That is the second time today I’ve had to listen to Brea refer to me as her friend. It’s been nearly five months since we first hooked up, and although we may have initially meant for this to not go any further than the friend zone, things certainly progressed beyond that.
Watching as she follows Ellie inside the house, I feel the anger and frustration settle into the pit of my stomach. I’m so lost in my own thoughts I don’t even pay attention as my dad and Callum hash out their problems in front of me.
Hearing my dad own up to his faults and how he almost lost it all, but made the step toward getting help, has me feeling relieved they’re finally having this talk.
Flipping the burgers on the grill, I give them another minute before moving each of them over to the plate.
“I know how bad it sounds. I lost my family and moved to Florida but it took almost losing my job before I turned it around. It’s fucked up and I know that, but I’m glad I finally did it. It’s the first time in a long time I’ve had a clear head.”
“You look good, healthy. I’m happy for you. Regardless of how we left things when you were in Chicago and everything happened between us, I’m glad you sought out help.”
“Thanks, your approval means a lot. I got a job in Des Moines. I’ll be moving up here in a couple of weeks. I’m here now wrapping up the closing on the house I just bought. I thought it would be good for me to come back home and be closer to family.”
He pats his hand on my shoulder from behind. We’ve talked several times and up until he went through rehab, it was like my suggestions were falling on deaf ears.
I’m so relieved that for the first time in years, he is finally taking my advice and realizing that he needs the family support structure around here to help him continue this path in his recovery.
“I’d like that,” Callum says, clapping him on the shoulder.
The sliding glass door opens as Brea and Ellie step onto the patio. They have glass dishes in their hands, walking over to the table to set it.
I sense both of their worry in how this conversation is going as Ellie searches out Callum. I feel Brea’s eyes on me, but I don’t bring myself to look her way.
We all sit down at the table and help ourselves to dinner.
“So, Ellie, how did you and Callum meet?”
I listen for the second time tonight as Ellie recounts how they ran into each other in Chicago after Callum was heading home. Our dad listens with genuine interest, as Ellie smiles, telling him about how she almost fell but Callum was the knight in shining armor who helped look after her on their trip.
I can’t help but laugh when Callum makes a joke, implying that’s one of a few times she’s let him help her. She just raises her eyebrow at him, as if challenging him before telling her he’s just kidding.
“How about you, Brea? I know you and Mason were friends for a while before you started dating. Where did you two first meet?”
Brea’s eyes look to mine, as if she’s trying to gauge how to answer the question. Her hesitation leaves me with another wave of frustration.
Pressing her lips together, she turns her attention back to my dad.
“We’re just friends, actually. We met at school,” she replies with a smile.
The sound of the doorbell ringing inside interrupts our conversation as Callum stands, excusing himself.
My eyes never leave Brea. I know I should drop it and let it all go but the hurt I feel takes over. As soon as the words leave my mouth, it’s like I can’t stop myself. “Just two friends who hook up and tell each other everything. Isn’t that right, Brea?”
I hear my father clear his throat before he tosses the napkin from his lap down on the table.
“Mason,” he commands. I see the tears form in Brea’s eyes just before I pull my attention away from her, looking over to my dad.
“Excuse me,” Brea says, moving to stand. I watch as Ellie follows her.
“I should go check on Callum. Brea, there is a bathroom right off the kitchen if you need a minute,” Ellie says. Brea nods her head, picking up her plate and following Ellie into the house.
“What the hell was that about?”
“Nothing,” I sigh, raking my hand along my face. “I shouldn’t have said anything like that here. I’m sorry.”
“I don’t think it’s me that you should be apologizing to, son. I think your apology is owed to Brea.”
Tilting my head back, I look up toward the sky and squeeze my eyes shut. Things have changed so much in the past twenty-four hours. What I wouldn’t give to rewind time to twenty-four hours ago when I was pressing Brea up against the wall in my bedroom.
“Yeah, I’m going to go check on her.” I resign myself to say, moving to stand. Grabbing my plate with me, I enter through the sliding glass door and into the kitchen. I hear Callum and Ellie talking to two men, so I try to keep quiet as I walk over to the bathroom.
