KATE
“Holy shit, Kate.” Jazzy looks me up and down. “It’s been like a week since I saw you and you’ve fucking popped.” Her eyes are focused on my protruding belly, the very same one that is now making it incredibly hard to wear any normal type of pants. Stretchy yoga pants have become my staple since a few days ago when I laid on my bathroom floor with my butt in the air, trying to button my jeans in vain. Weston walked in, laughing at me, and I just about killed him with my imaginary laser vision.
“Call me fat again.” I hiss at her, growing angrier by the second. I can feel my blood starting to boil and I can’t help but feel all sorts of irritated, completely out of nowhere.
“I didn’t call you fat, Kay.” Her eyes soften momentarily, but it doesn’t take away the frustration that is now coursing through my blood like an MMA fighter itching to destroy their competitor.
“I’m growing a tiny human; I don’t want to hear it.” I turn and walk away, but hear the click clacking of her heels behind me.
Heels. God, I miss wearing heels. Now if I wear them, that is, if I can even fit them over my swollen ankles, I get thrown completely off balance thanks to the beach ball of a stomach I have.
“Kate, you’re legit all belly. There’s not an ounce of fat on your body.”
“She’s right, beautiful.” Weston interjects while sitting on the top of our Tiki bar, his eyes going back and forth between Jazzy, who’s removing her heels so she can wade in the pool, and me as I sit and dangle my feet into the warm water. “That’s all Charlotte.”
“Oh my gosh. You’re naming her Charlotte? That’s the cutest fucking name ever.” I roll my eyes and rest my hands on my bump. Jazz is too dramatic for her own good. “Continuing with the C names, I see.”
I sigh. “It was purely coincidental that we chose a C name; we certainly didn’t copy it from you and John. It was the only one that the bonehead fiancé and I could agree on.”
“It’s true.” Weston’s eyes rest on my chest and the urge to smack him again becomes full force.
“Keep looking at my boobs like that and it’ll be years before you get to touch them.” I growl.
“Dayumm...who let the bitch out?”
“Jazzy.” Weston warns.
I pull my feet from the water and stand, watching the water dribble down my ankles. I walk to the sliding patio door and enter, slamming it shut behind me. I plop down onto the couch and the prickle of tears in the corners of my eyes instantly appears.
The door opens and Weston walks in silently, coming to my rescue as always. “What’s wrong, Katie Kat?” His voice is quiet and gentle, wrapping around my heart in a little soft cocoon.
“I don’t know.” I sniffle, his rough fingers brushing away the moisture from beneath my eyes. “Nothing and everything at the same time. I’m always mad about something and, if I’m not, I’m frustrated and taking it out on everyone around me.”
“Kate, it’s okay, my love. We get it. We understand.” I nuzzle into his hand on my cheek and close my eyes, listening to his voice wash over me and caress my soul. “Remember when Jazzy was pregnant with the boys and she threw a full ice cream Sunday at John, hot fudge and all, because he took the last maraschino cherry?”
I start giggling at the memory. “Yeah, that was pretty bad.”
“You’re moody, sure, but you’re still you and perfect in every way.”
“But I’m fat, Wes.” Tears well up in my eyes again. Yeah, I’m being vain, but it’s hard not to get insecure when you’ve always been a size two, even on your largest of days. “How can you find this attractive?” I motion to my ever-growing tummy.
His face grows completely serious at my question and I can see the clenching of his jaw as he formulates a response. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say I just hit a nerve. He looks pissed.
“Look at me, Katie.” My baby blues snap to his in a heartbeat. “I know we don’t ever talk like this, because I’ve known what your parents put you through growing up, but I need to say this now.” He clears his throat before continuing. “You’re my biggest blessing in life. Despite everything you’ve gone through to get to this point, you’ve tackled each obstacle like a fucking champion and I couldn’t be prouder of the person sitting before me.” He rests his hand on my stomach above my belly button. “Watching your belly swell as our daughter grows within you is sexy as fuck. Your new curves drive me crazy and, every time you’re near me, I find it difficult to keep my hands to myself. Dammit, Kate.” His words sound pained, even to me, but never once does he let up on his rant. “You’ve always been beautiful and breathtaking and perfect for me, but now? Just look what you do to me.”
He takes my hands and rests it against the bulge in his jeans. And, although it seems strange, I need this. I need to know that Weston still desires me as much as he used to before I got pregnant. I have to know that nothing will change between us, and now I know that it won’t.
“Thank you, Weston.” I drape my legs over his lap and curl into his chest. “I love you. So much.”
“I know you do, beautiful.”
