Chapter Twenty-Nine
Evie
The next morning, I can’t get to school fast enough. I drop Carter off at his before-school program and make it to my school twenty minutes before the bell. I had gotten out of bed a few times last night to text Jake, but he didn’t return any of my messages, and they all turned up only delivered not read.
Again, I found myself charging toward the gym office, the feel of my stilettos hitting the floor heavily, yet silently in my world. Jake was so drunk last night. It gutted me how heartbroken he was. He would be hungover today, and I wanted to see for myself that he was okay.
I round the gym office and immediately see one of Jake’s assistants, Bradley. I sign, asking him if Jake has come in yet. He replies that he just went to the office to check in and saw that Jake called in sick today. A substitute teacher is on their way to the gym to cover his class. My chest tightens as the need to find Jake overwhelms me. Problem is I can’t run out on my classes. Not on such short notice. I begin to walk back to my classroom when I bump into Cathy, she is a twelfth-grade philosophy teacher, who only works part-time, so she has some spare time in her schedule.
“Cathy, oh good, are you free first period?” I sign abruptly while feeling a little breathless.
She eyes me curiously. “Yes, I’m off first and second period. I came in to help out with the play third period.” She waits for my explanation.
I blow out a breath. “Can you cover my class for me? I normally would never ask, but I have a family emergency.”
She frowns. “Is everything okay with Carter?”
“Carter is fine. I just really need to go.” I wave my hands frantically trying to communicate. I don’t want to share my life secrets with her. She motions for me to be on my way and I don’t miss a heartbeat speedwalking back to my class to get my car keys. Geez! I didn’t even go over my morning schedule with her. Lucky my binders are all in order. I pull out this morning’s lessons and lay them front and center on my desk. Then I leave her a small note before taking off.
As I walk back to my car, I send Veronica a text.
Have you heard from Jake this morning?
Her reply comes almost instantly.
No, I’m terrified, Evie. He was so mad. So so mad. He didn’t come home last night. He still isn’t home. Where could he be?
By her message, I can only imagine how frantic she is.
I can only think of one place Jake would go.
I shoot a quick text to our friend Harvey. He’s a full-time lawyer who grew up with a deaf sister, Carolyn. I’m good friends with Carolyn. Jake used to hang out with us and became friends with Harvey. They were close enough that Jake would turn to him if he need be.
A moment after sending Harvey a text, the dots on my screen are rolling. I’m grateful that Harvey was replying right away.
He’s here. Don’t tell him I told you. He’s in a pissy mood.
I’m sure he wasn’t pleased. Just thinking of the look on his face last night when he confessed his feelings to me just about gutted me. I hate that I don’t return those feelings. Yet relief washes over me knowing Jake is with Harvey and not on the street. I make it to Harvey’s bachelor pad in record time since it’s just past the time where morning traffic is easing up.
Parking is a real feat in this part of town, so I pay for parking connected to a popular restaurant across the street. I also forgot to check the weather this morning. The sky is grey, and a crisp chill penetrates the thin blouse I’m wearing causing me to shiver. I walk briskly across the street, my arms folded across my chest as I make my way over to the building where Harvey lives. In the elevator, I run a few scenarios in my head about how I want to deal with Jake’s confession last night. I don’t return his feelings, but I still love him as a cherished friend. Worst of all, I fear our relationship will never be the same, that somehow over time he has become angry with me, maybe impatient. I’m terrified that I’ve ruined his pure heart by simply not seeing what was apparently right in front of me this whole time. I feel like a big idiot.
I take a few small breaths and knock on Harvey’s apartment door. It doesn’t take him long to open, and when he does, his hazel eyes turn wide like he’s shocked to see me.
“Evie, what the hell are you doing here?” he speaks and signs at the same time. I roll my eyes at Harvey. He can be a real goof sometimes. “Come on in.” He motions and I walk past Harvey into his large apartment. He has so much space. It doesn’t take long for my gaze to fall on Jake sitting on the couch leaning on his side, his hand supporting his head like he’s deep in thought.
He doesn’t look up to me when I’m standing right in front of him which makes my stomach sink. I tap his shoulder to get his attention even though I know he feels my presence hovering over him. “I was worried about you,” I sign. Harvey stands behind the couch and shrugs his shoulders. I look up to him for a moment, and he points, then mouths that he will be in his office. I’m a little more relaxed having this conversation in private. I’m not sure how much Jake shared with Harvey.
