Boom, boom! The stage lights flickered blue and white to the rhythm of Jude's double pedal. The crowd was wild, screaming, hooting, and clapping along to the beat. Zoey loved the strong feeling of his drums beating through her body. It always reminded her of when she first saw him.

Zoey would have loved to believe that five years into her relationship with Jude Morrison, things were perfect, but she had never been that naive. Between college and Jude's touring, it seemed their relationship was in a never-ending cycle.

Things were going well for her balancing school and working for Black Dog Recordings. Now in graduate school for business, Richard gave her more leeway in finding musicians she thought had potential.

With her earnings, she was able to buy a loft near the Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica. She chose that location not only because Jude loved the area so much, but because she loved looking back to that first day they spent together. That day was a huge turning point in both their lives.

When Jude came off the road, they lived together in the loft and things couldn't be better. But everything changed once he was on the road. Jude hated life on the road and always asked Zoey to join him, but most of the time she couldn’t. Without her there, Jude turned to the bottle and pills.

Thinking about how many times over the years she showed up at one of Silverlight's shows only to find Jude wrecked with no idea of where he was, she wondered why she stayed for so long. Eventually she simply stopped going to their shows. It was easier to forget what was going on if she didn’t have to see it. Out of sight, out of mind.

This time is different though, she told herself as his solo ended and the crowd roared. The stage went black and she quickly made her way out of the aisle and over to the backstage entrance where she held out her pass as security looked her up and down before letting her through.

Like clockwork, the band would take a break after Jude's solo before coming back for an extended encore. She enjoyed watching the show but didn't want to get trampled by the crowd when it was over, so she made it a habit to head backstage during their break.

In the past five years, hardly anything had changed. Zoey still had her straight black hair, but now she wore it just past her shoulders and parted in the middle after letting her bangs grow out years ago. She still loved wearing black too, it was what she felt the most comfortable in. Her Doc Martens had been replaced by Uggs, but everything else was pretty much the same.

As she walked past the entrance for the tent they set up under the stage for the groupies, Zoey averted her eyes, wishing she could forget something like it even existed. Unfortunately it put her right in the path of Cade, who was heading towards the tent, and she bumped into him as he tried to step out of her way.

“We have to stop meeting like this,” Cade joked as he steadied her with his strong hands on her arms. “It's great to see you."

She looked up at Cade with his shaggy hair and sunglasses. He smelled like sex and tequila, and it pissed her off. Remembering the sweet guy he had been years ago, she glared at him and couldn't help but blame him for all the problems she and Jude had in the past.

“You're disgusting, Cade! Look at yourself! What happened to you?"

She didn't wait for an answer. She stepped around him and spotted Jude with his arms around two bimbos. She couldn't move. Her feet were suddenly glued to the floor as a chill swept through her veins.

"Those girls over there are with me," Cade said. "I must have lost them."

He hurried over to Jude, motioned in her direction, and took the girls away with him. Zoey was used to seeing Jude with girls, but that didn't mean it didn't get her jealous or annoy the shit out of her. Every time Jude would say they meant nothing and she believed him, but that was getting harder to do.

Smiling as he walked over to her, all her anger melted away. He wrapped his muscular arms around her and lifted her into the air as he spun around.

"I'm so glad you made it," Jude said. "The show will be over in about fifteen minutes, and then we can relax in the room or do whatever you want. You know what they say, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." He grinned at her.

As she looked at his green eyes with their flecks of gold and his perfect smile, her heart stopped as she noticed glitter on his lips. Reaching up, she rubbed her thumb over his lips, wiping the sparkly pink lip gloss off.

"Really, Jude? Is your buddy going to cover for you now? Where's the bitch who's been kissing my boyfriend?" She looked around at the different girls walking past. "Well, Jude? Which one is she?"

"Zoey, relax. It's not like that at all. You know how the fans are, sometimes they want a little peck. That's all it was. You gotta believe me."

She studied his face for a moment. “You've been drinking, haven't you?" she asked. “You know I said I wasn’t going to tolerate that anymore. I just can’t, Jude. I can’t.”

"No, I told you it's been tough, but I've got it under control. Rehab did me good, Zoey. I swear I haven’t been drinking,” he said as he reached down and held her hands. “Come on, Zoey. You know I love you." Jude pulled a hotel key out of his pocket and gave it to her. “Look, it’s the penthouse suite. I got it just for us. I wanted this weekend to be special. Please believe me. I don't want to fight."

