Chapter Eight
By the time Friday rolled around, my nerves were frayed and tied up in knots. The judge denied the motion to revise the visitation schedule, which meant that Jeremy would get Austin for the entire weekend, whether I liked it or not. I’d been dreading this day so much that I’d spent most of it watching the clock, hoping like hell that would only slow down the inevitable.
Jeremy didn’t get off work from his road construction job until six o’clock, but afterward, he was supposed to be picking Austin up and keeping him until Sunday. It was the first time I hoped he would flake out like he had always done in the past. But something inside me told me that, this time, he wouldn’t. Not after all the trouble he’d gone through to file the injunction against me.
Austin had stayed the night with other people before. His grandma. Jake and Emily. And even Cowboy and Anna. So I wasn’t worried about him being away from me so much as I was worried about who was caring for him. The others I knew would take care of him. With Jeremy, I had my doubts.
My son must’ve sensed my turmoil and the overwhelming feeling of doom that I was bearing all day because he’d been extra whiney ever since I told him this morning that he’d be staying a few nights with Jeremy. Just being asked to put on his shoes had reduced Austin to tears.
He was upset, and I couldn’t blame him one bit. He usually loved staying the night with other people, but that didn’t mean he wanted to spend the night with someone he didn’t know very well. There was just a certain level of comfort that kids should be allowed to reach before taking a leap like that.
Unfortunately, according to my lawyer, I didn’t have a choice but to let Jeremy take him. Well, unless I was willing to pack our bags and go on the run. It wasn’t like I hadn’t considered the idea. Trust me, I had. Multiple times. But that desperate move would’ve taken both of us away from everyone and everything that we loved and held dearly. Not to mention that we would’ve been looking over our shoulders for the rest of our lives. That wasn’t any way for a child to grow up.
Besides, it wasn’t like I thought Jeremy would physically hurt Austin. At least not on purpose. More or less, I was concerned that my son wouldn’t be looked after properly or flat-out neglected. The ignorant man came off like he just didn’t give a damn one way or another. But there was nothing else for me to do but put up with this arrangement until he either screwed up royally or got bored with the whole situation.
When I heard a truck pull up in front of the house, I cringed but tried to steady my voice. “Austin, go get your backpack off your bed. It’s got your overnight clothes and some toys in it. Jeremy’s here to pick you up.”
Austin sat next to Seth at the dining room table, looking at his matchbox cars. “Aw, Momma. I don’t want to go.”
I knelt down beside him. “I’m sorry, baby. You have to. But Jeremy told me that he’s going to take you to get an ice cream cone. I told him how much you loved it.”
“Ice cream?” he asked, his interest piqued.
“Yep. And then tonight, when I call you to say good night, you can tell me all about how much fun you had.”
He didn’t look convinced, but he said, “Okay, Momma.”
I smiled and kissed his cheek. “Now go get your bag.”
Austin left the room, practically dragging his feet behind him. He’d left his little stuffed bull on the table, so I picked it up so he wouldn’t forget it. Jeremy still hadn’t knocked, so I went to the front door to see if he had made it out of the truck yet while Seth stayed in the kitchen.
Jeremy stood downstairs while Romeo growled at him from the porch with his hair raised high on the back of his neck. “That dog is vicious.”
“That dog has never growled at anyone before. Guess he just doesn’t like you.”
“Feeling’s mutual,” Jeremy said, eyeing Romeo once again. Then he gazed back up at me. “Where’s the boy? I don’t have all day. I have shit to do.”
“He’s getting his bag. And don’t be cursing around him. He’s only four and he sometimes repeats what others say, whether he knows what it means or not. If he comes home Sunday saying bad words, I’m going to know where he got them from.”
Jeremy rolled his eyes. “Whatever, Ms. Perfect. Got any other rules for me?”
“Yeah. No drinking while he’s with you. If I even hear about you getting drunk while my child is in your care, I’ll go straight to the court with that information and get your unsupervised visitations revoked.”
“You’re just looking for a reason to do that, anyway.”
That was where he was wrong. I didn’t want him to fail as a parent. Never had. I only wanted him to take an interest in his son and become the father that Austin deserved in his life. Then maybe the hostile tension between the two of us would eventually fizzle out, and we could co-parent peacefully like two rational adults.
Of course if I said anything like that to Jeremy, he would do what he always had done. He would say I put too much pressure on him by expecting so much and that it was my fault that he didn’t have a relationship with his son. It was all bullshit, and we both knew it. But, since the last thing I wanted was for Austin to come out and find us quarreling, I ignored Jeremy’s comment. Let him think whatever he wanted.
