Chapter 41

Adelaide

“Thanks,” I say to Mandy as she pulls up in front of the hotel with the passenger window rolled down. I stare in shock when I open the back door and find Renee in the backseat.

“Don’t look so shocked. Mandy said you needed us, so I’m here,” Renee says with a soft smile.

I nod, fighting the tears I thought I’d cried out in the bathtub where I’d spent the last hour.

“I’ll put this in the trunk then,” I offer, and Mandy pops it without even having to ask.

When I’m settled in the passenger seat with my belt on, Mandy pulls away from the hotel. I watch it disappear in the side mirror as I fight the urge to ask her to turn around. My heart and brain at war again, I struggle with wondering if I’m making the right choice. Half says to be strong and things will get better. The other half screams that I’m making the biggest mistake of my life. I don’t know which one to trust.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Renee’s hand caresses my shoulder.

“I do, but I don’t know if I can without crying.”

“I have you covered,” Mandy says, reaching over to open the glove compartment.

I grab a stack of fast food napkins, a weak smile on my lips at the thought that even though it’s brimming it may still not be enough.

“Yesterday…last night was amazing. He said all the right things, promised me the world.”

“Just to get in your pants?” Renee sneers. “I’ll fucking kill him.”

“No,” I say, shaking my head in emphasis. “I feel like he meant every word. I mean, I felt it, in his touch, in the glimmer in his eyes, in the way his breath caught just by looking into my eyes.”

I roll my head on my neck, hoping I can forget all the good stuff while being terrified I will at the same time. It’s the worst double-edged sword I’ve ever encountered.

“But he was an asshole this morning?” Renee asks, still hoping to vilify him.

“He’s been with other women while he was on tour,” I explain.

The interior of the car goes silent as they mull over the information.

“You guys weren’t together.” Mandy, ever the voice of reason.

“I know, but I can’t help but wonder what will happen when he’s on tour while we’re together.”

“You have to trust him,” Renee offers. “You’ll go insane if you don’t.”

I look at Renee over my shoulder. “I guess I don’t trust him, because just the thought of him going on tour makes my skin crawl. When I close my eyes, all these scenarios pop in my head. He resists at first, but after a month or two, he just gives in.”

“I don’t know that he would do that,” Mandy says, but keeps her eyes on the road as she drives toward home. “He had nothing but eyes for you the last time he was home. You practically spent an entire month with him.”

“But he still fucked other women,” Renee counters, the quickest to get mad and the first one in line to retaliate.

“He thought I was dating Marcus, swore he hadn’t even thought of another woman until then,” I explain.

“Marcus? He just got some bad information and went out and slept with other women? Good riddance.” Renee crosses her arms on top of her swollen belly and sits back. “It’s too easy for him to use something as an excuse to cheat. I couldn’t trust a man like that.”

“That’s the problem. Sleeping with women is just a motor function for him. I don’t understand it at all. Last night…” I close my eyes, letting the memories roll in. “Every part of my body, heart, and soul was his. It was so special, I just can’t wrap my mind around him being able to do that with other women and it not mean anything.”

“Me either,” Mandy agrees.

“It’s a mindset,” Renee says. “I was able to do it all the time. No big deal. Sex was fun and felt good, nothing more.”

“And now?” I turn my head so I can see her clearly. “Can you just go through the mechanics of sex?”

“No way,” she answers immediately. “The thought of sharing a bed or my body with anyone makes my skin crawl.”

“What’s different now?”

She cocks an eyebrow at me and points to her stomach. “I’m totally in love with my baby daddy.”

I chuckle at her attempt to lighten the situation.

“You were the female Axton,” Mandy says with a smirk in the rearview mirror.

Renee’s smile falls and she turns her attention back to me. “Does he love you?”

The tears I’d been able to hold at bay crest over my lower lid and roll down my cheeks. “He says he does. I can feel that he does.”

“That changes everything,” Renee says, as if she’s just had an epiphany.

“We can’t make this decision for you, Addi.” I look over at Mandy as she speaks. “You have to decide if taking a chance on him is going to be worth the heartache if things don’t work out.”

“I don’t know if I would survive him if things didn’t work out,” I tell her.

“What if you don’t get hurt, but you soar? What if what you guys could have is beyond anything you’ve ever imagined?” Renee’s hand caresses her stomach as a small smile play on her lips. “What if he loves you and treats you better than you’ve ever imagined?”

I grin at my lovesick sister. If she was able to change, I wonder if that’s a possibility for Axton.

“Not really staying neutral and letting her make her own decision, are you?” Mandy keeps her eyes on the road as she speaks to Renee. “And you sure changed your tune pretty fast.”

“Love changes everything,” Renee says simply.

We spend an hour in silence as we drive south to Macon. Rather than just chugging on along, Mandy hits her blinker to exit when we get to Forsyth.

“What are you doing?” I hiss, looking at her dash. “You don’t need gas.”

“Mom wanted us to stop by on the way back, and Renee is going to grab your car.”

“We can get my car tomorrow at church,” I offer. “I’m not in the right state of mind to deal with them.”

“Mom said she grabbed something for Savannah, and I’m not going to turn down an opportunity for her to dote on my daughter. The guilt from keeping her a secret for so long is bad enough.”

Mandy smiles. “Mom and Dad are finally coming around to the idea that their oldest daughter got knocked up and married without breathing a word to them.”

“Har-har,” Renee says playfully from the backseat.

“Seems the black sheep of the family is welcomed back into the fold since she’s bringing along a wonderful God fearing man and grandbaby,” Mandy continues.

I frown at Mandy, even though Renee isn’t taking any offense. “I don’t think Renee was the black sheep.”

“Well, it’s not me, and it sure as hell isn’t you,” Mandy counters. “She’s the only one left. There has to be one in every family.”

“What about Marjorie?” I point at Renee in agreement.

“Yes! Cousin Marjorie, she’s the black sheep.”

“She’s a lesbian, that doesn’t make her the black sheep,” Mandy argues.

“It totally does. I don’t have anything against it, but when you go against the norm, it’s totally a black sheep move.”

Mandy frowns, but doesn’t engage Renee in the argument.

“I have a confession,” Renee says in a whispered voice as we turn down the road to our parents’ house.

“That doesn’t sound very good,” Mandy mutters.

“When you told me you were going to Atlanta and planning to sleep with Axton, I swear I thought you knew and just weren’t worried about it.” Tears form in her eyes.

I pull my brow together. “What are you talking about?”

“The other women,” she offers. “They stopped tagging him for a while because he was holed up on the tour bus, but then the pictures started popping back up again.”

“Around Thanksgiving?” I ask

“Maybe? I’m not sure of the date.”

I swallow around the lump in my throat. When did my sister start keeping things to herself? Last year, she would’ve taken pride in telling me Axton was still a manwhore.

“I swear I thought you knew. You’ve stalked him more than anyone I know, even before you met him.”

“She doesn’t even have active social media accounts,” Mandy chimes in.

“This is all my fault,” she insists. “You’re hurting now, and I feel like I could’ve prevented your pain if I hadn’t been so self-centered and focused on my own life.”

“I don’t know if knowing what I know now would’ve stopped my plans for last night,” I confide. “I just may have guarded my heart a little better. Plus, you just got married and you’re having a baby. If there was ever a time to think of yourself, it’s now.”

The car rolls to a stop in front of our parents’ house, and Mandy reaches for her door handle. “You coming in?”

Shaking my head, I reach into my purse for my keys and hand them to Renee. “I think I need a few minutes alone.”

They both nod and leave me in the car, floating in the silence of my broken heart.