the hair nudged between the crook of her neck. “Gone.”
“Where?”
“It’s all been moved to the guest bedroom. I figured we can use this for Charlotte’s room.”
“Wouldn’t it have been easier to move all the stuff from the guest bedroom instead, since there was way less stuff there?”
“Yes, but this way her nursery is closer to us.” I feel her shiver as my breath brushes her neck. She turns in my arms and fists her fingers into my long, unruly mane, kissing me with a fiery passion.
“It’s perfect.”