I handed the spotted stuffed bull with the plastic horns to Jeremy. “This is Cody, Austin’s favorite stuffed animal. He sleeps with it at night so make sure you hang onto it and don’t lose it.”
He glanced at the bull and scoffed. “Jesus. You’ve got the kid sleeping with stuffed animals? What are you trying to do—turn him into a sissy?”
Fury sparked inside of me, but I kept my voice low. “Don’t you dare say that to my son. He’s just a little boy. Who cares if he sleeps with a stuffed bull? There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“Yeah, there is. He’s not a girl.”
If I could’ve strangled the prick and gotten away with it, I would’ve done it right then. “Girls aren’t the only ones who have stuffed animals. Didn’t you ever have a blanket or toy that made you feel secure when you were a kid?”
“No.”
I sighed wearily. “Well, that explains a lot.”
“What in the hell’s that supposed to mean?”
I didn’t respond because Austin came running down the hallway, his little shoes slapping against the hardwood floors. He carried his backpack with him but stopped just inside the screen door and stared out. Having only met him a handful of times, I doubted Austin even recognized Jeremy as his biological father. It wasn’t like he referred to him as his dad. And though he was normally very social with most people he didn’t know, Austin now seemed almost shy and reserved.
“There you are, kid. Ready to go?” Jeremy asked. There was no affection in his voice. Only a slight undercurrent of irritation.
Austin stared fixedly at me.
I opened the door and gave him a reassuring hug and a kiss on the forehead. “It’s okay, monster. I’m going to talk to you on the phone tonight before you go to bed and again in the morning. And if at any point you want to call me, you can.” I cleared my throat obnoxiously. “Right, Jeremy?”
“Yeah.”
“And you’re still taking him to get ice cream, right?”
“Sure.”
“See? I’m sure you’re going to have a great time.” God, how I wished I truly believed that. It might’ve sounded more convincing. “And like I said, you can tell me all about it when I talk to you later tonight, okay?”
Though that last statement was more for Jeremy’s benefit, Austin nodded solemnly. “Okay, Momma.”
After grabbing his booster seat from my vehicle, I showed Jeremy how to properly install it before lifting Austin up into his seat and buckling his seat belt. He wrapped his arms around my neck and gave me a tight hug, and my eyes instantly watered. But I couldn’t let myself cry in front of him. It would only frighten him more.
So I blinked away the tears and swallowed the lump in my throat. “It’s starting to get dark. You better go or the ice cream place is going to close.”
Jeremy climbed into the driver’s seat. “Well, if you’d close the damn door and quit blubbering all over the kid, we’d be gone already.”
God, he’s such an ass.
I smiled at my son and ran my fingers through his hair. “I love you, monster. You be good.”
“Love you, too, Momma,” Austin said, smiling.
But the moment I shut the truck door, the look on his face changed to one of a deer standing in front of a pair of headlights, not knowing what direction to run in. It was clear that my son was hesitant to go anywhere with Jeremy––and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. Not without defying a court order and possibly having my son taken away from me.
I’d never felt so helpless in my life. But I did what I could to comfort Austin in his confused state. I put my fingers in my ears, stuck out my tongue, and crossed my eyes in order to make the funniest face I could conjure up. It had the desired effect on Austin because he threw back his head and laughed. Then we waved goodbye to each other with smiles on our faces as Jeremy drove away with my sweet boy.
When the truck pulled out onto the highway and disappeared from sight, I couldn’t help but feel like a mother who had sent their only child into a war zone. Knowing how volatile Jeremy could be at times, the last thing I wanted was for my kid to get caught in the crossfire.
So I did the one thing that I had no doubt mothers around the world did in that kind of situation. I closed my eyes and said a prayer. Someone needed to keep an eye on my baby while I wasn’t there to do so myself, and I had a strong feeling that someone would never be Jeremy. Trying to calm myself down, I stood there watching the sun set, and after a long moment, I finally started back toward the house.
Seth stepped out onto the front porch. “You okay?”
I stopped at the bottom of the stairs and gazed back in the direction that Jeremy had went with my son. “Not really. You should’ve seen the look on Austin’s face when I shut the door. God, it gutted me. Poor guy looked so unsure.”
“I know it’s hard, but try not to worry too much. Kids are resilient. Besides, they were going to get ice cream. Who wouldn’t enjoy that?”