I hear Brea’s subtle breaths and I feel like shit knowing she’s crying. Raising my hand to the door, I tap on it lightly.
“It’s me,” I mutter close to the door.
The door handle jingles as the lock unclicks as she swings the door open to look at me. “Can I come in?” I ask, looking behind me, not wanting to draw attention to us.
“I don’t want to talk about this right now,” she says, running her finger under her red, puffy eyes. She looks down at her finger, seeing the mascara on her skin and moves to wash her hands.
“I’m ready to leave,” she says, her eyes meeting mine in the mirror.
“Okay, I’ll go tell my dad.”
“No, I mean I’m ready to go back to Chicago. I don’t want to be here anymore. I just want to go home.”
My jaw clenches and my nostrils flare with everything I want to say to her. She is the only woman I’ve ever felt like with one look, I can read everything she’s thinking and feeling.
Hearing her say we’re just friends goes against everything I thought we had going between us. The night of the party at Dean’s, she asked me to promise that nothing would change, but I never agreed.
The truth is, things had changed for me long before that night, I just wasn’t given the opportunity to show her. Now I may never get the chance.
With a nod of my head, I move to stand away from her and hold my arm out for her to exit. I hear the door opening, as my dad enters through the patio and into the dining room. By the stern look in his eyes, he isn’t happy I made Brea cry. He flashes her a small smile as I hear her let out an audible sigh.
“We’re going to take off,” I say.
He nods his head. “Yeah, I probably should, too. Let’s go check and see where Callum and Ellie headed off to.”
We follow along behind my dad through the dining room and into the living room where Callum and Ellie are standing near the entryway. Ellie’s arms are wrapped around his neck, pulling him into a deep kiss.
My father clears his throat and I see Callum’s body stiffen as he turns his head to look at us. I can’t help the shit eating grin on my face, only because of all the shit he gave me when he was visiting Chicago between Brea and me.
He knows how much I hate pet names, yet he doesn’t hesitate to give me shit when he heard Brea call me “Mase.”
“Sorry about that, the detectives stopped by to give us an update on the case,” Callum says and immediately I feel terrible for giving him shit.
“Everything okay?” my dad asks.
“He was found and locked away, which is all we can ask for right now,” Callum says, pulling Ellie into his side.
“That’s good to hear. I’m sure you’re ready to put this behind you.”
“More than you could ever know.”
I give Callum a hug. “Thanks, man, for coming to town. For being here for me with everything at the hospital. For today,” he says, and I know he’s grateful that he had the opportunity to talk to Dad. I feel like he is finally understanding why I wanted him to just take a chance to hear him out.
“Of course, bro. You better start answering your phone now or I’ll be back sooner than you expect.” I laugh, turning to give Ellie a hug.
“It’s really great to meet the woman who is finally keeping my brother in line,” I joke. “Make sure he answers when I call him, will ya?” I laugh.
“I promise I will.” She assures, patting him on the chest flashing him a wink.
After Brea and Ellie say their goodbyes, we all head outside. Brea is ten steps ahead of me, opening the door to the Rover, climbing inside before I even have a chance to open the door.
Standing in front of the SUV, I shake my head and run my hand along my mouth before I walk around to my side.
The tension in the cab hits me like a wall. Brea turns her head, facing the window, closing herself off to me completely the entire drive back to my parents’ house. I don’t bother pulling up to the house, hoping to give us a second to be alone as I continue down toward the stables. Parking out from of the barn, I turn the ignition off. The windows are down and the breeze from the September sky leaves the temperature comfortable.
“Mason, I really don’t want to do this right now.”
“No, Brea, you’re not going to run away from this just because you don’t want to talk about it. Sometimes when you care about someone, you need to put your pride aside and put everything out there on the table.”
Her head whips over and her eyes narrow, looking at me. “You think that’s what I’m doing? You think I’m running away?”
“Well, it wouldn’t be the first time you’ve done it. You think I don’t know the reason why you stopped talking to me after we hooked up?”
