If today was going to be the day that I died, then I wanted to make sure I was nothing but honest with Cami before taking my last breath. Things were heating up, and we’d lost several troops from another unit in a roadside bombing, which meant all communication was down for almost a week after Skyping with Cami. There wasn’t even a way for me to bribe my buddies in communication for some computer time. When communication was finally up and running again, I left base almost immediately to scout. The roadside bombings were becoming all too frequent, and we needed to know who, what, when, and where. There wasn’t much time to read and respond to the almost daily emails from Cami.

Jackson knocked on my door and pushed it open before I could tell him to enter. “Are you ready? We need to leave right now.”

“Yeah. I’m just finishing an email to Cami.” I sent it, and before I closed out my browser, I quickly scanned the dozens of unopened emails waiting for me. From the subject lines, I could tell that her father wasn’t doing well. My heart ached to call her and provide the comfort that I knew she was craving from me. I wanted the same thing too. When I got back to camp and things were finally settled, I would read every email, then call her and explain. And then I would listen because I knew there would be a lot to say.

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: Fears

Cami—

You asked me once to share my fears with you, to trust you with them. Some of my fear comes with the nature of my job in the Army, but I can’t share any of that with you. I hate saying this, but it’s classified.

Here’s what I can share with you. I’m afraid to leave you. I’ve never been in love like this before. I’ve never cherished another person the way I cherish you. I’m afraid of never seeing your beautiful blue eyes again or feeling the softness of your lips against mine. I’m afraid of never holding you in my arms again. For once, I’m looking forward to the future because I know you will be in it. But what if that future ends during this deployment?

I’m also scared to leave my family behind. I need to make amends with my father, and after I’m out, I plan on doing just that. But what if I never get tell him how sorry I am? Or to ask for his forgiveness? I don’t even know Neil, my own brother. I missed out on him growing up. I want to get to know him. Oliver is about to have a second baby, whom I won’t get to meet if something happens.

For the first time, I’m scared shitless. But I have your love which gives me immense strength.

All of your emails are waiting for me, but I can’t read them right now because I’m about to leave. As selfish as this sounds, I don’t want to carry the weight of your grief with me into battle. But I know your messages are there, and when I get back, I will read and reply to every single one. And then I’ll call you, and you can tell me everything because I know you’re hurting right now. There are a dozen emails filled with your grief and pain, and I wish more than anything that I was there to carry you through all of this. I love you. Stay strong.

Love, G.

As I headed toward the convoy, Jackson stopped me. “Can I talk to you for a second?” He looked worried, so I nodded.

“What’s up?” I asked him.

“I just got this,” he said, handing me a thick document. I flipped through it and saw the words marriage and annulment.

“WHOA! What the fuck is this?” I continued to read what was clearly a petition for annulment. “I thought you said that nothing happened in Las Vegas.”

“I don’t remember getting married, though,” he said honestly. I shook my head; sometimes Jackson was a giant walking cliché.

“Well, obviously, you sign this and send it back so you don’t stay married to this woman.” I scanned the document for her name. “Allison Cochran.”

“But what if she’s hot? What if she’s amazing? What if she’s my Cami?”

“Do you seriously want to stay married to this woman while you’re over here? You have no idea who she even is! You don’t even remember getting married.”

“You have a point.”

“Why is she seeking an annulment anyway?”

“Fraud.”

“So she’s saying that you lied?”

“I don’t know, Garrett! This is all so confusing.”

“Let’s deal with this scouting mission first, okay? And then we’ll deal with sorting out your marriage.” I clapped a hand across his back and squeezed his shoulder. “Congratulations, by the way. I’m sorry I didn’t get you a gift.”

“Shut up, man, or I’m going to tell everyone on base about that Skype chat you had a few weeks ago.”

“How in the hell do you know about that?”

“Thin walls, buddy. Thin fucking walls.”

I shoved him playfully as we all assembled in front of the row of Humvees and Bradley tanks. Our leader gave us a few quick orders before dismissing us to our assigned vehicle. As soon as the rest of the troops were loaded, the convoy headed out. It would be a long few weeks scouting rebels, but it was necessary. The roadside bombs weren’t just hurting us; they were damaging all of the coalition forces and our increasing efforts to stabilize the region.

These trips took forever because the convoys were slow, rolling through the rocky terrain. If one of the vehicles broke down, then every vehicle stopped until it was repaired. I had my eye on the terrain through the scope of my weapon as we moved along. From the corner of my eye, I caught movement, and silently, I signaled to those in the vehicle. I heard the driver call the others and watched as the entire line came to a halt.

I remained steadfast, watching with a trained eye, waiting for something, anything. There was a flash of light and then BANG! The first truck in the convoy blew and the sinking feeling that I had carried with me all day intensified. This was an ambush. I stayed put, waiting for orders from the commanding officers. Other than the first explosion, there was no other action. But I was prepared if anything or anyone dared to move in our direction.

That first explosion must have acted as a signal because, after a few minutes, there was another explosion. Everyone in the vehicle hurried out to take up defensive positions and create a perimeter.

“Son of a bitch,” I hissed. Today was not the day. This was not the mission. I was not going to die. “I cannot believe this is happening.”

“Fucking assholes,” Jackson muttered. We were close together, pressed against the side of our Humvee. Inch by inch, we moved until both of us lay flat on our bellies with our weapons ready. My eye was glued to my scope, and my finger poised right over my trigger, ready to strike.

My gear felt ten times heavier as I waited. My armor weighed me down until my breathing became labored. This was not happening; I was not panicking. My heart rate increased, and my vision became spotty. I pulled back from my scope and blinked rapidly, trying to clear my sight, but nothing was working.

“Fuck, Jackson,” I groaned. “I think I’m going to have a heart attack.”

“Hang tight, man. This will all be over before you know it,” he said in a surprisingly calm voice.

The sharp pop-pop-pop of bullets piercing the air put me back on alert. Sweat dripped down the side of my face as I continued to watch and wait.

“How you doing?” Jackson whispered when things were silent again.

“I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me,” I confessed. “I’ve never felt this kind of panic before.”

“We’ll get through this, and then you can go back to Gig Harbor to Cami, okay? Just think about that.”

Thinking about Cami calmed me, but it was a bad idea because it distracted me. Her smile and blue eyes appeared in front of me as if she was really there in the flesh. The vision was so real and lifelike that I started to reach out until Jackson grabbed me and pulled me back as our Humvee exploded.

Debris flew everywhere, and something smacked into me, knocking me back into Jackson. We scrambled to get to safety, but my legs were like lead. I couldn’t move. I shoved Jackson out of the way just as my head began to spin and then everything around me started to go black. Just before I lost consciousness, I saw several pairs of feet running toward us. There were voices speaking quickly and in hushed tones, but my ears were ringing from the explosion, and I couldn’t tell what they were saying. Hands grabbed at me, dragging me from the burning wreckage until I was lifted and put into the back of another vehicle. And then I gave in and let the blackness take over completely.