We held hands the entire way to the rental car return, only separating out of necessity. And when we loaded ourselves into the back of Palmer’s SUV, my hand reclaimed hers and didn’t let go. Next to me, I heard Cami sharply inhale, her breath shaky before she exhaled with a sob. I couldn’t face her yet, so I squeezed her hand and looked steadfastly forward.

As we made our way onto base, Palmer stopped so that we could unload our bags at the drop-off point. Jackson and I tossed our large duffels onto an already growing pile. And then we made our way to the gym, where all of the families were gathered to say goodbye. Cami and I trailed slowly behind Jackson and Palmer, who walked ahead of us.

“You’ll email?” I asked her absently.

“Yes, I promise. And you’ll call?”

“As often as I can. Promise.” I felt awkward all of a sudden as if I didn’t know how to act, but then I realized that I’d never had to do this before. It had always been just me. My family was never present for any of my deployments. Instead, I had watched my friends and fellow soldiers say goodbye to their wives or husbands, parents or children and been grateful I was never in their position.

But now, I felt what they felt. My heart was breaking.

The gym was mostly full of members of the units deploying. Some had families with them, some brought just a spouse, and some were alone. It an experience of contradictions because it was at times both loud and quiet. Couples murmured quietly while babies and small children cried out. This whole thing only took an hour, but it was the longest hour of their lives, and now it was the longest hour of my own life.

Cami and I sat on the risers, our hands still clasped together. Her head rested on my shoulder, and we did our best to stay connected as much as possible. Several members of my unit came up to greet me before they continued along. They could tell from the hard look in my eye that I didn’t want to be disturbed. I wanted to savor every last second with Cami.

“The money should already be in your account,” I told her quietly. “And Oliver will be there for you if you need him. He has access to my bank account, so if you need something, just call and ask.”

“I’ll be fine, Garrett.”

“I know you will because you’re strong and amazing, but I want to do everything I can to make sure that you’re taken care of.”

“Thank you for thinking of me,” she said softly.

“There won’t be a moment while I’m gone that I won’t be thinking about you.”

One of the commanding officers began to give orders. This was our ten-minute warning, but I wasn’t ready to leave her yet. I wasn’t ready to give her one final kiss or hold her for one last moment.

“What’s happening?” Cami asked, her voice thick and heavy. All around us, families and couples were preparing to say their last goodbyes. The room was a cacophony of emotion.

“We have ten minutes, baby,” I whispered.

“Ten? Only ten?” She grabbed my face and pulled it toward hers. Her lips grazed mine softly at first, but then her kiss intensified. I held her waist tightly, keeping her in place, as I reciprocated.

“We have a lifetime ahead of us, Cami. What’s ten minutes?”

“Ten minutes isn’t enough to tell you how much I love you. Or how insane it feels to be completely and irrevocably connected to you after just days. Ten minutes isn’t enough time for me to tell you that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and when I look at you, all I can see is forever.”

“Baby, you just did.” And then I swept her into my arms and kissed her thoroughly and soundly, a bruising kiss that she would be able to feel for days.

I set her back down on her feet, and Palmer approached me. His hand was extended, but I pulled him in for a brotherly hug. “Don’t worry about her,” he said quietly.

“Thank you,” I told him.

We both turned to watch Cami hug Jackson. It was like watching a sister hug her favorite big brother. She held him tightly and then stood on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. And then she gave him his care package.

“You didn’t have to,” Jackson told her before he lifted the lid and pulled out a chocolate chip cookie.

“Yes, I did. And I can send you plenty more. You deserve to know that someone is missing you and thinking about you.”

Jackson stopped chewing. He looked almost speechless. He didn’t have a family like Palmer and I did, and Cami’s declaration had stunned him. He turned away quickly and swiped at his eyes, not wanting to show this one moment of weakness. I felt lucky I witnessed it accidentally. Jackson often kept his guard up around everyone except a few people, but I started to see Cami chip away at his armor. Deep down, he was soft and wanted to be loved.

All around us, members of my unit plus the other units being deployed started to form rows. The last hugs were given; the last kisses lingered. Facing Cami, I cradled her face gently in my hands and placed a delicate kiss on her lips.

“How did I ever live without you in my life, Cami?” I took her hand and placed it over my heart. “This is yours. Keep it safe.”

Grabbing my large backpack, I headed into formation with the rest of my unit. Cami and Palmer remained in the gym as, one by one, each row headed into a small room where we picked up our weapons before walking in a loose single file line out to the waiting buses that would take us to an airfield. I climbed onto the bus and looked out the window. Cami and Palmer followed us as she furiously wiped at the tears streaming down her cheeks. Palmer placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and pulled her to his side. He whispered something to her that seemed to calm her slightly because she met my eyes through the glass window and smiled.

“You better live through whatever shitstorm is waiting for us,” Jackson told me as he sat down next to me.

“That’s the plan, asshole. You better have my back.”

“I always do.”

“Oh, I can think of a few time when you didn’t,” I informed him. As the buses drove away, we started a friendly argument that made the perfect distraction. I was too busy pointing out all of the times when my best friend failed me to notice the woman with wild brown curls crying in the arms of my other best friend. I missed her fall to her knees, sobbing in pain because her heart hurt so damn much she thought she was dying. I missed all of that, but I knew it happened because it mirrored exactly how I felt.

The ride to the airfield didn’t take long. Jackson and I boarded the massive airliner that would take us to our final destination. There was so much on my mind that once we were seated, I turned to Jackson and asked him the first question that popped into my brain.

“How was your trip to Vegas?”

“You know, it’s Vegas. We drank too much. Lost a bunch of money.” He was being intentionally cagey, but I let it slide. Vegas was a tradition for the three of us; we always celebrated the end of a long deployment with a week of bachelor debauchery. Jackson had a bad habit of getting himself into trouble at the most inopportune times, but since I didn’t get a phone call asking to bail him out, I assumed it was a pretty uneventful trip. “Honestly, man, we just stayed by the pool all day drinking.”

“Sounds perfect, man. I think I’m going to do that when I’m out. Take Cami and escape to some beach somewhere and just drink by a pool all day.” And then make love to her all night, I silently added.

“It’s not a bad idea. Did I spy a ring on her left hand or was my mind just playing tricks on me?”

I chuckled. “You caught me. I put a ring on her finger.” It was the first time that I was talking about it with someone other than Cami, and it felt good.

“Isn’t it a little soon?”

I shook my head vigorously. “No way. I knew she was meant for me the second I laid eyes on her.”

“I’m happy for you, Garrett. I really am. You’ve been one lonely son of a bitch.”

I smirked and then leaned back against the seat. It was going to be a long flight, and I had plenty of damn time to reflect on just how lonely my life had been.

Once I had committed myself to the Army, I’d never committed to anything else. On leave, I fucked around and had plenty of one-night stands, but there was no one who made me take notice. Nikki was probably the only consistent relationship, and that didn’t even qualify as a relationship.

Was it wrong to be content to circle the globe alone? I didn’t regret going to any of the places I had visited, but then I started thinking about how much better those trips would have been with Cami. I pulled out the small notebook I always carried and started to make a list of all of the places I now wanted to revisit with Cami.

After an hour, the list was long. Sip champagne in France. Visit Neuschwanstein Castle in Germany. Explore the Australian outback. Make love to her on the beach in Hawaii. Take a sunset stroll through the acres and acres of vineyards that I helped plant.

All I needed to do was make it through the next nine months.