Chapter Twenty-Two
Though Seth had called a cease-fire to the fight between him and Jeremy, his body was still vibrating with anger when we arrived home. And that was after we’d been to the police station to file a report and a restraining order.
Seth had insisted I go to the hospital, but I adamantly refused. The last thing I wanted was to spend a few more hours in that place. Besides, the police had taken pictures of all the marks on me as evidence. I just wanted to take a shower and get out of the torn clothes. So that’s exactly what I did.
When I got out of the shower, I went looking for Seth and found him in his bedroom, packing his things. “What are you doing?”
“While you were in the shower, my old commander from The Resistance called. They have a lead on Bishop. No one knows why, but he flew back to Brazil on a small charter plane. They said he was easy to find because he was back at the outpost where he killed the politician’s son. I’m flying out there tonight.”
My heart stopped. “That sounds like a trap.”
He nodded. “It is.”
I blinked at him. “But if you know that, then why would you go?”
“Because I want to end all of this once and for all. I want to keep you and Austin safe from him.”
I shook my head. “But how do you know that we’ll be safe here? What if he’s hoping you leave us unprotected so that he can get to us?”
He turned toward me and placed his strong hands on my shoulders. “You won’t be unprotected. I called Jake and Junior and filled them in on everything. They’re going to keep an eye on you until I return.”
I bit my lip and lowered my head. “Don’t go. Please.”
“I have to. There’s no one else who can do this.”
Fear surged through me, and I shook my head again. “No. You’re going to get yourself killed. There are other ways. Jake could help.”
His brows furrowed. “No. This is my responsibility. I’m the reason Bishop’s coming after you and Austin. He needs to be eliminated, which isn’t something Jake can do. But I have the means. The Resistance has offered to help. They want me to take out Bishop for good.” He pulled me close and kissed my forehead. “The only way we’ll ever be free of my past is for me to accept this one last mission.”
But I pulled away from him. “No, you’re wrong about that, Seth. I know your type. Hell, I’ve dated your type before. For someone like you, there’s always going to be one last mission. You’ll never be finished.”
He reached for me again and stilled me from moving away once more. “No, that’s not true. After this, I’m done. I mean it.”
My eyes met his. “Please. Don’t do this.”
“I’m sorry. I have to.” He resumed packing.
I knew I was reaching, but I had to try something. “And what’s going to stop Jeremy from coming after me again while you’re gone?”
He shook his head adamantly. “He’s not going to get anywhere near you or Austin. Especially after tonight. The boys are all going to make sure of that.”
Tears filled my eyes. Nothing I said was going to make him stay. Although I knew it, I couldn’t stop trying. “Damn it, Seth. I don’t want them to watch over us. I want you here. I…I can’t lose you.”
He pulled me into his arms once again, bent his head, and kissed me, his lips roving over mine with a tenderness that sent pain spiraling through me. “I’m coming back, Bobbie. I promise.”
I shook my head, swiping away the tears trailing down my cheeks as anger took over. “No, Seth. If you leave now, then don’t bother coming back. I can’t be with someone who would put their own life in danger without thinking twice about it. I told you before, I’m done with men who don’t put my son and I first.”
He sighed. “Damn it, Bobbie. This is me putting you two first. I’m doing this for both of you.”
Heat flared inside of me. Furious, I shoved at his shoulders. “Don’t you dare say that to me. You don’t have to kill Bishop. There are other ways.”
“Not for me, there isn’t.”
Pain filled my chest as I took a deep breath. “If you do this…if you choose this path, then you’ll only end up being the killer that you didn’t want to be.”
He hesitated briefly, but in the end, nothing I said deterred him. He lifted his bag from the bed and threw it over his shoulder. “I’m sorry,” he said, kissing my temple as he passed by me.
My heart squeezed in my chest, but I crossed my arms, firm in my stance. “Me, too,” I told him, my words whispered so low that they were barely audible to me, much less him.
And then I watched as the man I loved walked out the door and left me to pick up the shattered pieces of my heart once more.
