Chapter 45
Leo
I startle at the three neat, steady taps against the backdoor. The pot that I’m washing slips from my fingers and lands in the sink with a loud, jarring bang.
Brenton’s head shoots up and swivels in the direction of the back porch. “It might be Reese!” He drops his crayon and watches me expectantly.
This is exactly what I didn’t want. This is why I should have pushed her away when she showed up in my world with her big, brown eyes and her soft, open smile and her beautiful heart. Now the kid is attached. And she’s gone. He already lost his mother. Now his heart is breaking all over again and this time, it’s completely my fault.
I’m even more broken than he is. I’m back to the sleepless nights. Sitting alone on the back stoop. Feeling hopeless. Smoking like a damn chimney. Forcing myself not to look up at her bedroom window, hoping to catch a glimpse of her as she goes about her nightly routine.
I shouldn’t have let her into our lives. Because now that she’s gone the torment is more painful than ever.
My heart is covered in blisters but that’s the price I have to pay because I never should have gotten tangled up with that girl in the first place. I should have devoted myself completely to seeing about my child’s welfare and best interests. Instead, I let myself freefall for that beautiful, sweet-smelling distraction. And now, I’m battered and bruised and kicking myself because I know she is, too.
“Fuck…” I grumble under my breath when the knock rings out again. I shove my tense fingers into my hair.
I rinse out my hands and dry them on a rag before turning off the pipe. I take a second to breathe before I pad over to the back door. I know that if it’s Reese on my back porch, I’m going to need all the strength I can muster to keep from dropping to my knees and saying something stupid to her. But when I get to the door, it isn’t at all who I expected to see.
It’s Sophia standing there.
I have no idea why she’s here. We finished up work on her house right on schedule. Right before the wedding.
The wedding that never happened. Shit.
I slide the door open and it rolls along its tracks. She gives me a smile. It’s weak but it tells me that she’s at least trying to put on a brave face.
“Hey,” she says.
“Hey.” I shove my hand into the pocket of my jeans and wait for her to speak.
She stretches a metal canister out to me. It looks familiar. “You forgot your flask at the construction site,” she tells me. “It’s got your name engraved into the cap. I found it when I was cleaning my stuff out of Josh’s house.” I wince at the poorly-concealed distress in her voice.
I take it from her. “Thanks.” My chest tightens up at the sight of her. She’s not all dressed up as usual. She’s wearing a black long-sleeved shirt with jeans and flats. Her face is puffy. I can tell how hard she’s trying to keep it together.
I know the feeling all too well.
“How are you doing?” I usually wouldn’t pry into her affairs. We’re not friends but I know that she’s a good person and I know that she’s hurting.
Her smile sits on the surface of her face, no depth to it. “I’m still standing,” she says wistfully. “I guess that’s what counts.” She scratches at the side of her face when she says it. Her gigantic ring is gone.
I feel a little hand on the back of my leg and look down to find Brenton tangled around me.
“Hi…” he says.
Sophia’s smile warms up. “Hey Brenton. Remember me?”
“You’re Reese’s friend,” he says without skipping a beat.
“I am,” she leans forward so that they’re at eye level. “You have a good memory, huh?”
My boy nods. “I do.”
“How are you doing?” she asks softly.
“I’m fine. Just coloring. Wanna see?” Wrapping his fingers around her wrist, the little boy drags her inside and they hover near the kitchen table.
She picks up the drawing and inspects it. “Wow, that’s a cool t-rex.”
Brent gives her an annoyed glare. “It’s not a t-rex. It’s a titanosaurus.”
I cringe a little bit at his admonishing tone but Sophia takes his scolding like a champ. “Ah…” she says biting down her laugh as she glances at me. “I stand corrected.”
He shrugs. “It’s all right. Not everybody knows about dinosaurs,” he says shrewdly. “Reese told me the differences between all the different types of dinosaurs.” His voice drops and so do his shoulders. “I miss Reese.” His gaze falls to the floor as he makes the confession. “She said she’s my friend but she never comes to see me anymore.” His words break my heart.