He seemed so sincere. Zoey knew he never meant to hurt her. Jude loved her. She knew that without a doubt. But she was so confused lately. Dealing with everything over the past five years had really drained her.

"I just need some air," she said as she pushed him away.

She saw the hurt cross his face, and he quickly darted his eyes away from her. A lump formed in her throat and she turned away to keep him from seeing her cry. Was she being over-sensitive? Maybe, but there was so much hurt in her that it sometimes trumped the good.

Slipping the room key he gave her into her pocket, she walked back the way she came then turned towards the exit. As she reached the large doors, she turned back and saw Donna rubbing Jude’s back. She might have been wrong, but she thought it looked like Donna was wearing pink sparkle lip gloss.

Hot rage shot through her veins and she thought about going back and giving both of them a piece of her mind when Jude walked away from Donna. She was driving herself crazy! She just needed some sleep.

“Hey, Zoey!” Cade called out as he caught up to her. “You going to the party later?”

“Party? No, I’m tired. I think I just need a little air and then I’m heading back to the room,” she said.

“Alright, hopefully I’ll see you around soon. We should catch up.”

For a moment, Zoey saw a glimpse of the old Cade and not the walking hard-on he became over the years. She couldn’t believe she snapped at him earlier. That wasn’t like her at all and she felt really bad about it. If anyone knew how rock stars were, it was her. Hell, as a club rat, she practically endorsed their bad behavior. So why was she being so sensitive now?

“I’m sorry about before. You really don’t disgust me. I’m just…I don’t know,” she said as she rubbed her temple. “I think I just need some air.”

“Don’t worry about it, Zoey. I know what I am,” he said softly as he removed his sunglasses and his eyes met hers. “Do you want some company?”

She laughed and shook her head. “Are you crazy? You have a show to finish. I think they’ll notice if you’re not out there.” She grinned at him, feeling a little better and listening to the crowd chant ‘Silverlight.’

“I don’t care about any of that. I’ll walk out right now if you say that’s what you want.”

Flustered, she searched his sky-blue eyes for the punchline, but there wasn’t one. He meant what he said, but he couldn’t. It wasn’t right. The most they ever were were friends. But if that was true, then why was she forcing herself to not ask him to leave with her?

Behind Cade, she watched as Donna approached Jude again and rubbed his arm with her fingertips. Her stomach turned. She had to get out of there. Her head was spinning. Everything was just too much at once.

Without answering Cade, she turned and pushed the exit doors open and passed through them into the cool Vegas night air. Breathing in deep for a moment, she followed the walkway in a daze back to the hotel Silverlight was staying in.

Being that jealous, crazy girlfriend was the last person she wanted to be. She didn’t even recognize herself back there. As she headed to the elevator, she knew she couldn’t go up to the suite Jude got. She needed some time to get herself back. Just to relax and get some rest and not have to worry about Jude or anyone else showing up. Turning, she went to the glossy marble front desk.

“Hi, I’d like a room for the night,” she said to the clerk dressed in the hotel uniform of a crimson vest with striped shirt.

“Sure, not a problem. Let me see what I have available.”

* * *

Zoey felt like her old self when she woke the next morning. Checking her cell phone, she noticed several missed calls from Jude but only one voicemail. She hesitated before playing it.

“Is this how it is, Zoey? It’s always what you want, isn’t it? It’s fine for you to get jealous, but I’ve had to deal with your friendship with Cade since the beginning. I see how it is. I’ve always loved you, and in the end you never gave me a chance. It's always been your way or no way."

She recognized that as drunk Jude and knew it was her fault. Feeling bad for how she acted, she scolded herself for not saying something to him before she left or at least texting him later that night. Instead, she got a hotel room and never said anything to him. This was her fault.

Quickly getting dressed, she grabbed his room key and rode the elevator to the penthouse floor. She knocked on the door and waited, but there was no answer. He’s probably still asleep, she thought. Letting herself into the room, she held the door as it closed so it wouldn’t slam and wake him.

The penthouse had a wall of windows that looked out at the city below, but the view was eclipsed by the mess in the room. Chairs were knocked over. Empty bottles littered the main room and plates of half-eaten food were piled on the counter.

Following a trail of clothing into the bedroom, Zoey found Jude passed out on the floor shirtless and with his jeans unzipped. Beside him were two naked women. One of them was Donna.

“Really, Jude?” she yelled as she kicked his leg. “Is this what I deserve?”

Jude groaned and rubbed his face before slowly sitting up. “Zoey? You came back?”

“I never left, but I’m gone now,” she said as she stormed out of the bedroom.