…
Two weeks later…
I was sitting near the kitchen window at Emily’s house talking to her while Austin and Lily played with their toys. A vehicle rumbled in the drive, and I glanced out the window to see Junior’s truck pulling in with two people inside the cab. Junior would obviously be driving, but I couldn’t see the face of the passenger due to the shadows and the glare.
But the hair on the back of my neck stood on end and my nerve endings fired off warning shots. There was only one person in the world who could overwhelm my senses and alert my instincts in such a manner. But what would he be doing at Emily’s house?
I stood and walked out to the front porch just as Seth climbed out of Junior’s truck and walked toward the house, his brawny arms swinging loosely at his sides.
The bastard.
I resented how he seemed in complete control of his body’s motion while every step he took toward me left me feeling less in control of my own. My heart pounded relentlessly in my chest and emotions whirled through me at a fast rate.
Before I could speak, Austin darted out of the house and ran straight to Seth. He caught my son in his arms, swung him around, and then knelt down onto his haunches, placing him onto his knee. “Hey, big guy.”
“You came back!”
“Of course I did,” Seth said with an easy laugh. “Never leave a buddy behind, right?”
“Right,” Austin said, grinning from ear to ear.
Their adoring exchange shot needles of pain through my heart, so I cleared my throat and walked closer with my arms folded to get their attention.
Seth glanced up at me, and his face grew somber. “Austin, I really want to catch up with you, but I need to talk to your momma for a minute.”
Austin’s smile widened. “She’s mad at you.”
Seth sighed. “I know, kiddo. Go hang out inside with Lily for a few minutes while I work on that, okay? I’m going to let your mom yell at me and she’s probably going to say a few curse words you shouldn’t hear.”
“Okay,” Austin said, crawling out of his lap. But before he turned to leave, he stopped and glanced back at Seth. “You’re not going to leave again without saying goodbye, are you?”
My aching heart shattered into a million pieces, but my banked temper started a slow burn.
Seth shook his head. “Nope. I promise I’m not going anywhere this time.”
Austin smiled and skipped back to the house to go inside.
But I couldn’t stand there and let Seth give my son false hope about him sticking around. “It won’t work, Seth.”
He rose to his feet. “I’m back, Bobbie. For good.”
My heart sped up, as if it were being dragged around by a team of runaway horses, but I couldn’t allow myself to wish for something that could never be. “I don’t care. You can’t just walk out on me and expect me to be waiting here for you when you decide to return. I…I’ve moved on.”
His eyes crinkled, clearly not liking what he’d heard. “In two weeks?”
I crossed my arms. “It doesn’t matter how long it’s been.”
He shook his head. “I can’t stay away from you. Not now. Not ever again.”
Though his words had my stomach twisting into knots, I kept my composure. “Well, you don’t have a say in the matter any longer. You lost that right when you left us.”
“Look, I know I made mistakes—”
“Made mistakes? No, Seth. You put me and my son in danger. I’ve dumped guys over a lot less than that. I was willing to forgive you because I knew you never meant to cause us any harm. But when you left? You hurt me. You hurt my son. And you left on your own accord. That was intentional.”
“Damn it, Bobbie. You know why I left. I didn’t have a—”
“Don’t you dare say it,” I told him, my eyes narrowing. “You had a choice. You just made the wrong one.”
He ran his fingers through his dark hair. “God, baby. I missed you. Can’t you see that? I’m asking you to forgive me one last time. I can’t live without you. I need you.”
My heart fluttered into my throat, but I was quick to respond. “No.”
He walked up the stairs and onto the porch. “Please. Just hear me out.”
I shook my head solemnly. “I said no. You left me. I needed you…but you weren’t there for me. For us.”
“Goddamnit. I was sacrificing myself to save both of you. You and Austin. And I would do it again in a heartbeat because I can’t stand the thought of something happening to either of you.”
“No, Seth. You have this need to be in control over everything. But you can’t control everything all the time. I can’t be with someone who could leave their family behind to go murder someone, no matter the—”
“I didn’t kill him.”
I blinked at him. “What?”
“Bishop. I didn’t kill him. When I left here that night, I took your advice and asked Jake for help. The FBI was able to nail Bishop for kidnapping and murdering that little boy. He’s been arrested and going to spend the rest of his life in prison.”
