Chapter Twenty-Eight
Evie
It’s past midnight, and I haven’t heard from Jake or Colton. Colton probably thought that I have a nutty family, which isn’t the end of the world. I do wish he would have made contact tonight as I don’t know what to do about us, but knowing that he’s making an announcement soon makes me feel like I’ll lose him forever.
And Jake, poor Jake. He’s been lied to his entire life by his mother. The one person that should have never lied to him even though she did it to protect him. I guess Veronica told him the truth. I don’t think there was any way for her to get out of it, which makes me wonder why Jake hasn’t made contact. Maybe he hates me for knowing the truth and not telling him. Maybe he hates me for falling in love with his older brother.
Unable to call him I settle for a text message instead.
Where are you? I’m worried.
Not a moment later, the red light at the entrance to my house flashes indicating there is someone at my door. My immediate response is alarm thinking there is some creepy stranger by my door late at night, but then I receive another message.
Open. It’s me.
Relief washes over me. He came to me. He doesn’t hate me. I can be there for him. Everything will be okay. Many thoughts scroll through my mind as I make my way to the front door in an oversized New York T-shirt that hits just above my knees. Jake and I went to New York just before we started college. It was a great trip. This T-shirt is all scraggly and old, but it reminds me of good times.
I open the door and wave him in. If I was feeling relief a moment ago, I’m now drowned with worry. By the sway in Jake’s walk, he must be very drunk and he isn’t much of a drinker.
“What’s going on?” I sign, needing to figure out exactly what he knows.
He laughs. I’m not sure about his volume; maybe he’s completely quiet. But I swat him in the chest and tell him to keep it down because Carter is sleeping. Besides, I don’t need him to see his father falling all over the place like a fool.
He signs, “I was waiting outside. Not sure I should come in. Then you texted,” he says and holds onto the wall at the entrance to my kitchen.
“I should get you water.”
“No, I don’t want water. It’s funny, but I like being drunk right now. It’s better than feeling the pain of learning that I wasn’t a test tube baby. That I had a father that didn’t want a deaf child,” he finishes and stumbles his way in the dark to the couch in my family room. My heart beats fast as I worry that he’ll fall or break something along the way, and I will need to explain to Carter why his father is a drunk mess.
I follow him, then take his hand. He looks back at me with tear filled eyes and my floodgates open as I pull him into me to hug him. I hate this for him. I hate it for anyone. No one should feel rejected by a parent. Parents should be all accepting. I pull away.
“I’m so sorry, Jake.” I allow my hands to drop, then sign.
He nods his head, and his lips twist leaving me confused. “I didn’t expect you of all people to keep such a secret from me. I thought we had no secrets,” he signs.
“We don’t have secrets. That wasn’t my secret to tell. It was your mother’s. She made me promise. Besides I would never do anything to put you or Carter in danger.”
He waves me off and almost loses his balance as he stands from the couch. I take his hand and pull him back. He falls back into the couch the softness of the cushions breaking his fall. He turns to look at me, and he picks up my hand. I’m confused because his face twists.
“My older brother, huh? I apparently am damaged goods. Is that why I’m not good enough? Yet the great Colton Mathis…you fall in love with him in what, like three weeks?” His question just about guts me. The way he signed those words, like the weight of the world rested on his shoulders, lets me know he’d given that statement a lot of thought.
“Jake, what are you talking about?” I sign at a loss.
“Don’t act all like you don’t know, Evie. I’ve been in love with you since high school, but I settled on being your best friend. I’ve done everything to ensure your happiness and what? Am I not good-looking enough, not kind enough…” he signs with such abrupt actions, and I feel so overwhelmed, like I may faint.
“Jake, stop, where is this coming from?” I shoot up from the couch feeling antsy and pace a moment before returning my attention to him. “What are you talking about? Is this the alcohol talking?” I ask because I’m at a loss. There is no way Jake spent the last fifteen years secretly in love with me.
He shoots up from the couch then stalks away from me before spinning back around. I’m getting dizzy just watching his abrupt actions. “Is that what you need to believe?” he signs, only I see his lips moving. He’s talking. Jake doesn’t do talking.
“Jake.” I feel completely helpless.
