Chapter Fifteen
A couple of days later, I finished getting ready for work and then drove Austin over to my mom’s house. She was standing on the porch watching for us and walked out to the truck to get Austin when I pulled up.
“Hey, sweetheart,” she cooed to him as she pulled him out of his booster seat.
“Hi, Grandma,” Austin said, giving her a big hug.
She smiled lovingly at him, ruffled his hair, and then set him on his two feet. Austin immediately took off for the house, making her laugh. “Boy, someone’s in a hurry today.”
“Well, that’s because he remembered that you two were making cookies. By the time I pick him up this afternoon, I fully expect him to be in a sugar coma,” I told her.
Mom laughed. “I won’t let him eat that many.”
I grinned. “Liar.”
“Hey, I can’t help it if I spoil my only grandson. If you don’t want him to eat all the cookies, then maybe you should start thinking about giving him a little brother or sister to share them with.” Her brows lifted, as if she was challenging me.
I rolled my eyes. “You wish.”
“Yes, I do. I’m not getting any younger. I’d love to have some more grandbabies to spoil rotten before I die of old age.”
“Give me a break, Mom. You’re only forty-eight years old. At this rate, you’ll be around to spoil your great-grandchildren.”
She smiled. “Not if Austin turns out to be as stubborn as you are.”
I giggled. “Well, at least then you’ll be harassing him about giving you some babies to play with and not me.”
“I wouldn’t have to harass you if you would just do it already.” She winked and headed for the house as Austin waved goodbye to me from the porch.
I waved back and then pulled away from the house, shaking my head. The woman was insane if she thought I was going to get knocked up again just so she could have another grandchild to spoil. Besides, it didn’t matter anyway, since I would be starting my cycle on—
My period! Shit.
I veered onto the shoulder and slammed on my brakes, bringing the truck to an abrupt stop. The car behind me swerved around and honked their horn. But I ignored them and reached for my purse, rooting through it like a lunatic until I found my mini day planner. I opened it to the current month, and my heart leaped into my throat, strangling me instantly.
Holy hell. I was supposed to start last week! Between worrying about Austin while he’d been with Jeremy over the weekend and realizing I’d fallen in love with a man who refused to tell me about his past, I’d completely lost track of my days and hadn’t even thought once about it. But confusion still swamped me. My periods had always been irregular in the past so normally being late wouldn’t be such a big deal. Ever since the doctor put me on the pill, though, I’d been having them like clockwork. So how the hell was being late even possible?
Unless I was pregnant. Crap.
Though I’d been on the pill and using condoms, I knew from prior experience that birth control wasn’t always 100 percent effective. And with as much sex as Seth and I had been having for almost two weeks… Well, there was a slight chance that an accidental pregnancy may have occurred.
I swallowed the knot in my throat. Could it be true? Was it actually possible that I was pregnant with Seth’s baby? And if so, what the hell was I going to do about it? Jesus. He was leaving soon. The last thing I wanted was for him to feel forced into staying all because I might be pregnant with his child. I rested my elbows on the steering wheel and covered my face with my hands, feeling like such an idiot.
Then another thought crossed my mind. Would he think I did it on purpose in order to trap him? My stomach twisted with nausea. God. Things just kept getting worse, and everything seemed to be spinning out of control in my head.
So I did the only thing I could do. I pulled back out onto the road and drove into town, stopping at the first grocery store I came to. I went inside and found the aisle where the pregnancy tests were located and then looked around to make sure I didn’t see anyone I knew. That was hard in a small town, seeing how I knew almost everyone.
As soon as the aisle was clear, I grabbed a test, held it facedown, and made my way to the checkout area as fast as I could. Unfortunately, a woman who knew my mother was working the only checkout they had available this early in the morning. There was no way in hell I was going through her lane.
And thankfully I didn’t have to. I was just about to slip the pregnancy test between two bags of chips on a nearby rack so I wouldn’t be seen with it in my hand and could haul ass out of there. But then I remembered they had a self-checkout at the other end of the empty lanes. Thank God.