“Wait, Zoey. This isn’t what you think!” he said as he looked around before chasing after her.

She spun to look at him and saw Donna standing naked in the doorway, smiling like a cat that swallowed a mouse.

“How is it not what I think? I’m tired of this, Jude. And with that fucking slut? God only knows what you’ll catch off that skank. I’m done with this, Jude. I’ve had enough. Drink all you want, do what you want. You won’t have me to worry about anymore,” Zoey said as she slammed the door shut behind her and ran down the hall towards the elevator as fast as she could.

She knew Jude would follow her and she couldn't do it anymore. She couldn’t hear the excuses. She wanted so badly to believe him, but it was the same thing over and over, and she had had enough. It was time for her to think about herself and to listen to her head, not her heart. Her head told her enough times she was an idiot for staying as long as she did, and she knew it was right.

Getting into the elevator, she hit a random button multiple times, wishing the door would close faster as Jude ran down the hall towards her.

“Zoey, please! I love you! Please don’t do this. Don’t end it like this. Hear me out! Let me explain!”

As tears fell down her cheeks, she turned away from him as the elevator door closed. Her body shook uncontrollably as she sobbed into her hands. She thought she and Jude would be together forever. Forever couldn't come fast enough.

“That was probably a little more than you wanted to hear,” Zoey said.

Nathan Fielding sat across from Zoey, his small recorder sitting on the large glass desk between them. Behind Zoey, several platinum records hung on the wall.

“I didn’t expect you to be so open, but this was all great. This will really give the Silverlight documentary more heart and emotion,” he said as he jotted down a few notes. “Thank you so much for meeting with me. I didn’t think you would.”

“You didn’t give me much choice, did you?” she asked as she stood in a black pencil skirt and silk blouse and poured herself a glass of water from a nearby pitcher.

“Have you kept in touch with any of them?”

“With Silverlight? No. That night was the last time I saw any of them.”

“Not even Jude?”

“Not even Jude,” she said. “I couldn’t see him after that. I loved him very much, but in the end I was nothing more than a muse to him. It was best that we both moved on and never kept in touch.”

“I’m sorry, but that’s so sad,” he said.

“It’s always sad when the one you love doesn’t love you back,” she said as she shrugged. “But we were both young, especially me. It’s all history. I’ve heard he’s really in love now.”

“Yes, with Lucky Saldano. I was there when they met,” he said.

She nodded and looked at her watch. “Well, I have real clients that would like to meet with me so if you wouldn’t mind…”

“I’m sorry, I took up much more of your time than I intended. Thank you again for your honesty and your time. If I have any questions when I review the tape, would you mind if I called?”

“Actually, I would mind. I’d rather not talk to you again,” she said as she pushed a button on the phone. “Security, please escort Mr. Fielding out.”

Zoey walked to the full-length window with her arms crossed in front of her. Looking down, she waited for security to escort Nathan to the curb of the busy Los Angeles street. Once he was off the building property, she pressed another button on her phone and waited for the man’s voice on the other end to answer.

“Hey, it’s Zoey. Nathan’s gone, probably heading back to you. I told him exactly what you said, and he ate it up.”

“Perfect. Thanks, Zoey,” Jude said. “You know how it is. I have an image to uphold.”

She laughed. “Yeah, if they only knew the truth. If you need anything else, let me know,” she said as her voice caught.

“Everything okay?”

“Um yeah, it’s just…you know, there’s always a little truth in everything. It’s been a long time since I thought about it all. Lots of memories.”

"We have a lot of history together," Jude said.

"Yes, but we were always much better as friends. I'm glad we reconnected."

"Me too," he said. "I should have tracked you down sooner than just a few years ago. I needed to apologize. I was reckless with your feelings. I was just a stupid boy trying to keep up with you. I didn't respect you enough."

"Stop. We were both young. It's no one's fault," she said sincerely.

“You’re coming Saturday, right?”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world, Jude. Tell Olivia to call me if she needs anything.”

“I’m sure you’ll hear from her either way. Thanks again, Zoey. You’re the best!”

“Don’t you forget it,” she said then pressed the button to hang up.

Smiling to herself, she pulled out a glass frame from a tall white bookshelf. One side was a photo of her, Jude, and Cade at the house in Seattle all those years ago. The other side was a photo of her, Jude, and Olivia on the Santa Monica Pier.

It was strange to think of everything that happened in the past, but they were mostly happy memories of first love and both of them growing up. She and Jude were never meant to be and they were better off as friends. Zoey was happy for both Jude and Olivia and loved them both very much.