“She hasn’t eaten in days.”

“Really?”

“And hasn’t slept either. The lights in here are always on.”

“Jesus.”

I was hiding in the bedroom, buried under the covers, clothed in a layer of flannel with Garrett’s shirt covering part of my body. But the walls were too thin, and this place was too small. “I can hear you,” I yelled out, annoyed.

“Good,” Valerie shouted back. “You need to eat something or else.”

I rolled my eyes and slid further under the darkness of my blankets and warmth of my bed. Our bed. Mine and Garrett’s. I wanted to ask, “Or else what?” but that would invite her further into my business. And right now, I just wanted to be alone.

My father was gone. He would know what to do, know what to say, but most importantly, he would know what album to play. I tried hard to imagine the advice he would give, something just right to put me at ease, but there was only silence.

“Do you need anything?” Palmer’s voice was soft, and I peeked above the covers to see him standing in the doorway, his arms crossed and his face full of worry.

I pushed myself up and reached for the prescription bottle on the bedside table. “Just some water,” I replied quietly.

He nodded once before disappearing. A moment later, he returned with a bottle of water and sat down on the edge of the bed. He took the bottle from my hand and inspected it carefully. Slowly, he unscrewed the cap and shook out one tiny white pill. “You’ve been careful with these, right?” he asked quietly, letting the pill fall into my hand. I nodded and quickly slipped it into my mouth and reached for the water. He leaned forward and placed a kiss on my forehead. “Call me if you need anything,” Palmer reminded me before he left.

I fell back against the mattress and waited for the drug to start working. In a matter of minutes, my whole body felt heavy, and my eyes started to blink rapidly until I sank into a dreamless, restless sleep.

My eyes fluttered open, and Garrett was sitting on the edge of the bed. How was it possible? He was still missing. I blinked once, twice to make sure he was real, but he disappeared. Just a figment of my imagination. Disappointed, I rolled over just as Garrett walked out of the bathroom. I sighed. He didn’t really leave. I stretched out my hand, but just as our fingertips touched, he was gone. Was I hallucinating now?

Sitting up, I shoved the covers down around my waist. The room was dimly lit by the pre-dawn light. I kicked the blankets away and shifted my feet to the floor. My legs felt like lead as I made my way to the bathroom. I took a shower, a long hot one I hoped would burn away the fog, but it didn’t help. I dressed in long sleeves and black leggings and headed over to the main house. Valerie was just getting up. I could hear her shuffling around, getting ready for the day. I flipped on the coffeemaker and started brewing a fresh pot.

“What are you doing here?” Valerie’s surprise filled her voice as she stepped into the kitchen dressed and ready for work. I plated the omelet that I had prepared and set it down on the table.

“Making you breakfast,” I informed her.

“I can see that. Why?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Something to do?”

“Well, I won’t complain,” she said almost happily before she sat down and started eating. I placed a mug full of coffee in front of her along with the creamer and sugar.

“I’m going to clean out some of Dad’s stuff today.” Valerie stopped eating and looked up at me with wide eyes. “Just his clothes. Nothing important. I just want to get them together so we can donate them.”

“Are you sure that you want to do all of that alone?”

Honestly, I wasn’t. The emotional weight of going through my father’s belongings was heavy, but I needed to keep busy. I couldn’t just stay in the guest house forever.

“No, but I’ll be fine. And if I can’t, then I’ll stop and wait for you.”

Valerie smiled rigidly before getting up to put her plate in the sink. She hugged me tightly before leaving for the day. I was all alone in a house that was filled with my father. My hands gripped the edge of the seat as I breathed in deeply.

“Hey, baby.” I looked up, startled by the sound of Garrett’s voice. He stood there, leaning against the doorway wearing his olive green T-shirt and a pair of jeans. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m going to clean out my dad’s stuff today,” I told him.

“Stay strong, okay? You can do it.”

“I’m trying,” I told him, but he was already gone. Just another cruel trick of my memory. Frustrated, I pushed away from the counter and headed down the long hallway to my father’s bedroom. Bagging up his clothes so that they could be donated seemed like an easy task, but as soon as I stepped foot into his room, it seemed monumental. I sucked in a sharp breath and headed toward the closet.

My father’s khaki pants and polo shirts—his daily uniform—were hung in neat rows. I started pulling them down and carried them into my bedroom. I grabbed the few suits he had and set them on top of the growing pile on my bed. That part was easy; these clothes held no sentimental attachment for me. When I reached his collection of concert T-shirts, I set them aside. Those we would keep. I rifled through them until I found a very faded Coldplay T-shirt. That had been my first concert; he’d surprised me with tickets because he knew how much I loved the group. I removed the long-sleeved T-shirt I was wearing and slipped the tee on over my head. It was big and hung down to my thighs, but it didn’t matter because it provided me with some kind of invisible strength to continue.