I hurried down there, ducking to keep my mom’s friend from spotting me, and used the first self-checkout station I came to. I slid the box across the scanner and deposited it into a bag. An automated voice coming from the scanner asked me to place the item in a bag…which I had already done. So I lifted it out of the bag and tossed it back inside. Again, the machine repeated the request.
“I put the item in the bag, you stupid machine,” I grumbled, trying to hit the finish button on the screen over and over so that I could pay and get the hell out of there.
Then the machine said, “Please wait for assistance.”
Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.
The manager must’ve been in a hurry because he walked over and punched in some buttons, returning the machine to the pay screen, and then walked away without saying a word. I hit the finish button again, and the voice from the scanner once again told me to put my item in the bag.
I stood there with closed eyes, counting to ten under my breath, when someone said, “Hey, beautiful. Looks like you could use a little help.”
Oh no. I recognized that voice. My eyes shot open to see Cowboy standing there with one arm draped over a magazine rack on the end.
I took a few quick steps toward him to keep him from spotting what was in my bag at the register. “Um, hey. What are you doing here this early?”
Cowboy smiled. “I’m on my way to work. Just stopped in to grab a sub sandwich for lunch. I didn’t have time to make anything before I left. I was running a bit late.”
I cocked my head. “Why didn’t you just ask Anna to make it for you while you were getting ready? I’m sure she would’ve been happy to.”
“She was a little busy at the time.”
“What could she have possibly been doing this early in the morning?”
“Me,” he said with a smirk.
I blinked at him. Oh. “Never mind.”
“So what are you in here for? It sounded like you were having trouble with the machine.”
Shit. “Um, yeah. Well, you know how these machines are. They never work like they’re supposed to. But don’t worry. I’ll get it figured out. I know you have to get to work so you aren’t late.”
“It’s all right. I’m the chief of the fire department. I can be a few minutes late to help out a friend.”
No, damn it. “No need. I’ve pretty much got it.”
“What are you buying?”
“Oh, nothing much,” I said, putting my hand behind my back and leaning toward the product rack behind me. I grabbed the first item my fingers touched. “Just picking up Austin a little surprise for later,” I told him, holding up the item I’d blindly reached for.
Cowboy’s eyes widened. “You let your kid play with lighters? What’s he doing—taking up smoking?”
Dear God. I shook my head adamantly. “Oh no. Of course not. I must’ve grabbed this by accident.” I turned toward the shelf behind me and grasped something else. “I meant to grab this for him.”
Cowboy chuckled. “Hand sanitizer?”
“Um, well, yeah. His hands are…uh, germy.”
He shrugged. “Guess you got a point there, though I think he’d have more fun with the lighter.” He grinned to show me he was teasing. “Do you need help scanning it in?”
“No, it’s okay. I’ve got it,” I said, sliding it across the scanner and tossing it inside the bag. Thankfully, the scanner didn’t ask me to place the item into the bag this time. “See? I’m good.”
“All right. Well, I’m going to go grab my sandwich. I hope Austin enjoys his…surprise. But next time you want to give him a little gift, I suggest trying candy or a toy.”
Great. Now I’m getting parenting advice from Cowboy of all people. “Yeah, I’ll do that. Thanks for the help. See ya later.”
The moment he walked away, I paid for my pregnancy test—as well as the hand sanitizer—and practically ran out of the store back to my truck. Thank God he didn’t see what I was actually buying. Not only would he have lectured me, but he would’ve told the other boys. The last thing I needed right now was any of them to be concerned with the situation at hand. I got myself into it. And I would get myself out of it.
When I arrived at Junior’s Diner, I sat in the truck trying to decide what to do. I didn’t really want to do a pregnancy test in a diner of all places. But it wasn’t like I could go home and take the test. Seth would be there. Besides, I didn’t have enough time to get home and back to work before my shift started. So I’d just have to deal with peeing on a stick inside a restaurant. Lovely.
I shoved it into my purse, slung my purse over my shoulder, and headed toward the entrance. But the moment I started to open the front door to the diner, two teenage boys flew through it and knocked me off my feet.
“Slow down,” Junior yelled as he shoved open the door and saw me lying there. “Aw, shit. Are you okay?” He bent down to assess my injuries.
