Chapter 41
Leo
I’m really missing Reese right now.
We haven’t spent the night together in almost a week. But knowing that she’s all the way across the country really fucks with me tonight.
I hate the way things are between us now. I never wanted to hurt her. I keep telling myself that I did the right thing by ending whatever it was that was budding between us. It was starting to get complicated. It was starting to get real.
Back at the beginning, kissing her, touching her was a game. It was about taking risks, testing boundaries, finding pleasure in the shadows. It was an escape. But I started feeling things for her and the night that Brent got hurt, I realized just how deep I was falling. I was giving in to distraction when my boy really needs my full attention. He already lost one parent. I can’t neglect him, too.
As much as I want Reese, I can’t have her.
All that reasoning is perfectly logical but my brain is an illogical asshole. I want to feel her next to me at night. I want to hear her breathing in the dark with her body tucked against mine. These nights without her have been pure hell. I’m not sure how I’m going to go back to the way it was before I knew what it was like to be with her.
I stumble out of bed and tiptoe down the stairs. I grab my bottle of whiskey from the cabinet above the sink and the packet of cigarettes, too. Planting myself on the back step, I lean back and stare at the cigarette box in my hand.
I want one so bad right now. My hand twitches from the craving. It would be so easy to just tear one of these nicotine sticks out of the package, bring it to my lips, set it on fire…
Fuck!
I crush the box in my fist, cursing up at the starless sky. A part of me wishes I’d never met her. That I’d never seen the moon through her eyes, that I’d never felt the softness of her hair as it slipped through my fingertips. If she’d never given me a glimpse of happiness, I’d still be living in the emptiness I’d become used to. I wouldn’t know the difference. I wouldn’t feel this sadness so deeply.
Giving the cigarettes one last glance, I toss them into the garbage bin across the deck. I drop my head into my hands.
I need to get some of this shit off of my chest. Shoving my hand into my pocket, I pull out my cellphone.
As I hit the ‘dial’ button and listen to the phone ring, I silently pray that the phone number is still in service. A deep baritone comes through the line. For once Heaven shows me some mercy. “This is Archibald.”
I chuckle to myself. “What’s up with the dramatic greeting? You a mob boss now?”
His laugh comes out as a low rumble. “Fuck off, civilian. You’re all settled down in the suburbs with your kid and your hot babysitter and your turkey dinner. A true soldier never lets his guard down.”
“Thanks for the reminder.” That was my first mistake. I let my guard down. I let the pretty, little thing next door invade my senses. Now, my busted and bruised heart is a prisoner of war.
Archie would laugh his ass off if he could hear my Shakesparean musings right now. Charlie would kick my ass if he knew that my bad poetry was about his sister.
“So, what part of the country do you find yourself in today?” I ask, hiding behind the small talk so I don’t have to face the very real, very profound crisis taking place in my brain right now.
He chuckles a little. “Cruising through southern California as we speak, man. With the top down on the old Chevy, the wind blowing in my hair, country music playing on the radio, a pretty girl by my side.” I hear a contented female laugh pour into the phone, mixing with the steady rhythm of the guitar and the rustle of the wind along the coast.
“Sounds like a Tim McGraw music video.”
His voice takes on a somber cadence. “Just a little piece of heaven before I get thrust back into the jaws of hell.” My gut wrenches because I know what’s coming. “I’m deploying in seventy-two hours.”
“Archie…”
“I’ve been restless. Been looking for my purpose. Can’t find it here, stateside. I’ve got to face the battle again.”
I exhale roughly. Still, I know exactly where he’s coming from. I felt that way too at one point. But now, all I can think about is my son and providing for him, taking care of him. “Shit…” is all I manage to say.
Archie forces his usual exuberance into his voice. “Anyway, I’ll worry about that tomorrow. Right now, me and Krissy are just trying to figure out what sort of trouble we can get ourselves into in the next few hours before her heavy-fisted daddy realizes that she’s missing. Right, Sugar?” Those high-pitched giggles ring out again.
Man, they’re starting to grate on my nerves. Especially since I don’t have anything of my own to laugh about.
“So, what’s burning to the ground in your world?” he asks me. “How come you called me? Don’t tell me that your little game of mommy and daddy with Charlie’s sister already managed to blow up in your face.”
I grunt roughly. “I put an end to that.”
“Now, why would that be?”
“It was getting too heavy, too serious.”
“That’s not necessarily a bad thing.”
“For her, it is. I’m not the type of man she should be running around with. I’ve got an overactive kid who needs my attention, a head full of nightmares that plague my sleep. She deserves someone nice, someone normal.”
“Is that what she told you?”
“She didn’t have to. Things just started happening and I realized that I need to focus on my kid, on helping him adjust. I have too much on my plate to be the kind of man she needs.”
My friend goes silent and when he speaks again he sounds pensive. “And why couldn’t she be a part of that? Why couldn’t she be a part of the process of you settling into your new life? She doesn’t have to be a distraction. She can be a help, your partner.”
“It’s not fair to her. She’s 24. Just getting her life together. Trying to build her business. I come with way too much baggage.”
“You can leave the baggage aside when you’re with her. Just enjoy her. Women are meant to be enjoyed. Especially the good ones.”
“We tried keeping things light, simple. Physical. But she started falling for me. And…” My voice trails off.
“And you were falling for her.” He fills in the missing piece.
My throat goes tight. I know the answer. But I don’t want to hear myself say it out loud. That would make it real. And once it’s real, I have to admit how out of control I feel.
Archie sighs at my silence. I hear that girl of his breathing into the phone, her inhalations growing heavy and labored. She’s kissing him. I can hear the smacking of her lips and her whining for attention.
“Whoa!” Archie yelps. The girl screams, too. Horns blare in the background. “Baby, not when I’m driving. Let’s save the good stuff for when we get to the hotel room.”
“Seems like you’re busy,” I say, holding the phone away from my face.
He’s laughing again. Loving life. “Yeah—I should probably get off the phone and get this crazy chick to a safe place for the night.” The playfulness drops from his tone. “Be good to yourself, Montgomery. Grab life by the fucking balls. Before it grabs you. Live a little. Y’know. In case I never see you again…”
“Don’t talk like that, man.”
He sounds rueful. As much as a true soldier needs to be on the battlefield, every impending deployment reminds you of your mortality. At least a little bit.
My words come out much more solemn than I intend them to. “Be careful, brother.”
“And you…be bold.” He ends the call.