“Jazzy’s still in the pool, isn’t she?” I glance up at him and his deep chuckle warms me.
“That she is. But something tells me that she’ll survive without us.”
“Wanna bet?”
~*~
I have too much pride. That’s what Weston has always told me. I struggle with admitting when I’m wrong.
However, walking out of that doctor’s office wasn’t a sign of pride, per se. I wasn’t saying the doctors were wrong. They’re the ones with the medical degrees; I am not. They can only go by what they’ve seen personally or learned. But what may have worked for someone else doesn’t necessarily mean it will work for me.
Giving up and aborting my daughter isn’t a sure-fire way to rid myself of cancer completely. Although it would open a list of treatment options, it wouldn’t eliminate the disease.
I could still die if I aborted her and went with the treatment option anyways OR I could give birth to her and then fight like hell, maybe to still die later. It’s a damned if I do, damned if I don’t scenario.
I don’t want to die. I don’t want my family to have a wonderful life without me, while the memory of me fades off into the distance. I want to watch my daughter as she grows older. I want to see Weston’s gray hairs begin to appear and I want to sit beside him, swinging in our rocking chairs as we watch our grandchildren play in the sand on the beach in front of us.
If I’m going to fight this goddamn disease, then I need to know what the fuck I’m dealing with.
I pull up Google, pushing the cursor around on the middle pad of my laptop. Three words in the search box and up pops a cancer research site with everything I could possibly need to know about what I’ll soon have to go through.
Stage 3A Cervical Cancer has typically spread to the lower part of the vagina or the pelvis walls, but not to other nearby organs or lymph nodes.
This stage is treatable with a combination of chemotherapy and radiation. Chemotherapy will result in the loss of appetite, stamina, strength and oftentimes leads to anxiety and depression due to hair loss, etc.
So, it’s true. I will eventually be going bald. Another thing to look forward to, I suppose. If I think I’m insecure now, I can only imagine how bad it will get once I start losing chunks of my hair.
Words keep popping out at me and begin to dance around the screen, never fully forming a proper sentence.
Nausea.
Pain.
Fatigue.
Metastasize.
Relapse.
Strength.
None of it makes sense. I don’t want it to, either. I wish this wasn’t a thing- cancer. I’ve never known anyone who’s gone through this before, but Weston has.
His father passed away from colon cancer a few years before we started dating. From what I heard, it was a rough battle and it hit Weston and his family extremely hard. Even now, it’s something he refuses to bring up.
How can I tell him what’s going on with me? I’m going to break his heart. My man is nearly indestructible in just about every way possible, but this? This will send him over the edge; I know it.
Everyone has their breaking point.
I will tell him the truth, but I need to find the right time to ease Wes into it. It’s not going to be easy.
Fuck my life.
~*~
WESTON
“Let’s elope.”
I look down at Kate, whose head is lying in my lap. My fingers are softly running through her long, silky hair, her face completely blank and expressionless.
“What?”
“You heard me, Weston Alexander.” She looks up at me. “Let’s get married now.”
“I thought you wanted the big fairy tale wedding?”
“I did, but that’s changed.” She bites her lip nervously and I get an insane urge to kiss her. “I just want to be your wife now. I don’t want to wait any longer and I don’t want other things to get in the way after Charlotte comes. I’m ready to start our forever, right now.”
It’s the one word that follows that declaration that shatters the flimsy layer of my resistance. “Please?” Her word is more than a plea; it’s a dagger striking me straight into the heart.
I can’t deny her a thing, nor would I ever want to.
“Okay. Let’s do it. Let’s get married today.”
She sits up and kisses me quickly before rushing off to get ready, mumbling under her breath about finding a pretty dress to fit over her expanding stomach.
When I woke up this morning, I didn’t think for a second that today would be my wedding day. Not that I’m not looking forward to putting a ring on her slender finger, because I am; I’m just more than a little caught off guard about the whole thing.
I’m going to go through with it, regardless. If my Kate wants to throw all caution to the wind and elope, I’m all for it. It does save us a massive migraine later on, because we won’t have to plan every fine detail for a larger, more expensive wedding down the line.
Mr. & Mrs. Cahill.
It rings a bell.
And then the best part comes after we say ‘I do’.
Our honeymoon.
~*~
KATE
It was impulsive, just blurting out the whole eloping thing out of nowhere. But the more I thought of my situation, the more I just couldn’t put it off.
Screw my fucking dance career. Nothing can change the fact that it’s over. Right now, my focus is marrying the most wonderful, infuriating man in the world, giving birth to our miracle baby, and fighting like hell for my right to live.
I can fucking do it, there’s not a single doubt dancing through my mind.
