Chapter Sixteen
I’d spent the entire week avoiding Seth as much as possible.
That was fairly easy to do when I was at work. But it was a different story whenever I was at home, seeing how we were still living under the same roof. But so far, I’d managed to keep my head down in passing and had spent a lot of time gazing elsewhere across the dinner table just to keep our eyes from accidentally connecting.
I didn’t want him to know how badly he hurt me. So instead, I chose to be angry and go on living my life as if he hadn’t meant anything to me. I’d even done something that I hadn’t expected. In a feeble attempt to get over Seth, I’d decided to try my hand at dating again.
When an old friend called and asked if I’d be interested in going on a blind date with one of her male friends, who lived in the next town over, I readily accepted and had her pass my phone number along to the unknown man. He’d called earlier in the week and we had set up a dinner date for tonight, since it was Friday and Austin would be staying with Jeremy over the weekend.
Seth had walked into the kitchen the other day when I was making the date with Tim over the phone, so I knew damn well that he was aware of it. Though he still hadn’t said a single word about it all week.
Junior had said that his nephew was in love with me, and I thought there was hope for something more. But Seth’s silence had showed me that he hadn’t really given a damn about me, after all. Not in any way that truly mattered.
When my date had arrived to pick me up, Seth was nowhere to be found. Which had probably been a good thing. Though I’d mentioned to Tim that I had a temporary roommate—more for Seth’s benefit, than Tim’s—I didn’t really want them to meet. Otherwise Tim would surely pick up on the tension hovering so thickly between Seth and I. But that wouldn’t last for much longer, seeing how he was leaving in a little more than a week.
Unfortunately, halfway through dinner with Tim, I realized that my heart just wasn’t into the dating scene anymore. So I did the polite thing and bided my time throughout the evening, offered to pay for my own dinner, and then asked if he could take me home.
Tim seemed okay with the idea until we pulled into my driveway and he realized I wasn’t inviting him inside. That was when he decided to try to kiss me in his car. I hadn’t expected it, since he’d been a perfect gentleman throughout the evening. But this guy was suddenly coming on strong and being overly persistent. Annoyingly so.
I immediately pushed him away from me and got out of the car, saying a very firm good night through the open window before marching inside the dimly lit house. I wasn’t sure if Seth was already in bed or what, but I’d barely made it into the kitchen when the phone rang.
As I was taking off the high heels that were killing my aching feet, I reached over and hit the speaker phone button. “Hello?”
“Hey, it’s Tim. I just wanted to apologize if I did something wrong. I hate to say it, but I’m not very good at this whole dating thing.”
Yeah, me neither. “It’s fine. It’s just not going to work out between us. I don’t think I’m looking for the kind of relationship you’re clearly wanting. Good night,” I said cheerily, ending the call before he could respond.
I sat down in one of the kitchen chairs and breathed a sigh of relief, though I didn’t know if it was because I was glad to be out of the shoes or happy that Tim was now out of my life for good. Dating sucked.
A noise came from behind me, and I spun to see Seth standing in the kitchen doorway next to the phone on the nearby counter. He nodded at it. “Who’s the tool?”
“That was Tim,” I said, my spine stiffening in his presence. “My date.”
The phone rang again and Seth hit the speaker phone button before I could even get out of my chair. “Hello?” he answered.
I glared at Seth.
There was a slight pause on the line before Tim said, “Hey, this is Tim, Bobbie’s date. You must be the roommate she mentioned. Seth, right?”
“Yeah, that’s me,” Seth said, pushing the button to end the call.
My eyes widened. “What the hell are you doing? That call wasn’t for you.”
Seth smirked. “Sure it was. He didn’t ask to speak to you.”
The phone rang again almost immediately, and I jumped out of the chair. But Seth pushed the speaker phone button again before I could get to it. “Hello?” he answered.
Tim was on the line again. “Hey, I think we got disconnected or something.”
“Yeah, we did,” Seth agreed, hanging up on him again.
I scowled at him. “You didn’t have to do that to him. What the hell is wrong with you? You don’t have any right. It’s not your place.”
“Like hell it isn’t. You’re my—”
“I’m your what?” I asked, my brow arching.
The phone rang again, and Seth immediately lifted it to his ear. “Fuck you, Tim. Lose the number.” Then he slammed the receiver down.
I crossed my arms. “You’re a jackass.”
His eyes narrowed. “Maybe so. But do you know how much I resent the thought of another man putting his hands on you? I saw that jerk-off pawing at you outside in the car.”
“Damn you, Seth. Now you’re spying on me?”