“You don’t know Jeremy like I do. He can make anything unpleasant.”
“I don’t want you to think I’m passing judgment. I’m not at all. But I just don’t get it. What did you ever see in that prick?”
“That’s the thing. Absolutely nothing. I had a drunken one-night stand that linked me to Jeremy for the rest of my life. The sex wasn’t even good. Mediocre, at best. I probably could’ve derived more pleasure by being artificially inseminated.”
Seth chuckled. “Ouch. That’s harsh.”
I shrugged. “Yeah, maybe. But trust me, he’s said much worse about me.”
“So do you regret that night?”
I shook my head. “No. The only good thing that came from that night was Austin, so I wouldn’t change any of it. I just wish Jeremy would finally get his head of his ass and be the father that he should’ve been from the beginning.”
“Maybe he will.”
“I doubt it.” I released a hard breath and ran my fingers through my hair in frustration. “Luckily, Austin is a pretty well-adjusted kid. I don’t think Jeremy could screw him up that badly in just one weekend. One can hope, anyway.”
Seth smiled. “I’m sure it’ll be fine. You’ve raised that kid right. Austin’s lucky to have you for a mother.”
“Thanks. I…” My words trailed off as something white and plastic in the bushes caught my attention. When I reached for it and pulled it out to get a look, I gasped and my heart stalled inside my chest.
Seth quickly glanced around, as if he thought there was some unknown threat lurking nearby. “What is it?”
Anger coursed through my system, boiling my blood and searing me from the inside out. “That…bastard!”
“What’s wrong?” Seth asked again, and then gazed at the toy I held in my trembling hand. “Wait a minute. Is that Cody?”
“Yes,” I said, trying my damndest not to snap at Seth and take it out on him. “Austin sleeps with this stuffed bull every night, so I gave it to Jeremy to take with them. But he said that Austin was a sissy for sleeping with a stuffed animal, and then the jerk threw it in the bushes while I wasn’t looking. All so my son couldn’t have it tonight at bedtime. Who does something like that?”
Seth shook his head. “God. What a dick.”
Yeah, I couldn’t agree more. So I marched inside, went straight for my phone, and called Jeremy to give him a piece of my mind. But he must’ve figured I would be calling the moment I found Cody in the bushes and had shut his cell phone off. The chickenshit.
I slammed the phone down and gripped the edge of the counter until my knuckles turned white. “The stupid asshole. He thinks he’s so smart. I’ll just drive over to his house in about an hour and take Austin his toy. In fact, that’s fine by me. It gives me a reason to see my son and make sure he’s okay.”
Seth leaned his hip against the counter next to me. “Okay, but you need to calm down before then. You don’t want to go over there and say things that you would regret.”
“Oh, believe me, I wouldn’t regret a damn thing I said to him right about now. And it’s impossible to calm down knowing that Austin is with someone who could be so callous that he would do something so shitty to his own son.”
Seth nodded. “I understand that, Bobbie. But if you go over there and fly off the handle, Jeremy could use that against you in court. I know it sucks, but you need to settle down and be the sensible adult in this situation.”
Damn it, I knew he was right. In an effort to calm myself, I breathed in and out slowly over and over again. But with nowhere for my anger to go, it only changed and morphed into something else entirely. Guilt.
A sharp pain stabbed into my chest as I turned toward Seth with tears in my eyes. “You don’t understand. This is my fault.”
“What do you mean?”
Overwhelmed by emotion, I let my head fall forward. “If I hadn’t kept pushing Jeremy to take an active role in Austin’s life, then he wouldn’t be doing this. I had hoped that he would change, but all he’s done is proven time and again that he isn’t willing to. I should’ve just…left it alone. Maybe then—”
“No, Bobbie. Jeremy’s actions are his own. You can’t take responsibility for what he does. Nor can you fault yourself for wanting him to man up and be a father to Austin. I will say, though, the kid deserves a hell of a lot better.”
I nodded in agreement. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get upset. Not like this. Everything is just taking a huge toll on me right now and frustrating me to no end. With the stress of the upcoming court date, dealing with Jeremy, getting this place up and running, and my lack of sex, I—”
Shit. I quickly lowered my head. Why’d I say that out loud? Especially to him of all people.
Seth lifted my chin with one finger. “I can help…with whatever you need.”
Although I didn’t think he was referring to my lack of sex in particular, something about the way his heated eyes pierced into mine told me that he would be a willing participant if I gave him the go-ahead. “We both know it would be a mistake.”
