Molly
JAMESON STARED AT me longer as I kept my back to him. I didn’t need to turn around to feel his eyes on me. He told me about yesterday with Lars and I came to a conclusion.
I had to leave.
I couldn’t see Lars again.
This time I would leave without a goodbye because he’s better off on his own.
“Molly, you don’t have to do this. He loves you. I know it.”
I finished putting my items in the bag. “No, I need to leave now.”
“You just got out of the hospital.”
“Look,” I said firmly. “I’m done. He doesn’t love me. And if he does it’s because he feels sorry for me, and what Lars needs to do is go and live his life. I will be happy knowing he’s happy. Even if it’s without someone else.” I brushed past him and gathered my bathroom items.
When the doctor released me this morning from the hospital, I knew what my plan would be. I had Jameson drive me to the apartment since Lars’ mother picked him up to go to the therapist. I had about an hour to get my stuff and get out.
“Don’t do this. This could be the one thing to drive him over the edge.” He pleaded.
“Then you’ll be there to catch him.” I zipped my bag and hugged him tightly. “I’ll call you when I get to my place.” I pulled away, grabbed my bags and raced out the door before the tears fell.
THE TEARS DIDN’T stop as I drove back to Dallas. They came harder when I crawled into my own bed and I realized he was gone forever this time. I had no one at this point. My mother and I weren’t close. In fact, I couldn’t even remember the last time we spoke. I had friends at work, but they weren’t the type I’d confide in. Of course there was Jameson, but he would just tell me to come back and be with Lars. Same with Pam.
I made myself get out of bed. Even though I still feel as if I was run over by a truck, I wasn’t as bad as yesterday. I checked my fridge and threw away the spoiled food and made a list of what I had to get from the store. I put in a load of laundry and curled up on my couch. I didn’t want to watch a movie or read a book. The radio would’ve given me a headache and I sure didn’t want that to happen. I pulled the cover off the back of the couch and covered myself.
My brain wasn’t focusing on anything but one thing. The day Lars asked me to marry him. It was crazy. We had graduated high school the week before and he was leaving for basic training a few weeks later. I was sad he was leaving because we hadn’t been apart since the day we started dating. It was going to be hard. I knew we could make it through, but it was his words that made me say yes.
“MOLLY, YOU ARE the air I breathe, the other half of my heart, and my soul mate. I want to grow old with you. I want us to have babies and expand our love with them. I want you to be my strength when I’m weak and I’ll be yours. I need you more than anything else in this world. I want to lay down at night and know you’re going to be there in the morning when I first open my eyes. I don’t want anyone but you. You’re my everything. You’re my world.”
HE WAS MY world. I’ve spent every day for the last ten years just getting by because I couldn’t be without him. It was just one of the reasons I kept in contact with his family. It was why I never stopped calling Jameson. I had to know about him. I had to be sure he was okay.
Because I loved him and I always will.
I MUST HAVE fallen asleep on the couch because when I woke up it was pitch black and the only light was coming from my cell phone.
“Hello.”
“Are you feeling okay?”
“Yes, Jameson. I’m fine. Is everything okay there? How’s Lars?”
“He’s not okay. I didn’t leave so I’d be here when he came back from the VA.”
My throat began to close. “How did he do?”
“At the VA? Pam said he went in, but she didn’t go back with him so we don’t know. At the apartment? Not great. I told him you were released from the hospital and you left.”
My stomach dropped. “How did he take it?”
“Not great. He’s mad and heartbroken. He went to his room and slammed the door. He hasn’t come out since.”
I sat up. “Are you still there?”
“Yes. I told Rebekah I was staying here tonight.”
A wave of small relief came over me. Lars wasn’t alone right now, and I was glad. He wouldn’t do well the first night alone in his house.
“I’m going to say this again…you’re making a mistake. He loves you and you love him. You need to come home.”
“He wants child–”
“Enough, Molly. He knows you can’t have kids now. He will deal with it. He has dealt with it. He wants you more than anything and you’re both fools for going on this long without getting back together. I’m tired of it. You both are meant to be together and you know I’m right.”
The tears began to flow down my cheeks again. I figured by now I was all dried out. “Thank you for staying with him tonight. You don’t need to call me anymore. It’s time for us all to move on. Goodbye, Jameson.”
With those words, I ended the call.