“I don’t share my woman with anyone,” he announced with the primitive possessiveness and heated eyes of a warrior.
I groaned in contempt. “Well, since we aren’t together, then it doesn’t look like there’s anything here that belongs to you. Therefore, I’ll do whatever I damn well please.”
Something deep and intense flashed in his dark eyes. Something feral. But he blew out a hard breath and ran his fingers through his black hair. “Goddamnit. We need to talk about this. About us.”
I crossed my arms. “There is no us. Remember? Those were your words, not mine. That’s the way you wanted this to be.” There was an empty ache inside of me. I wanted to cry. I could feel the sobs building in my chest, but I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of seeing any tears fall. Not again.
“Well, I was wrong.”
I shook my head adamantly. “No, actually, I think you had it right all along.”
His golden eyes narrowed. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I’m tired of trusting the wrong men.”
His lips tugged downward, and his jaw tightened. “Well, that’s because Jeremy—”
“Ha! You think Jeremy is the only one I’m talking about? Hardly. I’ve put up just as many physical and emotional barriers with you as I have with him. Maybe even more so. Jeremy’s always been an ass. But at least he never hid that from me. You, however, have never once bothered to tell me the fucking truth about your past.”
Tears pricked my eyes, and I knew they were coming. I wouldn’t be able to hold them back any longer. So I didn’t wait for him to respond. Instead, I ran past him, went straight to my bedroom, slammed the door, and let the tears fall.
…
A knock sounded from the other side of my bedroom door. “Go away,” I said, sniffling.
Seth opened the door anyway and stepped inside. “No. We need to talk.”
I turned my face into my pillow to keep him from seeing the tears in my eyes. “I don’t have anything to say to you. Now get out.”
“Bobbie, please. I need to tell you the truth about something. It’s important.”
I shook my head. “I don’t care.”
After a long moment of silence, I glanced up to see if he had left. He hadn’t. He was still standing just inside the doorway. “I’m not going anywhere,” he said, coming closer. “At least not until you hear me out.”
Figures. I sat up and ran my fingers under my eyes to wipe away the mascara that was probably making me look like a raccoon. “Fine. Then get on with it. The faster you talk, the faster you leave.”
He sat on the edge of my bed and lowered his head. “I’m not what you think I am.”
I rolled my eyes. “Oh, trust me, you are. You’re the biggest asshole I’ve ever met.”
“That’s not what I meant. What I’m trying to say is that I’m no good for you…or Austin.”
“Leave my son out of it. He doesn’t have anything to do with this anymore. It’s between us now.”
He nodded. “All right. Fine.”
I motioned for him to get on with it. “Say whatever you’re going to.”
He sighed. “To start with, I’m not a handyman. Though I do have some carpentry skills, that’s not what I did for a living in the Amazon.”
I blinked at him. “What the hell does that have to do with anything?”
“Just listen, okay? I worked for an organization called The Resistance. It was an elite group of ex-military members who didn’t always agree with the way the government officials handled certain affairs.”
“So you were a protester or something?”
“You could say that, I guess. We did protest against the government. We just didn’t do it by marching outside a federal building while thrusting picket signs into the air. Instead, we carried weapons and went out on secret op missions to right the wrongs that the government or law enforcement officials wouldn’t touch.”
Confusion clouded my mind, and I shook my head to clear it. “I don’t understand. Why would you do that?”
“Because I’m a mercenary, Bobbie. Or at least…I was in the past.”
My stomach twisted, and my pulse sped up. “Mercenary? You mean like the soldier of fortune kind?”
He nodded. “Some people call us that.”
“So you were paid money to fight in a foreign war?”
“No. Not like that.”
“But you did illegal things?”
“Yes.”
My eyebrow lifted. “Unethical stuff?”
“On occasion.”
“You killed people?”
His eyes met mine. “Sometimes. When it was necessary.”
“Jesus,” I said, jumping to my feet and pacing across the room. “You’re not a mercenary, Seth.” I turned back to face him. “If you accepted money to kill someone, then that makes you an assassin.”
“No, it wasn’t like that,” he said calmly. “Please just sit down and let me finish explaining.” When I continued to stand there, he sighed. “I’m not going to hurt you, Bobbie. I swear to God I wouldn’t do anything to harm you.”
I rolled my eyes and sat back down beside him. “God. I’m not scared of you, Seth. Never have been. I never once thought I was in danger of you hurting me. Physically, at least. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have been allowed to stay in the same house with my child.”