Relief washed over me. “That’s good. I’m glad to hear that. But you still left us to go on a mission.”
“It’ll never happen again, I promise.”
God, I wanted to believe him. I really did. But the one thing I’d learned from my past mistakes was to stop repeating them. I lowered my head. “I can’t, Seth. This thing between us will never work. When you left, you broke the one thing I had left to give you.”
“Trust? Is that what you mean?”
Moisture filled my eyes. “It was important to me. Maybe you’re this big, strong guy who other men can’t take down and isn’t scared of anything, but I spent most of that night praying that God saved you from yourself. I won’t do it again.” My voice quivered as I turned to walk away. “I-I’m sorry. I just can’t.”
A low, strained voice came from behind me. “Leprechaun.”
Instantly, I froze in place. After a moment of hesitation, I turned around to find Seth still standing there with his arms hanging loosely at his sides and his head lowered. I’d never seen him looking so defeated and vulnerable before, and the image was startling in contrast to the man I knew him to be. My mouth fell open, and I blinked incredulously. “What are you doing, Seth?”
His head lifted and his tear-glazed eyes met mine. Then his lips parted as he repeated the safe word he’d given to me. My heart squeezed inside my chest. He’d once told me that if I ever did anything to frighten him that he would use it. At the time he’d clearly been joking. But with that one word, he was now showing me that he was afraid…of losing me. “Seth, please don’t.”
“I have to. I never wanted to get close to anyone, but I found something I didn’t even know I was looking for. If this is what it takes to show you that I’m all in, then so be it. I’m scared to death of losing you. I love you, and I want you in my life. I’m all in, Bobbie. Marry me.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring as he knelt down in front of me.
My pulse quickened as I released a breath. “Seth…”
“If you tell me you don’t want me, then I’ll go. I’ll leave right now and never come back. Just don’t ask me to ever stop loving you. Because it’s not possible. I can’t do that. You mean too much to me.”
I swallowed hard, though I was barely able to breathe. Even though he’d hurt me, I’d never wanted to be with someone so much in my life. No matter what my head screamed, my heart and soul belonged to this man. And they always would.
Defeated, I dropped to my knees. All the hurt and anger that had been gnawing viciously at my insides for the past two weeks dissipated, leaving behind only my love for him.
Confusion lit his eyes. “What are you doing, honey?”
I blew out a shaky breath. “I’m surrendering. I can’t fight it. When you left, I was so scared that I’d never see you again.” I closed my eyes, recalling the moments of sheer terror I felt when he walked out that door. “I couldn’t stand the thought of losing you then, and I…well, I still feel that way.” I opened my eyes and glanced up at him. “I need you. More than I ever wanted to need anyone.”
“God, sweetheart. You have me,” he said, gazing into my eyes. “All of me. I’m yours. Forever.” He pulled me into his strong arms and fell back onto the porch with me on top of him.
Warmth filled me, and I laughed. “Seth, stop! What are you doing?”
He pushed my hair out of my face. “Well, I promised myself that if you forgave me and came back to me, I was going to get you on top of me as soon as possible.” A wicked grin spread on his lips. “And you know I never break a promise.”
I smiled. “Um, so about the ring…”
He held the diamond engagement ring up in front of me, and the exquisite jewel sparkled in the afternoon sunlight. “Oh, you mean this one?”
My eyes fixed on the lovely ring, but I fought back the urge to celebrate an engagement just yet. “You don’t have to propose to get back into my good graces.”
He grinned at that. “I didn’t. I proposed because I want you to be my wife.”
Excitement coursed through me, but I needed to know he was prepared for what he was getting himself into, so I shook my head. “But it’s a big responsibility. Jeremy signed away his parental rights two days after you left. So not only would you be taking on a spouse, but you’d also be taking on a stepson. Are you ready for that kind of commitment?”
Seth shook his head firmly. “Austin will never be my stepson, Bobbie.”
My heart sunk, and the excitement turned to sadness. I couldn’t fathom being with anyone who didn’t love my son as much as I did. Austin would always come first to me, even if that meant putting him before my own happiness. As much as it pained me, I knew I couldn’t marry Seth and pushed against his chest to move away from him.