Jake looks a disheveled mess with his brown hair sticking up in different directions, his grey T-shirt has dirty spots, his jeans sit low on his waist, and he’s barefoot. “You shouldn’t be worried about me, I’m a grown man, I can take care of myself,” he answers finally, looking up to me and signing; only his eyes don’t meet mine like he can’t bear to even look at me.
“Jake, please.” I give him a sympathetic look. “No matter what, you’re my best friend, the father of my child. I can only imagine what you’re feeling,” I sign, but he stands from the couch and stalks away from me. I feel out of my element. Sure, Jake and I have had some disagreements over the years. It’s only natural given how close we are. In the past, there was anger, sorrow, and then it was over. This time Jake looks deeply hurt, his world has turned on him, and I can’t blame him for feeling the way he does. Not only did I betray his trust, but his mother and a father he never thought he had, did too. I follow him toward Harvey’s kitchen just a few steps behind. He opens the fridge and pulls out a container of lemonade. I wince thinking it must taste gross after a hangover. Jake flinches too, and our eyes finally meet. He places the carton back in the fridge, and a crooked smile splays on his lips. I don’t know why, but that simple small gesture gives me some hope.
“That’s all Harvey has, and I already puked my guts up, no more to puke,” he signs, and shrugs. At least he’s communicating with me.
I wince again and give him a sorrowful look.
“Don’t look at me like that, Evie, I was drunk. I’m sorry for kissing you last night. Don’t make it into something it isn’t,” he signs.
I get ready to sign back, but he lifts a hand. “Don’t, okay.” He blows out a breath. “I know you. You want to dissect every little thing I said. Okay…” He stops to run both hands through his unkempt hair. “I have feelings for you, is that what you want me to admit? How could I not?” he signs, and my heart stutters at his gesture. “I get it though, you don’t see me in that way. Maybe it will finally sink in, and I can move on. I don’t want there to be any bad feelings between us. It wouldn’t be good for Carter,” he signs, sounding so matter of fact like he’s given this a lot of thought. I can’t argue with him, and he’s right. What’s the point in dissecting this I don’t share his feelings?
I ram myself into him a little too harshly needing to hug him, thankful that he is such an understanding, and kind soul. “What would I do without you?” I say, but with my arms wrapped around him, I know he couldn’t hear me or see my lips. He presses his nose into my hair like he usually does when I hug him. I realize that he’s smelling my hair as if enjoying my scent. It makes the situation feel awkward. I pull away but try not to be awkward about it. Over the years I had thought of the possibility of Jake and me. How could I not? He’s handsome and kind. We get along so well. I just never felt that spark. I wanted to feel it though. I’m pretty sure that’s what happened the night we conceived Carter. We both maybe always wondered, and the alcohol gave us the courage actually to try and as special as the night was, it wasn’t earth-shattering sex. Not the way it is with Colton. Maybe if Colton never came into my life, then I wouldn’t know that kind of electricity exists. But I met Colton and fell in love. I could never just settle, and it wouldn’t be fair to Jake anyway. I only hope he finds the right woman one day to share that kind of electricity.
He gives me a guilty smile like he knows I caught him smelling my hair. “Some habits die hard. Don’t worry I’ll be fine. What I’m not fine with is you and my mother lying to me, more so my mother since she knew the truth.”
I let out a long sigh. “I was so shocked too.” I follow Jake back to the central area of the apartment and take a seat beside him on the plush couch. I’m glad we’ve eased back into our old ways, the tension from earlier seems to have dissipated. I take a quick glance around Harvey’s apartment. It’s decorated to the nines.
“It’s nice here,” I sign.
Jake gives me a look that tells me he agrees and we both smile at each other. The moment passes, and I need to ask him how he feels about his mother’s revelation because it’s something that has been weighing heavily on me since the moment she told me.
“I just can’t believe I was born in this city, that the Mathis’ are my family. No scratch that, he didn’t want me.”
“Oh, Jake.” My heart goes out to him. “I know exactly how you’re feeling.” He gives me a look that’s filled with understanding.
“I know Evie, I know,” he signs, and he just seems so sad. Like a black cloud is hanging over us following us everywhere we go.