“You don’t know what to do, do you?” he says, and he closes the space between us, and suddenly he’s kissing me. I taste the vodka and maybe something else on his breath. His tongue slides into my mouth, and I don’t know what to do, this is Jake. I love him, just not in that way. Before I register what to do I’m pressing his shoulders away from me.
“Not good enough, huh?” he signs, and I see the hurt in his glare when he looks back at me. It makes me think of all the times I told him about dates I was going on. Yes, he was protective, but he always gave me a reason why they weren’t good enough for me, and I, like a fool, didn’t read between the lines. Shit, I felt stupid, like a grade A asshole. “I’m sick of this,” he suddenly snaps his hands in the air. He turns toward the front door and stalks off. I run after him and just as he turns the knob getting ready to leave, I force him to look at me.
“Stay, sleep it off,” I urge. I can’t let him wander the streets in his current state.
“Why? What the hell for? This feels too good, Evie. I get to say and do what’s on my mind. I’ve put my life on hold for too long. I’ve had enough. This deaf man is going to do whatever the hell he wants,” he signs then taps his chest and nods his head, then he stalks out the door. I don’t know what he’s talking about. I think the alcohol has completely blurred his senses.
I can’t go to sleep now, so I pour myself a glass of water and sit at my kitchen table in the dark. My life feels like a colossal disaster. How did I not know that Jake was in love with me? I think back to his reaction when I told him I was pregnant. He was happy, supportive. He was hoping we could be a family. How could everything be so messed up now? How many times have I thought - if only I loved Jake, life would be less complicated. My son would have his mother and father under one roof. Problem is we can’t control who we love. As I think of the hurt in the depths of Jake’s soulful eyes, I think about my feelings for Colton, and a cold shiver runs through my body leaving goosebumps in its track. Jake has never looked at me like that before; it makes me feel so empty, stupid, hurt like I should have known, like I took his kind nature for granted.
I walk back to my bedroom and without thinking I pick up my phone and text Colton. I know it’s a selfish move, but my world has been turned upside down.
I need you
I text the three words and press send. There is no taking them back now.
I wait one minute, two, five, ten and there is no reply. Maybe he’s had enough of me too. He put his heart on the line, and I rejected him. If I truly loved him, I should’ve stood up and supported him. When he told me his plans, I should’ve said I’ll be there beside you always. Only I didn’t do that and maybe that goodbye at the Navy Pier today was our last goodbye.
I slide under the blankets and stare into space wondering why my life is always so colossally fucked up. I stare out the window in my bedroom into the midnight blue sky to the yellow stars sparkling in the dark. A star stands out from the rest, and I look at it and make a wish. I used to do that when I was little, hoping my wishes would bring my mother back to me. Only those wishes never came true.
Suddenly my phone lights up. It’s a text from Colton. I take a breath feeling like I was holding it since I sent him that message of I need you. I don’t like to feel vulnerable. I like to behave strong so that I can handle life’s kicks and punches. Being a single mom made me want to keep an armor up around me but those three words…I need you…they dissolved the armor, they say I don’t want to be alone anymore.
I’m at your door.
Four words that put the broken pieces of my world back together. I flip my sheets off me and charge toward the door. I can’t unlock it fast enough, and when I do, I see the man who takes my breath away. He’s standing in a suit. The top buttons of his dress shirt undone. A tie slung around his neck and his suit jacket hanging open. His usually electric blue eyes look tired yet when they gaze at me hot and wanting I feel that simmer ignite between my legs.
“Hey, I just finished up a meeting with Al. The press conference is tomorrow,” he pauses and looks at his watch. “Scratch that. Today.” His lips quirk up into a wry smile. Before he can say another word, I lunge toward him wrapping my arms around his neck. I’m drowning, and I need Colton to stay afloat. I press my lips to his, and he doesn’t hesitate as he wraps both of his very strong arms around me and pulls me close to him. Our kiss is hungry, needy and tells me that he’s missed me as much as I missed him. He walks me into my apartment, and I pull away from him. Both of us are panting from need and lack of air.
“We should go to the bedroom,” I say.
He eyes me curiously like I’ve just asked him a trivia question. “Isn’t Carter here tonight?”
“He is, and I want you in my bed,” I say since he needs the confirmation.
His gaze drops to my breasts. “Nice shirt.” He’s unusually playful or maybe he’s being hard to get after I pushed him away. Whatever angles he’s playing I’m so turned on I feel like I can combust.