“Are you sure this is the right thing to do? I mean, I know you rarely speak to your parents, but is it right to get married without them being there? Or Weston’s mom?” I sigh, watching Jazzy wobble on the backs of her heels.
“This isn’t about anyone else, Jazz. This is about Weston and me vowing to be there for each other no matter what. This is about us celebrating our love.” I breathe deeply. “I fucking love the shit out of him. It scares me how much I depend on him for everything- my sanity, acceptance, desire.”
“I understand; I just don’t necessarily agree. I mean, don’t you want to share it with your families?”
Jazzy had the big, white wedding with hundreds of guests. As her maid of honor, I helped with everything. It was stressful, exhausting and a downright pain in the ass, but at the end of the day, it was magical and beyond beautiful. Before my diagnosis, I did want that. All I see now is that life is too short.
And I don’t want to wait.
“Someday, maybe we’ll do our vow renewals with a big traditional wedding, but right now we’re getting married for us. I want you there as my sister, but if you disagree that much with our choice, then I understand.”
I turn to walk towards Weston, struggling to maintain my balance on my favorite glittery pair of Louboutins, an anniversary gift from him a few years ago. His arms immediately open to me and I walk into a wall of muscles and warmth.
My pale baby pink floor length gown is hugging every inch of my curves, including my stomach, before flowing out below my waist. It’s tasteful and elegant at the same time, not your traditional everyday wedding dress, but it’s fancy and pretty and I feel like a princess in it; even more so when being held in the arms of my strong knight in shining armor, who just so happens to be wearing a tux that hugs him in all the right sinful places.
“Are you ready?” He tilts my chin up, grazing his lips against mine with body-melting anticipation.
“To be yours, forever and ever? Fuck yeah.” I run my French manicured fingers through his thick, prickly beard, my engagement ring sparkling in the bright light.
“That’s my girl with the dirty mouth.” He winks, grabbing my hand and kissing my fingers before encasing them with his. Out of nowhere, our names are called, and we step forward. “Let’s go get married, my love.”
“Don’t mind if I do.”
I can hear Jazzy and John shuffling behind us. It looks like she decided to be supportive after all; I knew she would. Jazzy wouldn’t miss my wedding for all the money in the world, even if it is in a tiny little courthouse with various other couples waiting their turn.
The setting isn’t ideal and maybe it’s not what any of us had predicted, but despite all that, it couldn’t be any more perfect.
~*~
“Kate Elizabeth Benson, I love you. You are my best friend in the entire world. Today I give myself to you in marriage. I promise to encourage and inspire you, to laugh with you, and to comfort you in times of sorrow and struggle. I promise to love you in good times and in bad, when life seems easy and when it seems hard, when our love is simple, and when it is an effort. I promise to cherish you and to always hold you in highest regard. These things I give to you today, and all the days of our lives.”
I blink back the tears blurring my vision and it chokes me up even more knowing that Wes is just as emotional as I am.
I love you. I mouth to him and he mouths back I know.
“Kate, please repeat after me.” the officiate says, repeating the same words Weston just spoke.
“Weston Alexander Cahill, I love you. You are my best friend in the entire world. Today I give myself to you in marriage. I promise to encourage and inspire you, to laugh with you, and to comfort you in times of sorrow and struggle. I promise to love you in good times and in bad, when life seems easy and when it seems hard, when our love is simple, and when it is an effort. I promise to cherish you and to always hold you in highest regard. These things I give to you today, and all the days of our lives.”
“Then, it is with immense pleasure, that I pronounce you both Husband and Wife. Weston, you may now kiss your beautiful bride.”
“Thank God.” He smashes his lips to mine and I giggle into his mouth at the abrupt intensity. The kiss instantly turns from innocent to passionate and needy within seconds.
“Ahem.” Jazzy says.
As the two of us pull apart, in one sweep, he has me cradled into his arms like a sleeping child and I can’t hold back the dramatic eye roll that ensues. I really wish he would stop doing that. Because I’m small, manhandling has become second nature with my gentle man giant and I hate it, kind of.
“With all due respect you two, I’m pretty sure my wife and I have a honeymoon to get to.” He turns to Jazzy and John. “Thank you so much for coming today. I owe you guys big, but right now I’m a little preoccupied.” He doesn’t say anything else, but I can see Jazzy and her husband suppressing their laughter before he turns and storms out of the courthouse with me nestled in his arms. I can’t help but giggle because, between the two of us, life will never get boring.
It’ll be an adventure, a fucking amazing one.