“Isn’t it always?” A sexy smirk lifted his cheeks, promising that this would be one mistake I wouldn’t ever regret making.
A shiver ran through me, and I felt every bit of it in my bones. With the way he was looking at me, there was no doubt this man would pleasure me in every way imaginable, if only I said yes.
I’d be a fool to turn down an offer like that.
So I was quick to decide and even quicker to respond. Before I realized what I was doing, I lifted onto my tiptoes and pressed my mouth lightly to his.
Seth gently grasped the back of my head and held me to his mouth as he changed the pressure of his lips against mine. Then, as if testing the waters, he slipped his tongue into my open mouth. The moment I tasted him again, a moan slipped from my throat, and that one little gesture must’ve been all the confirmation he needed.
With lightening speed, Seth dragged me into his strong arms, pulling me tight against his streamlined physique as he spun us around. I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck and clung to his massively powerful body as my back landed against the cold refrigerator with a thud.
His mouth was still on mine as warm, insistent hands slid under my top and onto bare skin, moving higher and higher until he reached my bra. In his rush to get his hands on me, he shoved the material up and over my breasts before his rough, calloused fingertips found my hardened nipples. He started out squeezing them lightly and then began rolling each one between his fingers.
I gasped into his mouth, and he only kissed me deeper. Then he lifted my shirt and replaced his fingers with his mouth. Firm lips closed over one nipple, and then a long swipe of his tongue paved the way to the other one. His hands and tongue were all over me, and my head fell back against the fridge.
Desire pooled between my legs, and my thighs automatically clenched together. The man was most definitely perceptive because his hand immediately dipped under my flimsy skirt and up my thigh. I spread my legs, willing him to touch me more. And he did. In the most delicious way I could imagine.
Shoving my panties aside, his thumb rasped errantly against my clit in the exact spot I needed him to touch, and it sent electrical impulses scattering throughout my body. My breath hitched, but his fervent caresses only became more persistent. Then, without warning, he drove two fingers into me with such a powerful thrust that I sagged against him, legs trembling.
The last thing I imagined happening tonight was me getting fingerbanged up against the fridge, but he was two fingers deep and I wasn’t even close to protesting any of it. He continued to torture me with pleasure as rapid breaths panted out of me. My skin heated against his in a hotbed of sensation. A wild need built within me, and my fingernails scaled his back like ice picks in a glacier.
If he kept this up for much longer, I was going to have an orgasm. With or without him. So I reached for the button on his jeans.
But he grasped my wrist with his free hand and pulled back to look into my eyes. “You don’t want to come like this?”
“No. I mean, I thought you wanted to, uh…”
He grinned. “Oh, I do. Trust me, we’ll get to that. This is just round one. I’m enjoying this immensely, but if you want to get to something a little harder…” he said, punctuating his comment with another thrust of his fingers. “We can do that, too. Up to you.”
Though the dexterity of his fingers had gotten me to this point of arousal, what I truly wanted was in his pants. “I want all of you…inside me…right now.” His fingers were still working me over, and it was making it really hard to concentrate, much less talk.
He groaned under his breath. “Are you sure about this?”
No. I wasn’t. But it damn sure beat feeling frustrated as all get-out. “Yes.”
His slick fingers slid out and then tunneled back inside of me. I let out another breathy moan as I marveled at the way my body responded to him. With every touch, he was driving me wild with need.
When I reached for his jeans again, he released my wrist and allowed me to unbutton his pants and slowly pull down his zipper. He hadn’t been lying before when he’d told me that he didn’t wear underwear. The moment I got his pants open, my eyes widened.
Seth stood before me, grinning ridiculously. The man was hung. But just as I moved to touch it, a vehicle’s headlights shone through the kitchen blinds.
“Shit. Someone’s here,” I told him, squirming away from him. “It could be Junior. He said he might stop by tonight to see how things were going.”
Seth removed his hand from between my legs and sighed as he did. “Well, great. My uncle, the cockblocker.” But he gave me a good-natured grin and helped me right my clothing before working on his own.
I headed for the door but stopped and looked back at him. “You coming?”
“Yeah, but my zipper is stuck in the down position. I’ll fix it in the bathroom in case he comes inside. I’ll be out in a minute.”
I nodded and headed out the door. But the moment I stepped outside onto the dimly lit porch, Jeremy’s truck rolled to a stop in front of the house and the sounds of a muffled cry reached my ears.
Oh God. Austin!