“Wait. Let me finish,” he said, tightening the hold he had on my waist. “What I’m trying to say is that Austin may have been born before I came into his life, but that boy is mine. Do you hear me? Mine. I want to adopt him and make it official. I want him to have my last name. Our last name.” He slipped the ring onto my hand. “I want us to be a family…the three of us.”
Warmth filled my heart, and tears streamed down my cheeks. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Say you’ll marry me and let me adopt our son.”
I swiped away a tear and nodded. There was nothing I wanted more. “We’re all yours.”
He pulled my head down until his lips brushed mine. “I’m going to make you both happy, I promise.”
“You already have,” I told him, then sank into him for another kiss.
Seconds later, Austin came running out of the house and jumped onto my back. Seth reached around me and grabbed him, sliding him off of me. He settled him on the porch next to him with his arm looped around Austin’s neck. “Buddy, I have a question for you. How would you like it if I lived with you and your mom on a permanent basis?”
Austin’s eyes widened. “Like a dad would?”
Seth grinned. “Yep. Just like a dad would.”
Austin thought about it for a moment. “Can I call you dad?”
“Yes. I’d love that, kiddo.”
My chest swelled with emotion and more tears clogged my throat.
“Does that also mean you’re going to kiss my mom and stuff like that?”
Seth’s gaze locked with mine. “Yep. Every chance I get.”
“Gross,” Austin said and then scrambled to his feet wearing the biggest grin I’ve ever seen.
I sat up. “Where are you going, monster?”
Austin ran for the house, but yelled out, “I’m going to tell Lily that I have a dad like she does.”
I was thrilled for him and completely understood the urgency and excitement in his tone. Hell, I was half tempted to run inside myself just to tell Emily that I was about to have a husband like she does. I probably would have if I thought she wouldn’t be able to figure it out on her own after Austin shared his good news.
Seth jumped to his feet and pulled me to mine. “You ready to go home, sweetheart?”
“Sure. But why the rush?”
“I have a gift for Austin. I managed to find him another little spotted bull stuffed animal with white plastic horns. It’s not exactly the same, but it’s close. I’m hoping he’ll love that one just as much as he did the one that got destroyed.”
The sweet gesture made me smile. “I’m sure he will.”
Austin poked his head out of the front door. “Mom, Emily said I could spend the night with Lily. Is it okay?”
I smirked, trying to contain my laughter. I had no doubt Emily was trying once again to get me laid. God, I loved that woman. And I was okay with her keeping my child overnight, but I glanced over at Seth to make sure he didn’t mind that Austin wouldn’t be coming home with us. Though I wasn’t used to discussing my decisions where Austin was concerned, I wanted Seth to know that I trusted him to make them. And Seth must’ve realized that because he grinned and nodded his approval.
I turned back to Austin. “Sure, buddy. I’ll be right in to talk to Emily and then I’ll run home and get you some clothes to sleep in.”
Austin let out a whoop and went back inside.
“You sure you don’t mind?” I asked Seth.
Seth grinned. “Mind what? Having a night alone with you? Why would I mind that? I can always give Austin his gift tomorrow. It’s not like I’m going anywhere.” He winked. “Besides, I have something I want to give you, too. I was planning on giving it to you later tonight after Austin went to bed, but now we don’t have to wait.”
I could only imagine what he wanted to give me. He was wearing that sexy little smirk that always dampened my panties, but I played stupid as if I had no clue what he was talking about. “Oh, you have a gift for me?”
“Well, not exactly. But in about nine months, I’m hoping you’ll be giving me one,” he said seriously.
Confusion ricocheted through me, and my eyes snapped to his. “What?”
He grinned. “I want a baby. A daughter, I hope. The sooner, the better.”
“Are you kidding?”
“Nope. I mean it. I told you, I’m all in. And I want it all…with you. And that includes more children.” He dropped an arm over my shoulders. “Now let’s get going. I’m looking forward to taking my pregnant fiancée home before I end up ravaging her in the car.”
I laughed. “Um, Seth, I hate to state the obvious, but I’m not pregnant.”
He grinned happily. “You aren’t home yet, either.”