My nipples peek through the thin fabric of my nightshirt, and his gaze drops to my chest. His eyes turn to molten lava and his nostrils flare. It’s so freaking sexy on him.
He holds up a finger like he knows I want to lunge at him again. “Just to confirm I understood you…Carter is here, and I can spend the night in your bed,” he says, but I’m sure it’s a question.
“When we first started dating I didn’t want to give my son the wrong impression with having you stay over,” I whisper. “Now I want you in our lives. I want us to be serious about each other. I’m okay with Carter knowing I love you, that I want to be with you,” I say, and I don’t know if it’s because Jake knows the truth, but I felt desperate right now, and terrified about losing this man, the only man I’ve ever truly loved.
“I love you, Evie,” he says, and then stalks toward me sweeping me off my feet. He carries me to my bedroom and kicks the door closed. Then he places me softly on my pillow. “You have no idea how much I missed you,” he says as he works the buttons on his dress shirt. I lie back on the bed and watch him. This gorgeous man, who wants me, loves me, for who I am. His shirt slides off his shoulders along with the tie, revealing his chiseled chest and strong arms. He gets to work on his trousers unbuttoning and unzipping them before pulling them off. When he removes his boxers, I stare at his fully erect cock and saliva pools in my mouth. I swallow hard as my belly clenches at the thought of him putting his dick inside me and the way he feels when he moves in and out of me. As he walks toward the bed, I slip off my nightshirt and feel a cool breeze against my skin. That problem is rectified as Colton moves on the bed and covers my body with his. In bed, we don’t need words to communicate, our bodies say everything that we are feeling. With the warmth of his body over mine, we begin to kiss. His tongue moves in harmony with mine, our bodies pressed together. His cock moves between my legs teasing me.
He stops to look at me “You feel so wet, so good.”
I press my hips up needing to feel his silky-smooth cock against my folds.
“If you want me, I won’t make you wait.” He smiles devilishly.
“I want you,” I sigh.
With one swift movement, he slides inside me. My head tilts back, and my mouth hangs open as he begins to move inside me. He feels so good, hitting all the right spots as he moves in and out of me at a steady pace. I wrap my arms around his broad back and tilt my hips, so I’m meeting him thrust for hungry thrust. Tonight, our lovemaking isn’t about commands or domination; it’s about two people who love each other coming together as equals. And I love this about Colton, how he can go from being a dirty lover to being a sweet lover. He’s everything that I need and all that I’ve ever wanted. Colton makes love to me sweetly all night until the sun rises. And in the light of day, I only pray that I don’t lose this man.
“Tell me what it was like growing up in California?” he asks, running his hand slowly up and down my arm in a sweet caress.
“Well, there was the beach close by, that was always nice,” I answer, knowing he wants more. The problem I was having was giving him more, opening up, and speaking of my childhood wasn’t easy. Who wanted to reopen a gaping wound? Feeling the burn slice through your skin again? No one wants to do that yet he needs to know me, and I wanted him to know that part of me.
“Evie, come on.” He gives me a look that says he wants more information.
“Okay,” I inhale a long breath. “Grandpa Jack worked in a bottle making company. He was up at the crack of dawn. That meant I made my breakfast and lunches. Grandpa Jack taught me how to make everything for when I was on my own.”
“What did you make for breakfast?” he asks, looking at me intently.
“Geez! You want a lot of detail,” I answered with sarcasm. I found his interest to be endearing. No one ever really wanted to get to know me inside out the way Colton does.
“Nothing too exciting…Captain Crunch, Fruit Loops, Sugar Crisp. Whatever sugary cereal Grandpa would pick up that week. Lunch was ham and cheese, and when we ran out of ham then just a regular old cheese sandwich. Grandpa wasn’t a rich man. He injured his leg in the war. By the time I came to live with him, he was in his late fifties, tired ,and burned out. I think he saw his retirement on the horizon and then he took me in. Taking care of me was an extra expense. He continued to work, he didn’t complain though, he was always kind, but he was also old fashioned. My father’s mother raised my father. She had done all the traditional stuff, so Grandpa Jack was clued out. I mean totally useless, so I quickly learned to do our laundry and clean our apartment,” I explained. “My childhood wasn’t filled with exciting times. I matured early because of life circumstances. My teachers always told me that I was a little adult, but it wasn’t by choice. I did those things to get by,” I explained, and Colton suddenly seemed withdrawn.