A moment later, Harvey comes running out of his office and signs, “You guys gotta see this,” he picks up the remote control to his TV and turns it on. Then he flips a few channels and fidgets. The subtitles come on. Colton’s face is on TV. Butterflies float in my stomach like they usually do when I see him. He’s holding the press conference he said he would. He’s wearing a dark blue suit, crisp white shirt, and red tie. His brown hair is slicked back, and he looks every bit the powerful man that he is, poised and direct. He’s giving a speech announcing that he will run for the office of the president. At the end of his speech, his lips quirked up on one side, and he gives the press what looks to me like a panty melting grin. I only wonder how many women are watching the broadcast and swooning over their candidate. He’s charming, smooth, and he wants to make a difference.
Someone asks him if the Mathis family is backing his campaign. I know they aren’t. Colton isn’t very close to them since he didn’t enter the family business and took the route of lawyer and politics instead. He smiles and answers “No, the Mathis family will not have anything to do with his campaign.” He goes on to say that he plans on running a clean campaign and wants to focus on the issues relevant to the heart and soul of the American people. A bunch of cameras go off.
Another reporter asks, “Is it true that you were recently reunited with your long-lost mother?” The question comes up on the screen and my heart jolts. Oh no! Poor Colton…not like this. He shouldn’t find out like this….
“Excuse me, Sir. I don’t know what you are talking about,” Colton answers coolly, his voice steady like he hasn’t just been smacked out of nowhere with that information. I watch as he looks over to the side where Al and his father are standing. Neither of them makes a move. “Next question please,” Colton redirects his attention to the press as if that last question just didn’t come out of left field.
“Is it true you have a brother you didn’t know about?” another member of the press asks. Colton gets a deer-in-the-headlights look before looking completely confused. Oh, my! How did the media catch on to this?
“I’m not sure what you are talking about,” he responds, and it’s clear he doesn’t have a clue. Someone motions something then steps in front of Colton. She’s a woman wearing a tailored purple suit. She looks manicured and smiles to the cameras. “Thank you for coming out today,” she says. I notice Colton off to the side of the stage, being rushed off by what looks like someone from his security detail. My heart is palpitating so hard in my chest as I try to figure out what all this means. Who leaked the story to the media? Why would they do such a thing? I feel like I’m going to be sick right here all over Harvey’s new shag carpet. I turn to look at Jake, and he seems just as confused as I am.
“I don’t know, Evie. When Mom told me yesterday, she told me that she had no intention of ever telling Colton. She believes James will kill her if she does. I’m mad at my mother but I sure as hell don’t want her dead. In the light of day, I know she did her best to protect me. How can I hate her for that? James Mathis my…” Jake pauses his movements and spits the word father out of his lips. I can only imagine how jilted it sounds. “James Mathis is the devil, Evie, and I want to hate Colton because he had it easy, he grew up with money, he didn’t have to worry about rent or food like we did, and yet he didn’t ask for that life. He didn’t ask to be raised by a crazed man. I feel sorry for the guy.”
“Sorry doesn’t even begin to sum it up, Jake. Veronica needs to speak to him now before the media runs the story. She has to do it before they have a chance to lie. He deserves to know that he had a mother that wanted him, he grew up feeling like me, unwanted, unloved.”
Jake’s lips turned down. “You were never unloved.”
I reach out to touch Jake’s shoulder then sign. “You know what I mean Jake, you know how I felt about my mother walking out on me, you know I carried the burden of feeling damaged and not good enough. I felt relief that Veronica told you that you were the product of a sperm sample, because it meant she wanted you badly enough to go through the process of having you, and raising you all on her own.”
“Shit, guys you’re killing me here.” Harvey takes a step forward, and his eyes look a little glossy. I forgot he was even standing there.
“Harvey, are you crying?” I sign, trying to hold back a spit of laughter. Nothing about this is funny at all. It’s just that Harvey is this serious guy who rarely shows emotion. The fact that he is now, just speaks to the gravity of the situation.
He waves us off then signs, “If you ever say anything to Carolyn, I swear I’ll deny it and call you guys liars.”
For some reason, his silly statement cuts through the tension of the moment and the three of us burst into hysteric laughter, maybe because it’s easier to laugh than to cry. The repercussions of today’s press conference could be serious for all of us. If Colton doesn’t know the truth yet, he will soon. I can only imagine he will turn his back on me, and I don’t know how I can learn to live without him.