“Look, I know all of this probably comes as quite a shock, but I want you to understand it all. The Resistance wasn’t some evil organization. Our motto was ‘questionable missions with favorable outcomes.’ Yes, we blew through international red tape and didn’t always follow the laws of whatever country we were in, but if anything, we considered ourselves as good-deed mercenaries. We helped people.”
“By killing others?”
His mouth drew a grim line. “Our goal was never to kill anyone. It was meant to save lives. But sometimes…well, bad things happened and we had no choice but to protect innocent people who couldn’t defend themselves. Yes, we were paid well because we were risking our lives on every mission. It was hazardous. But it was never about the money. At least not for me, it wasn’t. I thought we were doing what was right.”
“But you aren’t with them anymore?”
“No. That’s all in the past. I retired from that life when I left the Amazon, and I’m not ever going back to it.”
“That doesn’t make any sense. Why? I mean, if you thought what you were doing was so right, then why would you want to stop?”
He hesitated, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. “Because my last mission didn’t go down how it was supposed to. It…went wrong.”
“Wrong how?”
He rubbed a hand over his face, something clearly weighing heavily on him. “A former Brazilian politician’s son had been taken hostage by rebels and held captive in the Amazon jungle. They had asked the father for a ransom, but fearing that they wouldn’t hold up their end of the deal and return his son to him, the boy’s father instead hired our organization to find him and bring him home.”
“But you couldn’t find him?”
“No, that wasn’t it. We found the Amazon camp where we believed the kid was being held. But it was daytime, and that complicated matters greatly. The eight rebels had taken over an abandoned outpost that had six small buildings on the settlement with land cleared from all sides. Without the cover of darkness, our team would’ve been easily spotted as we approached, and the rebels would’ve fired on us the moment they realized we were there. That would’ve put the boy in even more danger. I was the team leader on that mission, so it was my call. I had the rest of the crew back way off, while I stayed behind to do some recon.”
I swallowed hard. “Why would you put yourself in that kind of danger?”
He shook his head. “I wasn’t worried about me. I knew what I was doing. Had my men stayed, there was a greater chance of us getting seen. Less bodies, less visibility.”
“But you could’ve been spotted and then you wouldn’t have had any backup.”
“I was careful. I stayed hidden in the jungle while I surveyed their settlement from the outskirts of camp, learning whatever information I could. But hours passed, and I still didn’t know whether the child was there or not. So I smeared mud all over me from head to toe and made my way across the clearing using a nearby trench. All the flooding from the previous monsoon season had created crawl spaces in the dirt beneath each building. So I belly-crawled from one to another in search of the boy.
“Within half an hour, I’d gotten my first glimpse of him. He was in the second to last building I checked, and he was still wearing the same clothes his father had described—a blue striped shirt and tan shorts. I wanted to sneak inside and extract the kid right then, but he wasn’t alone. The leader of the rebels group—a man the others called Bishop—was there with him, along with two of his men. The other five rebels were right outside keeping watch for any intruders. There was no way for me to get to the child without endangering both of our lives.”
I gazed intently at him. “So what did you do?”
“The only thing I could at the time. I’d already gotten the Intel my team needed. Not only did I know who had been responsible for the son’s abduction, but I’d seen the child and knew where they were keeping him. I needed to relay that information to my team so that we could return to rescue him. I hated to leave him there, but although he was dirty and disheveled, the boy seemed to be otherwise okay.”
“Thank goodness,” I said, breathing a sigh of relief. “I can’t even imagine what I’d do if someone took Austin from me like that.” When Seth didn’t say anything and only hung his head, concern swept through me. “Seth?” Again, nothing. So I leaned forward and placed my hand on his tense arm. “Tell me.”
He lifted his head, and his eyes shined with tears that hadn’t yet fallen. “You don’t need to hear any more of this story.”
“No, I don’t,” I said, giving his arm a comforting squeeze. “But it seems to me that you need to tell it to somebody. So I’m listening.”
He placed his hand over mine and closed his eyes. “I met back up with my team at our designated coordinates and filled them in on the situation. As soon as night fell, we moved in to retrieve the boy, but by the time we got back to the camp, we found nothing but silence. The rebels had left and…”
His words faded, so I tried to help him. “They took the child with them?”
“That’s what we thought. By the time we had arrived, the rebels had cleared out everything. It had only been a few short hours, but everything was just…gone. Except for one thing they’d left behind.”
My hand flew to my mouth. “The boy?”