I’d scraped my elbow on the concrete sidewalk and bruised my tailbone, but other than that, I was all right. “I’m fine. No thanks to the buffalo herd that just stampeded past me.”
Junior helped me to my feet and steadied me. “Don’t worry about those two. I know who their parents are. I’ll be damn sure to mention this incident the next time I see them.”
“Thanks,” I said, dusting off my rear.
About the time I realized that my purse was no longer on my arm, Junior knelt onto the ground and said, “Here, let me help you pick all this stuff up.”
Oh crap. I glanced around and spotted the pregnancy test lying facedown on the sidewalk directly between the two of us. I quickly bent over and reached for it at the same time Junior did. Unfortunately, one of us had lightning fast reflexes and made it to the box before the other one. And it wasn’t me.
He started to shove it inside my purse, but the moment he saw the front of the box, his eyes lifted to meet mine. “Seth know about this?”
I snatched the box from his hand and grabbed my purse from the ground, shoving the pregnancy test inside. “There’s nothing to tell.”
His golden eyes searched mine. “Yet. There’s nothing to tell yet. But that doesn’t mean there won’t be after you take that test.”
“Doesn’t mean there will be, either. Besides, even if I was pregnant, who the hell said it was your nephew’s baby? I’ve, uh…had other men.”
“Not since Jeremy, you haven’t.”
My eyes narrowed. “Did Seth tell you that? Because if he’s going around town telling my business, I’ll kill—”
“He didn’t tell me anything. I know you. Better than you think. You aren’t the kind of woman who sleeps with random men.”
Sweet and all. But he’d probably shit himself if I told him that I planned to use his nephew for a one-night stand when I’d first met him. “Well, no. I wouldn’t sleep with just any random guy. Jeremy taught me that lesson a long time ago.”
“Which is exactly how I know you haven’t been with anyone since. Except for Seth.”
I placed my hand on my hip. “So then why are you assuming I’ve been with him?”
The corner of his mouth twitched. “I don’t have to assume. I know my nephew well, too.”
I sighed. “Look, Junior, I know he’s your family. But you can’t say anything to him about this.”
Junior’s eyes darkened in color and narrowed slightly. “He has a right to know.”
“God, I’m not going to keep it from him. I haven’t even taken the damn test yet. I’ll tell him either way. I just need a few days to do so. I…uh, well haven’t quite figured out where we stand yet.”
“That’s simple. He’s in love with you.”
I blinked at him. “Did he tell you that?”
“He didn’t have to.”
Figures. “Well, he’s going to have to tell me something. I need to figure out where Seth and I stand before we talk about whether or not I’m pregnant. And we’ll need to have that conversation away from Austin. I just need a little time.”
Junior nodded but didn’t look happy about it. “Fine. You have until next week. But if you don’t tell him by then, I’m going to. It would be better coming from you.”
I sighed with relief. “Thanks. I promise I’ll tell him soon. But first, I need to figure out the answer to that pregnancy question myself.”
…
The next afternoon, Seth went to help Junior clean out the debris from his house now that the flood waters had dissipated. I wasn’t all that worried about Junior saying anything about what he knew to Seth. Not really. When Junior made a promise, he tended to keep it. Besides, it gave me some time to reflect on the past twenty-four hours…and make an important call to Emily.
She answered on the first ring. “Hello?”
“Hey, it’s Bobbie. I was calling to see if you could do me a huge favor on short notice.”
“Sure,” she said automatically. “What’s up?”
“I wanted to see if you were busy tonight. I was wondering if Austin could spend the night with you guys. He’s been asking about it a lot lately, but I know it’s a weeknight and Jake has to work tomorrow.”
“Are you kidding? Jake doesn’t care about that. It’s fine. Austin’s welcome here anytime. We love having him over. Do you want us to pick him up or would you like to drop him off?”
“I’ll drop him off. I’m already inconveniencing you guys enough as it is at the last minute.”
“It’s really no problem. Lily would love to have a slumber party with him. In fact, I’ll order a pizza for dinner and turn on some music so we can have a dance party.”
