Chapter 25

Adelaide

“Hey,” I hear in my ear as my body is being shaken.

Turning over, I wipe the sleep from my eyes only to find Mandy with a weird look on her face.

I sit up in bed, immediately awake. “What’s wrong? Is it Renee?”

“Renee hasn’t left her room all day, but Axton has been banging on the door for the last five minutes,” she says, calming the fear I always have where Renee is concerned.

“I was having a construction dream,” I explain. “His banging must have translated into hammering.”

“Whatever,” she answers, a little more agitated than normal. “It’s three in the damn morning. I’m going back to bed. Either let him in or put him out of his misery.”

She walks out, leaving the door open behind her.

I throw a robe over my tank and shorts.

“Like he hasn’t seen you naked,” I mutter, walking toward the front door.

“You told us you didn’t fuck him.”

I gasp, holding my hand over my thundering heart. Renee walks closer, a bowl of cereal in her hands.

“You scared the daylights out of me. Mandy said you were in bed. What are you doing slinking around the house at night?”

“You lied to us?” She narrows her eyes, as if she can read me like a book in the faint light coming through the window.

“We didn’t sleep together,” I tell her. “We…we didn’t sleep together.”

“No?”

“We didn’t have sex,” I amend.

Leaving it at that, I walk toward the door. If it were Mandy asking, I would easily disclose how my night went, but Renee has a habit of throwing us both under the bus when she feels threatened. I can see her blurting any information I provide to our mother the next time she chastises her for her social media. She needs something in her arsenal, because the “cherry popper” post she made after Elijah ignored her is sure to bring some heat.

Pulling the door open, Axton spins around to face me so fast, my own head spins.

“Are you high?” I blurt. “Drunk?”

He seems overly excited, not the lazy look alcohol is known for causing, but what do I know?

His head recoils, but his smile never falters.

“I had to see you.”

“That’s sweet and all,” I say, trying to mask the irritation, “but I have class in a couple hours and had a hard time falling asleep.”

“Because you couldn’t get me off your mind?”

I hate to make the expectant bubble surrounding him bigger, but I’m not one to lie.

“I had a lot of things on my mind.” There. Very diplomatic. “I asked you to text. Even told you it would be a while before I had time to hang out,” I say, then scrunch my nose, realizing how mean I’m being.

I’m never mean, but being woken up in the middle of the night, as sweet as it is, especially if he’s not drunk, is the fastest way to make me mad. And being angry, it seems, is the only place to focus all the adrenaline I get when I think something horrible has happened only to find out some boy is on the front porch.

“Can I come in?” he asks, fanning his shirt.

Turning, I walk back inside, allowing him to follow. Staring at his abs as the fabric of his shirt waves isn’t keeping me in the right headspace anyway. When I see Renee sitting on the arm of the sofa, shoveling cereal into her mouth as if she’s been waiting for us to come inside, I stop cold.

“Hey, Mister I-Didn’t-Fuck-Him.”

My blood pressure rises, heat forming at the tops of my ears.

“I don’t use that word,” I hiss.

She shrugs. “Semantics.”

“Hey, Renee,” he mumbles before sliding a few inches closer and speaking in my ear. “Can we talk in your room?”

I walk down the hall in silence. This night is so weird, I fully expect to wake up and find out none of it happened.

“You’re practically vibrating with energy, Axton. Tell me what’s so important you couldn’t have texted it tomorrow.”

I plop down on my bed, too tired to care about manners. I look at him as he eyes the spot next to me, remaining quiet, rudely refusing to offer it to him. The last thing I need are memories of him in my bed. One night in his is enough to haunt me for the rest of my life.

“I’m going on tour with Easton Montgomery.” He smiles, wringing his fingers together.

I grin, though I don’t really feel any happiness behind it. “That’s awesome,” I say, unsure of what else to tell him.

My heart feels like it’s cracking in my chest as emotion floods in, but I choke it back. I don’t want him to leave. Going on tour makes what we could’ve been building fly out the window. Deep down, I know we would never work out, but I also hate giving up the chance to see if the odds will turn in our favor, making something possible. Unfortunately, it seems that decision has been made.

“This is the most amazing thing to ever happen to me.”

Ouch. Not that I expected him to see me for more than a girl he has a crush on, but it still hurts my feelings.

He paces around at the foot of my bed, his excitement making keeping still impossible. I, on the other hand, can’t keep from wringing my hands in my lap. The sooner he leaves, the sooner I can cry.

“What about school?”

Stopping, he turns to face me. “I flunked out last semester.”

“So you just give up?”

“They kicked me out, Addi. I didn’t give up. I’m suspended for a year.” His good mood is faltering, and I feel horrible for being the person to cause that, but I can’t ignore the fantasy world he’s living in.

“You not going to class, not turning in assignments, is giving up. Them suspending you is a result of that. This isn’t the school’s fault.”

He tilts his head like he can’t believe what I’m saying.

“Why are you giving me shit right now? Aren’t you happy for me?”