Seth nodded solemnly. “I found him in the building where I’d left him. He was curled up in the corner with his hands still tied behind his back. I’ve never seen so many bruises on one person before. Bishop must’ve figured out that he wasn’t going to get his ransom and had him brutally beat to death. Christ. The kid was only twelve years old.”
I gasped audibly. “Those bastards murdered that poor boy all because of…money?” Grief for a child I’d never met had tears clogging my throat, and I inhaled a ragged breath. “I…don’t even know…what to say to that.”
He nodded. “There’s nothing to say. It’s horrible. The worst thing I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen plenty of dead bodies before in the Amazon. Men who have been tortured by the rebels, women and children who have been mauled by crocs, and even natives who have been burned in fires so badly that they were unrecognizable. But the one thing that I can’t shake from my mind is that defenseless young boy. He didn’t deserve to die like that.”
“No one does.”
“No. That’s where you’re wrong. The monsters who killed him deserved to die as punishment for what they did to that kid. And I said as much to my superiors. But the commander-in-chief ordered us to abort the mission and return back to base camp. The rest of my team obeyed that order, but I couldn’t let those rebels get away with what they had done. Not on my watch.”
“You went after them, didn’t you?”
“You’re damn straight I did. They only had a few hours head start on me, so I tracked them through one of the deepest parts of the jungle that I’d ever been in.”
“That couldn’t have been easy.”
“Actually, it wasn’t all that hard. If you know Junior as well as I think you do, then you know exactly what I can do. My uncle taught me how to track animals when I was no older than Austin. And when you learn from the best, it doesn’t really matter whether its people or animals that you’re after. It makes them a hell of a lot easier to find. Besides, since I was by myself, I was able to move fast and keep a good pace. I caught up with the rebel group by mid-afternoon the next day.”
Dread filled my stomach with lead. “What did you do?”
“At first, I watched and waited. They set up camp high on a dry beach along the river where they’d hidden two small boats. If they had just gotten into the boats and floated on down river, they would’ve gotten away from me and escaped before I’d arrived. But, since they’d spent most of the night traveling to their new location, I guess they figured they would rest up before moving on. That wasn’t a smart move on their part. While they were all lazing around in tents, I slipped into their camp and set up some explosives.”
I blinked rapidly. “So you blew up their entire camp with them in it?”
He nodded solemnly. “All but one. I’d rigged the explosives with a delayed timer to make sure I had enough time to get out of bounds before the detonation. Unfortunately, Bishop had decided in that moment to leave his tent and head for the river. Right about the time he spotted me and called out for his men, the bombs went off. I hadn’t gotten as far away as I would’ve liked so the blast knocked me off my feet.
“Bishop ran for the boats, untied one, and jumped inside to start the engine. I had run after him, but it wasn’t until I was almost there that I reached for my gun and found that it was missing. I must’ve lost it during the explosion when I was thrown onto the ground. But I couldn’t let him get away. Not after what he did to that kid. So I pulled the only weapon I had on me at the time—a knife from my boot—and jumped on board to stop him from getting away.
“He must’ve had some military training because he fought well, much better than I had anticipated. At one point, he actually managed to knock the knife out of my hand and ended up getting to it before I could stop him. Then he tried to shove the blade into my neck.”
Dear God. My stomach churned as queasiness took over.
“Our hands were both locked around the knife, fighting for control, but he had a better foothold than I did. My feet started sliding out from beneath me due to the water on the floor of the boat. In all the missions I’ve been on, it was the only time I was almost certain that I’d be the one who was going to die.” He closed his eyes and swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down.
I had no doubt he was reliving the moment in his mind and wanted to bring him back to the present. “You didn’t though. You made it through that.”
His eyes opened and nodded. “Yeah, barely. Bishop and I were both struggling hard for control of my knife, undoubtedly each of us knowing that only one of us would walk away from that encounter. And he was getting the better of me…until I saw his bruised knuckles.”
“His knuckles? You mean, he had been the one to—”
“Yeah. I have no doubt that the fresh wounds on his hands were because he had beaten that kid to death himself. It probably happened only moments after I left the camp.” He winced at the thought and ran an agitated hand through his hair. “The moment I saw that, something came over me. I gathered the last bit of strength I had left and then quickly twisted around, plunging my knife into Bishop’s chest. He fell backward off the boat and the swift current washed his body down the river.”
“What did you do after you killed him?”
Seth leaned his elbows onto his thighs and threaded his fingers together. “I went back to base camp and packed my bags. After I’d disobeyed a direct order from our commander, I knew I couldn’t continue to work with The Resistance anymore. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind for it.”
“Did you tell them what you did?”