I grinned. Emily was always looking for a reason to throw a party…even if it was for the little ones. “I’m sure they’ll love that. What time should I drop him off?”
“Any time is fine. You can bring him now, if you want. I’m not going anywhere.”
Though she couldn’t see it, I nodded. “All right. Give me few minutes to gather his stuff and pack an overnight bag for him. We’ll see ya soon.”
“Sounds good.”
“Oh, and Emily…”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks. I owe you one.”
She giggled. “Details, woman. That’s all I want. If you’re wanting the house to yourself tonight, then you must have something interesting planned for Seth. I can’t wait to hear all about it.”
“Oh, I’m sure you will…eventually. Talk to you soon.”
“No doubt,” she said with a laugh.
After I hung up, I wasted no time in getting Austin ready to go and packed him a bag. Then I left Seth a note on the counter telling him where I’d gone and how soon I’d be back in case he got home before I did. It wasn’t like I had to do that, but I did try to be thoughtful and knew he would wonder where I was. By now, I was usually home.
Austin was so excited to be sleeping over at Lily’s house that he practically dragged me out the door to the truck. It should’ve only taken me thirty minutes at the most to drop him off and get back to the house, but the moment the kids saw each other and ran off to play, Emily drilled me about Seth and our plans for the night.
But I couldn’t tell her anything. Not until I talked to Seth first.
So I got out of there as quick as I could—which wasn’t really all that fast—after promising to share more details with her at a later time. She didn’t seem real happy about that arrangement, but she accepted it and let me leave without too much of a struggle.
An hour after I should’ve been home, I finally pulled into the driveway, got out of my car, and headed onto the porch. But just as I reached for the doorknob, a low whistling sound behind me caught my attention. I turned, fully expecting to see Seth clearing vines from the edge of my property which bordered the nearby woods. But he wasn’t there. Since it wasn’t the first time the wind had whistled through the trees like that, I shrugged it off and went inside.
Seth stood in the hallway, leaning against the doorframe. His eyes met mine. “You’re late.”
I blinked in shock, and my body shook in disbelief. Never in a million years did I think that Junior would go back on his word. “I-I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you myself.”
He chuckled softly. “It’s not a big deal.”
My mouth hinged open. Not a big deal? “The hell it isn’t.”
He squinted at me, as if he was genuinely confused. “Bobbie, I was just kidding around. You don’t have to tell me where you’re going or even how long you’ll be gone. You’re an adult.”
Great. Now I was confused. “What are you talking about?”
“The note you left me. You said you were going to be back by five. It’s six o’clock. I was teasing you about being late.”
“Oh. Yeah. I see. Sorry.”
His eyes focused on me, as if he realized there was some kind of discrepancy between his thoughts and mine. “What did you think I was talking about?”
I hesitated. “Well, I was going to wait until after dinner to talk to you, but I guess we can—”
His cell phone rang. He pulled it from his back pocket, glanced at the screen with a serious expression, and held up one finger to me. “Sorry, but I need to take this call. It’s important. Give me a few minutes and then we can talk.”
“All right.”
Seth placed the phone to his ear as he stepped out the door. “Yeah, this is Landry.”
The way he answered his phone immediately caught my attention, and my head snapped in his direction. The only person that had ever called him while he’d been living with us had been Junior. But Seth hadn’t ever answered his phone by using his last name before. It seemed odd.
I peered out the window and watched Seth walk toward the barn, a distance too far away for me to hear what he was saying to the person on the other end of the line.
I considered that he might have a wife or a girlfriend that I didn’t know about. But that wouldn’t make any sense. Junior would’ve definitely mentioned it. Especially after yesterday. Not only that, but Seth’s phone hardly ever rang. Even when it did, he had always answered it right in front of me in the past. And then there was the fact that he…
Jeez, Bobbie. Get a grip on yourself.
Why the hell was I so worried about who Seth was talking to? It wasn’t like it was any of my business, anyway. After all, he wasn’t my boyfriend. Besides, even if he were, he could talk to whoever he wanted without checking in with me. Since when had I become so possessive or jealous over some guy?