“Will you stop saying it like that? You made a promise to me nothing would change between us that night,” she says, opening the door and stepping out.
“I didn’t promise you anything because I knew it was a load of shit. You damn well know it so don’t go pulling this shit with me!” I shout, opening the door and following her around to the back of the SUV.
“I’m sick of you always pushing people away when things get hard. You did it with your dad and now you’re doing it with me.”
“Pushing you away? You’ve got to be kidding me right now.”
“You hide behind the whole ‘It takes time to move on. People move at their own pace’ bullshit for months. I’ve been patient. I let us take things slow because I didn’t want to pressure you. Yet anytime the topic of us progressing into more is mentioned, we would conveniently go back to being friends.”
I don’t let her get away easily. I press my chest in close, evading her space as she tilts her head back to peer up at me.
“I want you to tell me something, Brea. Do you let all your friends touch you the way I do?” The words come out cold, emotionless. I know she can hear it, too, seeing the way her jaw clenches. “I had my mouth on every inch of your sweet body just last night. Is that something you share with all your friends or were those sexy as hell moans reserved only for me?” I command, looking at her dead in the eye.
I watch as her nostrils flare and her body tenses. If I was to reach out and touch her, I’m positive I would feel the heat radiating off her body and I don’t mean that in a good way.
“I hate to break it to you, baby, but the places my tongue have been aren’t usually reserved for friends.”
I let the grin spread wide over my face. It was a low blow meant only to piss her off. I’ll likely regret it later, but I’m sick of listening to her continue to throw our friendship in my face.
“It was just a hookup. You’re familiar with those, aren’t you, Mason? The one and done deals. You don’t know the first thing about being in a committed relationship. How can anyone compete for you with all the women hanging all over you?” she retorts. “All I asked for was one night like they’ve all had. All I wanted was for you to make me forget.”
The sound of her heavy breaths mixed with her angry words only infuriates me more.
“You know what, if that’s what you want, then I’m glad you got what you wanted. Just admit it to me because I need to hear you say it. I’m not the guy you want to settle down with.”
“You’re not the kind of guy I want to settle down with,” she replies. “I’ve known it all along, and it’s time you finally hear it.”
The words are hard, as if made of stone. If it weren’t for the tears filling the brim of her eyes, I would think she was unaffected, but the moisture gives her away.
Nodding my head, I run my hand over my clenched jaw fighting back the hurt. All I want to do is reach out and shake her, beg her to stop this, and just see how much I fucking love her. I would do anything for her, anything in this world. With those words, she just went and sealed our fate, like the final nail in a coffin.
“I’m done chasing after you, Brea. I want you to hear me when I say it, I’m fucking done. You said it before, you can’t make someone change how they feel. I’m not going to sit here and try to point out all the bullshit in everything you’ve just said. You want to go, then go!” I shout.
She stomps her feet, moving quickly toward the front of the house. My heart breaks watching her go. Running my hand through my hair, relishing in the pain.
The screen door slams shut as I look up, seeing Momma stand out on the front porch. I know by the look on her face she heard everything that was just said.
I hear Brea mutter a quiet apology to my mother as I follow behind her, marching up the steps as she walks inside the house.
“I’m sorry, Momma. We’re going to head back to Chicago a little early. Some things came up and Brea needs to get home.”
“Is everything alright?” she asks, her face full of concern. I’ve watched over the past week as she’s worried about Callum and Ellie and hoped Callum and I could move past our differences. The last thing I want to put on her right now is worrying about me and Brea.
“Yeah, everything will be fine. I’m going to go get my stuff together and get it loaded.” Leaning forward, I press a kiss against her cheek. “Thank you for letting us stay with you.”
“You’re both welcome here anytime, you know that, sweetie.”
We are both packed and on the road less than an hour later. It’s a quarter till eight and the sun has started to go down, and I know it’s going to be a long drive to Chicago. I slept for shit last night; we didn’t get in until after two in the morning. Looks like it’s going to be another late night.