He shook his head. “I didn’t have to. They knew the moment I walked in the door. If I hadn’t returned after a few days, they would’ve presumed me dead at the rebels’ hands and notified Junior. But, since I was still alive, they knew that I’d completed the mission. I’d always finished everything I started.”
I squinted at him in the dimly lit room. “But, Seth, it wasn’t a mission.”
“It was to me. Those rebels got what they deserved, and I was more than willing to be the one who provided it. They were the same rebels who had been known for raiding villages and raping the women. They had also previously killed four natives just because they’d crossed paths with them. They hurt innocent people. So if you’re wondering whether I regret killing those disgusting men, I’ll tell you right now that I can’t. I won’t. They got what they deserved.”
A bone-chilling shiver ran through me at how calmly Seth spoke of taking a life. Eight of them to be exact. But no matter what, I couldn’t help but feel relieved that those terrible men had paid for what they’d done to that poor, helpless child, as well as their other crimes. “That’s not what I was saying at all. I don’t blame you. If I was in the same situation and had your kind of skills, then I would’ve probably done the same thing. But…”
His head lifted. “But what?”
I paused thoughtfully. “I understand why you did what you did. And I even understand why you kept it all from me. That would be traumatic for anyone. But I…well, I guess I don’t see what any of this has to do with me.”
“Jesus, Bobbie. How do you not get it? I’m a well-trained mercenary who murdered eight men in a revenge killing, and you’re a single mom who is fighting your sorry ex for custody of your five-year-old son. Not only are we from two very different worlds, but there’s too much blood on my hands now. I’m no good for you…or Austin.”
Anger sifted through me. “Don’t you think I should be the judge of that?”
“Not if it risks you getting custody of your son. If Jeremy ever found out anything about my past, he could use that against you in court. I can’t let you risk losing Austin just so we can be together. I don’t even know why you would want your son around a killer like me, anyway.”
I shook my head. “Are you kidding me? Seth, when I look at you, I don’t see a killer. What I see is a man who, just this morning, pretended to lose an arm-wrestling match to my five-year-old in order to build his confidence.” He wouldn’t look at me, so I put my hand on his cheek and turned his face toward me. “The same gentle man who made paper airplanes with him, built him a tree house, and has been treating my son as if he were yours all along. He loves having you here.” I smiled at him. “And so does his mother.”
But Seth wasn’t having it. “No, Bobbie. I can’t stay here and taint you both with my past,” he said, pulling away from me. “I only came here because I needed to regroup and get my head back on straight. But then the flood happened, and I wasn’t able to stay with my uncle. When Junior told me about this out-of-the-way bed and breakfast that you were trying to get fixed up, it was too perfect. I only volunteered to do the repairs because I’d needed a place to lay low and figure out what I was going to do with my life. Now it’s time for me to go.”
I shook my head in disbelief and scowled at him. “Then why bother telling me any of this? You could’ve just left and I would never have known any of it.”
“Because you needed to hear it. There was no way in hell I could bear letting you think that I was leaving because I didn’t care or because you have a son.”
“You are!”
“No, even if you didn’t have Austin, I would still leave. Do you really think I want anyone in this town thinking badly of you because you’re associated with a guy who has a fucked-up past? You’re so much better than that. You deserve much more than someone like me.”
Damn him. Tears filled my eyes. “Stop it. I don’t want you to leave.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, starting to rise.
I shoved a hand against his chest and pushed him back. “Don’t go. Please.” He stilled, but when he didn’t agree to stay, I moved closer, throwing my leg over him and sliding onto his lap in a straddling position. Then I kissed him.
As my lips brushed lightly against his, his body stiffened against mine. He didn’t necessarily kiss me back, but he didn’t pull away from me, either. That was something, at least. I had no doubt that he cared about me. Otherwise he wouldn’t have risked sharing his dangerous past with me, much less tried to protect me and my son from it. But I needed to remind him how good we were together. Only then maybe he would stop running from his once dark life, and I would be able to convince him to stay.
I needed him. Now, always, forever.
My fingertips were on his jaw as I kissed him and rubbed my body insistently against his. The more I pressed him, the harder the bulge beneath my buttocks became. He was starting to cave. I could feel it in the way his lips were softening against mine. But when I slid my tongue into his mouth and deepened the kiss, he grasped my arms and held me firmly away from him. “You’re sure this is what you want?”
I nodded. “I’ve never wanted anything more.”
Seth released a breath that relaxed his shoulders, as if a huge weight had been removed from them. “God, I hope you don’t end up regretting this.”