Then he snapped out of his trance. “I’m sorry, that sounds tough. I mean you must think I’m a spoiled brat.” He grinned, but his grin bled the self-deprecation he felt.
“You’re a good man, Colton. It isn’t a curse to be born into a rich family, though most of us aren’t.” I caressed his jawline and enjoyed the prickly feeling of his five o’clock shadow.
“And what about Jake and Veronica? When did they enter the picture?”
I smile remembering the first day I met Jake. “We were well into our freshman year. We were both attending a school for the deaf. Grandpa was already in his mid-sixties. If he was tired when I landed on his doorstep, then he was ready just to kick back and enjoy life when I got to high school. The bottling company provided him with a modest retirement package, but again it wasn’t enough to sustain the two of us. I wanted to get a job, but given I was only fifteen, I knew it would be hard to find something. I went to the guidance counselor’s office at school one day. I was holding a stack of books in front of me because my backpack had just given out and the strap ripped. Jake didn’t see me rounding the corner and slammed right into me. My books fell to the floor. Jake helped me pick them up and introduced himself. We got to talking…well you know communicating, and it turned out he and his mom lived only a few blocks away from Grandpa Jack and me.
“He invited me to dinner to make up for slamming into me. I agreed. I fell in love with Veronica instantly, she was warm and welcoming. I ached for a mother figure for so long, and Veronica slipped into the role seamlessly. Grandpa Jack had always been a man of few words, and so life at home was always very quiet. Once I met Jake, I hung out at his house all the time. Veronica was fun and young. She gave me advice about boys…”
“And what about Jake? I mean I would think at the very least, he had a crush on you. Did you guys never get together?” Colton asked, his forehead creased and his cool blue eyes etched with worry. It made my stomach sink thinking of Jake’s confession to me earlier tonight. I didn’t see a purpose in sharing it with Colton. Nothing was going to materialize because of it.
“No, I mean in high school we didn’t. I had boyfriends, and he had girlfriends, then when it came time to apply to college, Jake decided he wanted to attend a regular college with an interpreter. I didn’t know what I wanted. I was just scared of losing Jake and Veronica. Jake wanted to go to a college on the east coast, so that’s where we went. Veronica was in love with California, so she stayed behind,” I explained, noticing Colton’s lips pressed together into a thin line. “What is it?” I asked, caressing his strong hands. They were big manly hands, but they felt smooth not needing to do any manual labor.
“Veronica, she…how do I put this nicely? I mean you seem to look up to her…it’s just that she was acting…” he paused.
“Wacky?” I finished the sentence for him. If I was going to cover up the secret, I needed to downplay, or at least make fun of Veronica’s strange behavior at the Navy Pier yesterday.
“I guess you could say that,” he confirmed.
“I think Veronica hoped Jake and I would eventually end up together. I don’t think she likes the fact that you and me got close, so fast. It’s making her nervous. She isn’t always so flaky, I promise. You caught her on a bad day,” I finish the sentence as I stare square into his aqua blue eyes, lying to him, I hate myself in this moment, although what I said was only a partial lie.
“Carter’s got Veronica’s blue eyes,” Colton says out of the blue. His comment jars me. I have blue eyes, but mine are a dark blue, on some days I’m told they look grey. Veronica’s eyes are a crystal blue, a blue that seems translucent, a blue so much like Colton’s. My thoughts feel stuck in my throat, blocking my airway. I can’t continue this charade much longer if Veronica isn’t planning to tell Colton, I will have to. He’s a reasonable man. I’m sure Colton can take proper precautions to protect himself. He has security detail around most of the time anyway.
“Yes, I know,” I confirm what Colton said about Veronica’s eyes.
He pauses and seems deep in thought. Then he turns his head and presses a kiss to my forehead. When he pulls back he says, “Thank you, Evie, thank you for sharing that part of your past with me.”
I nod. “Of course.” I smile, I just can’t help the sinking feeling in my gut because as much as Colton and I are drifting together there is a very serious crater pulling us apart. Only he doesn’t know it. I have to speak with Veronica. Jake knows the truth, but I have to know if she plans on telling Colton. If she does, everything between Colton and I will change in a heartbeat.