~*~
Weston brushes my hair from my neck before his lips graze beneath my ear. He’s soft and gentle, but I can feel the need and restlessness rolling off of him in tidal waves. He doesn’t push, but takes his time, slowly unzipping the zipper of my gown and brushing my thin straps from my shoulders.
I tilt my head to the side, loving the feel of his lips kissing down my neck. He nibbles gently and instant desire pools in the base of my stomach.
The air in the room becomes heady and thick, both of us desperately needing more. He turns me around to face him, sliding my dress down beneath my breasts. Once the dress passes my stomach, it slides to the floor in a satin puddle at my feet.
I stand there, in my lace bra and panties, wobbling on my silver glitter Louboutins as his green eyes take me in. I almost feel like squirming beneath the pressure of his gaze, but I don’t.
“Fuck, Katie.” he grumbles, his voice deep and thick with emotion. I flip my hair and wink at him before I take a moment to let my eyes wander.
Weston is still fully dressed in his suit, but it’s the bulge against the zipper in his pants that catches my attention the most. I close the distance between us and kiss him, lips on lips, tongues brushing each other softly in delicate rhythmic movements. I reach down and unbuckle his belt before toying with his zipper.
His pants fall to his ankles as I pump my hand up and down his painfully hardened length. I feel him shiver as my long acrylic nails graze the underside of him.
“Kate, my love.” His words come out sticky and desperate, a mix between need and warning. Kind of like our relationship in a nutshell.
I look up at him innocently from beneath my long eyelashes, trying not to giggle at the feverish look in his eyes. “Yes?”
“Fucking minx.” he grumbles, knowing that he’s quickly losing this battle as I ease myself to my knees and run my tongue over the tip of him.
I tease him, running my lips up and down his shaft, everywhere but where he’s really craving them to be. I suck and lick, loving how he’s falling apart beneath my touch and loving how much I power I have over him. He shivers and groans as I dig my nails into his ass and take as much of him into my warm mouth as I can. I bob my head up and down, occasionally flicking my tongue at the tip. I can feel Weston’s hand on the back of my head guiding the pace and slowing me down, right at the very moment I’m so desperate to speed it up.
“No.”
I glance up at him, trying to say ‘Yes’, but instead it comes out in unintelligible mumbles.
He pulls me to my feet and in a broken whisper, whispers into my ear, “It’s our first time together as man and wife. I will not be finishing before I take care of my woman.”
“But Wes—"
“—Let’s not argue right now, okay?”
I sigh, loving every second of his heated gaze raking up and down my body. “Yes, sir.”
“That’s my girl.”
He walks me backwards, never breaking our kiss as he easily, with one hand unclasps my bra. It isn’t until my legs hit the back of the bed, then he lays me gently on the silky, soft fabric. It feels cool against my skin and I must prop myself up on my elbows to keep my calculated eyes on my hungry husband, who’s looking at me as if I’m his prey- which isn’t really that far off.
He kneels at the end of the bed, spreading my thighs open. His eyes hood over as he begins to kiss up the inside of my thighs, gently and softly while his scruffy beard gently brushes against my delicate skin. It only makes me more aroused.
Just as I’m sure he’s going to reach my center, he switches to my other side, repeating the process. I moan and squirm with anticipation, feeling much more sensitive than I think I ever have before. It’s an almost painful feeling waiting for him, but if anything, it’s payback for my teasing him.
His tongue flicks out quickly and I fall back into the sheets, arching my back and squeezing my thighs around him. He holds them open and laps up my wet center, slowly sucking on my clit as I dig my fingers into his long, wavy hair. When I look down and I see him sucking and licking my swollen folds, it’s almost too much for me to handle. But it’s his wedding band on his finger, as he gently holds me securely, that almost pushes me over the edge.
“Wes.” I purr, feeling so many emotions, tears begin to well in my eyes.
“I know, Katie.”
He spreads my legs a little wider before climbing in between them. His large arms hold him above me as he kisses me, pouring his every emotion and feeling into it. I can feel his strength and love encompassing me in a bubble of protection.
“Together, Kate.”
He groans into my mouth as he thrusts into me in one quick motion. We both still as the sensation of wholeness overwhelms the both of us. Almost as if on cue, with his toe-curling kiss, we topple over the cliff together.
My vision blurs as my walls spasm around his full length, milking him for all he’s worth and more. With a shallow, raspy breath, Weston pulls out of me and falls to my side, careful to avoid my growing belly.
His arms instinctively wrap around me and pull me close, comforting me in the warmth of his muscled arms. “Thanks for marrying me today, babe.” I whisper to him, as our breathing finally begins to even out.
“I wouldn’t deny you anything, my love.”