“Of course I am,” I say honestly. “It’s a wonderful opportunity, but blaming others for circumstances you caused isn’t okay.”

“This is all I have since school isn’t an option,” he says.

He’s either not catching my point or just ignoring it altogether.

“It’s amazing. You’ll be great. I’ll be able to tell everyone we were friends once.” I give him a sad smile.

“Friends once? The hell, Addi?” He sighs, hands running over the top of his already messy hair. “We’re back to that shit again?”

I shrug. “We’re friends.”

“We’re more than friends.” I shake my head. “Last night sure as fuck felt like more than friends, Adelaide.”

“Are you telling me you haven’t messed around with your female friends before?”

I’m taking the chance of him hurting me even more by pushing the subject, but for some reason, I can’t stop.

Most amazing thing that has happened to him?

Before he opened his mouth, I’d say mine was the time we spent together recently.

This is all I have?

He would be reason enough for me to actually consider my options before leaving, or at minimum, have a conversation about it.

Unknowingly, I’ve set my expectations for him too high.

“I don’t hold them in my arms all night, that’s for damn sure,” he hisses. “They don’t sleep in my bed, in my room. You’re—”

“I swear on all I believe in, if you say I’m different one more time, Axton,” I warn. Taking a ragged breath, I pray for calm, but it doesn’t help. “I’m happy for you. Truly wish you the best. We haven’t put anything into words, we haven’t talked about what tomorrow brings, so it’s a moot point.”

“It’s not. I want to be with you. Fuck, I want you to come with me. I mean, Carson can’t go, but maybe if you tag along, we can work something out. You don’t mind sharing a room with him to save money do you? Double beds, of course. I’d fucking strangle him if he even looked at you in a weird way.”

My face falls as he takes a deep breath.

“Okay. Separate rooms. That’s even better. It gives me the chance to stay with you when I can. I can’t stay every night, even though I want to. Carson says I need to be part of the team and deserting them to stay in a hotel room would be pretty douchey, so I’m sure you understand.”

“I’m not going with you, Axton. I have school.”

It’s his turn to frown.

“Okay. Maybe you can meet us at a couple stops on the east coast. It’s two months, Addi. I can’t go that long without seeing you.”

Don’t read into any of that.

I keep my gaze on my hands, unable to look at the hope shining in his eyes any longer. “We can Facetime or something,” I offer.

“I miss you already,” he whispers.

I have to clear my throat. “You’ll have too much fun to miss me, and I’ll be busy with classes.”

“Will you wait for me?” He pauses. “I’ll stay true to you, Addi. While I’m gone, I mean. I don’t want anyone else.”

I shake my head. While he may mean what he’s saying—now—I know him well enough to understand it’s an impossible task.

Do I hurt us both a little now, or wait until we’re so far in, we destroy each other?

I decide on the former. It may be enough to destroy me anyway.

“You don’t have to do that, Axton. It’s a time for you to have an amazing experience, see the world, and everything it has to offer.”

“You’re giving up on us?”

Shaking my head again, I finally face him. “There is no us. We’re friends. Yes, we messed around last night, and it was great, but we both know there’s no way we can be anything more if you leave.”

He takes a step back like I’ve punched him in the gut. “Is that some sort of ultimatum? Stay here or you move on? You’re forcing me to choose?”

“I’m not,” I tell him. “There’s no choice. You’re going on tour, and I’m going to school in a few hours. Tour life…long distance things just don’t work. We’re only twenty-one. You don’t need to tie yourself down to anything in this town. You’re ready to get out of here, remember? You told me that yourself.”

His jaw tightens as his fingers clench several times. “That was before,” he yells.

I wince and look at the wall separating my room from Mandy’s.

“Before?”

“Before I fucking fell in love with you!” Agitated hands sweep over the top of his head.

I shake my head. “You aren’t.”

“Don’t tell me what I feel.”

Love isn’t selfish. Love doesn’t mean making rash decisions without first thinking of those you love.

I want to say the words, but I don’t have the courage or energy.

“Don’t tell me something like that right before you leave. That’s not fair. It’s manipulative and spiteful. I don’t deserve that from you.”

“You don’t deserve it? You’re splitting my heart in two. And what? I’m just supposed to roll over and take it? I’m supposed to pretend like I don’t love you?”

He’s one to talk about a broken heart. It’s taking everything in me not to jump off this bed and beg him to pick me over the tour, but I know how selfish that is, and I’d never do that to anyone.

“This is my dream,” he says, his tone softer, as if it explains everything. “You’re part of my future.”

“We’ll always be friends,” I offer.

“The fuck we will,” he mutters. I watch him leave, shoulders slumped forward, not a hint of the excitement he had when he first arrived.

I jolt when my bedroom door slams shut, and again when the front door closes with a crash.

Lying back down, I do what anyone would do in my situation. I cry myself to sleep until the sun comes up and try to convince my brain that quitting school to follow him around the country is a bad idea. With how much my heart is bleeding right now, waiting for him to get off stage and spend time with me seems like the only thing that will bandage my wounds.