Sophia looks up at me, her mouth opening and closing. She doesn’t know how to answer that one. I intervene to save her. “Brent, we talked about this. Reese is very busy. That’s why you stay with Mrs. Pinnechecko after school. Remember?”
The kid gives me a sour look that tells me he’s calling bullshit. Sophia notices it, too. She’s staring hard at the side of my head.
She intervenes in the bitter standoff between me and my son. “Brenton, do you mind if me and your daddy speak in private for a little while?”
He shrugs, his resentment painted all over his tiny features. “Daddy, can I play with the iPad?”
He knows he’s only allowed to play with it on Saturday mornings but he’s going to manipulate the situation to get me to bend the rules. He knows I feel guilty and he’ll use it to his advantage. Kids… “Fine,” I say in defeat before excusing myself to take him upstairs. With a victorious smile on his lips, he gets comfy on my bed with his broken arm clutched to his chest as he plays a game on the tablet.
When I go back downstairs, Sophia is sitting at the kitchen table. She wears an keen expression as I step back into the room. Her words spill out quickly.
“I know that what’s going on between you and Reese is none of my business but she’s one of my best friends so I’m gonna be nosy and give you my two cents.” With a hitched brow, I drop silently into the seat across from her. “She’s an amazing person and she cares about you and Brent. You’re making a mistake. Shutting her out the way you are is a mistake.”
“Sophia, I had to let her go. I was being selfish. I need to do what’s best for my son.” I scrub a hand down my face as I say the words.
She shakes her head. “Can’t you see? You aren’t doing your son any favors by shutting Reese out of your life. You’re miserable, Brenton is miserable and—let me tell you a secret—Reese is miserable.”
She’s right. Both Brent and I are going crazy from missing Reese. And the look on her face when I saw her on the porch last night—she’s broken and it was spelled out clearly in her features.
"Reese deserves more than some guy who's just going to treat her like a rebound,” I say, hanging my head.
"Then treat her like more than a rebound.” Sophia makes it sound so simple. “Choosing to be with the person who makes you happy doesn’t make you a bad father, Leo.”
“Mara chose her happiness over Brenton’s. I can’t do that to him. I can’t let him down, too."
“There's a difference between what you're doing and what your ex wife did. For you, opening your heart made you a better person and a better father. Mara's falling in love made her selfish and inconsiderate.”
I close my eyes and her words sink in. I want so badly for her to be right. Is it possible that I can have Reese and be devoted to my son?
Sophia continues. “I know you have this overwhelming sense of duty, this desire to do right by your kid but that’s exactly what you’ll be doing if you give yourself permission to be happy…I may be wrong. Remember, I’m the girl who just got ditched at the alter. But I really think you need to reexamine your situation.”
I exhale roughly. “How do you still believe in love after what happened to you?”
“Joshua was never a good guy. I tried to convince myself he was. I tried to pretend he was but the truth is, he never loved me.”
“You don’t know me. What makes you think I’d treat Reese any better?”
Throws up hands in exasperation. “Now I’m starting to think that you’re just fishing for compliments.”
We share a laugh.
“Allowing yourself to love Reese doesn't take away from the love you have for your son. Becoming a happier person only frees up more love, love that you can give to him. That Reese can give to him.”
In that moment it’s like everything snaps into place in my head. I don’t want to be away from Reese. Not for one more second. “I need to see her,” I tell Sophia as I race to the door and slide into my shoes before grabbing Brenton’s sneakers from the closet.
A victorious smile covers Sophia’s lips. “She’s at the cupcake shop right now, working on some report for Vivian. You need to talk to her. Make things right. I’ll watch Brenton so you don’t have to take him with you.” When I hesitate, she rolls her eyes. “I am capable of watching your son for a few minutes so you can go get your girl. Just go!”
I sigh harshly. “Fine.”
As I’m rushing out the door, she calls to me. “You and Reese can prove me right. Prove to me that true love really does exist. With the right person.”
I smile at her because Reese is the right person for me.
I just hope that after the way I messed up, I can prove it to her.