“Well, aren’t we just two peas in a pod,” Lissa grumbles as she takes another heaping bite of her ice cream. Her red hair is pulled into a high bun on the top of her head, and every time she leans forward for another bite, it bounces around on her head.
I guess I don’t have much room to talk. I haven’t showered in two days, and I’m enjoying my night vegging on the couch. Things haven’t been the same since I got home from Arbor Creek.
For one, I haven’t spoken to Mason since he dropped me off outside of my apartment at two-thirty in the morning.
He tried contacting me a few times when we got back. In the beginning, I was upset that I told myself I needed time. It wasn’t long before the calls and texts stopped and rumors started to circulate that he had been spending his time with Sierra.
I wasn’t stupid enough to believe it was serious, but I can’t lie and say it didn’t bother me. Maybe I’m being a little stubborn, but after the way he embarrassed me in front of his dad and Ellie, it felt like it was the final straw. We promised nothing between us would change, but the truth is, my heart will never be the same. I was naive in thinking I could “hookup” with my best friend, as Mason likes to call it, and think feelings wouldn’t develop.
What hurt the most was feeling like I was being treated like every other girl Mason has been with, then tossed to the side. After Kaleb cheated on me, I was humiliated I could let someone lie to me and break the trust we were building. Then things with Mason started to happen, and as much as I tried to pump the brakes, I couldn’t stop the way my heart fell more in love with him with every passing day.
Now here I am again, with nothing left to show for myself but another embarrassing lesson to learn from at the hands of another man who took my trust and threw it away.
“This is the best way to spend our Friday night,” I murmur, picking up the remote and selecting the next episode of One Tree Hill.
“Seriously though, why can’t guys be as sweet as Lucas? I mean, the man is fucking perfect.”
I can’t help but nod in agreement because it’s the truth. Chad Michael Murray is a slam dunk in my book.
“Amen! Let’s make a pact to never settle for a season one Nathan Scott. We deserve us a season nine Nathan.”
“Cheers to that,” Lissa sings, holding up her spoon between the middle of us, taking my spoon and cheers to her.
If there is anything positive that has come out of the past three months, it’s that Lissa and I have grown closer than ever. Shortly after I stopped talking to Mason, she went through a break-up of her own with Adam. I could sense things had changed between them after he graduated from college, going his own separate way in pursuit of his new career.
Three months after school started, he broke up with her through a text message. He even had the balls to pull the whole, “It’s not you, it’s me.”
So, here we sit on a Friday, kicking off winter break much less, drowning our sorrows in a bowl of ice cream and binge-watching Netflix.
“What time are you leaving tomorrow to head to Cleveland?”
I promised my mom after I didn’t go home for Thanksgiving I wouldn’t miss Christmas. Things are different now. She finally sold the house and recently moved in with David.
I guess I just found it weird to stay with my mom and her boyfriend at their new house. I’m getting over my feelings about it though because I’m really looking forward to spending the holidays with my mom and family.
“I’ll probably leave here a little after eight, that way I can make it for dinner.”
“Sounds good, I won’t be in town until Thursday so I can work my shifts starting on Friday night. Speaking of, are you sure you don’t want to come to Velvet for New Year’s?”
Glancing over to where she’s sitting next to me, I raise my eyebrow at her as if she’s out of her mind. I know Mason will be there, which is the very reason why I have steered clear. He’s been doing the same since I started working at Hard Stop.
While the tips are great, they aren’t as good as they were when I was working at Velvet. I just couldn’t go back there and watch Mason’s line of women parading in front of my face every night.
“No, I’ve decided I’m just going to stay in. I was thinking about going downtown and watching the fireworks.”
Every year, fireworks are lit off downtown from the Navy Pier. Although it is usually freezing cold, it’s always worth it to bundle up in your winter gear and watch the New Year’s celebration.
“Okay, if you’re sure. Although I’m pretty sure Mason’s heading to Arbor Creek for the holidays so he may not even be there.”
I know better than that, but I don’t say a word. Mason wouldn’t miss the opportunity to make a killing on New Year’s. Not to mention, I know how much he loves a good party, and I wouldn’t doubt he has plans to live it up on New Year’s Eve.
“I’ll think about it, okay?”
“Alright,” she says, leaning back against the couch.
Getting up from the couch, I grab my empty bowl and walk into the kitchen where the bottle of wine we opened earlier is sitting. Pouring what is left into my glass, I meander over to the couch and plop down.