I sighed heavily and then headed into the kitchen to start dinner. Though Seth had told me that he would only be a few minutes, I prepared spaghetti, along with salad and garlic bread, before he returned. I left everything covered on the stove and sat down at the table to wait for him.
Half an hour later, he finally showed up. “Sorry I took so long,” he grumbled as he sat down, his eyes not meeting mine.
“It’s fine,” I said, gazing at him. When he didn’t speak again, I asked, “Were you on the phone this whole time?”
“No,” he said stiffly, still not looking at me. “I needed some…time alone.”
“Okay. Well, are you hungry? I made dinner.”
“No thanks,” he mumbled, his nonchalant tone matching his demeanor. “I don’t want anything.”
Irritation grew inside of me, but I tried to force it back down. I didn’t know why he was suddenly in such a foul mood after one phone call. It probably wasn’t the best time to talk to him about anything, but I needed to know where we stood. It couldn’t wait any longer. “We need to talk about something.”
“Can it wait until tomorrow? I don’t really feel like talking.”
I crossed my arms. “I see that. But no. It can’t wait until tomorrow. It’s a conversation we need to have right now.”
“All right. Fine. Go ahead, then. Say whatever’s on your mind.”
Without hesitating, I said, “Well, first off, I asked Emily and Jake to keep Austin tonight so we could clarify a few things between us without him being present.”
“Okay. Go on.”
I inhaled a deep breath. “Second, I just want to say that I appreciate all the work you’ve done around here. It’s been a huge help in getting the bed and breakfast close to being up and running.”
“But…” he said, waiting.
“But there’s an issue between us that we need to work out. Especially since it affects Austin directly.”
Seth leaned back in his chair, and his eyes finally lifted to mine. “What issue?”
“My son is growing more and more attached to you every day. That wouldn’t be so bad normally, but you’re planning on leaving, and…well, I can’t stand the thought of forcing him to watch another man walk out of his life for good. Him and I have both been there and done that. It isn’t fair.”
“So what are you saying?”
“I’m saying that we’ve been acting like a family, and it has to stop now unless…”
His brow rose. “Unless what?”
I swallowed hard and gathered all the courage I could muster within me. “Unless you give me a reason to hope for something more.”
There was a long pause before Seth said, “So you’re giving me an ultimatum, is that it?”
I shook my head. “It’s not an ultimatum, Seth. Not really.”
“Then what would you call it?”
“A mother protecting her child from heartbreak. As well as herself. I know this thing between us was supposed to be casual, but I’ve…well, I’ve developed feelings that I probably shouldn’t be having.”
His pupils dilated. “What kind of feelings?”
“Just, ah, feelings, I guess.” There was no way in hell I was telling him I had fallen in love with him. Not with the way he was looking at me. “I’d like to take this thing between us to the next level and actually call it a relationship. But if that isn’t what you want, then I need to know that now.”
He sat there quietly, staring off into space as if he was contemplating something. Then he said, “I’m sorry, but I can’t take that next step with you, Bobbie. We can continue what we’ve been doing for now, but that’s as far as I’m willing to go.”
My heart sank in my chest. “I see.”
His laser-point gaze sliced right through me. “I didn’t make any promises to you, Bobbie. In fact, I told you from the beginning that I was leaving town. None of this should come as a surprise to you.”
His words were thrown at me like a hard punch in the gut, and although my stomach tightened in effort to protect itself, it didn’t work. I was hurt. “You’re right, Seth. You did tell me you were leaving from the beginning. And I appreciate your honesty.”
“But?”
“But for my own sake, I can’t keep having sex with you without any form of commitment. It’s confusing and someone’s going to get hurt.” In other words, me.
“So you’re saying you’re withholding sex?”
I shook my head. “It’s not withholding if we aren’t in a committed relationship.”
His eyes narrowed. “What the hell would you call it, then?”
I shrugged one tense shoulder. I didn’t like his tone, nor did I appreciate his attitude. “It’s called turning down an offer. I don’t owe you anything.”
“So you’re saying you aren’t interested?”
