Molly
MANY WOMEN HAVE said there’s nothing like a man in a uniform. These women must have seen Lars in uniform because he was the type to stop my heart every time I saw him in it. As I stared at him now, he was a little more round than before but nothing unattractive. I knew it was because of the alcohol and unhealthy eating habits.
But at that moment it wasn’t what was concerning me. It was the sincere look in his eyes. He was serious. One side of me wanted to continue the charade and tell him to go away. The other part of me wanted to jump into his arms, kiss him until my lips were chapped, and never let him go again.
“Molly, you need to come home with me. Not to take care of me but to be by my side again. I can’t walk this world without you.” His voice was low and he reached for my hand.
His skin had always been rough because he worked with his hands, but it would always bring me comfort when he touched me. “Lars.”
“Don’t overthink this. You’ve been out of my life for ten years, and I don’t want another minute without you. You are my world, Molly. My love. I love you and I always have. I also have been extremely mad at you but love wins every time.” He squeezed my hand a little tighter, and I had to remember to breathe.
“There is a lot you don’t know about me. I’ve changed a lot in ten years being alone and on my own.”
“It’s nothing that I don’t already love. Therefore, I don’t care what’s changed about you.”
I pulled my hand away for a second and scrubbed my face as I walked over to the couch and sat down. “Jameson told you what the doctors said, huh?” Maybe that was why he came back. He realized I wasn’t going to be a burden.
“He didn’t tell me anything. What’s wrong? Is the cancer worse than before?” He came over to me, sat down next to me and took my hand in his.
A small shiver ran down my spine. “I’m in remission. I just have the flu.”
“What?”
“I don’t know how I can say it differently, but I don’t have cancer right now.”
“No, I heard you. This is wonderful news, Molly.” He hugged me.
I melted right into his body as I’ve done a million times before. “There’s still a chance it could come back,” I whispered.
“And I’ll be there to take care of you when it does.” His warm breath tickled my ear. “Come home.”
I pulled away from him. “Let me make us some coffee.” I pulled my robe tighter as I stood up.
“Jameson’s in the car.” He reminded me.
“You know as well as I do, he’s asleep.” I giggled. “The guy falls asleep after road trips.”
He chuckled. “He would even sleep in the back seat. Remember when we drove up to Kansas City to see that band you liked. He slept the whole way.”
As I scooped in the coffee grinds, I laughed. “I’d forgotten about that trip. It was shortly after you came home from basic training.”
“I haven’t forgotten about one moment together.”
I didn’t respond as I finished getting the coffee ready. When I turned he was leaning against the counter. “How about some breakfast?” If I kept myself busy, I wouldn’t have to think about how stunning he was or how badly I wanted to take him up on his offer.
“You know I went to a therapist.”
I nodded pulling eggs and bacon from the fridge. “I’m very proud of you.”
“He told me I have PTSD.”
After I put the bacon into the pan, I turned back to him. “I kinda figured, but I didn’t want to say anything.”
“You knew?”
I shook my head with a smile. “I’m a nurse. I’ve seen it before, but I didn’t want to say anything because you needed to talk to your doctor about it.”
“Well, you’re right. Then again, I always knew how smart you were.” He flirted.
I tried not to roll my eyes. I turned back to the bacon. “What’s his plan?”
“Meditation of sorts. Breathing exercises. Removing myself from stressful situations. I also talked to Sam. He owns the grocery store on Main Street. He gave him a job. Just a couple of days a week for a few hours. Something to get me back to normal.”
I could have cried right there with happiness. He was getting his life back. He was doing it on his own, and I knew he would make it.
“I want normal again, Molly.”
I fixed him a cup of coffee and then one for myself. “I know you do.”
“I need you to be home with me. My life isn’t normal without you.”
I sat set the cup down in front of him and then went back to the stove. I needed to think clearly, and it wasn’t going to happen if I was close to him. Every part of me wanted him. I loved him beyond any words I could express. He was everything to me. For all these years, he was the only one I could think of being around. Sure I found some guys cute or attractive, but none could take my breath away like Lars. He was my soulmate and I knew it. There was going to be a long road ahead. For him and me.
“I know you’re over there thinking of excuses not to come home with me, but you need to stop it. I’m right this time and you know it. You just don’t want to admit it.”
It was as if he was reading my mind. Then again, he has been that way with me a lot. He could always tell how I was feeling.
“What about my job?”
“You’re a nurse. I know of three hospitals within driving distance of our place.”
“What if the cancer comes back?”
“Then I will be holding your hand every step of the way.”
“What if you relapse?”
“I can’t promise you I won’t, but I give you my word I will try with every part of my soul not to. I know with you by my side I’m stronger.”
I blinked hard to keep the tears at bay. His words kept chopping away at the brick wall I had built around my heart to protect myself. I flipped the bacon and began to crack the eggs. I didn’t say anything. I focused on the food and tried to remember a time I didn’t want this. There were many daydreams I had throughout the past ten years about Lars coming back to me and sweeping me off my feet again and declaring his love to me.
He was sitting at the breakfast bar now. He knew to give me space to think. I plated the food and put it in front of him. I refilled his coffee and then sat down next to him with my plate. However, now I didn’t want the food. My stomach flipped and flopped. I couldn’t live without him anymore and it was going to be a long road ahead for us, but we could make it together.
“Okay.”
He hadn’t touched his food and he turned fully to me. “Okay, what?”
“Okay, I’ll go home with you and try. I can’t promise it’ll be easy and there are going to be a lot of ups and downs.”
“You said try. What do you mean?”
“Lars, I’m different.” I faced him. “You may hate me now but just think you love me. We may start living together and you may come to realize we’re not the same as we were when we married at eighteen. We’ve both grown and come into our own.”
He nodded. “You may be right, but if you’re willing to try then I am too.”
My heart stopped. This was really happening. I was going home with him. I hopped off the stool, cupped my hands around his face and kissed him. It had been so long, longer than I can remember, but he was the same Lars.
He was mine.