There was a small safe tucked away in the closet, and it was easy enough to guess the combination; my parents’ wedding anniversary. The door swung open, and I held my breath as I waited to see what was inside. I pulled out a small box and gently lifted the lid. There were a few ancient looking coins and tarnished silver dollars nestled inside. I set it aside and pulled out a second small box that was labeled “Cami.” My fingers fumbled as I freed the top. Inside was a plain platinum band large enough for a man and a second ring with a large opal surrounded by diamonds. I examined each one carefully; they weren’t mentioned in his will, and he’d never told me about these items. I had no idea where they came from or to whom they belonged. I set the box aside so that I could ask Valerie. I continued to remove the contents of the safe, mostly pictures of my parents when they were younger and a few love letters that I didn’t dare read. My hand knocked against another box, and I when I pulled it out, Valerie’s name was scrawled across the lid. I set it aside so that she could open it herself.

I took the pile of newly discovered items into the kitchen and set them on the counter before grabbing a box of trash bags and returning to the bedroom. I bagged up all of the clothing I had set on the bed and lined them up in the hallway. The contents of his dresser had all been boxed up when we moved his bedroom furniture to storage, so there wasn’t much more left to do. As I placed the last bag of clothing against the wall, I stared at the door that led to his office. That room would have to wait. I couldn’t do it alone.

By the time Valerie arrived home, I had accomplished quite a bit. “Hey,” she said, greeting me. Her arms were laden with bags full of Chinese takeout that smelled heavenly. “You made breakfast, so I brought home dinner.”

“Thanks,” I told her, reaching into the bag and pulling out a carton of what I hoped was vegetable lo mein.

“What’s this?” She used her fork to point toward the small pile on the kitchen counter

I shrugged and stuffed a forkful of noodles in my mouth. She started rifling through the items and looked up in surprise when she saw the box with her name on it. “I found all of that in Dad’s closet. He had a safe, and this was inside it.”

Valerie opened the box with her name on it and pulled out a single ring. It was a thick gold band with a large square amethyst set on top. “Oh! I know what this is,” she declared, slipping the ring onto her forefinger. “This is Grandma’s ring. She used to wear it every day.”

“Really?” I studied the ring, unsure why I didn’t recognize it. I slid the box with my name on it across to her and instructed her to open it.

Valerie pulled out the ring with the opal, and her brow furrowed with concentration. She took the ring and walked into the family room. There was a wall of family photos, and Valerie studied one closely. “I think this is Great-grandma Camille’s ring.” She beckoned me over, and I squinted at the picture of my namesake. It was hard to tell, but the ring quite possibly belonged to her.

“What about the other ring? It’s a man’s ring.”

“That looks almost new. Maybe he bought it recently?” It didn’t make any sense, but then again, sometimes my father did the strangest things.

“But the rings weren’t in his will. Why wouldn’t he tell us about them sooner?”

“Maybe he thought he had more time?” More time, I thought to myself with a heavy sigh. What I wouldn’t give to have just a little bit more time with him. And with Garrett.

Over dinner, Valerie and I discussed what do with the envelope of money and the random collection of coins. Palmer arrived just as we were cleaning up the leftovers.

“I wanted to check on you,” he said as he hugged me tightly.

“I’m fine. It was a rough day because I cleaned out some of Dad’s stuff, but I’m okay.” I told him about my discoveries in the safe, and he offered to take the bags of clothing with him and drop them off for donation.

“I went to the base today,” he said cautiously.

“Did something happen? Do you have news?” It was hard to contain the eagerness in my voice as my hopes soared sky-high.

Palmer closed his eyes and shook his head. “I’m sorry. They couldn’t tell me anything.”

My excitement plummeted, and I sagged against the kitchen chair. “Thank you for going there and asking.”

Palmer reached across the table and covered his hand with mine. “They’ll find him. I’m sure of it.”

“What if they don’t find him?” My voice was quiet and trembled. It was the one possibility I didn’t want to acknowledge.

“Then I’ll be here for you, just as I promised,” Palmer assured me.

“What would I do without you?”

“You’ll never have to find out.”

Palmer left and then Valerie went to bed, which left me alone in a quiet house. I looked out across the driveway at the dark guest house. Since my visit to Hammond Winery, I had been haunted almost daily by my memories of Garrett. He appeared quickly and then disappeared just as fast. The moments when I saw him were little slices of heaven, but they kept me in a perpetual hell. I craved these encounters but feared them too. With a sharp breath, I gathered up my things and headed over to the guest house.

I turned on the lights and waited for him. When he didn’t come, I took the pill that turned my brain off and helped me sleep.

The next morning, I waited for him again. My eyes searched for him around every corner, but he never came. When I slipped into bed the next night, I didn’t know whether to feel relief or heartache. Heartache won out. I curled into a tiny ball and let the hole in my chest completely consume me. Tears streamed endlessly down my cheeks until I could taste their saltiness on my lips.

“Where are you?” I cried out, practically begging for imaginary Garrett to return even for just the briefest moment. “Why did you leave?”

Despite my pleas, he didn’t return. It was time to once again turn off my brain and find some peace. My hands trembled as I reached for the bottle on my bedside table and opened it. Pills rattled out of the bottle and into my palm. My vision was blurry with tears, and I had no idea how many had tumbled out; I just took them with a swallow of water.

“Come back to me,” I whispered my prayer just as blackness consumed me, taking me deep into its abyss where it refused to let me go.