“You may want to chill on the wine, girlfriend. You won’t want to be getting up at seven in the morning at the rate you’re going.”
She has a point, but I am not in the mood to be hearing it right now.
“I’ll be fine. I’ll set five alarms on my phone. If they don’t wake me up, I know they’ll drive you nuts until they do.” I chuckle, which earns me an eye roll. Thankfully I was thinking about it earlier and packed all my bags so it’s not like I have a lot to do before I leave.
“Holy shit, I feel like I just ate my body weight in ice cream,” she groans, leaning back on the couch and pats her stomach.
“You never did tell me, how are you feeling about seeing your dad for Christmas?”
I told my dad the last time we spoke I didn’t think I would ever be able to move on and accept his new family, and I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it. In some ways, I feel guilty for how closed off I’ve been to the idea of meeting Kyla and Kaden. I know someday I will want to meet them because I know the divorce is not their fault. On the other hand, I know they may not understand why I’ve chosen to distance myself from their side of the family.
I’m just trying to get to the point where I’m able to put the past behind me. Although I’m trying to forgive, not being able to fully let go of the hurt my dad caused us is what is holding me back from truly doing so. I know I need to do that before I can move forward.
“I’m feeling okay about it. I mean, I know it was hard for him to hear all the things I said when we last saw each other, but I told him I was ready to forgive him and I’m doing my best to do that. I’m still not sure I’m ready to meet Patricia, Kyla, and Kaden, but I guess the way I see it is I can’t jump all in with both feet. Sometimes you just have to take baby steps,” I say, running my hand through my long hair. The strands are still damp from the shower I took earlier, feeling cold against my fingers.
“Just don’t let him pressure you into doing something you’re not ready to do. There is no right or wrong way, it’s what is best for you.”
She is right. I just need to make sure I am continuing to move forward and stop looking back. The past is in the past now.
“I was thinking when I get home, I might stop and talk to Sam at The Coffee House. I could really use the extra money to make up for the loss of tips I am making now at Hard Stop. Not to mention, school has been going a lot better this year, so I think I can manage the two of them, plus going to class.”
“You know you don’t have to do that, Brea. We only have a few more months left until we graduate. I have no problem covering more.”
Lissa grew up a lot like I did, with two parents who were more than capable of providing for her. She has an expensive taste for clothes, which is why she even bothers working at Velvet. The tips are just too good for her to pass up.
“You know I don’t want you to take care of me. I appreciate it but I need to know I’m contributing. I don’t want a free ride.”
“I’m going to pretend I didn’t just hear you say that.”
“Yeah, on that note, I’m going to head off to bed.” I laugh, picking up my phone. “Goodnight,” I say, walking into the kitchen and setting my empty wine glass in the sink before making my way down the hall to my bedroom.
Pulling back the comforter on my bed, I turn off the light and climb under the covers before pulling them up to my chin.
Sliding my phone out, I pull up Facebook and scroll through my newsfeed, checking to see what my friends are up to on winter break. I’m about to close out and head to bed when I see Mason’s face on my screen.
My heart hammers nearly out of my chest as I take in the photo of him with Sierra. I think I rationalized the rumors that they were just that, rumors. Seeing him standing next to her in a picture though has a way of changing my perspective on things.
Her beautiful blond hair and legs for miles as she stands next to him. I can tell just looking at the dopey smile on Mason’s face he’s been drinking. He holds her close to him, so close her face is pressed against his cheek.
Tears fill my eyes seeing him with her again.
It’s not like I haven’t told myself he would move on eventually. If anything, I all but guaranteed it would after the way we ended things. He asked me to tell him if I saw a future with him, and I closed the book on us when I lied and told him he wasn’t the guy I could see myself settling down with.
I’ve done everything I could to push him away and keep him away. I knew it wouldn’t take much before he was back to his old ways. It still doesn’t make my heart ache any less when I see it in front of me. I guess I just wish he felt like I did, so wrapped up in his heartbreak he can’t even stand the thought of being with another woman.
Hitting the lock button on my phone, I slide my hand under the covers and reach out, setting my phone on my nightstand. I feel the alcohol induced haze pulling me under, as my eyes get heavy with sleep.
I just need one good night of sleep where my dreams don’t plague me, making me think of all the things that could’ve been but I’ll never have again.