Irritation swept through me, but I tamped it down while trying to keep my cool. “No, what I’m saying is that I don’t want to have sex with someone who doesn’t want to be with me in any meaningful way. I don’t care to be used for sex like some kind of a brood mare.”
He blinked rapidly. “How the hell have I used you? You knew what this was in the beginning. And I wasn’t the only one getting off.”
I raised my hand. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said it like that. I know you haven’t treated me like that. And I’m just as much to blame for all of this as you are. But as usual I’m trying to be honest about how I feel.”
He shook his head. “Oh, give me a fucking break. You haven’t been as honest as you pretend to be. Otherwise, you would’ve told me why you won’t take off your clothes.”
I cringed internally, but said, “What are you talking about? I’ve been half naked in front of you numerous times.”
“Exactly. Half naked. But when I try to remove them completely, you stop me.”
“What’s the point? It’s not like it really matters.” Especially now.
“Oh, it matters all right. You’re holding back.”
“Yeah right. I’m the one holding back. How do you figure?”
“I tried to take your dress off when we were having sex on the picnic table. You stopped me.”
“I was…cold. A storm was coming in.”
He rolled his eyes, not believing that lie for one second. “Right. And what about when we were in the barn? After the first round, I tried to undress you then, too. Again, you stopped me.”
“Because it wasn’t necessary to take off all my clothes for a quickie.”
He leaned forward. “Since when the hell is four straight hours of sex called a quickie?” He shook his head. “Come on, Bobbie. Why don’t you just admit the truth? You won’t let your guard down with me. At least not completely.”
“Well, maybe that’s because you won’t tell me about your past. Have you ever thought of that?”
Seth glared at me but said nothing. No matter what I said or did, he wasn’t going to be honest about whatever dark secret lay hidden beneath his tightly woven layers.
“Look, if you aren’t interested in more than a sexual relationship, that’s fine. But I just can’t do it anymore. I need to be with a man who wants more than that. Someone who loves me. Someone who loves my son and can be a daddy to Austin. And I want to have more children…maybe even a little girl this time.” When he didn’t reply right away, I took the liberty of answering for him. “But you clearly don’t want the same thing.”
Seth lowered his head, neither confirming nor denying the charge. “I’m sorry. But like I told you before, that guy can’t be me. There is no us, and we don’t have a future together. It can’t happen.” He sighed, releasing a hard breath. “But it’s not you, okay? It’s me.”
I rolled my eyes as anger swept through me. “You’re really going to use that tired line on me?”
“It’s not a line. It’s the truth.” His hand fisted on the table. “Damn it, Bobbie. I’m a drifter. I don’t stay in one place long. I never have. And I’m not even close to being husband or father material. I wish things were different but they aren’t. It’s just…the way things have to be. I’m sorry if I ever made you think any different, but I’ll be leaving in two weeks.”
I drew in a sharp breath. “Two weeks?”
He nodded. “Yes. I think a clean break would be best for all of us.”
My eyes misted over, but I blinked away the moisture. I couldn’t lose it now. “That’s fine,” I told him, my brittle voice laced with sadness. “But I need to tell you one last thing. I was supposed to start my period last week and didn’t.”
His golden eyes widened, and he blinked in shock. “Are you saying you’re pregnant…with my baby?”
Damn it. The look of sheer terror on his face spoke volumes, and a tear leaked from my eye, landing on my cheek. I dashed it away. “No. I took a pregnancy test yesterday. It was negative. You have nothing to worry about.”
“Are you sure?”
That comment sent me over the edge, and I rose from my chair. “If you don’t believe me, you can ask Junior. He was there, and he saw the results for himself. But you don’t have to worry about anything, Seth. Before you leave, I’ll take another one to show you. Trust me, you won’t leave here with anything on your conscious.” I stormed toward the hallway, not sure if I was mad at him or myself.
A strangled sound of aggravation left his throat. “Damn it, Bobbie. Wait.”
I paused in the doorway long enough to glance back over my shoulder. “It’s okay, Seth. Thank you for your honesty. Seriously. I don’t want to waste any more of my time with the wrong person. You just showed me that you aren’t the man I thought you were.”
Then I left the room.